Is it normal if a guy you're seeing never invites you to his parties?

[Tasha49]

I'm not sure I see the point in psychologizing the OP to this extent. She's 21 and she's pretty much doing what many 21 year olds do: prioritizing how she feels about a guy, looking for signs that he is indeed into her instead of paying attention to his attention and his words. She's also struggling to assert her own rights in the relationship, hoping that being nice he will turn around.

 

Tasha, go to a bookstore and look at He's Not That Into You and Why Men Marry B.... I don't necessarily believe these books are helpful for everybody, but I think they do a nice job of explaining that 1) Why making excuses for shoddy behavior is the worse thing you can do. 2) Why your friends are as invested as you are in telling you that this guy is into you, in spite of his disrespectful treatment, that 3) Men mean it when they say they don't want a commitment and usually act accordingly and 4) Why being assertive (and not fearing conflict) is the surest way to find a healthy relationship.

 

The way I see it, you struggle with the same issue I did as a twenty-something: you prioritize being nice and being liked over respecting your own needs. You perhaps even struggle to know where you own boundaries are.

 

Thank you Chaucer-

 

You are right. And I am not denying the fact that his behavior is really just messed up. I was merely saying that I can't blame him since I was the one sitting here and taking it. It is in my hands whether or not I want to be treated like this. And no--I do not appreciate the bahavior and after reading that in 90% of given answers no one thinks that what he is doing is acceptable... I admit I agree.

 

I am working on my letter. That is the most important thing here.

[stillafool]

What more do you people want? I have ALREADY said that I know I am only hurting myself and that he doesn't love me and that this situation is no good.

 

Okay, here it is you got it. Now get rid of him and work on getting over him.

 

It is obvious no one wants help from someone who attacks you.

 

 

What else do you need help with?

[Tasha49]

Read this thread and you tell me where the holes in analysis are.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t274487/

 

PS I didn't say we were questioning your intelligence and stability, I said you get defensive because you think we are when we pick apart the things you say. When people have emotions involved in a relationship, they get a wee bit irrational. It has been happening to you, it has happened to me, and pretty much everyone. There's no need to feel we are attacking you, we are only trying to help based upon the information you give.

 

I not once denied anything anyone said in that thread. In this thread... people started calling me an idiot and in need of counseling. In this thread there were some things I didn't agree with--AT FIRST. Now I am admitting that he doesn't love me and people are telling me that I can't even admit that he doesn't love me. No one is reading much of what I am realizing NOW and what I didn't realize then.

 

And no... some of you are trying to help. But some people are just attacking me instead of answeting anything to do with my questions. They are judging the person I am and claiming that I am a certain horrible person instead of inputting on the situation. That tends to frustrate me.

 

The more insulting the reply... the less I will want to read.

[Tasha49]

Okay, here it is you got it. Now get rid of him and work on getting over him.

 

 

 

 

What else do you need help with?

 

I have not needed help with anything more in this thread for QUITE some time. The ladt several of these pages was people attacking me and me trying to defend myself. People chose to ignore the fact that I admitted he doesn't love me and is behaving crappy to me and instead started assuming every little detail about my situation and if I did not agree they started callinv me names and telling me I need help.

[mo mo]

Ummm where did anyone call you an idiot? When did anyone say you were a horrible person?

 

forms did say you should think about counseling, but instead of seriously thinking about it you are associating all these negative connotations to it and the suggestion itself. There's no need to take this so personally.

 

We pick apart what you say because we are showing you that we are paying attention and we are introducing logic into a situation where you have some very strong emotions involved. You should be thanking us for helping you think logically, it can be really hard.

[Tasha49]

Ummm where did anyone call you an idiot? When did anyone say you were a horrible person?

 

forms did say you should think about counseling, but instead of seriously thinking about it you are associating all these negative connotations to it and the suggestion itself. There's no need to take this so personally.

 

We pick apart what you say because we are showing you that we are paying attention and we are introducing logic into a situation where you have some very strong emotions involved. You should be thanking us for helping you think logically, it can be really hard.

 

I am defensive because that is an unfair assumption. I am a normal 21-year-old girl. I do not need help dealing with my emotions because they are perfectly fine and normal when in love. My personal life is much different than words on the iternet. No one knows me personally.

 

It is insulting. Because I am just fine and a normal human being. What is so wrong with me? I am admitting I need to cut this loose and there is better out there yet I need to be counseled.

 

I have never been in a situation like this. My previous relationships were healthy (well... if you don't count the cheating). Just because this situation is so difficult does not mean I need any relationship advice for the future. I will make sure next time that the guy actually WANTS a relationship. I don't need help with that...

[Mme. Chaucer]

Really, you probably do need some help. Your resistance to the idea of it is not healthy in itself.

 

Bottom line is, you have been here on LS for several months, repeatedly posting different details of the same basic, sad, story.

 

You are not ready to give up this sick mess you have yourself in.

 

Talking about doing something when you're "ready," when a letter is written, whatever, is the same as the person who "knows" they need to quit smoking, but who smokes ...

 

for years ...

 

and years ...

 

All the time saying that they are going to quit smoking. When they're ready. After they lose weight. Once they find a new job. Whatever.

 

So, you are staying in this relationship.

 

When you ACTUALLY DUMP HIS LOSERLY ASS, let us know. Most all the people here who you've yelled at for "attacking" you will certainly be here to offer as much support for that as possible.

 

Meantime, I think you ought to quit posting about it.

[Tasha49]

Honestly here. I really am happy to get so much advice on my situation. A lot has in fact help me figure it out. Even if a response is negative there is partial truth to certain aspects to it. And I have come to accept the actual importance of moving on.

 

I really do appreciate the lengthy replies you give, Marly Star. You just took it way too far. I originally came here for an explanation on why he wouldn't invite me to parties. And yes a lot of input seems correct and just. But when you started telling me who I am and what I think and what I am going to do is not fair at all. You go from analyzing my situation to analyzing the person I am and tell me that I am emotionally retarded and in need help.

 

Instead of telling me what COULD be possible here, you tell me what IS. you never think of other possible explanations and instead stick to one single explanation. I tell you there are just things I don't agree with and you then basically get rude. I would love to take what you say to heart but that gets difficult when you start to rule me out as some specific person. I mean come on that is not right. I know who I am and none of what you claimed me to be was any part of the person I am. You can't precisely and perfectly analyze my entire situation and sole being with an attitude of being dead on. I am sorry, but parts of your analysis I did not find to be true. I thank you for taking so much time to respond but a lot is just accusational.

[Tasha49]

Hey, what Forms wrote applies to me too! I also tend to be extremely "obsessive" when I'm into a guy and spy on him, stalk him, make my whole life revolve around him to the point where there is nothing else in my life. In the past I have also let guys debase me, spit on me (literally), steal from me, hit me while still making excuses and staying with them. I also have this habit of being very obsessive over guys who don't want me; the romanticism of unrequited love is very addicting.

 

I found out that I just needed another outlet to obsess about. Even working a 40 hour a week job and doing yoga wasn't enough to to fill up my life. I still had "no life" and nothing better to do except obsess over unworthy guys so I had to find a new obsession; for me that was acting/commercials etc. Now I fill my time up with acting classes, commercial classes, planning headshots, my move to L.A in addition to a f/t job.

 

I need something that is impossible to achieve (like acting where your chances are 1 out of ten million) to consume all my energy. If it was something easier it would probably not be "enough" to keep me from obsessing. You just need to find something that keeps you so busy and tired that you are too tired to obsess over a guy. A goal. It will probably help with your self esteem cause you got issues.

 

I also don't know why you care so much to prove to us that he cares for you and that he loves you? Why does it matter that we agree to that? Why do you care about what strangers think?

 

I have said time and time again... I no longer see him as loving me. The importance of that is miniscule.

[Tasha49]

Really, you probably do need some help. Your resistance to the idea of it is not healthy in itself.

 

Bottom line is, you have been here on LS for several months, repeatedly posting different details of the same basic, sad, story.

 

You are not ready to give up this sick mess you have yourself in.

 

Talking about doing something when you're "ready," when a letter is written, whatever, is the same as the person who "knows" they need to quit smoking, but who smokes ...

 

for years ...

 

and years ...

 

All the time saying that they are going to quit smoking. When they're ready. After they lose weight. Once they find a new job. Whatever.

 

So, you are staying in this relationship.

 

When you ACTUALLY DUMP HIS LOSERLY ASS, let us know. Most all the people here who you've yelled at for "attacking" you will certainly be here to offer as much support for that as possible.

 

Meantime, I think you ought to quit posting about it.

 

Good. Don't believe me. I realize that it may appear that I am not ready to let go, but I have already had the answers I need. That is not my problem whether you believe me or not.

[CatNtheHat]

I not once denied anything anyone said in that thread. In this thread... people started calling me an idiot and in need of counseling. In this thread there were some things I didn't agree with--AT FIRST. Now I am admitting that he doesn't love me and people are telling me that I can't even admit that he doesn't love me. No one is reading much of what I am realizing NOW and what I didn't realize then.

 

And no... some of you are trying to help. But some people are just attacking me instead of answeting anything to do with my questions. They are judging the person I am and claiming that I am a certain horrible person instead of inputting on the situation. That tends to frustrate me.

 

The more insulting the reply... the less I will want to read.

 

Tasha, just ignore the people calling you names. You came here for help-not insults. Some people feel very confident bullying others in the safety of their own home on a computer. It's their problem, not yours.

[forms]

I not once denied anything anyone said in that thread. In this thread... people started calling me an idiot and in need of counseling.

 

No one called you an idiot. I did a word search and the first person to call you an idiot was you.

 

It is my opinion--and I am entitled to have it--that you would benefit greatly from counseling.

 

You have denied and denied and denied and denied in this thread. And now you are denying you denied. You are so busy being defensive, you are not listening. You are so busy being defensive on your behalf and your boyfriend's behalf that you don't even think before writing--you just react to refute the lastest attack on your fantasy world, and you don't care, or don't consider that it doesn't jive with all the other things you've written. You aren't in the least bit concerned or aware of any inconsistencies in behavior.

 

It's like you are presenting you think the newest version of the story erases the previous version, and we are all supposed to forget what you've said before. That may be how your mind works, but it's not how most people's minds work.

 

How you can deny that your boyfriend (I mean non-boyfriend or 'guy you are seeing') isn't in charge of throwing the parties and inviting people when it's in the title of your thread and your first post talks about how he's been planning a Halloween party for a longtime, not his roommate, not even him and his roommate but him. But no, the story gets rewritten to you weren't invited because the roommate does the inviting, not your boyfriend.

 

Bingo bango, we are all supposed to forget that you said over and over, he doesn't invite me, he used to invite me, he invites other people, etc...

 

Nope, the new edict has been pronounced: boyfriend doesn't do the inviting; roommate does. And we are all supposed to say, "Ahhhh, well that explains it, of COURSE boyfriend is justified not inviting me, it's up to the roommate to do the inviting...Now I don't have to blame boyfriend. Now I don't have to be offended. Now I don't have to notice what's going on."

 

And Tasha, we are not stupid either. We KNOW about college, fratboy drinking stoner parties. Engraved invitations are not issued. There's no footman at the door checking the guest list. Pretty much ANYONE can go if you know the host or know another guest. Especially if you are a pretty girl and the males outnumber the females. You are wanted.

 

Except your boyfriend doesn't want you, once he did, but not any more, and he told the roommates not to invite you either. You made a fuss about hobag and he's not going to go through that again. Your punishment: you can just stay home.

 

But that's too painful to accept as you are sitting home alone imaging him having a real good time with other women. So you try out another theory. He's really threatened by you socializing with other men. He's keeping you away to keep you for yourself.

 

Except that doesn't really fit and we tear that theory to shreds. So you desperately come up with another theory: he doesn't do the inviting, it's up to the roommate--and the roommate doesn't know you--so, HALLELUYA he's off the hook.

 

Except you already wrote that the roommates do know you, you eat dinner together and watch movies and have gone to other parties with them. So you attack anyone who attack the new theory.

 

People are attacking your theories; you are attacking people.

 

You know who plays this game? People who grew up in dysfunctional families. I can't say what form your family of origin takes, but I'll bet my first born, one of your parents were alcoholic, mentally or emotionally ill, personality disordered, abusive, enmeshed, or something.

 

The rules governing dysfunctional families are these:

 

1. Show perfection to the world. Never let the world see anything less than perfection. NEVER LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON!!! (There's big scary punishment for any family member who breaks this rules).

 

2. Emotions are more important than truth, Emotions are truth, truth should be bent to justify emotions. Emotions rule, truth is secondary, unimportant, unreal, and humiliating. (And it's not everyone's emotions that matter, it's the emotions of the 'sickest' member of the family and a heirarchy. Eg., in an alcoholic family it might be the emotions of the alkie first, then those of the codependent, then of the golden child/responsible fixer child, then of the clown, then of the scapegoat).

 

3. Deny, deny, deny. If that doesn't work, blameshift, attack, divert, engage in hyperbole. Do not let anything pierce the facade of perfection.

 

Does any of this feel familar, Tasha?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Good. Don't believe me. I realize that it may appear that I am not ready to let go, but I have already had the answers I need. That is not my problem whether you believe me or not.

 

I haven't said I don't believe you. Just as in the quit smoking analogy - one day, you might very well be finished with this situation and stop playing your role in it. That day has not arrived yet.

 

Forms wrote:

 

1. Show perfection to the world. Never let the world see anything less than perfection. NEVER LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON!!! (There's big scary punishment for any family member who breaks this rules).

 

I think that this is behind your very frequent, insistence that you are the "nicest person ever."

 

You don't post "nice," and even if you really were / are "nice," being so has nothing whatsoever to do with your situation and the way you're stuck in denial about it.

 

I'm not going to bother you again (for a while anyway) but like I said; please do let LS know if you do walk away from the situation, or thrown out of it, and you will see that almost all of us have been ready to support you in that.

 

Just not so much in talking about it and then rationalizing why you aren't doing it.

[forms]

I am a normal 21-year-old girl.

 

How do you know?

 

Why aren't you a normal 21 year old woman?

 

While probably more 21 year olds would put up with what you do than 41 year olds, I think most 21 year olds would have dumped this guy and moved on a long time ago.

 

I do not need help dealing with my emotions because they are perfectly fine and normal when in love.

 

Well, I think you do, because your emotions are leading you into repeated horrible situations. Your emotions have trapped you in this relationship that is just devastating to your happiness. Logically you KNOW you should dump him and walk away NC--but you can't, your emotions won't let you. (you've said so). They master you, you don't master them.

 

And no, the emotions you have exhibited in all your threads about this guy are NOT perfectly fine and normal for a person in love. You should be happy and giddy and feel safe and cherished and excited. Not rejected, humiliated, hidden, exploited, lied to, etc....

 

That you think how you feel is normal feelings of a person in love indicates strongly that you need a therapist. Because you are wrong.

 

My personal life is much different than words on the iternet. No one knows me personally.

 

This is one of the things you will learn as you grow up. Nobody will ever 'know' you completely (not even your soul mate). You need to know yourself. And if you knew yourself and respected yourself, you would not have the problem you have now.

 

A therapist will help you learn about yourself. (which is a lifelong endeavor, so don't come on and write you already know yourself).

 

However, in spite of this, people don't have to know everything about you to see what's going on. I don't have to see bacon laid out in the pan, what pan it's in, on whatever type of stove to know bacon is cooking. The smell is enough.

 

And the smell of this situation is very clear. You can't smell it maybe because you are so used to it.

 

am admitting I need to cut this loose and there is better out there yet I need to be counseled.

 

Admitting isn't enough. Doing it is required. And you got yourself deep into a hellpit and practically had to be beaten over the head before you would even consider that it wasn't what you told yourself it was.

 

Wouldn't it be better to learn how to 'read the romance' map better so you don't again take the path that leads you to the hellpit? Wouldn't it be nice to have a map to lead you out of this mess, and the pain you are going to have to deal with once you break it off with him (if you do)?

 

That's what therapy is. It's not something just reserved for idiots. In fact, idiots don't respond to therapy.

 

I have never been in a situation like this. My previous relationships were healthy (well... if you don't count the cheating).

 

Ummm...yah, cheating counts. Why would you discount the cheating? Cheating is the hallmark red flag of dysfunctional unhealthy relationships.

 

Just because this situation is so difficult does not mean I need any relationship advice for the future. I will make sure next time that the guy actually WANTS a relationship. I don't need help with that...

 

How will you know? Because he says so? Because his face lights up when he sees you? And he takes you to dinner?

 

All relationships start out as wonderful--otherwise they would never get off the ground. Counselling will help you to learn how to look through the wonderfulness at the reality.

 

You're the girl who was told she was loved by a guy who dumped her at a party to run off and have sex with someone else AFTER he it hit him he might face a consequence for his cruel behavior, who then as soon as he felt forgiven, turned around and within days had sex with the 'hobag' again, carelessly leaving the evidence in a place you'd find it (showing what he thought of you), and who still thought he was worth your time and love.

 

Yeah, I think you need help.

[FeelingSmall]

Tasha, I really feel for what you're going through, understand the conflicting feelings and your insecurities. It's really not an easy thing to be in love with someone, be told that you're loved, have someone devote so much time, money and energy (or what appears to be energy) into being with you, and yet know deep down inside SOMEWHERE that they don't in fact love you. It's gut wrenching and makes you die a little inside.

 

No one here is trying to attack you. People are genuinely trying to help you. It's very frustrating to give someone advice that they asked for and have that person counter EVERYTHING that you say. You have been given some great advice also. I would like to add that counseling isn't a bad idea either. Not because your feelings/emotions aren't "normal" but because they are. Sometimes it's very helpful to get insight and support from an unbiased party. Normal things can be VERY hard to deal with.

 

I currently am dealing with a very similar problem and have been following this thread, it's helped me understand myself a little better, if not him. I am not ready to end my RL, I know there is something undeniably wrong with it but I'm just not ready. In the meantime I'm not going to ask people for advice that I'm not going to take. You should take what you can from this thread and at least go on with eyes wide open. I wish you all the luck in the world. It'll be a very painful lesson in the end, I imagine.

[CatNtheHat]

T

 

No one here is trying to attack you. People are genuinely trying to help you. It's very frustrating to give someone advice that they asked for and have that person counter EVERYTHING that you say. You have been given some great advice also. I would like to add that counseling isn't a bad idea either. Not because your feelings/emotions aren't "normal" but because they are. Sometimes it's very helpful to get insight and support from an unbiased party. Normal things can be VERY hard to deal with.

 

 

Some of the responses have been almost mean. So some posters do "attack", I have seen it in other threads as well. Not sure why some have the "bullying" mentality.

[Tasha49]

No one called you an idiot. I did a word search and the first person to call you an idiot was you.

 

It is my opinion--and I am entitled to have it--that you would benefit greatly from counseling.

 

You have denied and denied and denied and denied in this thread. And now you are denying you denied. You are so busy being defensive, you are not listening. You are so busy being defensive on your behalf and your boyfriend's behalf that you don't even think before writing--you just react to refute the lastest attack on your fantasy world, and you don't care, or don't consider that it doesn't jive with all the other things you've written. You aren't in the least bit concerned or aware of any inconsistencies in behavior.

 

It's like you are presenting you think the newest version of the story erases the previous version, and we are all supposed to forget what you've said before. That may be how your mind works, but it's not how most people's minds work.

 

How you can deny that your boyfriend (I mean non-boyfriend or 'guy you are seeing') isn't in charge of throwing the parties and inviting people when it's in the title of your thread and your first post talks about how he's been planning a Halloween party for a longtime, not his roommate, not even him and his roommate but him. But no, the story gets rewritten to you weren't invited because the roommate does the inviting, not your boyfriend.

 

Bingo bango, we are all supposed to forget that you said over and over, he doesn't invite me, he used to invite me, he invites other people, etc...

 

Nope, the new edict has been pronounced: boyfriend doesn't do the inviting; roommate does. And we are all supposed to say, "Ahhhh, well that explains it, of COURSE boyfriend is justified not inviting me, it's up to the roommate to do the inviting...Now I don't have to blame boyfriend. Now I don't have to be offended. Now I don't have to notice what's going on."

 

And Tasha, we are not stupid either. We KNOW about college, fratboy drinking stoner parties. Engraved invitations are not issued. There's no footman at the door checking the guest list. Pretty much ANYONE can go if you know the host or know another guest. Especially if you are a pretty girl and the males outnumber the females. You are wanted.

 

Except your boyfriend doesn't want you, once he did, but not any more, and he told the roommates not to invite you either. You made a fuss about hobag and he's not going to go through that again. Your punishment: you can just stay home.

 

But that's too painful to accept as you are sitting home alone imaging him having a real good time with other women. So you try out another theory. He's really threatened by you socializing with other men. He's keeping you away to keep you for yourself.

 

Except that doesn't really fit and we tear that theory to shreds. So you desperately come up with another theory: he doesn't do the inviting, it's up to the roommate--and the roommate doesn't know you--so, HALLELUYA he's off the hook.

 

Except you already wrote that the roommates do know you, you eat dinner together and watch movies and have gone to other parties with them. So you attack anyone who attack the new theory.

 

People are attacking your theories; you are attacking people.

 

You know who plays this game? People who grew up in dysfunctional families. I can't say what form your family of origin takes, but I'll bet my first born, one of your parents were alcoholic, mentally or emotionally ill, personality disordered, abusive, enmeshed, or something.

 

The rules governing dysfunctional families are these:

 

1. Show perfection to the world. Never let the world see anything less than perfection. NEVER LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON!!! (There's big scary punishment for any family member who breaks this rules).

 

2. Emotions are more important than truth, Emotions are truth, truth should be bent to justify emotions. Emotions rule, truth is secondary, unimportant, unreal, and humiliating. (And it's not everyone's emotions that matter, it's the emotions of the 'sickest' member of the family and a heirarchy. Eg., in an alcoholic family it might be the emotions of the alkie first, then those of the codependent, then of the golden child/responsible fixer child, then of the clown, then of the scapegoat).

 

3. Deny, deny, deny. If that doesn't work, blameshift, attack, divert, engage in hyperbole. Do not let anything pierce the facade of perfection.

 

Does any of this feel familar, Tasha?

 

There someone goes again with the no reading. I have not said I did not deny in this thread. I said THAT thread.

[CatNtheHat]

There someone goes again with the no reading. I have not said I did not deny in this thread. I said THAT thread.

 

Don't argue with them, it doesn't go anywhere. Just say OK and move on.

[Tasha49]

No one called you an idiot. I did a word search and the first person to call you an idiot was you.

 

It is my opinion--and I am entitled to have it--that you would benefit greatly from counseling.

 

You have denied and denied and denied and denied in this thread. And now you are denying you denied. You are so busy being defensive, you are not listening. You are so busy being defensive on your behalf and your boyfriend's behalf that you don't even think before writing--you just react to refute the lastest attack on your fantasy world, and you don't care, or don't consider that it doesn't jive with all the other things you've written. You aren't in the least bit concerned or aware of any inconsistencies in behavior.

 

It's like you are presenting you think the newest version of the story erases the previous version, and we are all supposed to forget what you've said before. That may be how your mind works, but it's not how most people's minds work.

 

How you can deny that your boyfriend (I mean non-boyfriend or 'guy you are seeing') isn't in charge of throwing the parties and inviting people when it's in the title of your thread and your first post talks about how he's been planning a Halloween party for a longtime, not his roommate, not even him and his roommate but him. But no, the story gets rewritten to you weren't invited because the roommate does the inviting, not your boyfriend.

 

Bingo bango, we are all supposed to forget that you said over and over, he doesn't invite me, he used to invite me, he invites other people, etc...

 

Nope, the new edict has been pronounced: boyfriend doesn't do the inviting; roommate does. And we are all supposed to say, "Ahhhh, well that explains it, of COURSE boyfriend is justified not inviting me, it's up to the roommate to do the inviting...Now I don't have to blame boyfriend. Now I don't have to be offended. Now I don't have to notice what's going on."

 

And Tasha, we are not stupid either. We KNOW about college, fratboy drinking stoner parties. Engraved invitations are not issued. There's no footman at the door checking the guest list. Pretty much ANYONE can go if you know the host or know another guest. Especially if you are a pretty girl and the males outnumber the females. You are wanted.

 

Except your boyfriend doesn't want you, once he did, but not any more, and he told the roommates not to invite you either. You made a fuss about hobag and he's not going to go through that again. Your punishment: you can just stay home.

 

But that's too painful to accept as you are sitting home alone imaging him having a real good time with other women. So you try out another theory. He's really threatened by you socializing with other men. He's keeping you away to keep you for yourself.

 

Except that doesn't really fit and we tear that theory to shreds. So you desperately come up with another theory: he doesn't do the inviting, it's up to the roommate--and the roommate doesn't know you--so, HALLELUYA he's off the hook.

 

Except you already wrote that the roommates do know you, you eat dinner together and watch movies and have gone to other parties with them. So you attack anyone who attack the new theory.

 

People are attacking your theories; you are attacking people.

 

You know who plays this game? People who grew up in dysfunctional families. I can't say what form your family of origin takes, but I'll bet my first born, one of your parents were alcoholic, mentally or emotionally ill, personality disordered, abusive, enmeshed, or something.

 

The rules governing dysfunctional families are these:

 

1. Show perfection to the world. Never let the world see anything less than perfection. NEVER LET THE WORLD KNOW WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON!!! (There's big scary punishment for any family member who breaks this rules).

 

2. Emotions are more important than truth, Emotions are truth, truth should be bent to justify emotions. Emotions rule, truth is secondary, unimportant, unreal, and humiliating. (And it's not everyone's emotions that matter, it's the emotions of the 'sickest' member of the family and a heirarchy. Eg., in an alcoholic family it might be the emotions of the alkie first, then those of the codependent, then of the golden child/responsible fixer child, then of the clown, then of the scapegoat).

 

3. Deny, deny, deny. If that doesn't work, blameshift, attack, divert, engage in hyperbole. Do not let anything pierce the facade of perfection.

 

Does any of this feel familar, Tasha?

 

There it goes again with the absence of reading...

 

I never claimed to have not denied in this thread, but THAT thread.

[Tasha49]

Oh dear...

 

I NEVER SAID THE REASON WHY I WAS NOT INVITED WAS BECAUSE HIS ROOMMATE DOES THE INVITES AND NOT HIM! Seriously? You are the ones not reading.

 

Someone asked if I was so close to his friends why his roommate then didn't invite me. I specifically then proceeded to state that he wouldn't have invited me because he doesn't know my number. It is up to my guy to do that, not his roommate.

[Tasha49]

Annnnd again... the no reading gets better.

 

Please find where I said the roommates and I have partied together. We have not, thank you for noticing. And i never said his roommates and I are close enough for them to have my number or contact me outside of his house. Our hanging out is strictly in his house. We never hang out outside the house.

 

I have said they all adore me. Not that we are all just the bestest of friends that friends could be.

 

And I did not ever say that since his roommate does the inviting that oh! My guy is off the hook. The invite obviously isn't going to come from his roommate when we don't talk outside of my guy and I. That does NOT mean I was saying that is why my guy doesn't invite me. Please also find where I specifically claimed that.

[Tasha49]

And most importantly there is no dysfunction in my family. I absolutely love my family and have never been mistreated. So I am not hoping "Oh god! Well I hope I still look perfect in everyone's eyes... despite this and this."

 

Ridiculous. So there you go again. Saying things that are so far off I can't even take you seriously.

[CatNtheHat]

And most importantly there is no dysfunction in my family. I absolutely love my family and have never been mistreated. So I am not hoping "Oh god! Well I hope I still look perfect in everyone's eyes... despite this and this."

 

Ridiculous. So there you go again. Saying things that are so far off I can't even take you seriously.

 

 

why are you arguing?

[Tasha49]

Don't argue with them, it doesn't go anywhere. Just say OK and move on.

 

I am really tempted. This is just ridiculous.

[Tasha49]

why are you arguing?

 

Just to show Forms how absolutely off he is in all of his assumptions about me and my life and every little way I think.

 

It is amusing.