justcallmesnug Posted April 27, 2004 Share Posted April 27, 2004 Okay. A problem has been identified with the MM I am involved with. He has a very very bad temper. I guess it's taken a long time to see this, but it is there. He hung up on me and said "Get of my f*****g back, will you". I was asking him a question about why he snapped at me on the phone earlier in the day, as he usually does not talk to me in that tone. All righty then. I think I went from it to ****!. It seems once I said that I needed to see "something" after all this time, he is acting totally different. Has this happened to anyone else? It was difficult, but I ignored the phone calls today, and I feel angry. He is not going to start treating me like this now, after being so loving and kind to me all of this time. He was really angry and saying "why can't you go back to the way you used to be before?".....Oh, I dont know, maybe because you sleep in a bed with someone else every night. Just wondering if anyone else has been through this, wher you finally get beyond the "great guy" and get to the "real guy". Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 Sounds like once you asked for your own needs to be at least partially met, he turned ugly. So now you know how long it takes to see the "real guy". Link to post Share on other sites
zarathustra Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 He's pissed because you're starting to upset his oh-so-comfortable status quo. Now, he has the legitimacy of a marriage, the companionship of a wife and the thrills of a affair. He has all any married guy would want. By challenging him, you're threatening his nice gig. He's going to react viciously if he feels that you no longer want to play by his rules . It's all about comfort, power and control. As long as he has all three, he'll be charming and loving to you. He'll turn cold as ice if he senses that you're going to threaten any of his affair perks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justcallmesnug Posted April 28, 2004 Author Share Posted April 28, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Sounds like once you asked for your own needs to be at least partially met, he turned ugly. So now you know how long it takes to see the "real guy". Oh, I think you are right, and now I am thinking he is not so great. Why else does his wife head for the other room as soon as he walks in? Maybe he is not so sweet. He was the best, and it all stopped. I have been crying the whole night, and when I finally answered the phone and told him that this is no longer working out for me, he said "why are you starting this up? Why can't you go back to the way you were?" If I hear that one more time, I may kill someone..... I am not sure why he doesnt just tell her and still live there with his kids. She has no sexual interest in him, doesnt want to talk of his job or his hobbies or anything, so why not just live there, sleep in another room and have a real relationship with an adult???? He is throwing away a very good girl here, and I hope it was worth it to both of us for all I've gone through. I would never be able to kiss him again, never mind anything else. All of a sudden I am a big problem and a nag and everything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Good2Go Posted April 28, 2004 Share Posted April 28, 2004 Great Guy = Good Guy = Only in it for sex! Your problem is?????????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justcallmesnug Posted April 28, 2004 Author Share Posted April 28, 2004 Originally posted by Good2Go Great Guy = Good Guy = Only in it for sex! Your problem is?????????????????? Hi He can not only be in it for sex with me, because there is very little sex. I think the guy needs a friend and some companionship. Right now, he is staying put to bring his kids up, and he is the one who does just about all of the child raising in the house, and I think it is a great idea for him to stay there. I just wish he had the testicles to say something about his own needs. Link to post Share on other sites
reachingskywards Posted April 30, 2004 Share Posted April 30, 2004 I think it's interesting that he can't ask for his own needs and yet gets upset when you ask for your needs to be met. I agree that he is probably feeling threatened by you for rocking the boat. But also perhaps because you are being strong and standing up for yourself. I had a similar experience with an ex who flipped out when I stopped pandering to him all the time and started being my own person. He then left me for a woman who needed him more than I did (and said so). I think some guys just need to be needed. You have to question how great it would be living with this guy who felt threatened and angry just because you have a very legitimate need.....??? Just remember to keep focused on getting your needs met. No one is going to meet them for you. My ex promised me everything... "yes we'll have children soon, buy a place of our own etc etc .. but next year .. next year this, next year that " Next year only came when his new gf moved in. It really hurt. You have a right to be happy and to have a good relationship with a guy who is going to be there for you. I think you're doing the right thing. Be strong and don't give up. Link to post Share on other sites
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