Girlfriend Lied, what do I do?

[a121]

This is my first post and I am totally new to this site, so please go easy.

 

I just found out some horrible news that has left me very hurt, devasted, and bestrayed.

 

My gf and I have been dating for more than a year. At the time before we started going out, I confronted her about my past that I had with any girls which was only kissing and was completely honest. She told me she was the same and that she had only kissed one or two guys. I had promised that I was still a virgin and she did the same (also includes no oral or fooling around)

 

After sometime we started going out and one day we gave each other oral. I felt somewhat different in the sense because I had never done that kind of stuff before. I wanted reassurance that she had never done any of that stuff either so I asked her and she looked at me and promised up to the point where she was willing to break up with me.

 

So everything was good and couple months later on we started having sex. After a while she confronted me that she never told me but she gave this guy head, they didn't date much or at all. When I heard this all my body went into shock, I couldn't really take it because I was so hurt and felt devastated because I felt like there was a real close connection with her. (thinking about it gets me everytime and I get weak or angry)

 

I told her everything and specifically asked her to be honest with me.

I am bascially the only close one to her (since she doesnt keep in contact with her old friends), I know that she doesnt cheat etc.

 

I never saw this coming and have been feeling very depressed. Her point of view was that she didn't want to tell me because she thought I might view her as a slut or act differently and wanted to protect me or herself.

 

What I have lost and bothers me the most is the trust and honesty I had with her. Had she been upfront with me, I may have learned to somewhat put it in the past. I feel crushed because of what she has done. I also feel angry/distrubed that another guy's dick was in her mouth. She said she was sorry about doing it and told me she cried after she actually did it (supposedly). She also indicated that she was naive or vulnerable at that time becasue she liked him too much.

 

I am really now thinking whether or not I was the first person that she has done anything with. To be honest, I am not your typical guy that has been with multiple women. Sexual intimacy is important to me on the note that it shows a connection more than just physical. If I was looking to have sex or anything else, I could have done that but I chose not to because I wanted to share with someone I felt was special. In other words I didn't let my dick control me.

 

Please be mature about the comments' I know some people might say "just get over it" or "grow up" but this really bothers me so can I please get some realisitic good replies on how to help me.

 

BTW we were almost 20 when we started dating.

[Eddie Edirol]

You really do need to grow up about this. This is your ego getting away from you. You cannot go though life demanding that your women werent sexually active before they dated you. Like many young girls that gave guys oral to get attention, or as an alternative to sex, your gf probably did it more than once before you. But she HAD to lie because you made it a stipulation of your relationship.

 

Not only that, women are going to lie to you in the beginning of relationships, they wont all be perfectly honest. This is going to happen all through your life, so you have to decide to live with some lies, or never date again because your ego cant handle it. You will also learn in a few years, that you WANT women with some sexual experience eventually because they are more open to grow with you sexually.

 

This gf you have is one of them. She wants to grow with you and you are pushing her away, which you WILL regret when she dumps you for being so closed minded. Close mindedness is a complte turnoff to women, and they shytcan you for it. Do you know why? Because your gf knows that the next guy she starts having sex with wont care about her history, because HE is secure and confident with HIMSELF. She will grow in love with him for his confidence, they will learn new sexual positions together, they will get married and all is well.

 

Now that guy could be you if you get your egotistical ideals out of the way. What you want is unnecessary. IF you dont, you will be sitting at home waiting for her to text you back, while she is with a new guy.

 

If you can have any girl you want, and you have choices if you dump this girl, then you can have any ideals you want. If you dont, dont push this one away just because you made her lie to impress you.

[Professor X]

A few things to note:

 

1. You can't come here and tell people how to comment or what to say or i what direction they should answer you.

 

2. If she was a virgin prior to you or not is something quite easy to detect, although there are rare cases in which the virginity ring is big enough not to pop.

 

3. Sexual intimacy and sex can be separated from 1 another, people can have sex without any intimacy - at which point it becomes somewhat of a sport.

 

4. Google up "retrospective jealousy" - which is what you are experiencing IMO.

 

5. If you keeping acting all offended about something that essentially has nothing to do with you, than you will lose your GF in the near future - so make up your mind on what's important to you.