layercakegal Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hi everyone.... My boyfriend and I (still not ready to call him my ex omg....)have been having arguments nearly every week for a while, and the last few times he's been saying he's done and can't be bothered anymore. We have a holiday booked for mid Sep, I was so excited and now I'm just heartbroken and he's being so cold he said he didn't want to talk to me on Sunday night.....yesterday I went in to where we booked it and asked about canceling the holiday but they said we would effectively lose all the money at this point. I texted him last night and said that I knew he didn't want me to text him, but that if we really couldn't work things out then we would lose all the money, and that i thought the holiday would do us good and what did he think. He texted me back later and said he didn't want to go, that i should cancel it and reiterated that he was done and he meant it. We paid half each - I dont want to lose my money - I can change the name on his booking for £50 and get one of my friends or my mom to go - they all think i shouldn't tell him that I'm still going as I gave him a chance to calm down last night and rethink things but he's clearly not interested. We've been together 4 years, and so far he hasn't asked to meet up and talk or anything, it's only been through texts this final time. What should I do I still love him and wanted to go on the holiday with him even if it couldn't work out in the long term I feel I should at least let him know but my friends and mom think I don't owe him anything? Link to post Share on other sites
onlyafool Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Your friends and family are right. If he says he's done, then I say the heck with him. You go on that vacation and have a blast. You're life shouldn't stop because of this situation. Take my advice, as this is coming from experience. If you were to go on this holiday with him, there might be the high likelihood that you'll get along perfectly and begin to wonder why you ever disagreed on anything. This is a falsehood. When you get home, you'll come home to the same problems you had before you left. Take this time to do what he's doing to you and stop contact. He doesn't want to talk about it and said he's done. So...you be done with him and take a holiday without him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author layercakegal Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Thanks for your reply only......he's officially my ex now as he's just changed his facebook status, he didnt tell me he was going to or anything. he's off to the cinema with his dad, and im sitting here with a broken heart.....my mom wants me to get angry, shes angry at him for doing this to me but it feels like shes having a go at me for still being upset when its literally only just happened. i feel so alone, he was my first love, my first everything if you know what i mean, and he cant even talk to me about it, he only texts me and says hes done. i literally cant cope with this i cant stop crying Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 i literally cant cope with this i cant stop crying I think you should go by yourself, and cry as much as you want. Since there is nobody with you you do not have to worry about people seeing you cry. Dont waste the money, in fact, after breaking up with your first love, you need to go on a vacation. And tell you what, you make anybody your first love, and thats the beauty of it. Do not think you love him anymore, it is not the real love that you just lost. So take it easy, know that he really is not worth it, and know that there will be many more come to you and make you their true love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author layercakegal Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Hi Reim, Thanks for replying I really couldn't care if I went and did just cry the whole time, but I don't want to go on my own I think my mom might come with me, as she'll hopefully understand if I'm feeling a little down. I did spend a lot of money on it, and I guess I worry a lot what other people think and don't want him and all of his friends (that I know too) to bad-mouth me for stealing his money effectively. I feel like I'll have to hide the fact that I went incase he's angry Argh what to do! Link to post Share on other sites
emby Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi layercake, Really sorry to hear about your breakup. I definitely think you should go on this holiday! You will have a few weeks to let yourself just completely grieve and you never know, by mid september you might be feeling pretty good (or at least half decent) and really want to be getting out and about. I'm still feeling awful about my breakup in June but I am starting to crave getting out of the house. In fact, I booked a holiday/vacation just yesterday for mid September myself! I'm just going with a family friend. I know that when my ex went on holiday a few weeks after the split, it was the best thing possible for me- I had been calling and texting him every day in a state before that. The forced no contact helped me to realise that I didn't need to be in touch with him all the time, and it got me doing other things. So yes, this could be really good for you. Just try and embrace it as a holiday with your mom or your friend, don't think about what it was originally for. And don't worry about the money because he dumped you!! My ex and I had paid for something that was going to be 5 days after he broke up with me, so we both lost out on a lot of money for that! I kind of wished I'd just gone regardless. We also have 2 tickets to see a concert in September but I'm taking a friend instead- I'm determined to still go! Search this forum for 'no contact' and consider it. I've made so many mistakes SINCE the break up since I've been in contact with my ex and I wish I'd gone no contact from the start. I pushed him very far away and although he's willing to be friends, he's still very suspicious of me and tentative. Good luck and keep your chin up Link to post Share on other sites
moontiger Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 You aren't alone. My ex-fiance and I were supposed to go on vacation with his family this weekend. His stepmom just wrote and mentioned in passing that they're going (just without me of course). When I was with him it seemed like a drag...it was hours away and I didn't really want to go. Now I miss him and I miss his family and they will all be having fun this weekend, without me. Yes, I think you should go with your mom. Lots of love. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 3, 2011 Share Posted August 3, 2011 I dont know what to say about this but dont worry about what people think okay? they are not in your relationship, there were only you and the ex. If you didnt do anything like cheating, or using him for your personal gains, if all in your heart was just love for him, dont ever care about what people think. You did love your all, and it didnt work out just because you guys couldnt. If people dont understand that, they are stupid, you dont ever need to hang out with them again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author layercakegal Posted August 3, 2011 Author Share Posted August 3, 2011 Hi everyone, I think i still will go - i keep looking out of the window at work thinking he will be sitting outside where he used to meet me and be sitting there with a bunch of flowers and wanting to get back together, so im worried its not sinking in yet. I just want us to be back together so i can text him and say how crap im feeling and that can i have a hug to make me feel better, but i wont because obviously its not the same if we arent together. The worst thing is that it was by text, but the fact that we have nearly broken up so many times before (the latest, last week) means we have really already done the 'im sorry, i dont want to hurt you, but this isnt working' with him caring that i was crying and feeling bad, means that maybe this time there is nothing left to say. Just the fact that he was there one minute, and now hes gone forever, is absolutely killing me. I just want him back and for information, he actually cheated on me at the start, after we'd been together about 9 months - the only thing i did wrong was being too clingy (not wanting him to go out with his friends etc) and im thinking its all my fault. but we have been fighting for so long. im tired, im upset, ive got tears in my eyes and im stuck at work with no-one to just put their arms round me and tell me they love me. seriously, just devastated isnt the word. Link to post Share on other sites
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