He texts/talks to his female friend DAILY! Why?

[SugarShock]

When we first started dating, he had previously told me that he had a couple of female friends with whom he kept in touch with. I had asked him why he always keeps his phone on silent when he's with me (this was discovered when we were in his room and I fwded him a msg and his cell didn't chime). This seemed odd, but I disregarded it because we weren't that serious and at the time and I still kept in touch with some of my male friends. After we became serious, I gave up all my guy friends because he became my confidant, my all. I no longer needed my male friends attention or advice.

 

Fast forward to 1 yr...we decided to move in together. We have a good relationship, neither of us ever goes out alone, we do everything together. One day I asked, so do you still keep in touch with your female friends? He answers, only one, the one about 6 states away (I already knew which one). Still, his phone is usually out of sight, on silent. I've already told him he doesn't have to hide to text/talk to her, that I'm ok with it, his reply was that she is HIS friends only. He said he's known her for about 2yrs before meeting me, so I guess that means she has seniority? Talk about hitting a brick wall on that one.

 

Coming from a few cheating relationships, I asked myself, well what the hell is he hiding in his phone? So I started snooping.

 

Here is what I found:

 

1. He texts and talks to her almost daily. Hows 700 minutes a month sound? She calls him CONSTANTLY and mostly while at work or during his lunch hour or on his drive home. WHAT THE F***K FOR? P.S. He daily deletes all his text msgs/calls from/to her.

 

2. A photo of them together, from way before he and I met, so, despite the fact that they live states away, they have met, and I'm pretty sure they had sex.

 

3. A recent shipping document, meaning he probably sent her a birthday gift or something. Also, I know he sent her chocolates for valentines THIS year! Why the hell would he send her a valentine gift, isn't valentines day for lovers only?

 

4. A few greeting cards he's saved that she has sent him..."To My Best Friend", thank you for being in my life, yada yada yada (insert vomiting sound effect here, lol!)

 

5. Rated G pictures of her that she has texted him to his phone, in his photo album. She's cute. BITCH! LOL!

 

My question here is, is it possible that they are really just friends?

 

This has been driving me insane with jealousy. Not because I'm afraid he is going to leave her for me, but because he gives her so much attention and he thinks I don't know. He doesn't know that I know so much. I will never tell him how I found out all this information. But until he puts her on the phone with me and says "here's my friend, I want you two to say hello" then I don't trust this "friendship" between them.

 

I'm an awesome woman, this I know, so like I said before, I'm not afraid to lose him to her. What I hate is the "secret" part of their friendship. Obviously she knows about me because she doesn't call him after I get home from work and she stopped calling him and texting him at night, but shouldn't she "wean" herself off of him already, damn, can't she find some local friends!

 

Please don't criticize me for snooping, I'm completely sane. Keep your negative comments please. I just want to make sense of all this attention they give each other, IT MAKES ME SICK!

 

Can they really just be "friends"? I just can't see it!

Edited August 4, 2011 by SugarShock

[Professor X]

Here is what I found:

 

1. He texts and talks to her almost daily. Hows 700 minutes a month sound? She calls him CONSTANTLY and mostly while at work or during his lunch hour or on his drive home. WHAT THE F***K FOR? P.S. He daily deletes all his text msgs/calls from/to her.

 

2. A photo of them together, from way before he and I met, so, despite the fact that they live states away, they have met, and I'm pretty sure they had sex.

 

3. A recent shipping document, meaning he probably sent her a birthday gift or something. Also, I know he sent her chocolates for valentines THIS year! Why the hell would he send her a valentine gift, isn't valentines day for lovers only?

 

4. A few greeting cards he's saved that she has sent him..."To My Best Friend", thank you for being in my life, yada yada yada (insert vomiting sound effect here, lol!)

 

5. Rated G pictures of her that she has texted him to his phone, in his photo album. She's cute. BITCH! LOL!

 

My question here is, is it possible that they are really just friends?

 

So, what I quoted is what I actually read (sorry, didn't feel like reading the whole thing )

 

BUT, I can tell you 1 thing miss, and that they are NOT just friends, no freakin way that any friend would send his other friend G rated pictures, or chocolates to valentines day or talk every single day for so long or DELETE THE CALLS AND TEXT ON DAILY BASIS - WTF LOL, just not possible.

 

They are probably emotionally attached right now, which means, you are getting less of the cake than you should.

 

BUT, you are with him for a while, and I am 100% sure you knew about this, so my question to you is, what's up with that? If it didn't bother you so far, why now?

[SugarShock]

Simple: Because I didn't know then, all that I know now. I didn't know they were THAT close.

 

And I don't feel shorted. I have all his attention when we're together. He's fabulous, really. Only thing that tugs at my heart is the secrecy of this supposed "friendship" and not knowing just how "friendly" they get when they text and converse.

Edited August 4, 2011 by SugarShock

[Professor X]

Simple: Because I didn't know then, all that I know now. I didn't know they were THAT close.

 

Initially I thought you should just confront him in a nice manner and tell him to cut down the hours he spends with her, but than I got to think about the fact that he actually deletes his phones calls/text on a daily basis, so I figure he is hiding something 100% so you better dump him.

 

Acting like a sneaky snake demands a kick of good-bye in my opinion.

 

But, it's your life, not mine, so do as you feel.

[SugarShock]

I wouldn't leave him over her...I'm just asking if its possible this is just a clean friendship, or if anyone else has had an opposite sex friendship that was just a clean friendship.

[cutily]

Don't fool yoursel, When I was the Other woman, we would text non stop all day, at what point he decided to text me before going to bed I had to tell his "You have to stop that ****, you'll get caught".

 

He got caught, so I told him we had to keep low profile and that he had to give her the most attentions possible to make her believe we didn't talk anymore.

[Professor X]

I wouldn't leave him over her...I'm just asking if its possible this is just a clean friendship, or if anyone else has had an opposite sex friendship that was just a clean friendship.

 

I'm quite surprised you say this considering you claim to have come from a "few" cheating relationships.

 

I can guarantee you that no-one here will tell you that their RS is "clean".

 

And I hope you know that the point of leaving is not because of her per say, but it is for your own good.

It's no ego competition here, this stuff you do prior to a RS.

 

I don't know, maybe after a few cheating RS you lost all hope in men and you just accept them as cheaters (I know a few women like this) and you also just accept the fact that there's always another women; Or maybe you don't love him enough to care; Or maybe you find it hot(????!?!?!?!?).

 

But at any rate, you know it's not right, this is why you came here.

 

 

Anyway, if you are so sure (but we know you are not, because you came here) about him, go confront him... Or alternatively, be silent for the rest of your life.

 

Good luck!

[Lovelybird]

Why do you want a man who cannot fully commit to you. If you go ahead marry him, then you will have tons of headache ahead of you. Save your pains.

 

Give him two choices. One is to stay with you, and cut all contact with her. Or leave.

 

He probably is a kind of man who cannot commit to one woman. If he dates her and live with her now, he will do the text message and phone with you, this way he can avoid risking being truly intimate with a woman, in all levels. Is this what you want?

[PegNosePete]

It's completely inappropriate. Each of the things you mention is a huge red flag. When they are all combined what you have is a big crowd of red flags waving right in your face.

 

He has no respect for you or your relationship. He is playing you for a fool, carrying on with another woman behind your back and lying to you on a daily basis.

 

How do you think he would react if you were doing this with another man? I bet you would be dumped so fast your head would spin.

[make me believe]

Oh my gosh, all of this is sooooo inappropriate!! I would not be ok with any of this even if my partner was totally honest about it, and the fact that he's hiding it from you makes it EVEN worse! I think he needs to cut this "friendship" off because it is clearly more than a friendship, even if there has been nothing physical between them. Why is she so important that he has to keep in contact with her multiple times a day, send her gifts, keep photos of her, etc... and all behind your back!

 

Like Pete said, he is lying to you every single day by carrying on this "friendship" in secret. Honestly if I found something like this out, it would change everything in my mind about my relationship. I would feel soo deceived and disrespected.

 

He is NOT fully committed to you. At the very least, he's keeping her around so that he has a backup if your relationship ever ends. But really, it seems obvious that it's much more than that.

[flyaway]

as someone who has a lot of male friends, i can tell you that this is totally messed up.

 

now, years before my bf and i even dated (we were just friends) we dated other people and we still talked a lot. a few texts a day (we didn't text all the time) and we talked for maybe 30 min a day over the phone...sometimes an hour. neither of us are the flirty type. his girlfriend at the time knew me and was totally cool with it. my bfs were usually cool with it but i had a couple insecure ones who didn't want me talking to guys at all.

 

what really makes this wrong is the fact that he's sending her stuff, contacting her nearly ALL the time, and keeping it a secret! he shouldn't keep it a secret! the fact that he is lying to you is wrong.

 

leave this guy.