Girlfreind has all great traits except body

[Sanman]

The question becomes 'what are the odds you can do better?' By that I don't mean the ego inflated odds guys use in their heads, but real odds. How many prospects have you slept with that were hotter than her and willing to date you? You're in your 40's right? Good luck finding a woman around your age who has had children and doesn't have these issues.

 

A quick addendum to my post... How many women have you gotten that were better looking and had the other qualities you like about her as those are your true odds. I think we all know that no one we date is perfect. If you routinely date more attractive and find women who are compatible in other areas, go ahead and give it up. If not, take a second to think about this.

[FitChick]

If it bothers you that much, yet you're so into her that you want to build a life with her, then just shell out $2000 USD and have her stretch marks lasered away at a good clinic.

 

And pay for a tummy tuck.

 

Thank god I never had kids.

 

I do sympathize because there have been plenty of things about men that turned me off. It happens to everyone if they are honest enough to admit it. We do have sex with a body after all. The difference between a friend and a lover is physical attraction.

Edited August 3, 2011 by FitChick

[stillafool]

how do you get your skin stretched out? I can understand how you orginally thought the girl was pretty with her clothes on and then later found out her body was not something you could deal with. But, please don't hurt her by talking about any "deal breakers", etc. Just be too busy to get together or something, I don't know. I just feel sorry for her right now.

[stillafool]

Thank god I never had kids.

 

 

Amen to that!

[xxoo]

Thank god I never had kids..

 

If you value a tight body over a child, then yes, thank god you never had kids.

 

But Alex--you HAVE a child. Surely your child came from a woman's body? You know the process...it involves sacrificing total control to create a life....and it can leave some marks. Many grown men believe these marks to be sexy and womanly.

 

It is one thing to not love her stretch marks, but love her body and person overall and look past it. It is totally another thing to make a post on a public board about her nasty stretch marks. If they bother you that much, do her a favor and stop seeing her. Another man will find her totally sexy, believe me! And it is in her best longterm interest to be with someone who does.

[Hot Chick]

I think if you have to come on a message board on if you should stay or are justified in dumping a woman due to her body, you don't like her enough to continue the relationship. I think it is right to break up with her, but gently.

[alexlakeman]

Some of the later posts understand what I'm talking about. It's the stretched skin (alot), not just the typical you get when you have kids IF you dont gain too much weight. My ex gf, for example, or a few of the other ex's, for example, they've had kids, gained weight, and lost it, but that saggy skin didnt remain. They were able to wear a two piece bikini, for example.

 

As for the women that are thankful they dont have kids, I guess some women are more selfish and think only of themselves vs.others.

[Star Gazer]

If it bothers you that much, yet you're so into her that you want to build a life with her, then just shell out $2000 USD and have her stretch marks lasered away at a good clinic.

 

I've heard it can be as low as $200 USD per treatment and generally at least 6 treatments are needed at one month intervals to completely remove them. The clinics with the latest technology don't only have lasers that fade the marks, but also technology to completely remove any remaining tint blemishes and even the embossing of the skin due to the stretch marks can be treated away these days.

 

There is no treatment that will get rid of stretch marks completely.

 

They're unsightly, but I think they should be seen as a badge of honor.

[Star Gazer]

Some of the later posts understand what I'm talking about. It's the stretched skin (alot), not just the typical you get when you have kids IF you dont gain too much weight. My ex gf, for example, or a few of the other ex's, for example, they've had kids, gained weight, and lost it, but that saggy skin didnt remain. They were able to wear a two piece bikini, for example.

 

As for the women that are thankful they dont have kids, I guess some women are more selfish and think only of themselves vs.others.

 

To have significant saggy skin, she must have lost a LOT of weight.

[OliveOyl]

Sounds like the only way to "fix" it is a tummy tuck, is a rather expensive and procedure which involves major surgery.

 

I would say if you want to stay with her, completely accept how she is now and maybe you can hope she'll eventually get a tummy tuck, but don't count on it/expect it to happen (and also expect you'd have to foot a major part of the bill on it). Most certainly don't bring it up for a long time and certainly not as any contingency for the relationship.

 

If you truly feel her loose skin/stretch marks will never be something you can really accept, you should just let her go now. This is not like the thread where the guy was complaining his GF was overweight, as your GF is clearly NOT overweight (and, ironically, if she was overweight, she'd not have loose skin) since short of major surgery there's nothing she can do about it.

 

Be minded in 10-15 years any woman you are with, if you are lucky enough to have found a life partner, even if in perfect shape now, she will have some sag, some wrinkles, probably gray hair, etc. I guess my point is if you are basing your choices on such superficial reasons that either in 15 years you will have to try again to "trade up" or -- hopefully and ideally -- your bond will be based on something deeper. I'm not saying attraction doesn't count... it DOES ... but superficial attraction can't be the only thing for a long lasting relationship.

[Cypress25]

Cellulite happens to most women by a certain age, whether they've had kids or not. Stretch marks happen to most women who have kids. Loose skin happens to most people (men and women) who have lost a significant amount of weight. Aging, pregnancy, childbirth, weight loss - they all have an impact on the human body. Even the OP will one day have wrinkles and flabby skin. That's life. You can either accept it or you can spend the rest of your life trying to find a partner who has a perfect personality, a perfect face, and a perfect body. Good luck with that.

 

And it's not selfish to not want kids, sheesh. Some people choose not to have kids, there's nothing wrong with that. Mother Teresa didn't have kids either.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I realize from past threads of yours that one of your requirements in a woman is that she frequently wear a bikini. Seriously, lots of women in your age range (which is constantly getting higher and higher) won't wear them, anyway, even if they could get away with it figure-wise.

 

I actually do understand that something about a person's physical appearance can be a deal breaker. It's the way you posed this that makes you appear to be so superficial that I honestly can't imagine you in an actual relationship. ALL of the traits that are important to you are superficial. I recall that you rejected a woman (in your age range) because she had veiny hands. Which, again, is perfectly valid. Except you won't find anyone in your age range who doesn't have some of these less attractive features of ... aging.

 

It's the way you are looking at the women that comes off as profoundly unpleasant.

 

I am in your age range (older). I am perfectly in tune with what I find attractive about a man's physique. This does not include some of the features that my (older than me) soon to be husband sports. Still, I find him to be irresistibly attractive to me. I can see the super adorable young man he was still in him, and I'm not sidetracked by the parts that are not 100% adonis like.

 

Thank God he looks past my own signs of aging as well!

[spiderowl]

It sounds like you've already opted out at some level, because you mentioned it's a dealbreaker. You are already giving her excuses so you are actually backing out, even if you don't think you are. She shouldn't have to explain her body to you - either you like her and care about her or you don't. In her position, I think I'd have mentioned it up front to a guy if I thought he was interested in me. I wouldn't want him judging me later on as you are. It sounds to me like you are too put off by her body to be able to care about her, so best say you don't feel you are suited now and let her find someone different.

[Dust]

Bottom line if you don’t find her attractive enough to keep dating you should stop. People on here are of course going to insult you because you are completely insensitive and should have just figured this out on your own. If I dated a girl and she had a weird vagina that hung out but otherwise she was hot and a great person I wouldn’t then make comments to her about her vagina and post about it in a msg board and on a dating site. I would either decide I was still attracted and get over it or realize I wasn’t getting over it and moving one.

 

In your case I could see this going either way. I don’t need a girl to be free of imperfection but lots of hanging skin would gross me out and I would kindly end things with out need to confront her or write about it. On the other hand you had sex with her. You know how easy it would have been to cool down and not go that far once you got a look at her body.

[quankanne]

it is in her best longterm interest to be with someone who does.

 

this echoes my thinking: You've already decided that her body was gross because of these imperfections, so why keep wasting her time if you know she's never going to live up to your expectations? Even if she *did* resolve that flaw, it's gonna be in the back of your head because it's made that much of an impact on you. Do both yourselves a favor and end it ...

[FitChick]

To have significant saggy skin, she must have lost a LOT of weight.

 

Maybe she was a contestant on The Biggest Loser.

[LoveandSuch]

I'm a woman but see nothing wrong with OP's opinion. I find loose skin disgusting on anyone: male or female. He is entitled to finding it unattractive. Why does that make him shallow? Btw, not all women have loose skin. I'm in my thirties and have none. Size 00. Never had kids and don't want any. I guess to me; being fit and having a nice body is more important then kids. I also just don't like kids period.

 

I have children and it never resulted in stretch marks, loose skin, or weight gain. Look at Brooke Burke who has 5 kids and looks better than most 18 year olds.

[Sanman]

I have children and it never resulted in stretch marks, loose skin, or weight gain. Look at Brooke Burke who has 5 kids and looks better than most 18 year olds.

 

 

I haven't seen non-airbrushed nudes of brook burke after she had kids. Please share them as proof that she does not have imperfections if you have them.

[LoveandSuch]

Dancing with the stars in HD shows all imperfections, she has a bod better than most after 5 kids, so does Pam anderson, Kellie Ripa. Pregnancy did not change my body one bit.

[Cypress25]

I'm surprised that millionaire celebrities look perfect after having kids. It's not like they have access to Hollywood chefs, personal trainers, professional makeup artists, cosmetic surgery, and routine liposuction or anything. They're just normal people who have never had any surgical enhancements or cosmetic laser treatments.

 

Assuming you're not a celebrity, you're probably in the 3% of women who are genetically predisposed to a perfect body. There are a few women who don't gain much weight during pregnancy and lose it all without trying right after the baby is born. The other 97% of women just have to live with the fact that pregnancy/childbirth is a major process that is supposed to change their body. It's normal and expected. It's a rare woman indeed who has the exact same body after pregnancy.

 

I even know one woman who went up a jeans size after every pregnancy, not because she permanently gained weight, but because pregnancy changed her bone structure. She's always been very thin (5'7" and about 115 pounds) but after each pregnancy, she went from wearing a size 0, to a size 2, to a size 4. She still weighs 115 pounds, but her hips are wider now, with more space between her skinny legs. That probably doesn't happen to most women, but she had very narrow hips to begin with.

[OliveOyl]

So WHAT if some celebrities and normal women still have the same great bodies after pregnancy and childbirth?

 

Women will be predisposed to stretch marks, permanent redistribution of weight, breast size and shape changes (up or down), looser skin, etc. during and after pregnancy. It's not because the women were lazy or simply didn't take care of their bodies during pregnancy. Weight gain can be a factor, but it's just as much about genetics.

 

The fact is: pregnancy and childbirth does change MOST women's bodies to some degree. And I think these changes should be considered badges of honor.

[stillafool]

As for the women that are thankful they dont have kids, I guess some women are more selfish and think only of themselves vs.others.

 

How is not bringing unwanted kids in the world selfish?

[stillafool]

But yes, I do believe that some women do have their stomachs and everything else exactly the same after child birth. I totally believe that.

 

 

I had a friend who had a baby one day and the next day she was back in her skinny jeans. It was incredible.

[Casablanca]

The OP doesnt think it has anything to do with the kids....I would imagine since he has as kid, he knows the amount of stretch marks one can have from pregnancy.

 

How bad are these stretch marks and skin bags/or what ever they are? I have two pictures, one being uglier than sin (looking like boils of skin) the other being just normal stretch marks that a lot of people get in some shape or form....

[Easyguy14]

Well, I have been seeing one woman exclusively for about 6-7 weeks now. When I first met her she looked as good as she did in the pics, great face, body, 5 years younger than eye......we got along great, as we had on the phone... Right before we slept together after the 2nd or 3rd date she seemed to have the qualities I was looking for , for the most part:

 

• Low mileage
  
• Younger than I
  
• Pretty / nice body
  
• dresses sexy
  
• Likes to party
  
• Likes same music
  
• Has a kid, as I do
  
• Same activities...
  
• Work and live very close by
  

Fast forward the night of first sex:

 

• Sex was great..
  

Oh the bad part?

 

• F-ck her body was like full of cellulite and kinda saggy here and there ..
  

I casually asked her the next day or a few days later if she had lost a lot of weight or something and she brushed it off and said it was just the stretch marks from the pregnancy...hmm, it seemed a little more than just those stretch marks... I probed further a couple weeks later and she said she had lost a lot of weight which she had gained during her marriage..something like 30 lbs.. and she should've gotten all that sh)t stretched out, etc.. but she is going to do it eventually, she claims..

 

She's size 4 now, to give you an idea..

 

My dilema, although we all say physical is not the main thing and it's not, but it is still an issue. Should I just tell her that's the deal breaker or stick around is my issue?

 

What would you do (in the case of ladies, obviously the tables are turned)?

 

I just told her today we need to back down a bit as I have a lot of things going on (actually, as I figure out what to do, as I do NOT want to hurt her of course).

 

tks

 

I think some of you guys are more picky than necessary when it comes to dating and relationships. while Im all for a nice fit girl in shape I dont care if she's very pretty in the face. average is good enough for me on looks.

 

I say this because we cant really help with how our face is. its just one of those things that are out of our control. women can enhance it with some makeup and whatnot but the reality stays the same.