It still really hurts...

[pandagirl]

You did well. I was hoping for a "farted in his sleep" somewhere in that list:lmao:

 

Does it feel a tiny bit better to point these things out?

 

haha. I mean, I always knew his faults. But I also remember when he treated me like the most special person in the world. And then I think that's how he's treating his current gf. :/

[D-Lish]

haha. I mean, I always knew his faults. But I also remember when he treated me like the most special person in the world. And then I think that's how he's treating his current gf. :/

 

Those are the kind of thoughts that keep you stuck. Because that same guy that treated you like the most special person also did something really crappy to you in the end.

 

Focus on the crappy traits. Everytime you get a warm feeling - replace it with an incident when he pissed you off.

[patagonia]

haha. I mean, I always knew his faults. But I also remember when he treated me like the most special person in the world. And then I think that's how he's treating his current gf. :/

 

Stop thinkin' like that! Go back to your negatives list and then dream of your life ahead. You will find someone that knocks you off your feet at just the right time and makes you feel 100 times better than he did!

[Zaphod B]

Oh, a list! I will make one NOW:

 

1. Drank too much

2. Work obsessed

3. Power obsessed

4. Image obsessed

5. Tendencies to objectify women

6. Never did the dishes when I cooked

7. Never got me a birthday present

8. Had a temper

 

There! How'd I do?

 

Ha ha., yeah I'm doing the same with my ex and I keep thinking of new things to add each day. Just have to make sure I don't revert back to looking through the rose-colored glasses, which is very easy to do.

[patagonia]

Ha ha., yeah I'm doing the same with my ex and I keep thinking of new things to add each day. Just have to make sure I don't revert back to looking through the rose-colored glasses, which is very easy to do.

 

well said Zaphod

[reimeivn]

You did well. I was hoping for a "farted in his sleep" somewhere in that list:lmao:

 

my ex did. a lot actually. i dont know why or whats wrong with him. there was this time he was trying to be cute and so he leaned down and kiss me and, he farted right before he did that.

 

at the time i thought it was cute, idk why but my nose was lost or something, i just think with his butt on the sky and he did that it was so cute. now i am gradually realizing that it is just disgusting.

 

he does fart all the times and farts too much.

[patagonia]

my ex did. a lot actually. i dont know why or whats wrong with him. there was this time he was trying to be cute and so he leaned down and kiss me and, he farted right before he did that.

 

at the time i thought it was cute, idk why but my nose was lost or something, i just think with his butt on the sky and he did that it was so cute. now i am gradually realizing that it is just disgusting.

 

he does fart all the times and farts too much.

 

too funny

[reimeivn]

Maybe i just cook him too much vegetables but then by the end he was definitely having problems with his stomach or something.

 

He scratched his balls a lot. He could never stop. He even didnt let me touch him and told me that his man part was hurting for some unknown reasons. I bet because he touches them 24/7.

 

So cheer up, at least you were not humiliated like me.

[wilsonx]

Loveshack, I'm frustrated. I can't get over the hurt of my break of almost a year ago

 

My ex basically cheated and left me for another girl (though he never admitted that to me). Now, I find out that he is moving in with that girl. I'm spinning.

 

I realize that we didn't work out. I realize that breakups happen and it's just part of life. And I realize that he wasn't the one for me. But it still causes me great pain to think about it.

 

Why is it after almost a year that he is happy and in a relationship with a girl who he is serious enough with the live with, while I've spent the last 11 months single, getting over him and dealing with the residual emotional wreckage. It just DOESN'T SEEM FAIR.

 

That insecure part of me thinks: Is she that much better than me? She must be. He left me for her. She has him. I have no one.

 

He never apologized, just sort of left me cold turkey, wondering what exactly went wrong. God, why does it still hurt?

 

I didn't read the 2nd page of this sorry, am on vacation and been a couple days since I checked in. Let your ex that cheated on you go and move in with that other girl. Shes probably a downgrade from you in every way.

 

You posted that it causes you great pain almost a year later to think about it, stop thinking about it. You have to. When you posted a list of negative things about your ex it means your still thinking about him. You have to stop. Is it easy? Absolutely not! But you have to focus on your life and leave the past in the past.

 

As far as the insecure part of you. This is something you should be and have been fixing during your healing process. If you have not started this do so now. Make yourself feel better about yourself. Do stuff for you.

 

You have you. Thats all you need in your life is YOU. You do not need anyone else. Sure sharing yourself with someone else, the reward can greatly offset the risk but as long as you are always happy with yourself, then no cheating piece of crap can ever change that because you will walk next time that you suspect cheating.

 

The reason it still hurts is because you keep telling yourself it hurts. Prove me wrong, this next week dont think about pain at all. Tell yoursellf "I am an amazing person. I am happy with my life" everytime you start feeling sad angry or hurt. Watch what happens

[pandagirl]

I didn't read the 2nd page of this sorry, am on vacation and been a couple days since I checked in. Let your ex that cheated on you go and move in with that other girl. Shes probably a downgrade from you in every way.

 

You posted that it causes you great pain almost a year later to think about it, stop thinking about it. You have to. When you posted a list of negative things about your ex it means your still thinking about him. You have to stop. Is it easy? Absolutely not! But you have to focus on your life and leave the past in the past.

 

As far as the insecure part of you. This is something you should be and have been fixing during your healing process. If you have not started this do so now. Make yourself feel better about yourself. Do stuff for you.

 

You have you. Thats all you need in your life is YOU. You do not need anyone else. Sure sharing yourself with someone else, the reward can greatly offset the risk but as long as you are always happy with yourself, then no cheating piece of crap can ever change that because you will walk next time that you suspect cheating.

 

The reason it still hurts is because you keep telling yourself it hurts. Prove me wrong, this next week dont think about pain at all. Tell yoursellf "I am an amazing person. I am happy with my life" everytime you start feeling sad angry or hurt. Watch what happens

 

This is the truth. I just need to pick myself up and focus on the positive and all the good things in myself. I know I am capable of this.

 

I think I just fear that maybe he was right. Maybe he left me for the right person, and hey -- as they say, all is fair in love and war, and I just have to deal with the pain of being left while he's happy.

Edited August 5, 2011 by pandagirl

[D-Lish]

This is the truth. I just need to pick myself up and focus on the positive and all the good things in myself. I know I am capable of this.

 

I think I just fear that maybe he was right. Maybe he left me for the right person, and hey -- as they say, all is fair in love and war, and I just have to deal with the pain of being left while he's happy.

 

The truth is that we really do create our own happiness- and the road to happiness isn't lamenting over an ex or focusing on being abandoned, or living in the past.

 

I try to tell myself the same thing. I kick myself every day for giving so much energy to a man that doesn't deserve it.

 

I know how you're feeling, you're focusing on the rejection and abandonment and you're unable to let it go. You open up to a person, you show them your vulnerabilities- you expose your true self and they reject you.... It's a very hard thing to get over because it makes you question yourself, it makes you feel bad about yourself. I get all that because I do the same thing.

 

It's often just a matter of compatibility- and in the long run, both you and I will meet someone else and realize how wrong our ex's were for us.

 

This guy doesn't deserve your energy anymore- you have so many other outlets to focus your energy on that will have a much more positive effect than all this ruminating.

 

Now I am just going to cut and paste my own words and insert them into my thread:laugh:

 

It will be okay- PM me anytime.

[patagonia]

The truth is that we really do create our own happiness- and the road to happiness isn't lamenting over an ex or focusing on being abandoned, or living in the past.

 

I try to tell myself the same thing. I kick myself every day for giving so much energy to a man that doesn't deserve it.

 

I know how you're feeling, you're focusing on the rejection and abandonment and you're unable to let it go. You open up to a person, you show them your vulnerabilities- you expose your true self and they reject you.... It's a very hard thing to get over because it makes you question yourself, it makes you feel bad about yourself. I get all that because I do the same thing.

 

It's often just a matter of compatibility- and in the long run, both you and I will meet someone else and realize how wrong our ex's were for us.

 

This guy doesn't deserve your energy anymore- you have so many other outlets to focus your energy on that will have a much more positive effect than all this ruminating.

 

Now I am just going to cut and paste my own words and insert them into my thread:laugh:

 

It will be okay- PM me anytime.

 

You hit the nail on the head D!! You are growing fast!

[D-Lish]

You hit the nail on the head D!! You are growing fast!

 

It's hard to bridge the gap between logic and following through when feelings are involved. I know that's been my problem.

[Star Gazer]

The truth is that we really do create our own happiness- and the road to happiness isn't lamenting over an ex or focusing on being abandoned, or living in the past.

 

I try to tell myself the same thing. I kick myself every day for giving so much energy to a man that doesn't deserve it.

 

I know how you're feeling, you're focusing on the rejection and abandonment and you're unable to let it go. You open up to a person, you show them your vulnerabilities- you expose your true self and they reject you.... It's a very hard thing to get over because it makes you question yourself, it makes you feel bad about yourself. I get all that because I do the same thing.

 

It's often just a matter of compatibility- and in the long run, both you and I will meet someone else and realize how wrong our ex's were for us.

 

This guy doesn't deserve your energy anymore- you have so many other outlets to focus your energy on that will have a much more positive effect than all this ruminating.

 

Now I am just going to cut and paste my own words and insert them into my thread:laugh:

 

It will be okay- PM me anytime.

 

I know this was aimed at panda, D... but it helped me a lot tonight too.

[D-Lish]

I know this was aimed at panda, D... but it helped me a lot tonight too.

 

I'm glad. If I could take my own advice I'd be a much healthier emotionally put together woman:p

 

It sucks to expose yourself 100% and have someone say "yeah, I think I'll pass...." But most of these men that pass on us because they got to know us aren't good matches for us anyway.

 

I recognized that about my ex long before he actually dumped me. It's the rejection that is a killer. I should have walked away from my ex the first time I broke up with him and never looked back.

 

The same works in reverse when we decide we don't want to spend the rest of our lives with someone.

 

Sometimes we have to accept that compatibility is the real issues- and that doesn't in any way, shape, or form make us unworthy.

[Star Gazer]

I recognized that about my ex long before he actually dumped me. It's the rejection that is a killer. I should have walked away from my ex the first time I broke up with him and never looked back.

 

The same works in reverse when we decide we don't want to spend the rest of our lives with someone.

 

Sometimes we have to accept that compatibility is the real issues- and that doesn't in any way, shape, or form make us unworthy.

 

Yeah, I remember around our 1-year mark, I was starting to question whether he drank too much. Intuitively, I knew he did. I also had seen three instances of complete selfishness, and even as we approached "the end," although I was unprepared and shocked by the actual breakup given our "planning" for the future, the demise of our relationship wasn't a surprise.

[D-Lish]

Yeah, I remember around our 1-year mark, I was starting to question whether he drank too much. Intuitively, I knew he did. I also had seen three instances of complete selfishness, and even as we approached "the end," although I was unprepared and shocked by the actual breakup given our "planning" for the future, the demise of our relationship wasn't a surprise.

 

Well I was open with you about my drinking- and I can tell you, I am a much different person when I'm not abusing alcohol.

 

I wasn't IN a relationship when I was abusing- and there was no way I could have been in any sort of healthy manner.

[pandagirl]

The truth is that we really do create our own happiness- and the road to happiness isn't lamenting over an ex or focusing on being abandoned, or living in the past.

 

I try to tell myself the same thing. I kick myself every day for giving so much energy to a man that doesn't deserve it.

 

I know how you're feeling, you're focusing on the rejection and abandonment and you're unable to let it go. You open up to a person, you show them your vulnerabilities- you expose your true self and they reject you.... It's a very hard thing to get over because it makes you question yourself, it makes you feel bad about yourself. I get all that because I do the same thing.

 

It's often just a matter of compatibility- and in the long run, both you and I will meet someone else and realize how wrong our ex's were for us.

 

This guy doesn't deserve your energy anymore- you have so many other outlets to focus your energy on that will have a much more positive effect than all this ruminating.

 

Now I am just going to cut and paste my own words and insert them into my thread:laugh:

 

It will be okay- PM me anytime.

 

Awww, D. I wish we could really follow our own advices! We'd be much more emotionally happy people! haha.

 

I can honestly say my life is great. There's not much I can complain about. I'm a pretty pro-active person when it comes to stuff -- I like to move forward, create my own happiness, reach my goals.

 

But for whatever reason, I just canNOT get over this. And for someone who is so capable in all other aspects of her life, it's very frustrating.

 

I know we aren't compatible, but I have so much hurt and anger over our breakup. I'm still very angry at him for ending things the way he did. For lying. For just shutting me out. I'm the one who had to process all of this, while he just jumped into this other relationship and forgot about me.

[Zaphod B]

You posted that it causes you great pain almost a year later to think about it, stop thinking about it. You have to. When you posted a list of negative things about your ex it means your still thinking about him. You have to stop. Is it easy? Absolutely not! But you have to focus on your life and leave the past in the past.

 

No matter how much you tell yourself not to think about a person, you do. So if you're gonna think about them, I think it's more therapeutic to think angry thoughts about the person than sad thoughts.

 

I believe that there are phases to dealing with heartbreak and I think the anger phase is one you need to go through before you finally reach peace. I may be wrong, but it seems to be the case for me. It's always the last phase of the journey and for me, usually a brief one. So making a list seems to help becaused I can remind myself she's not as wonderful as I like to think. I figure if I'm gonna think about her, just try to focus on the things that piss me off rather than the things that make me want to cry.

 

Having said that though, I have used a couple of techniques to stop me from thinking about problems, because it's true you don't want to be thinking about them all the time. You want to get them out of your mind. So I will try to move my mind onto something else more pleasant. I will even do certain activities that require my full attention. And no, movies and TV definitely doesn't work.

 

Another technique I've used, which is quite effective is the "rubber band around the wrist" technique. I used this in the early days when I'd split with my ex because she was CONSTANTLY on my mind. I've used it other times too when things have been eating away at me. Every time I thought about her, I'd stretch the rubber band right out and release it, giving myself a hard sting. It was like a physical reminder to stop thinking about her.

Edited August 5, 2011 by Zaphod B

[D-Lish]

Awww, D. I wish we could really follow our own advices! We'd be much more emotionally happy people! haha.

 

I can honestly say my life is great. There's not much I can complain about. I'm a pretty pro-active person when it comes to stuff -- I like to move forward, create my own happiness, reach my goals.

 

But for whatever reason, I just canNOT get over this. And for someone who is so capable in all other aspects of her life, it's very frustrating.

 

I know we aren't compatible, but I have so much hurt and anger over our breakup. I'm still very angry at him for ending things the way he did. For lying. For just shutting me out. I'm the one who had to process all of this, while he just jumped into this other relationship and forgot about me.

 

I think it's about being abandoned. I doubt it has much to with missing him anymore as much as it has to do with the rejection and abandonment.

 

I think it's the same for me. I think we are mistaking missing our ex's - when it's actually the rejection that is causing the issues and preventing us from moving on.

[pandagirl]

I think it's about being abandoned. I doubt it has much to with missing him anymore as much as it has to do with the rejection and abandonment.

 

I think it's the same for me. I think we are mistaking missing our ex's - when it's actually the rejection that is causing the issues and preventing us from moving on.

 

You're totally right, but even though I know that, it's really hard to make your brain believe that. Part of having depression is that your brain is so used to feeling one way, that it's really hard to retrain it to think another way. It's like your brain wants you to feel bad!

 

As one of my good friends told me in regards to being abandoned: "It's like your worst fear came true." And it did. I showed my faults and vulnerability, and he left me.

 

I didn't mention this before but I started taking lexapro again about a week ago, and I don't know if it works that fast, but I'm seeing a HUGE difference as of very recently. It's like I think about my ex, and instead of dwelling on it, I can now easily make the thought go away. Pretty awesome and a relief!

[D-Lish]

You're totally right, but even though I know that, it's really hard to make your brain believe that. Part of having depression is that your brain is so used to feeling one way, that it's really hard to retrain it to think another way. It's like your brain wants you to feel bad!

 

As one of my good friends told me in regards to being abandoned: "It's like your worst fear came true." And it did. I showed my faults and vulnerability, and he left me.

 

I didn't mention this before but I started taking lexapro again about a week ago, and I don't know if it works that fast, but I'm seeing a HUGE difference as of very recently. It's like I think about my ex, and instead of dwelling on it, I can now easily make the thought go away. Pretty awesome and a relief!

 

I know the feeling all too well! Which is why I am choosing not to date anyone until I get my mental health back in shape. I fear I'd choose the wrong person if tried dating right now.

 

I am back on my meds too- they say it takes 4-6 weeks... However, sometimes it can simply make you feel better because you're doing something to help yourself:)