Can someone advise me of what to do ?

[christo]

Hi Everyone, I am new to the forum and not sure if I have posted in the right area.

I have been married for 11 Years, we have 1 child. Three years ago, my wife had some surgery to remove a brain tumor, complication's with surgery left her with Paralysis on one side of her body. Due to this parslysis, our sex life does not exist. I have talked to my wife in regard's to this, as she has no interest in this area. My wife has given me permission to play.

 

I do love her very much and do not which to end the relationship, I am not interested in visiting a brothel. I have tried a few dating websites to try to find someone who may in a similar situation, as I don't which to hurt anyone's relationship. When you are honest and tell the truth as to why you are on a dating website, Most people think you are cheating.

 

Is there anyone out there who has been in this situation ? Or know of someone who has, and how it was dealt with ?

 

I am open to any comment's or Suggestion's

Edited August 2, 2011 by christo

[jthorne]

Have your wife choose someone for you.

[thomasb]

Hi Everyone, I am new to the forum and not sure if I have posted in the right area.

I have been married for 11 Years, we have 1 child. Three years ago, my wife had some surgery to remove a brain tumor, complication's with surgery left her with Paralysis on one side of her body. Due to this parslysis, our sex life does not exist. I have talked to my wife in regard's to this, as she has no interest in this area. My wife has given me permission to play.

 

I do love her very much and do not which to end the relationship, I am not interested in visiting a brothel. I have tried a few dating websites to try to find someone who may in a similar situation, as I don't which to hurt anyone's relationship. When you are honest and tell the truth as to why you are on a dating website, Most people think you are cheating.

 

Is there anyone out there who has been in this situation ? Or know of someone who has, and how it was dealt with ?

 

I am open to any comment's or Suggestion's

 

I am so sorry you find yourself in such a horrible situation. I really can't fathom what I would do in your instance. I have no advice, but wanted you to know you are heard.

[christo]

Thank you for your reply, it has been really fustrating, also in is hard for her to engage physically, Don't which to end the relationship, as it's not her fault. It's nice to heard, Thank-you

[Steadfast]

I'll answer your question with another; do you love her? Or is your love dependent on her fulfilling her side of the 'deal'? If so, you do not. Truly.

 

I like to switch roles in these kinds of situations. The song 'Ruby' (don't take your love to town) comes to mind. Imagine it's you who is incapacitated. How would you feel about her stepping out? Even with permission? I imagine without it, she might feel you'll grow so miserable she'd lose your support completely. At that point, the issues of sex pale in the light of emotional blackmail. And that doesn't sound like love to me.

 

It's a guess on my part, but I'd imagine that she's really struggling with both her emotions and self-image right now. Could it be possible that she hasn't given up on the idea of sex but feels utterly unattractive because of her condition? I'd say this is where your love will be proven...or exposed.

 

You are not the first couple faced with this problem. Your honor is at stake. Choose wisely.

[jthorne]

Thank you for your reply, it has been really fustrating, also in is hard for her to engage physically, Don't which to end the relationship, as it's not her fault. It's nice to heard, Thank-you

Personally, I believe in the till death do us part of my vows, but I understand others make exceptions. My father has had terminal cancer for some time now, and sex is out of the question. My mother has never, ever considered going elsewhere. (And before the naysayers say I don't really know that, I DO know.) For her and some of the rest of us, a moment of carnal pleasure is not worth disrespecting the vows we made to our loved ones.

 

I wasn't being flip in my previous response about having your wife choose. If she really has given you permission to play because she is unable, then surely she would want to participate in helping you choose a suitable candidate. If she wants to be kept in the dark about it, then perhaps it shouldn't happen.

[thomasb]

I have been giving a lot of thought to your situation this morning. i do know what I would do. I would stay faithful physically to my wife. I love her dearly and know that her offer for me to have a physical side relationship would be made out of her feeling guilty and inadequate in that regard. But, every time I walked out that door to the other woman, it would kill part of her soul and her love for me. It took a very long time for me to feel better about myself and a longer time to regain my wifes' trust. i couldn't give that away again for sex.

[TurboGirl]

Ahhh so you are looking for a receptacle.

 

Do you love your wife? Explain to her exactly how important it is to YOU that you have sex with HER, any kind of sex, if you get my meaning. If you end up going out there sleeping with other women with her knowledge... it will really hurt her.

 

Now... on to a woman who would even want to be with you. Yuck. Sorry, guys with sick wives who are out there loooking for a receptacle...Pretty self centered and arrogant, don't you think?

 

Call an escort service and make sure you wear protection.

[Mimolicious]

Try signing up for a cheaters site. There are plenty of those with thousands of active users.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I have been giving a lot of thought to your situation this morning. i do know what I would do. I would stay faithful physically to my wife. I love her dearly and know that her offer for me to have a physical side relationship would be made out of her feeling guilty and inadequate in that regard. But, every time I walked out that door to the other woman, it would kill part of her soul and her love for me. It took a very long time for me to feel better about myself and a longer time to regain my wifes' trust. i couldn't give that away again for sex.

 

I think here is the answer that most every MP would hope would be their spouses feelings in the same circumstance. I can't imagine having to endure my own limitations in a situation like this much less how it would kill me to watch my spouse leave to be with another woman.

[MissBee]

I think here is the answer that most every MP would hope would be their spouses feelings in the same circumstance. I can't imagine having to endure my own limitations in a situation like this much less how it would kill me to watch my spouse leave to be with another woman.

 

neither can I!

 

It is a difficult situation through and through. For the one limited and for the other.

 

The OP says his wife has given him permission to "play" soooo I guess it's okay?

 

If the OP loves his wife and doesn't want to end the relationship....my first suggestion would be doing more in regards to the marriage before stepping out to play. Christo, I do not know your wife's true feelings, I do not know how you plan to organize your sex life as separate and aside from your marriage, I do not know how sustainable that is for the next 10, 20, 30 years etc but I can see it becoming extremely complicated, causing more strife than good if not handled properly. I suggest that if your allegiance is to your wife first, maybe there are marriage counselors/sex therapists who specifically deal with couples who find themselves in this type of situation. Going to someone like this, who understands your situation, may help BOTH of you to open up and express your true feelings and hopes out of your marriage and perhaps you can come to a happy medium for the both of you.

 

It is not everyday that people plan these kind of things and I do think it takes thinking through and A LOT of communication. The terms, conditions and situation for a marriage most likely won't stay the same for all eternity, but I think a good, loving marriage is one in which the couple meets change in unison, it seems like you and your wife are trying to do that, and I think the counseling may help further to see if anyone is being selfish, not being heard etc. You can't go wrong if you do that first! That IMO provides for the likelihood of a better outcome for all. You may be given options and solutions that you simply had no clue existed and you may find that you both can get fulfillment and strengthen your marriage in the face of this bad situation OR at the least, find the least damaging situation for all.

 

I wish you nothing but good and hope that you and your wife get what you want and need!

Edited August 2, 2011 by MissBee

[waytogo]

Hi Everyone, I am new to the forum and not sure if I have posted in the right area.

I have been married for 11 Years, we have 1 child. Three years ago, my wife had some surgery to remove a brain tumor, complication's with surgery left her with Paralysis on one side of her body. Due to this parslysis, our sex life does not exist. I have talked to my wife in regard's to this, as she has no interest in this area. My wife has given me permission to play.

 

I do love her very much and do not which to end the relationship, I am not interested in visiting a brothel. I have tried a few dating websites to try to find someone who may in a similar situation, as I don't which to hurt anyone's relationship. When you are honest and tell the truth as to why you are on a dating website, Most people think you are cheating.

 

Is there anyone out there who has been in this situation ? Or know of someone who has, and how it was dealt with ?

 

I am open to any comment's or Suggestion's

 

1st, I am very sorry about your W's illness.

Some may be surprised by my feelings about your situation after the support I gave to what GentleGirl described. Your W still has the mental capacity to understand you will seek something she can't offer as she could b4. If she doesn't feel bad enough now...

 

I'm curious about the conversation when she gave you permission to 'play'. Which of you came up with the idea you find someone to have sex with outside the M? I'll also tell you, as much sympathy as I have for the situation, I'm bothered by the term 'play'. Your W get's to sit with limited mobility knowing instead of offering comfort and enjoying discussing what has been enjoyed and finding new joys in each other, you are having fun at 'play' elsewhere.

 

Others may disagree with me here as they did when I posted my thoughts of GG's sitch. This I see as wrong. No matter how it plays out, I am still sorry for the illness your whole family is dealing with.

[woinlove]

Hi Everyone, I am new to the forum and not sure if I have posted in the right area.

I have been married for 11 Years, we have 1 child. Three years ago, my wife had some surgery to remove a brain tumor, complication's with surgery left her with Paralysis on one side of her body. Due to this parslysis, our sex life does not exist. I have talked to my wife in regard's to this, as she has no interest in this area. My wife has given me permission to play.

 

I do love her very much and do not which to end the relationship, I am not interested in visiting a brothel. I have tried a few dating websites to try to find someone who may in a similar situation, as I don't which to hurt anyone's relationship. When you are honest and tell the truth as to why you are on a dating website, Most people think you are cheating.

 

Is there anyone out there who has been in this situation ? Or know of someone who has, and how it was dealt with ?

 

I am open to any comment's or Suggestion's

 

Like others, I would encourage you to find out what your wife really wants if you have any uncertainty on this at all. However, if you are really both fine with this option, I have heard OkCupid is open marriage friendly (i.e. used by people who are having extramarital sex and/or emotional attachments with the support and knowledge of their spouse).

 

The women on Ashley Madison are mostly single and looking for married men. However, you will likely find most of them actually want a married man who is making his wife believe he is faithful to her. This is a phenomena encountered by many men who are looking for some extramarital connection with the support of their wife. It is an ethical dilemma whether one should lead an OW to believe you are deceiving your wife when you are not. On one hand, it seems a rather victimless lie - lying to make her think you are lying to someone else when you are not. On the other hand, I suspect (but don't know for sure) that such women think they have a better chance of getting you to leave your wife if you are lying to her, so you could be giving her false hope, which is not victimless.

 

Anyway, that is one peculiar wrinkle on having your wife's permission which interests me. With a bit of luck, maybe you will find a woman who would rather you weren't lying to your wife. That is, assuming both you and your wife are actually happy with that situation.

[thomasb]

Like others, I would encourage you to find out what your wife really wants if you have any uncertainty on this at all. However, if you are really both fine with this option, I have heard OkCupid is open marriage friendly (i.e. used by people who are having extramarital sex and/or emotional attachments with the support and knowledge of their spouse).

 

The women on Ashley Madison are mostly single and looking for married men. However, you will likely find most of them actually want a married man who is making his wife believe he is faithful to her. This is a phenomena encountered by many men who are looking for some extramarital connection with the support of their wife. It is an ethical dilemma whether one should lead an OW to believe you are deceiving your wife when you are not. On one hand, it seems a rather victimless lie - lying to make her think you are lying to someone else when you are not. On the other hand, I suspect (but don't know for sure) that such women think they have a better chance of getting you to leave your wife if you are lying to her, so you could be giving her false hope, which is not victimless.

 

Anyway, that is one peculiar wrinkle on having your wife's permission which interests me. With a bit of luck, maybe you will find a woman who would rather you weren't lying to your wife. That is, assuming both you and your wife are actually happy with that situation.

 

The true 'victim in this is his wife. Not the person who decides to have sex with a married person whether the wife, in this instance, knows or not. She will be paralyzed to express how it really makes her feel. She is trapped by this enough.

[TurboGirl]

Sounds like his wife loves him enough to want him to be happy and find sexual gratification...

 

maybe there is a woman out there in a similar situation. Who knows?

 

But seriously... any of those "dating websites" you are opening yourself up to who knows what/where/etc. Very risky. How could you explain to your W that you now have an STD? Things like that do happen. OR you meet someone and "fall in lust" and then want to divorce your W whom you say you love dearly. It does happen.

 

Call an escort service & use protection!

 

Stop for a moment and think about how you would truly feel if the situation was reversed... would you want your wife out there?

[2sunny]

i think your wife has agreed out of feeling inadequate for you. can she participate on "other levels" of feeling close and intimate?

 

i think, for most folks, it's very difficult to keep emotions separated from the act of sex itself. most say they can, and will - but given the opportunity to share yourself - and to be the giver to another woman - it is difficult to be sure to won't have some emotional attachment along the way with your agreeable OW.

 

it's risky - at best. the harm caused would be to your wife - at your willingness to put your needs first. think about it long and hard... for after you are in this - you may not have the ability to separate the body and the heart... much less the mind and occupying space thinking and plotting about the OW.

 

i see pain coming from it all- at best.

[thomasb]

It would be good if you checked in on your thread christo. Just so we know how you are.

[heartinlove]

I'll answer your question with another; do you love her? Or is your love dependent on her fulfilling her side of the 'deal'? If so, you do not. Truly.

 

I think comments like this keep people from Christo coming back to check on their thread. How insensitive to suggest that from the OP story that he may not truly love his wife.

 

People desire intimacy. Clearly this man has asked his wife. Whether you think its right or wrong or whether you think the wife is really ok with this, I think its just so low to question if this man loves his wife truly.

 

Clearly he is struggling with his need for intimacy and looking at the possibility of a lifetime without it and he and his wife together are attempting to address this. Some sensitivity is in order.

[christo]

I truly value and thank-you all for your comment's so far

You have definenitely given me something to think about.

My wife and I have discussed several issues, and they were in regard's to STD'S and also if I feel in love with an another woman. At this stage she is unsure on how she would feel if I went ahead and found a compatible partner. I can advise that it was my wifes idea of seekng a compatatible partner as she truly felt guilty of being unable to provide.

It has been a really long 3 year's and I have alway's thought about the situation, but have not done anything. I know if I did I prob would feel guilty and regret it. Looking forward to any addtional comment's.

[LilyBart]

Hi Everyone, I am new to the forum and not sure if I have posted in the right area.

I have been married for 11 Years, we have 1 child. Three years ago, my wife had some surgery to remove a brain tumor, complication's with surgery left her with Paralysis on one side of her body. Due to this parslysis, our sex life does not exist. I have talked to my wife in regard's to this, as she has no interest in this area. My wife has given me permission to play.

 

Right here. This is the part I have a problem with. Why does this stop your sex life from existing?

 

After all she's only paralyzed on ONE side, right? What's wrong with her OTHER side? Is she not able to caress you with her "good" hand? I assume she's still able to eat and drink, so that means she's still able to use her mouth. And as far as the actual sex act goes....hell, there's more than one position - nothing a little experimentation couldn't handle.

 

So this leaves me to believe that your W is the one who DOESN'T want to have sex. Am I right? (sorry if the answer is further in this thread - I'm responding without reading people's posts)

 

I do love her very much and do not which to end the relationship, I am not interested in visiting a brothel.

 

Seriously, what do you want? You claim to love your W, you claim to not want to end the M and you claim to be looking for sex....but you don't want to PAY for it? Doesn't that just make you a cheap bastard?

 

I have tried a few dating websites to try to find someone who may in a similar situation, as I don't which to hurt anyone's relationship. When you are honest and tell the truth as to why you are on a dating website, Most people think you are cheating.

 

Are you insane? You went on a DATING website? Just because you were honest as to "why" you're there, the end result is the same. You're looking for some (free) sex and an emotional connection with a single woman - yet you're already married and have no desire to end said M.

 

What's in this for the single gal who's looking for a real relationship? Nothing.

 

Dude, just freakin' PAY for it! (but make sure you use protection) I don't understand what the problem is.

[2sunny]

i would like to understand the specifics of what her stroke has affected...

 

what areas physically?

can she speak? is her thought process clear minded?

can she move any parts of her body - if so, which ones?

has she done any acupuncture? - this helped me recover from a stroke... recovered within a few months - drs told me nothing would work! acupuncture is a miracle!

is she exercising regularly? pilates or yoga helps for strength!

is she willing to participate at all?

 

 

which body parts move and which don't? please be perfectly clear and specific!

Edited August 3, 2011 by 2sunny

[MissBee]

Right here. This is the part I have a problem with. Why does this stop your sex life from existing?

 

After all she's only paralyzed on ONE side, right? What's wrong with her OTHER side? Is she not able to caress you with her "good" hand? I assume she's still able to eat and drink, so that means she's still able to use her mouth. And as far as the actual sex act goes....hell, there's more than one position - nothing a little experimentation couldn't handle.

 

So this leaves me to believe that your W is the one who DOESN'T want to have sex. Am I right? (sorry if the answer is further in this thread - I'm responding without reading people's posts)

 

I have to say, that this caught me off guard. To be frank, I was like WTF?!!!

 

Anyway....I have no idea if you are a medical doctor, physical therapist or if you yourself have encountered a debilitating condition due to brain surgery, but you speak as if being paralyzed on only "ONE side" of your body is some casual, run of the mill thing. Wow....

 

Honestly, I cannot imagine what it feels like to one day be relatively healthy with all your faculties in tact and then now you have one side of your body paralyzed. Paralysis does come with severe discomfort and pain, from my observation of someone who did have a stroke and that happened to her. Not to mention the emotional and psychological toll it takes on you! People get depressed and no doubt lose libido after going through something like that! Loss of libido could last months, years, who knows! So to be all crass about her being able to "use her mouth" or "hands", if she really wanted sex, is completely rude and appalling to me. Quite frankly, it could be that she has bigger emotional and physical fish to fry than to be worried about giving a BJ or HJ with her "good side" ....Wow....I just can't even believe you said that Lily.

 

Anyway, I believe that this happening to someone is a life altering event that comes with all sorts of feelings. I went through a minor medical crisis once that did not debilitate me, but believe me, during the 3 months of recovering, I was not at my peak. My self esteem was lowered, I didn't want to go out anymore, I kept wishing for the time before it happened, I was in my own head A LOT....so I can just imagine if something debilitating actually happened, that irreversibly changed normal life as I know it, and I have my husband asking to sleep with others or if he can just have a bj/hj, it would be VERY insensitive and just absolutely ridiculous! Sorry to say, yes I do believe it is hard for BOTH people, but the OP is still fully functional and fine and can go out and "find some new thing", as he is doing now, and in the back of this woman's mind this may also affect her where she feels undesirable, like her husband can leave at anytime while she is "defective" and has no such option. It is A LOT for someone to think about. A whooooooooole lot! Her world has turned upside down, in all sorts of ways that you may not be able to imagine. From simple physical tasks being hard now to the emotional burden and feelings that no doubt arise and plague you.

 

This is why I'll reiterate my suggestion that they should see a counselor/sex therapist with much experience with cases like this, who can provide some practical physical and emotional solutions to their difficult situation. Who knows what hidden feelings may come to light, this person may have options put forth in a SENSITIVE way to help the couple regain intimacy, maybe the wife needs IC as well. This whole situation requires a reordering of one's marriage. I think if the OP loves his wife, that is the BEST decision versus paying for sex or badgering his wife about using her mouth or hands and deeming her as someone who simply "doesn't want" sex....I just can't even say that without throwing up a little.

Edited August 3, 2011 by MissBee

[thomasb]

I have to say, that this caught me off guard. To be frank, I was like WTF?!!!

 

Anyway....I have no idea if you are a medical doctor, physical therapist or if you yourself have encountered a debilitating condition due to brain surgery, but you speak as if being paralyzed on only "ONE side" of your body is some casual, run of the mill thing. Wow....

 

Honestly, I cannot imagine what it feels like to one day be relatively healthy with all your faculties in tact and then now you have one side of your body paralyzed. Paralysis does come with severe discomfort and pain, from my observation of someone who did have a stroke and that happened to her. Not to mention the emotional and psychological toll it takes on you! People get depressed and no doubt lose libido after going through something like that! Loss of libido could last months, years, who knows! So to be all crass about her being able to "use her mouth" or "hands", if she really wanted sex, is completely rude and appalling to me. Quite frankly, it could be that she has bigger emotional and physical fish to fry than to be worried about giving a BJ or HJ with her "good side" ....Wow....I just can't even believe you said that Lily.

 

Anyway, I believe that this happening to someone is a life altering event that comes with all sorts of feelings. I went through a minor medical crisis once that did not debilitate me, but believe me, during the 3 months of recovering, I was not at my peak. My self esteem was lowered, I didn't want to go out anymore, I kept wishing for the time before it happened, I was in my own head A LOT....so I can just imagine if something debilitating actually happened, that irreversibly changed normal life as I know it, and I have my husband asking to sleep with others or if he can just have a bj/hj, it would be VERY insensitive and just absolutely ridiculous! Sorry to say, yes I do believe it is hard for BOTH people, but the OP is still fully functional and fine and can go out and "find some new thing", as he is doing now, and in the back of this woman's mind this may also affect her where she feels undesirable, like her husband can leave at anytime while she is "defective" and has no such option. It is A LOT for someone to think about. A whooooooooole lot! Her world has turned upside down, in all sorts of ways that you may not be able to imagine. From simple physical tasks being hard now to the emotional burden and feelings that no doubt arise and plague you.

 

This is why I'll reiterate my suggestion that they should see a counselor/sex therapist with much experience with cases like this, who can provide some practical physical and emotional solutions to their difficult situation. Who knows what hidden feelings may come to light, this person may have options put forth in a SENSITIVE way to help the couple regain intimacy, maybe the wife needs IC as well. This whole situation requires a reordering of one's marriage. I think if the OP loves his wife, that is the BEST decision versus paying for sex or badgering his wife about using her mouth or hands and deeming her as someone who simply "doesn't want" sex....I just can't even say that without throwing up a little.

 

I totally agree with you. Speaking as a person who has a very good friend in a wheel chair paralyzed from the waist down,(due to polio), lilybart has shown her total ignorance of a person in this circumstance. My friend had a bag he has to wear because he cannot control his bowels. He is in constant pain and is prone to staph infections from a catheter. The last thing on his mind is sex!

[fooled once]

I truly value and thank-you all for your comment's so far

You have definenitely given me something to think about.

My wife and I have discussed several issues, and they were in regard's to STD'S and also if I feel in love with an another woman. At this stage she is unsure on how she would feel if I went ahead and found a compatible partner. I can advise that it was my wifes idea of seekng a compatatible partner as she truly felt guilty of being unable to provide.

It has been a really long 3 year's and I have alway's thought about the situation, but have not done anything. I know if I did I prob would feel guilty and regret it. Looking forward to any addtional comment's.

 

 

So the "in sickness and in health" part of your vows are immaterial? So you aren't getting laid . Do you think your wife is happy about being paralyzed? Do you think she likes having physical limitations? Yes, you have needs. I get that. But wow.

[heartinlove]

I have to say, that this caught me off guard. To be frank, I was like WTF?!!!

 

Anyway....I have no idea if you are a medical doctor, physical therapist or if you yourself have encountered a debilitating condition due to brain surgery, but you speak as if being paralyzed on only "ONE side" of your body is some casual, run of the mill thing. Wow....

 

Honestly, I cannot imagine what it feels like to one day be relatively healthy with all your faculties in tact and then now you have one side of your body paralyzed. Paralysis does come with severe discomfort and pain, from my observation of someone who did have a stroke and that happened to her. Not to mention the emotional and psychological toll it takes on you! People get depressed and no doubt lose libido after going through something like that! Loss of libido could last months, years, who knows! So to be all crass about her being able to "use her mouth" or "hands", if she really wanted sex, is completely rude and appalling to me. Quite frankly, it could be that she has bigger emotional and physical fish to fry than to be worried about giving a BJ or HJ with her "good side" ....Wow....I just can't even believe you said that Lily.

 

Anyway, I believe that this happening to someone is a life altering event that comes with all sorts of feelings. I went through a minor medical crisis once that did not debilitate me, but believe me, during the 3 months of recovering, I was not at my peak. My self esteem was lowered, I didn't want to go out anymore, I kept wishing for the time before it happened, I was in my own head A LOT....so I can just imagine if something debilitating actually happened, that irreversibly changed normal life as I know it, and I have my husband asking to sleep with others or if he can just have a bj/hj, it would be VERY insensitive and just absolutely ridiculous! Sorry to say, yes I do believe it is hard for BOTH people, but the OP is still fully functional and fine and can go out and "find some new thing", as he is doing now, and in the back of this woman's mind this may also affect her where she feels undesirable, like her husband can leave at anytime while she is "defective" and has no such option. It is A LOT for someone to think about. A whooooooooole lot! Her world has turned upside down, in all sorts of ways that you may not be able to imagine. From simple physical tasks being hard now to the emotional burden and feelings that no doubt arise and plague you.

 

This is why I'll reiterate my suggestion that they should see a counselor/sex therapist with much experience with cases like this, who can provide some practical physical and emotional solutions to their difficult situation. Who knows what hidden feelings may come to light, this person may have options put forth in a SENSITIVE way to help the couple regain intimacy, maybe the wife needs IC as well. This whole situation requires a reordering of one's marriage. I think if the OP loves his wife, that is the BEST decision versus paying for sex or badgering his wife about using her mouth or hands and deeming her as someone who simply "doesn't want" sex....I just can't even say that without throwing up a little.

 

great post