just trying to understand....

[violetxx]

He sent me a text intended for another woman. That's how I found out. It was late at night- and sounded alot like 'booty call', if I'm honest with myself. Initially he tried to pretend it was for me. But it didn't make any sense. And I tried to rationalize it every way that I could. But I knew deep down....

We had become such good friends. I guess that's what hurts the most. We had become eachothers confidant. And I had really learned to trust him. And I believed that at the very least, he would let me go before doing this. He knew how much it would hurt me.

At first I was very angry. It was hard to control the rage and feelings of foolishness that I felt. So I sent a bunch of angry texts. But after that, I've sent him several just asking him why? Basically asking him why he didn't end it first, so I wouldn't feel so crushed. And how he could do this as 'my friend.'

He hasn't responded. And has left me to deal with this on my own.

I know that I deserve better. And I know that I'll be ok eventually. It's getting better every day. But I guess what eats at me is how could he just never respond? Even to say I'm sorry for hurting you. That's become very hard for me to understand.

[PegNosePete]

You have to stop seeking closure from him. He might never respond to you again. And although it might not seem like it now, that would be a good thing.

 

He did what he did because he wanted to. That is the only answer you will get.

 

The best thing you can do is to go no contact with him. It doesn't matter why he did what he did. He did it, that is all that matters. You need to heal and get over him and get on with your life.

[violetxx]

I really appreciate your frankness. And I know that you are right. I guess it's just hard to let go of that person inside me that wants him filled with regret and embarassment.

I'm sure that with time, I won't think about him much at all. At least not with any tenderness. It's just hard to resolve the part of me who feels like a fool.

[KathyM]

He sent me a text intended for another woman. That's how I found out. It was late at night- and sounded alot like 'booty call', if I'm honest with myself. Initially he tried to pretend it was for me. But it didn't make any sense. And I tried to rationalize it every way that I could. But I knew deep down....

We had become such good friends. I guess that's what hurts the most. We had become eachothers confidant. And I had really learned to trust him. And I believed that at the very least, he would let me go before doing this. He knew how much it would hurt me.

At first I was very angry. It was hard to control the rage and feelings of foolishness that I felt. So I sent a bunch of angry texts. But after that, I've sent him several just asking him why? Basically asking him why he didn't end it first, so I wouldn't feel so crushed. And how he could do this as 'my friend.'

He hasn't responded. And has left me to deal with this on my own.

I know that I deserve better. And I know that I'll be ok eventually. It's getting better every day. But I guess what eats at me is how could he just never respond? Even to say I'm sorry for hurting you. That's become very hard for me to understand.

You deserve answers to your questions of why, but you're not going to get them from him. He doesn't want to deal with it or have to answer for it. Knowing the answer would help you to process it and deal with it, and give you some kind of understanding of how that could have happened, so it's understandable that you want those questions answered, but unfortunately, he is not willing to give you that small courtesy--he's too embarrassed, ashamed and cowardly to talk to you about it. I know it must hurt like hell for you. I'm sorry you had to go through this. The only consolation is that you found out his true colors before you married him.