Am i a douchebag or is she overreacting?

[Tasha49]

Hypocrisy sucks. It is so useless and ridiculous.

 

No one likes being on the other side. No one likes to think that other people can do what they are doing, in certain situations. It is all fun and games until the table is turned around.

 

I agree that it does come along with cheating. I don't honestly get why people cheat and think it is okay. In my situation cheating and hypocrisy do go hand in hand. I am not a hypocrite. But where his view stands, in fact makes him a huge hypocrite. No one likes being on the receiving end when it is bad. And NO one wants to find out they have been cheated on.

 

But let's not get too far away from the original topic. In regards to the OP's situation, I think it is still wrong of your ex to be so quick to judge you when she herself has done worse. Because her involvement with other men is physical. Even light flirting, you should not be okay with that. Even if she afmits it to you. What is wrong with her? Really? I mean, put everything she tells you on the line... do you believe it only ever stops at casual, light flirting? How does she end it? Walk away? Who really even knows what happens. Maybe her drastic reaction to what you did hit close to home. Maybe she feels guilty and is blaming you to make herself feel better.

 

Am I insinuating her actually cheating on you? No. But I am calling her out on being a hypocrite. And in all honesty I do not understand the foundation of your relationship. It does not sound normal. I would truthfully rather be with someone who was not constantly seeking other people of the opposite sex, even if it is just friendly. Take meeting new people out of the equation and you will have more trust in your relationship.

 

I wouldn't find the insecurities worth it.

[Professor X]

That may be true, but what the OP needs to understand is that for many, if not most women, what he did would be a dump-worthy offense regardless of whether she was a smitten kitten or looking for an out.

 

I do agree that it's quite bad what he did, however, I am not quite sure if it is dump-worthy...

[zengirl]

I do agree that it's quite bad what he did, however, I am not quite sure if it is dump-worthy...

 

I think the only thing that might make it dump-worthy is his defensive attitude towards it. It would make me think he wasn't sorry at all.

[torn_curtain]

Hmmmmm. Even if you did not know that the pictures were going to be inappropriate, why on earth were you swapping pictures in the first place? When meeting someone who has the potential to be a friend, the logical first steps are to determine if there are common interests that would provide the basis for friendship. Pictures are usually exchanged to determine attraction, which suggests something other than friendship.

 

I've never exchanged sexy pictures with anyone I just met, nor with anyone I considered just a friend.

 

Couldn't have put it better myself. Don't act innocent here. You know what the implications of exchanging photos with a girl online are.

[DutchValhallaViking]

Couldn't have put it better myself. Don't act innocent here. You know what the implications of exchanging photos with a girl online are.

 

Implications, okidoki, same implications as when my GF was webcamming with a male friends online and sharing pictures?

 

Same implications as the previous times i shared pictures with girls, with my GF being in full knowledge of them? And not bothered in the least by them?

 

Same implications as my GF using a rather cleavage heavy MSN display picture for hundreds of guys to see?

 

Please people, i know i messed up, but do read all of my replies and get all the info before judging me and jumping to conclusions.

If you people worked in the legal system everyone would do life in prison for speeding, sheez....

 

The only thing i am guilty of misjudging the inappropriateness of the girl's pictures. And getting defensive.

 

Speaking of getting defensive, i surrendered to my GF's mercy so to speak and apoliged, not hiding anything, showing everything etc. The only thing i defended myself against is the fact she seemed to equalise this slip up with me having sex with the girl. Which was hurtful and imo still over the top, though i have accepted that's the way she feels about it and i cannot change it.

 

Nor can i change when/if she forgives me, but i found it confusing when she says she forgives me, then stays angry all week and last night saying she hasnt FULLY forgiven me. That's wishy-washy, just tell me you havent forgiven me yet if you're not sure.

[DutchValhallaViking]

For context, we had been talking about TV shows and the weather, and supermarket opening times for a few hours.

 

M: Me

S: She

 

M: "I think Kenny is a funnier character than Butters"

 

S:"Nah, Butters is the cutest!"

 

S:"Urgh, i just cannot get these pictures done. I got 2 more pictures to edit for people tonight and not enough time."

 

M:"Edit pictures? Like with photoshop?"

 

S:"Yeah, i love photography and photoshoots. I often take and do photoshoots and edit pictures for people that pay for them."

 

M:"Owh that's cool...so what do you edit? You make a 40 year old man look like a 18 year old girl?

 

S:"Yup exactly, that MSN picture you see is actually not my pic from an lingerie photoshoot but i just made it look that way."

 

M:"Riiiight...yeah i can tell.. it has LOOKS SHOPPED written all over it."

 

S:"hahaha, nah just the eyes look more blue because of editing, i like blue eyes. Do you have any pictures without sunglasses?"

 

M:"Ah ok, you do have nice blue eyes yeah. My girlfriend would kill to have blue eyes like that, though i prefer her natural cute brown Bambi eyes. When she pouts and gives me sad eyes i just cannot say no to her haha. <3 her."

M:"Owh, i dont care much about pictures, only got this other one"

 

*i switch display pic to another one a few seconds*

 

S:"Alright. Would you like to see the rest of the photoshoot? I'm very happy with them, even my mom finds them classy haha.

 

M:"Sure, why not."(DUN DUN DUUUuuuun!!!!...)

 

*she shows the pictures on MSN*

 

M:"You look pretty in those pictures, but i didnt expect those pictures to be that revealing. I hope i didnt just do something inappropriate for a taken man."

 

S:"Hah, i put them online on my <Profile website> and show them to my friends, it's nothing more than what you see at the beach."

 

S:"And some of the stuff you find on profile websites are even worse. Girls going fully nude etc. That's insane :/"

 

M:"Indeed, but those are not girls i am chatting with."

 

S:"Yeah, true."

 

M:"With sexy pictures like that, don't you get lots of pervs bothering you? My girlfriend gets them all the time because of her looks and MSN display picture. She even gets arab guys trying to buy her or guys asking her to cyber with them, and huge amounts of MSN contacts added"

 

S:"And you are ok with that?"

 

M:"Owh she blocks them instantly of course. She doesnt do anything out of line. She's only guilty of being sexy and beautiful as heck."

 

S:"Now you made me curious about her, do you have a picture of her?"

 

M:"Yeah but i dont just give pictures of her to people, sorry. You can ask her yourself later though if you like."

 

S:"I understand, no problem."

 

S:"Should i go buy food now before the rain starts? Or wait till it passes?"

 

M:*checks weather radar* "yeah you better hurry if you wanna stay dry

 

S:"Ok, cya later!"

 

M:"Bye"

[cutily]

Maybe she felt like she wasn't the only one who got to play games. It got to her perhaps, seeing it from the other side. Maybe it was too much for her? Just a thought.

 

My Dear cheating friend had the same problem with his girlfriend. She was flirting and texting with other guys, but when her belly became too big she couldn't do it anymore. So when she realized that her boyfriend was doing the same thing she became furious and went control-freak on him because "she couldn't trust him".

 

When you do it yourself you know exactly how it works.

[DutchValhallaViking]

Apoligies for posting this twice. The formatting didnt work and i could no longer edit it.

 

For context, we had been talking about TV shows and the weather, and supermarket opening times for a few hours.

 

M: Me

S: She

 

M: "I think Kenny is a funnier character than Butters"

S:"Nah, Butters is the cutest!"

S:"Urgh, i just cannot get these pictures done. I got 2 more pictures to edit for people tonight and not enough time."

M:"Edit pictures? Like with photoshop?"

S:"Yeah, i love photography and photoshoots. I often take and do photoshoots and edit pictures for people that pay for them."

M:"Owh that's cool...so what do you edit? You make a 40 year old man look like a 18 year old girl?

S:"Yup exactly, that MSN picture you see is actually not my pic from an lingerie photoshoot but i just made it look that way."

M:"Riiiight...yeah i can tell.. it has LOOKS SHOPPED written all over it."

S:"hahaha, nah just the eyes look more blue because of editing, i like blue eyes. Do you have any pictures without sunglasses?"

M:"Ah ok, you do have nice blue eyes yeah. My girlfriend would kill to have blue eyes like that, though i prefer her natural cute brown Bambi eyes. When she pouts and gives me sad eyes i just cannot say no to her haha. <3 her."

M:"Owh, i dont care much about pictures, only got this other one"

*i switch display pic to another one a few seconds*

S:"Alright. Would you like to see the rest of the photoshoot? I'm very happy with them, even my mom finds them classy haha.

M:"Sure, why not." (DUN DUN DUUUuuuun!!!!...)

*she shows the pictures on MSN*

M:"You look pretty in those pictures, but i didnt expect those pictures to be that revealing. I hope i didnt just do something inappropriate for a taken man."

S:"Hah, i put them online on my <Profile website> and show them to my friends, it's nothing more than what you see at the beach."

S:"And some of the stuff you find on profile websites are even worse. Girls going fully nude etc. That's insane :/"

M:"Indeed, but those are not girls i am chatting with."

S:"Yeah, true."

M:"With sexy pictures like that, don't you get lots of pervs bothering you? My girlfriend gets them all the time because of her looks and MSN display picture. She even gets arab guys trying to buy her or guys asking her to cyber with them, and huge amounts of MSN contacts added"

S:"And you are ok with that?"

M:"Owh she blocks them instantly of course. She doesnt do anything out of line. She's only guilty of being sexy and beautiful as heck."

S:"Now you made me curious about her, do you have a picture of her?"

M:"Yeah but i dont just give pictures of her to people, sorry. You can ask her yourself later though if you like."

S:"I understand, no problem."

S:"Should i go buy food now before the rain starts? Or wait till it passes?"

M:*checks weather radar* "yeah you better hurry if you wanna stay dry

S:"Ok, cya later!"

M:"Bye"

[Chocolat]

Implications, okidoki, same implications as when my GF was webcamming with a male friends online and sharing pictures?

 

Same implications as the previous times i shared pictures with girls, with my GF being in full knowledge of them? And not bothered in the least by them?

 

Honestly, this all sounds inappropriate to me. When I am in a committed relationship, I am not flirting with others nor sharing pictures with men online. And I don't expect my SO to be doing these things either.

 

But that's how I like my relationships, which may or may not be how you like yours. From the sound of things, you and your gf have an agreement that you are each free to look, flirt and picture-swap as much as you like, provided that there's no actual touching/sex. If that's the case, then I agree that your gf's reaction in this instance seems hypocritical.

[DutchValhallaViking]

Honestly, this all sounds inappropriate to me. When I am in a committed relationship, I am not flirting with others nor sharing pictures with men online. And I don't expect my SO to be doing these things either.

 

But that's how I like my relationships, which may or may not be how you like yours. From the sound of things, you and your gf have an agreement that you are each free to look, flirt and picture-swap as much as you like, provided that there's no actual touching/sex. If that's the case, then I agree that your gf's reaction in this instance seems hypocritical.

 

Neither my ex-GF nor i flirt with others. Like i said in a previous post, my GF teases guys a bit about being untouchable for them, which is the border of what i am comfortable with, and she does it rarely, and if i am present she usually follows it up by clinging to me for a few minutes. But she doesnt flirt or do anything inappropriate.

[Tasha49]

Dutch, has it ever occurred to you that maybe what your ex says and actually feels are completely separate? Just a thought here. But I'm gonna go out on a limb.

 

With the guy I am seeing, he has always pointed out attractive girls and makes comments like, "Oh damn." It makes me jealous but I don't want to be one of those controlling jealous people so instead I laugh it off or play it up, like "She is hot." he asked me once if I was okay with him commenting on girls even though he is mostly joking. I say yes it is fine and it doesn't bug me. But deep down it DOES bug me especially if the girl is prettier than me. It makes me think that THAT girl is who he wants. But I do try to get over it and with usual success. It is a guy thing I guess.

 

What I am getting at is, yes, I SAY I am okay with it, but really it bothers me and I don't have the nerve to tell him because I don't want to seem controlling and tell him what to do and that he should stop. So, maybe she is telling you it is okay for you to talk to all those girls but really she FEELS a little hurt and insecure.

 

I'm only basing it off of personal experience and it might not be the same in her case but I wouldn't particularly rule it out either.

[DutchValhallaViking]

Dutch, has it ever occurred to you that maybe what your ex says and actually feels are completely separate? Just a thought here. But I'm gonna go out on a limb.

 

With the guy I am seeing, he has always pointed out attractive girls and makes comments like, "Oh damn." It makes me jealous but I don't want to be one of those controlling jealous people so instead I laugh it off or play it up, like "She is hot." he asked me once if I was okay with him commenting on girls even though he is mostly joking. I say yes it is fine and it doesn't bug me. But deep down it DOES bug me especially if the girl is prettier than me. It makes me think that THAT girl is who he wants. But I do try to get over it and with usual success. It is a guy thing I guess.

 

What I am getting at is, yes, I SAY I am okay with it, but really it bothers me and I don't have the nerve to tell him because I don't want to seem controlling and tell him what to do and that he should stop. So, maybe she is telling you it is okay for you to talk to all those girls but really she FEELS a little hurt and insecure.

 

I'm only basing it off of personal experience and it might not be the same in her case but I wouldn't particularly rule it out either.

 

It's possible, though she's usually very honest about such things and it becomes visibly clear when something like that bothers her.

 

If anyone has any thoughts on how to salvage this situation. Like, what i could do to convince my ex-GF to resume our relationship, id love to hear it. Taken into account not just this picture incident but also her fears that she's nothing special, her fear id mis my home country when i move to hers to be with her, fearing she'd have wasted my time if it goes to pots in the future, and that she feels awfully crap about losing me as a BF, and also as a friend if she decides to move on with someone else and im not able to bear it.

 

- No contact what so ever. Ignore or avoid her unless it's about getting back together. (technically speaking the best standard approach to a break.)

- Low contact, passive short replies, not being mean but not giving her all the attention she wants. Making small attempts at changing her mind about breaking up. (I think this is the one i prefer)

- Normal contact, like friends, small talk, small attempts at convincing her to change her mind about breaking up. (This is the one she seems to prefer herself...)

- Something else.

[make me believe]

If your GF dumped you for this even though you both previously established that this kind of talking/flirting/exchanging pictures with other people online was ok, then obviously she was just looking for a reason to get out. And I know you said you weren't flirting but I read your conversation with the girl and it did seem flirtatious. Also, you keep saying you didn't expect the pics to be revealing, but she says up front that they are from a lingerie shoot. So what did you think they would look like?!

 

Anyway, I agree with dasein that your GF sounds like a total drama queen. I can't believe that she thinks it is ok for her to go out clubbing & flirt with guys, but she breaks up with you because of a picture a girl sent you. In the future, I recommend having more boundaries in your relationships. There aren't many girls who will be ok with their BF going online & chatting with strange females, no matter how "innocent" he says it is. And when you are in a committed relationship like your GF was, you shouldn't be going to clubs & flirting with guys like you are single. The behavior on both of your ends was just asking for trouble. I'm not surprised it eventually blew up like this.

[Professor X]

Neither my ex-GF nor i flirt with others. Like i said in a previous post, my GF teases guys a bit about being untouchable for them, which is the border of what i am comfortable with, and she does it rarely, and if i am present she usually follows it up by clinging to me for a few minutes. But she doesnt flirt or do anything inappropriate.

 

and she has once given a guy a drunken kiss, which i find is quite worse!

 

???????????????????????????????????????

[Desensitized]

???????????????????????????????????????

 

hahahahahahhaahhahahaha

[DutchValhallaViking]

hahahahahahhaahhahahaha

 

Yes, amusing. Reading back on it, it does look weird. Let me explain why i contradicted myself though:

 

That drunken kiss incident happened in the early stages of our relationship, almost 2,5-3 years ago, a few weeks before we actually met for the first time.

She and her lady friends got drunk, and one of them dared her to walk up to a certain guy and kiss him. It was a stupid mistake on her part, she confessed right away though she could have not said anything and i would never have found out. Thats why i forgave her and didnt call off our first meeting right there. And why i did not base her entire personality and behaviour upon this dumb lack of judgement from her.

 

But that doesnt mean her overal behaviour is that of an inappropriate flirt. I have seen her and her female friends (Some of which are also in relationships) slightly tease guys trying to chat her up for a little bit but then she would inform them she's spoken for rather quickly.

 

I personally dont feel threatened by it as she's sure to make clear she's happily taken and if they seem to dont take the hint she ignores them.

 

And as i said, my ex-GF saw the conversation i had with the girl and found nothing wrong with the chat itself. She (rightfully ) gave me hell about the fact the girl mentioned her MSN display picture was part of a lingerie photoshoot so i should have expected it would be those kind of pictures when she asked if i wanted to see the rest.

[serial muse]

 

But that doesnt mean her overal behaviour is that of an inappropriate flirt. I have seen her and her female friends (Some of which are also in relationships) slightly tease guys trying to chat her up for a little bit but then she would inform them she's spoken for rather quickly.

 

I personally dont feel threatened by it as she's sure to make clear she's happily taken and if they seem to dont take the hint she ignores them.

 

I don't know...I wouldn't be comfortable with what she's doing and I wouldn't be comfortable with my partner exchanging (professional) lingerie pics. Those are both not OK in my book. I guess I see this as, your GF, through her flirting and behavior at clubs, has helped create a certain kind of atmosphere in your relationship, one that makes this kind of boundary-testing OK. You didn't love that but told yourself it was OK, and now you're doing it too, and she doesn't like that so much.

 

So, IMO, yes, it's really unfair for her to suddenly change where the appropriate boundary is, just because she got insecure. And yes, she is behaving childishly. (Maybe she knows that, and that's why she wanted to break up? Because she's aware she can't handle it?)

 

I think you're also missing a key point, though. You still shouldn't have accepted the pics, and I think you're being a bit disingenuous when you say you thought it was innocent. I agree with what Tasha said up-thread: It sounds to me like you were testing out what it might be like to quasi-flirt with someone, the same way your GF does. I mean, it's understandable that you'd want to even the playing field, given her past behavior - but two wrongs don't make a right. Is that really the kind of relationship you want - one where both people are constantly off-balance and insecure and testing boundaries?

 

It would be great if this could be the incident where you both re-evaluate what behavior is and is not OK, and make sure you're both comfortable with it.

 

Oh - and I really doubt that she meant that about "might as well have shagged her", by the way. It was a silly thing to say, and exactly the sort of thing someone says in anger. I am quite sure she is very, very glad you did NOT get anywhere near that, because that really would be a point of no return.

Edited August 3, 2011 by serial muse

[DutchValhallaViking]

Is that really the kind of relationship you want - one where both people are constantly off-balance and insecure and testing boundaries?

 

It would be great if this could be the incident where you both re-evaluate what behavior is and is not OK, and make sure you're both comfortable with it.

 

No, it's not the kind of relationship i want, jealousy and making your partner insecure is a terrible thing i have been through myself in a previous relationship, which actually ended because of it. I would not knowingly do that to someone i love.

 

Personally i consider it an incident rather than a 'problem' or 'destructive behaviour' or what-have-you. I had a 5-10 second lapse of judgement where i didnt think properly about the implications. That is what i know and no matter what people think, i wasnt out to flirt or get 'hot pics' or whatever. I will be more careful in the future, i promised my ex-GF not to do it again and that's all i can do.

 

Our relationship was already a bit in a dip because she was walking around with doubts about the circumstances (it's a LDR).

No, i am certain her reasons for breaking up were the ones i mentioned before: doubts about the long distance and if she was special enough for me to give up my life here to move to her country. This incident made her feel she's not special and i could easily date a girl closer to home, like this girl who sent me her pictures.

 

And as i repeated a few times here, my ex-GF was perfectly fine with the one normal picture the girl sent to me, the other 4 were too revealing.

When i promised my ex-GF that i would not ever accept pictures from any girl again, she told me there was no need to go that far at all, just no pictures of girls in underwear or bikini.

 

Neither of us believe my behaviour was flirty, nor did the girl in question when i asked her about it the following day.

 

Though all the negative reactions i have recieved the past days have made me confused and scared of even having a female friend from now on, heh.

 

 

 

It's up to her now if she changes her mind about feeling special/good enough to attempt a future together.

I really wish she communicated her worries sooner. Appearantly she had been slowly feeling "not worth the effort" and "guilty about dragging the best guy in the world away to another country." for the past 9 months, but only told me about all her worries right after this incident with the pictures.

Edited August 3, 2011 by DutchValhallaViking

[dispatch3d]

Ugh I wrote a really fantastic reply that will never be duplicated!

 

I can't tell exactly what happened. I will say that if the girl said "check out these professional photos" and it turns out she's half naked in em, that's her bad. She's a tricky trickster, not your fault. If you just cut contact and insta-tell-on-her, well then it's definitely her in the wrong.

 

If you flirt up a storm, find out she has dirty pictures, ask a bunch for them, then she hands them over, well then that's your bad.

 

it sounds like option 1 happened here. The chick searched you out on facebook, got you added, then added you to msn, then tricked you into sending revealing photos of herself to you.

 

Now this crap about trust. Look if your girlfriend can't trust you aren't lieing in this situation, and won't take your side, then she's a ****ty girlfriend. I would hope that if this happens to established married couples, the victim in this situation just tells their partner, they go "Wtf is wrong with her" and move on. Maybe post the pictures on the internet on hot or not, or see if they can make money off it? lol that's a joke!

 

Anyhow, that's my take. I think the girls in this thread are being waayyyyyyyy to lenient to the woman here.

[DutchValhallaViking]

Thanks dispatch3d, but the real blame lies somewhere in between and i am certainly not without fault in this one. I never denied my mistake, just that i felt i was being put on deathrow for jaywalking so to speak.

 

The conversation was posted one page back, and the girl mentioned her MSN display picture was from a "professional underwear photoshoot".(which showed the top part of her bra and upwards, but it looked more like some summer dress to me than anything erotic)

 

She did state it, i did read it, i just didnt think about it the moment i said "sure, why not".

 

The past 24 hours have been really rough. I have been, and still am, so deeply in love with my (ex)GF and we had such wonderful hopes and dreams. Now it's all gone because she feels she's not special, and not worth moving to her country for. She doesnt want to be responsible for something causing us to break up and me having uprooted my life for 'nothing'. And this picture incident was just the last 'spark' she needed to confirm her theory that it's not worth the risk. I really wish she communicated these worries sooner, rather than walking around with them for about 9 months.

 

I'm usually not an extremely emotional person but damn...i cried for a long time last night.

 

I did have a short chat with my ex-GF today, making a short 10-15 minute attempt at reassuring her she's quite capable of keeping me happy and taking care of my feelings and wishes.

Sadly she replied "someone closer to your home could do that aswell.", still referring to the fact she feels a relationship would be 'high-risk' with no 'reward' for me i couldnt get in my home country without risk.

 

She seemed to get annoyed after that and i stopped talking, trying not to seem too completely crushed when i thanked her for having a little chat with me.

 

We havent spoken since, not even a proper goodnight etc. It's like a large chunk of my daily routine and habits/customs from the past 3 years are just ...gone.

Edited August 3, 2011 by DutchValhallaViking

[OliveOyl]

I apologize I haven't really read through the entire thread, my bad.

 

But as I recall, your ex-GF is very young (21), prone to depression, and you were in a long-distance relationship.

 

The behavior you engaged in--swapping pictures with the other girl--was inappropriate, yes. Dump-worthy, no, not in my opinion. I agree with the other posters who said she was looking for an out.

 

I know you are angry and upset and looking for justification but I think you need to just let it go. Easier said than done, of course. But simply put, she's just too young.

[SillyS]

Aww situation hasn't gotten better I see. I'm sorry

 

 

Just seems very extreme, but we also haven't heard her side of the story so its hard to know if this is all that's to this scenario. There is nothing you can do now, so try to take it easy and process that things have ended for you to, at least for now. We don't always get what we want.

 

Let me know if you need someone to talk to!

[DutchValhallaViking]

This thread is very long so i can understand people havent gotten all the details, but here are some bullet points:

 

- The underwear pics incident alone would have normally just made her call me an *******, make me promise not to do it again and just be grumpy for a few hours. (Source: my ex-GF during the break up talk)

 

- My ex-GF explained that this isnt a dumpworthy mistake, but that it did push her over the edge she was already close to.

 

- Her full reasons for breaking up: long distance, feeling guilty about me having to move to her country for the relationship to work out long term, being a little less into me the past weeks which scared her a little and made her fear it would be risky to let me move to her country next year or so, and her phobias making her unable to come live in with me until an as yet undetermined time.

 

- She admitted she was still romantically and sexually attracted and interested in me, and hopes she will feel differently about this matter, or that i can make her change her mind. (She literally stated this after i asked about it)

 

- She's feeling awful about losing me as a BF, and is terrified she will lose me completely if a continued friendship proves to be unwanted or impossible by me. She wrote a suicide note and cut herself the night after the break-up, though she realised she was acting this way because of her mental illness and took appropriate action. (Good on her for working that out and accepting that!)

 

- She stated twice that losing me feels worse than losing anyone ever before me, including her first true love of her life who died a few years before i met her. I asked her a day later if she meant it or if it was a heat of the moment statement. She said she meant it.

 

- She is planning to stay completely single for the coming months.

 

- She mentioned last friday that it would be better if i let her come to me to talk about fixing stuff, though small attempts from me now and then she doesnt mind, as long as i dont keep pushing her.

 

- She seems to want to be friends and keep talking as friends, until we either decide to stay friends, break contact, or go back to being a couple.

 

- She felt she had "no choice" but to call for a break and felt she couldnt go on anymore. The picture incident appearantly decisively making it clear for her she's just another girl and not worth moving to another country for.

Edited August 4, 2011 by DutchValhallaViking

[SincereOnlineGuy]

my GF broke up with me last week ... the thing that pushed her over the edge was the following:

 

1,5 week ago i met a friend of a friend on Facebook and we started talking a bit and getting to know each other.

I added her to MSN because it was easier to chat that way and she asked to see some pictures because she was curious. So i changed my display picture to several others to show her. No big deal, girls do that all the time.

 

Her own display picture looked like it was taken at some photoshoot, same picture she also used on facebook. I could only see her from the upper chest upwards, and it looked like she was wearing some top. It turned out it was a fancy sports bra.

 

Anyway, she said the picture was from an semi-pro underwear photoshoot and asked if i wanted to see more of them, she sounded excited and proud of the shoot and even mentioned her mom liked the pictures.

 

Figuring it wouldnt be that bad, i said "sure, why not?". And she sent me 6 pictures on MSN.

Turns out there was only 1 picture she showed her mom, which was a normally clothed picture. The other 5 were the kind of pictures you see in underwear catalogs.

Now the lingerie she was wearing was not all that erotic, no seethrough or lace etc, infact my girlfriend shows more skin and curves when she's wearing her bikini.

 

I mentioned to the girl i felt i was probably doing something inappropriate by watching these pics, but that she looked nice in them.

I felt awkward about it so i contacted my GF and told her about the new female friend being a little weird because she sent me "sexy pics" within hours of first chatting with me and that it didnt sit right with me.

 

My girlfriend asked about the pictures and the conversation in which she gave them so i showed them both, explaining the situation surrounding it.

 

She got really upset and pissed off at me over this. And now, a week later, still hasnt fully forgiven me. Stating that i might aswell have shagged her.

 

She no longer felt special and claimed she never could again and for her that was the spark to break up with me over this and other reasons. (other reasons being circumstances, not me doing stupid stuff btw.)

 

 

Alas, one more case of someone who would rather intentionally hurt their partner, hoping to incite a break-up, rather than be bold enough to initiate the break-up themselves, without all the attached drama.

 

 

Am i a douchebag or is she overreacting?

 

 

You shouldn't have to ask...

[DutchValhallaViking]

Alas, one more case of someone who would rather intentionally hurt their partner, hoping to incite a break-up, rather than be bold enough to initiate the break-up themselves, without all the attached drama.

 

You shouldn't have to ask...

 

Actually, you arent being very clear. Were you suggesting i am the one who hurt my partner, hoping to incite a break-up?

 

Mind you, i have only gotten a few hours of sleep the past few nights, my head isnt working right.