Karala Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I guess I'm only posting this because I want people to realize that NC IS the way to go and I really wish I could spare them some of the pain I went through. I've seriously had days lately, when I felt like I wouldn't care a wit if I saw my ex on the street kissing a new girl, or if I learned about him getting married. It's crazy because a few weeks ago, the same ideas would hurt like hell. But as I come to realize what a bad match we were and that I'm definitely better off without him, the pangs of possessiveness are dying out. I finally realize that he didn't have much to offer me, and that if he feels like giving of himself to another girl, I'm not missing out on much. And that it's just not my business anymore. I'm starting to feel sick of thinking about him. The obsession is getting old, at last. It's been going on for the past 6 months, for God's sake, and that's not counting the years before when I was with him and feeling insecure all the time and obsessing about him and the relationship a whole lot. I feel like I'm free to breathe again. I don't even hate him - well, I hated him a lot lately, but this is dying out too - because I don't feel much concerned anymore. I don't feel like I'm this same old person with those old grievances. And ultimately, whatever harm he did me, I allowed him to do. He never forced me to stay with him (he actually told me several times during the relationship that maybe we would be better off apart and that I deserved more, lol). I was the one who chose to stay in an unsatisfying relationship. I don't hate him anymore, because I don't feel like like a powerless victim anymore. I just know I need to make better relationship choices in the future. In short, I guess I'm starting to move on. Go me!! Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 That's great! I am so happy for you Karala! Link to post Share on other sites
Graceful Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Wish I could say I'm surprised, but I'm not in the least surprised to hear your fabulous "GO KARALA" update. I would have been very surprised to hear that you're doing poorly, in fact. So its a good thing you're feeling resolved, because it saves me from having to kick your a$$. You obviously don't need it. YAY YOU, and keep up the NC. PS I feel the same way about my ex, and it's absolutely liberating when you get there, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
TaintedHeart Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Well done you! I'm feeling the same way, a few weeks ago I was a wreck and if someone told me I would feel like this so soon I wouldn't have believed them. I think you get past the point of caring and you're not able to cry anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 at 2 months i felt really great. then at 3 months i feel like the feelings came back and haunt me a little. what can i say, it still hurts. but yes, the ex didnt have much to offer. he didnt to me. why should i get hurt when he finds somebody else? Link to post Share on other sites
patagonia Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I'm so glad you feel better. I feel tons better after a week! I can't wait till 2 months!! woohoo! Link to post Share on other sites
Rory12345 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 at 2 months i felt really great. then at 3 months i feel like the feelings came back and haunt me a little. what can i say, it still hurts. but yes, the ex didnt have much to offer. he didnt to me. why should i get hurt when he finds somebody else? That is exactly what happened to me as well. Just managed to solider through it! Link to post Share on other sites
SillyS Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I'm scared of moving on, of falling out of love with him. I know he broke up with me and in a rather heartless way and hurtful but I really thought he was the one. All his faults I accepted, all his strengths I loved, so now that I have days like today when I was busy all day and I even had dinner with a group of friends-I didn't think of how much pain I am in and I didn't think of him that much. So my question is, this anxiety that I am feeling about accepting this break up is that normal as well? I keep hearing you deserve better and he doesn't want you anymore, but I don't want to move on, my heart is not accepting this at all. ....help please Link to post Share on other sites
triphopper414 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Karala: Yes! That is awesome. I hope I can reach that point soon! reimeivn, I am glad to hear that you are doing well! Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 (edited) The anxiety is normal. I still wake up most mornings with this twinge in my chest, and he is always the first thing on my mind. I get angry, I get sad, I lie to myself and say that he misses me but is just too stubborn to call, sometimes I feel ok, but the anxiety is always there a bit. And I cry most nights, but it's just a little now. If months go by and your anxiety hasn't lessened though, I would see a doctor right away. Falling out of love with him is the best thing for your future happiness, but I understand your fear. I would sacrifice my future happiness to have my ex walk through that door right now and tell me everything I want to hear...(re-read that). I read it and it sounds ridiculous! I feel like a crazy woman. But, that's pretty much what wanting a lousy ex back means. I know that it's my immediate need to feel better that I am really struggling with. If he did walk through that door, I can guarantee I would be heartbroken again, back at square one in a couple months or so. HE is the problem and I cannot fix him. So, I will push through my anxiety and all the other crap and be a better person when I emerge on the other side. Is there another ex in your past that you are happy to be over? Was there a time when you cared so much that you did not want to let them go? If so, use that to help you. If not, just know that many many people are in your same situation right now. I know it's hard, but you will make it through. Accept that the ONLY power you have is to change YOU, and take care of YOU. Chin up! Edited August 5, 2011 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Karala: Yes! That is awesome. I hope I can reach that point soon! reimeivn, I am glad to hear that you are doing well! i am feeling uneasy again. worse than last week. i guess i just looked back and see him treating me like an object. i realize that more and more everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
triphopper414 Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Reim, it does hurt to think about the ways he treated you, but you are free from him. He can't hurt you anymore. There is the perfect man out there waiting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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