CatNtheHat Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I am really tempted. This is just ridiculous. Sometimes they just want to be combative. Really isn't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Tasha, whether the sky is aqua, azure, cerulean, cobalt, cornflower, or periwinkle. Everyone on here has the same point: the sky is ****ing blue. If you caught that then great. Some people may see more flecks of green, some more flecks of indigo, but at the end of the day the sky is blue. We can all debate whether or not this guy loves you, likes you, hates you, or is musically inclined towards you. At the end of the day we can't read his mind. Who knows? Maybe in his family the highest form of love is sleeping with other women, avoiding a relationship and not inviting the object of his affections to parties. Who knows? Maybe his mother has told him for many years that if you truly love a woman, never, ever invite her to a party because it is the worst insult you can give to a woman. The point is this: even though it is obvious that your relational needs don't matter enough for him to listen, consider and maybe even compromise on some of them. To him: you aren't even in a relationship. So what does it mean that he isn't inviting you to his parties. It means that you aren't in a relationship. But to you, you have centered him into your life like you are in a relationship. So at the very least there is a HUGE imbalance. Leaves you a few choices: 1. Sacrifice like you are in a relationship and keep this up, be unhappy and settle for it. 2. Build your own life, including trying to find a relationship, if you aren't in a relationship with him, there is nothing stopping YOU from dating someone else, until you find someone much more relationally compatible. Just don't lead them on like they are exclusive or anything. 3. Drop this huge waste of time. You are way too young to be involved in a pointless FWB relationship, and we all know, including you, that you are. It is all fine and good to draft a letter, I have drafted 5 or 6 myself to my husband and tried to leave him on multiple occasions but have never fully followed through because I wrote them when I was upset and impulsive. True leaving comes when you take the actions to support the change. Either way I need to build my own life, so I am starting small and finishing big. I hope that you do too. Replace him a day at a time if you have to. I.e. tell yourself that you will no longer see him on Thursdays, until you become less attached to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tasha49 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Sometimes they just want to be combative. Really isn't worth it. I definitely am finding this out! And when I disagree with someone's assessment of me they tell me I am in denial about who I am. What the hell people! Nevermind that I have openly confessed to getting myself to move on or realize he is a waste of time and does not love me. Yes I defended his love for me BEFORE. but the reason for the critique is to help me understand yet when I claim to in fact understand and learn, you tell me that I am changing my story and you accuse me still of creating some fantasy of what this is and what I want it to be. No! I am saying how I realize I need to move on but nevermind all that talk. Apparently I am also denying what the situation is, when I in fact AM NOT and have not been for quite a few posts now. Here I am saying you guys are correct and doesn't love me and here you are saying I am in fantasy land still. Cool, don't listen to my input but instead lay all your bs input on me and tell me that You think I have a rough family and need counseling to deal with my feelings. No... you need counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tasha49 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Tasha, whether the sky is aqua, azure, cerulean, cobalt, cornflower, or periwinkle. Everyone on here has the same point: the sky is ****ing blue. If you caught that then great. Some people may see more flecks of green, some more flecks of indigo, but at the end of the day the sky is blue. We can all debate whether or not this guy loves you, likes you, hates you, or is musically inclined towards you. At the end of the day we can't read his mind. Who knows? Maybe in his family the highest form of love is sleeping with other women, avoiding a relationship and not inviting the object of his affections to parties. Who knows? Maybe his mother has told him for many years that if you truly love a woman, never, ever invite her to a party because it is the worst insult you can give to a woman. The point is this: even though it is obvious that your relational needs don't matter enough for him to listen, consider and maybe even compromise on some of them. To him: you aren't even in a relationship. So what does it mean that he isn't inviting you to his parties. It means that you aren't in a relationship. But to you, you have centered him into your life like you are in a relationship. So at the very least there is a HUGE imbalance. Leaves you a few choices: 1. Sacrifice like you are in a relationship and keep this up, be unhappy and settle for it. 2. Build your own life, including trying to find a relationship, if you aren't in a relationship with him, there is nothing stopping YOU from dating someone else, until you find someone much more relationally compatible. Just don't lead them on like they are exclusive or anything. 3. Drop this huge waste of time. You are way too young to be involved in a pointless FWB relationship, and we all know, including you, that you are. It is all fine and good to draft a letter, I have drafted 5 or 6 myself to my husband and tried to leave him on multiple occasions but have never fully followed through because I wrote them when I was upset and impulsive. True leaving comes when you take the actions to support the change. Either way I need to build my own life, so I am starting small and finishing big. I hope that you do too. Replace him a day at a time if you have to. I.e. tell yourself that you will no longer see him on Thursdays, until you become less attached to him. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I agree completely. I never said I don't now realize what the situation actually is. I came in from assuming he loves me to doubting that quite a bit. No one read that I have come to terms of how it really is. And when I say I now see differently everyone says "Oh but you said before you think he loves you and you are excusing everything." Blah blah. No ****! That was BEFORE given advice. I am not allowed to change my mind on the way i now view it? Please! This is why I came here... to hopefully find some rational advice. And now that I have, no one paid any attention. Link to post Share on other sites
forms Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 There someone goes again with the no reading. I have not said I did not deny in this thread. I said THAT thread. Oh get a clue! Like that makes any difference. LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tasha49 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Oh but doesn't it make quite the difference in fact? It does when you go on some speal about how I'm in denial for denying. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 When you've made someone your world, it can be very difficult to even fathom letting them go. BTDT have the t-shirt! What were you like/what did you enjoy before this guy came into your life? Link to post Share on other sites
mo mo Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 It's pointless to keep this thread going until Tasha actually ends it. Mme. Chaucer was right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tasha49 Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 When you've made someone your world, it can be very difficult to even fathom letting them go. BTDT have the t-shirt! What were you like/what did you enjoy before this guy came into your life? I mean he is a big part of my life but nevertheless I do have a life that does not revolve around him. I have lunch dates with my friends, go to movies with my brother (who is my best friend), I read, I write, I play frisbee golf at the park, I have girls nights. And now whoever suggested taking college seriously I actually would like to thank. Because now is a good time if ever to start. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I mean he is a big part of my life but nevertheless I do have a life that does not revolve around him. I have lunch dates with my friends, go to movies with my brother (who is my best friend), I read, I write, I play frisbee golf at the park, I have girls nights. Do you ever wait to commit to do any of the above things in order to wait and see if this dude is available to hang out with you? Not judging, I've done it too. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 While probably more 21 year olds would put up with what you do than 41 year olds, I think most 21 year olds would have dumped this guy and moved on a long time ago. I agree. Most normal 21 year olds would have forgotten about him and would be on to dating better and more exciting guys. In otherwords, they would be out having the time of their life and enjoying their youth. I'm curious, what do your friends tell you to do about your situation? Link to post Share on other sites
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