happywithme Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Hi, I've been reading this forum for some time and thought I'd finally ask a question. First off, I know its messed up, I just don't know what to do. I've been invovled with my MM for six months, it started slow (we work together) and it is only occasionally. He works at least in part from his home and when I'm there he often wants to fool around in his marital bed. The more I think of that, the more I realize its a little messed up. Is this a common thing? Do you all have the same experience? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Hi, I've been reading this forum for some time and thought I'd finally ask a question. First off, I know its messed up, I just don't know what to do. I've been invovled with my MM for six months, it started slow (we work together) and it is only occasionally. He works at least in part from his home and when I'm there he often wants to fool around in his marital bed. The more I think of that, the more I realize its a little messed up. Is this a common thing? Do you all have the same experience? A little. How many people do you know pee in there on bed and then sleep any it. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Good God I can't believe these questions are still being asked. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Would it be okay for him to have sex with his wife in YOUR bed? Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Would it be okay for him to have sex with his wife in YOUR bed? Good one!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author happywithme Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Haha, no, it probably wouldn't be. C%$p. I'm in a mess here I know. Keep asking these questions? I did a search but didn't find it anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Just as a practical matter, I don't see how the OW or the MM would ever be able to relax in the marital home, let alone bed. People do change their schedules and show up unexpectedly, after all. To most people who have been cheated on, the knowledge that it occurred in their own bed would add insult to agony. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happywithme Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 It happens because he lives out in the middle of nowwhere and doesn't have money for a hotel or anything. So it has been either his vehicle or that. I don't know what I was thinking getting involved in this, it is wrong I know. I just seem to keep falling for his lines. Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Haha, no, it probably wouldn't be. C%$p. I'm in a mess here I know. Keep asking these questions? I did a search but didn't find it anywhere. Well, a long time ago, a rather eccentric and unstable OW wrote a blog about doing it all over the marital home, including the marital bed. Described in detail being so proud of the bodily fluids she left in the mattress. I guess she didn't stop to consider all of the wife's bodily fluids that had been left before her. So you might want to keep that in mind before you make your final decision. Link to post Share on other sites
eleanor01 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 OMG!! I could never, ever do that (even if my MM's wasn't in her bed most of the time). I'm not trying to be judgmental here--it's just that I couldn't. I would be willing to indulge fantasies, if that came up, but ummmm. . . gosh, what a slap in the face to the wife. Does your lover hate his wife? Maybe more importantly, how does having sex in his marital bed make you feel? Best, Ellie Link to post Share on other sites
Author happywithme Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 It make me feel horrific to be honest. There isn't a concern she will come back during, but I still feel like an even bigger whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It happens because he lives out in the middle of nowwhere and doesn't have money for a hotel or anything. So it has been either his vehicle or that. I don't know what I was thinking getting involved in this, it is wrong I know. I just seem to keep falling for his lines. If you feel it's wrong to screw him in his marital bed, DON'T DO IT and don't let him talk you into it. That's such bull crap that he can't afford to take you to a motel/hotel.. Or you pay for the room. Think about why you are involved with a MM, 6 months in, you haven't invested tons of time (aka years and years) waiting for him to choose you over his wife and kids. Is sneaking around, being hidden and having sex with him in his house worth it? Can you bring him to your house? Meet any of your friends/family? You DO have a choice here, no one, including the MM is holding a gun to your head. You know the guy is married and is cheating on his wife with you, so you KNOW he's capable of telling some whopping lies and is deceitful.. Don't ever fool yourself into believing he'll never lie or omit truths to you .. He LIES every single day to the woman he said vows to infront of family and friends.. The woman who he lives with, shares a bed with .. Believe he is capable of telling lies to you as well (so he'll get his way).. Good luck. I hope you reconsider the affair, ask yourself is the few stolen moments you spend with him worth the big heartache? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It make me feel horrific to be honest. There isn't a concern she will come back during, but I still feel like an even bigger whatever. What about kids? Or neighbours? You don't think that others notice some woman coming in and out of his house? Link to post Share on other sites
eleanor01 Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It make me feel horrific to be honest. There isn't a concern she will come back during, but I still feel like an even bigger whatever. *HUG* You know, we OW have an awful lot of emotional stuff to contend with as it is. You shouldn't be horrified/grossed out/appalled/whatever by the actual place you're doing it. Have you told him how you feel? Best, Ellie Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It make me feel horrific to be honest. There isn't a concern she will come back during, but I still feel like an even bigger whatever. Why not? You ARE taking a chance every single time you have sex with him in his house, in their marital bed. If she comes home sick, or decides to leave work early, etc.. Just be prepared for the fallout when the time comes you do get caught red handed. Own your decision and don't put all the blame on him. You are an adult, and making choices that are causing harm to others, not only yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happywithme Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Its really out in the middle of nowhere, and yes, he does have neighbors. I work for him there though so I'm not out of the ordinary being there. As for a hotel, since I work for him I'm fairly certain he probably couldn't afford one. And I can't take him to mine. Yes, I have told him, but the thought, and this is so F'd up I'm cringing from it, of doing it in one of the kids room is even worse. C*$p. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Its really out in the middle of nowhere, and yes, he does have neighbors. I work for him there though so I'm not out of the ordinary being there. As for a hotel, since I work for him I'm fairly certain he probably couldn't afford one. And I can't take him to mine. Yes, I have told him, but the thought, and this is so F'd up I'm cringing from it, of doing it in one of the kids room is even worse. C*$p. Why can't you take him to your place? Are you married with kids as well? OMG, you two have sex in his children's room?! Can you sleep at night, look yourself in the mirror and be okay with your choice to sleep with him in his kids beds and his marital bed? Link to post Share on other sites
YellowShark Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 It's a big "F" you to his wife. In his mind it's a turn on to screw you in the same place he screws his wife. Frankly it's creepy, cruel-hearted, and kinda sick. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 If your situation is true, and you're not a troll..why do you use the username happywithme? Are you happy with yourself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author happywithme Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 I wouldn't say I'm happy with myself yet. All the names I typed were taken and I kind of just stumbled in this one. I think I'm being sarcastic. I am not married, so not husband or kids at mine. And yes, it is totally messed up. I've been starting to realize how messed up the last month, which is probably why I'm finally on here. And it hardly ever happens at his house, it just has a couple of times and I think its weird. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 This is the epitome of someone who desires sex for power and control. Let me ask you this, if she were to become suspicious, do you know how easily it is to acquire inexpensive surveillance? You're allowing this man to disrespect you and that's what he gets his jollies off on, not love, not sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happywithme Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 I don't think surveliance is something I need to worry about here. I used to think MM was wonderful, strong, and kind of briliant on things, plus he made me feel good. But I'm starting to think he is just more of a bully than anything else. Damn. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Hmm...a man who passive agressively likes to say "F*** You" to his wife. What a winner. The bigger question you need to ask is why you are allowing this to happen? The fact that you are not saying no to this means the issue lies within you. That is what you should be looking at and not asking about his marital bed. Link to post Share on other sites
spice4life Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I don't think surveliance is something I need to worry about here. I used to think MM was wonderful, strong, and kind of briliant on things, plus he made me feel good. But I'm starting to think he is just more of a bully than anything else. Damn. Yeah, that's for certain. Bully = Coward and Wimp Whoa boy, what a nice catch...not! Yuck. You should quit without notice and RUN like the Dickens for the hills. If you don't, I highly recommend therapy asap. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happywithme Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Yeah. I didn't realize it was like this at the time I started it. I think I just wanted excitement or something. And its only been a couple of times he has tried at the house. Most of the time we drive somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
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