My relationship's state of the union almost 6 months address.....

[audiojunky]

I have been in a relationship since November of 2003. The first 3-4 months were really great. We would spend a lot of time talking on the phone and we would spend a ton of time together. I found out a ton about her and her past relationships, which I'm not sure at this point was such a good thing to know about. One day we ran into her ex boyfriend by accident and I was really upset and probably showed her too much emotion. Ever since then things have slightly changed.

 

There were a couple of other incidents when I probably showed her a little too much emotion. I noticed that she was somewhat withdrawing herself from our physical intimacy and also the communication that we had with each other like the first couple months. I'm not sure if it was the fact that we were getting more comfortable with each other or that she was withdrawing herself from talking to me like she used to.

 

After bringing this issue to the table with her she got very angry at me when I brought up physical intimacy. I kind of realized that physical intimacy was not the only thing that was making me feel weird, but that it was the lack of communication that we were recently having. I tried to explain to her the reasons for my emotional outbursts (crying) and that it was only because I loved her. She told me that I needed to chill out.

 

It has almost been a month since these arguments and I have had a hard time chilling out. I have started going to therapy to let out some of my issues that I have with my emotional outbursts. I have been trying hard to let her have her space and I have been trying to be nothing but helpful to her and supportive.

 

Tonight she text-messaged me on my cell phone that she was crying and felt horrible like she was having a nervous breakdown. When she tells me something like this it makes me uneasy. I called her, text messaged her, left a couple messages. She called me back and I told her I would call her back really quickly after I told a friend on the other line that I had to go. I called her back and several times got her voicemail with no response from her. It is times like this that make me really upset that she will not talk to me. I probably will not even hear from her until tomorrow afternoon (via text message) and that will make me very upset during my work-day. We are supposed to see each other tomorrow night but if she doesn't come it could be another day like today and I will just be even more upset.

 

Sometimes there are days when I might get a few text messages from her but no voice contact. They are surely in between the days that I see her... but also when I see her I feel like she does nothing but complain about work and she is often too tired to want physical intimacy or have a lengthy conversation. I know her work days are incredibly stressful and she works very long hours that leave her fatigued at the end of the day.

 

In conclusion, I feel like I have incredible patience for her, but I really don't know how far I should let my patience go. I feel like if I voice my concerns to her she might get upset and in turn think that I am being too persistent. On the other hand I feel like if I just let my concerns go I will just become upset because I can't have a meaningful conversation with her when she just doesn't return a call or falls asleep before I can reach her.

 

Maybe we are going through a phase and things will change in the future. I am fine when I see her and spend time with her but when I am away from her it is difficult. Maybe someone can give me some advice that will help me better deal with improving how we communicate without making her feel like I am attacking her for not doing so. Any advice is appreciated.

[HokeyReligions]

Its good that you are getting some help to deal with your own hectic life and issues--we all need that sometimes.

 

Try to leave her alone and if she does want to talk just tell her that you don't know what to do to help her, but that you do care and want to help, but maybe it would be better for both of you if you kept the relationship light for a while and reduce the contact you have with each other during the day. Calling and making a date is good- you don't have to stop dating, but step back for a while and regroup. That will give both of you time to sort out your own goals and priorities and ideals and define what you are each looking for in a relationship.

 

When you sort yourselves out then make a date to talk with each other about your goals, hopes, expectations, and wishes for a relationship, and where you would like this relationship to go. If you two are pretty well aligned - then you can pick up the pace a bit. If you find that your feelings and needs and wants and desires are a lot different, then you can end the relationship with the confidence that you are doing the right thing.

[SoleMate]

A thought for you...if daily life frequently brings you to tears, you may be experiencing depression. It reduces your ability to cope with life's ups and downs. Will you please consider seeing a competent MD who can evaluate you for depression? And suggest that your gf do the same. Sounds like her daily life is getting to be too much for her too.

 

To help you communicate better, please read Love Is Never Enough by Aaron T. Beck.