ThePerfectOW Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I'm 21 and I am with a 33 yr. old MM. I have been with him for over a year now. I do love him and I couldn't imagine how boring my life would be without him in it. He has been around my daughter for most of her life now and she absolutely adores him. His wife knows about me. I have talked to her; I've told her he wants to get me pregnant, he doesn't love her anymore, things that a W does not want to hear about her husband saying to another woman. She has been to my house, she sometimes follows him over here. I am not sure if I should stay with him or leave? He usually stays at my house until the early hours of the morning around 2 am or so, but he goes to bed with her. I hate that. I want him to move out and he says he can't because he doesn't have the money right now. They have two elementary aged daughters. I know he loves me, but he thinks that I am not totally committed to him. I might not have been, but if he was only with me, I would be. I try to leave him, but we end up seeing each other and we end up laughing and having a good time, even if he does pop up at my house. When he's gone, I miss him, when my phone rings, I hope its him, all that mushy stuff. I hate it, because that's not me. I would have to leave him if he wasn't honest with his wife, but she knows all about me! He tells me they might be married, but they don't act like they are together, I don't necessarily believe that. I'm feel like I;m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I am not sure if I should stay with him or leave? What do you want from this relationship? You have his wife coming to your home. Are you two considering a relationship like that. Has he discussed with you that he and his wife have agreed to an open marriage. Are you willing to settle with tittle of girlfriend or do you want to be more than that? Its really up to you to decided because then you can make a decision on the direction you should take. What do you want? I know he loves me, but he thinks that I am not totally committed to him. I might not have been, but if he was only with me, I would be. What does that mean.. "might" Either you were or you weren't. No might. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThePerfectOW Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 That's the thing, after this 14 month relationship, I don't even call him my "boyfriend." I don't consider us having an anniversary, because he already has one. I did cheat on him, but it made me realize I wanted him. I don't want a relationship with me, him, and his wife. I want it to be just us, but it doesn't seem to be going the way I want it too. He has legal problems right now, so I feel like telling him after all of that is over, if he chooses not to leave her, then I have to leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
Emme Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 if he chooses not to leave her, then I have to leave him. Bingo! That's where you start. What are you prepared to do to end this relationship. What steps will you take. We need a thread for No Contact rules for real. Lets start off big... Can you move? MOVE if you can. When he goes missing to cheat with his new woman I don't want his wife showing up at your house. Start there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThePerfectOW Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Lol. The No Contact Rules is a VERY smart idea, but definitely a hard thing to do for probably most of everyone. I can't move right now, but I feel like if I just gave him some more time... People that are mutual friends tell me they have never seen him act like this with anyone, including his wife. He has been with her for 12 years, but they've been married for 2. I see what he has done, even before me and him were an "us," so I feel like he would do the same thing to me. He keeps telling me to stop taking birth control because he wants to have a real bond, but that is DEFINITELY not what I want with a MM. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 He isn't looking to leave his wife and divorce. He's got both of you to meet and fulfill all his needs! He's totally happy having an affair and staying married. If you want change, then you're going to have to walk away and focus on you and your daughter, live life without him. If you stay, nothing will change. You'll be the OW for as long as you want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ThePerfectOW Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Thanks. I've always said the same thing. He wants his cake and eats it too, just like most of these H/W on here having secret relationships. It is just hard to know what you should do and actually doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
fooled once Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 That's the thing, after this 14 month relationship, I don't even call him my "boyfriend." I don't consider us having an anniversary, because he already has one. I did cheat on him, but it made me realize I wanted him. I don't want a relationship with me, him, and his wife. I want it to be just us, but it doesn't seem to be going the way I want it too. He has legal problems right now, so I feel like telling him after all of that is over, if he chooses not to leave her, then I have to leave him. How utterly sad You have a young daughter and you have allowed her to become attached to another woman's husband. This wife comes to your home. You seem to like to tell her that he loves you and wants to get you pregnant. Is this some sick game of 'winning' this wonderful guy? What a pig he is! He is throwing you in his wife's face AND running home to his wife's bed after being in yours! And you are "okay" with this? What is he doing to his children? What kind of role model is he? If you really want to see if he is serious, tell him to get a divorce and if you are free, then you will DATE him. You are right, he isn't your boyfriend because he is someone's HUSBAND! If he really loves you, he will see that this is insane and want better for you than to have his wife coming to your home. And I would stop goading her and taunting her -- you have no idea if she will snap and harm you or your daughter. Have you even thought of your daughter's safety in this game you all are playing??????? How can he love you when he has no problems putting YOUR CHILD'S safety at risk?? And a divorce lawyer is going to have a field day with his admission of infidelity. How completely STUPID is this guy? How immature is he??? Tell him to f off and call you after the divorce is final and he has had some counseling to help him understand that you don't treat people this way. As for not being able to stay away from him....honey, it is called self control and self respect. If you can't do it for you, do it for your daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 I'm 21 and I am with a 33 yr. old MM. I have been with him for over a year now. I do love him and I couldn't imagine how boring my life would be without him in it. He has been around my daughter for most of her life now and she absolutely adores him. His wife knows about me. I have talked to her; I've told her he wants to get me pregnant, he doesn't love her anymore, things that a W does not want to hear about her husband saying to another woman. She has been to my house, she sometimes follows him over here. I am not sure if I should stay with him or leave? He usually stays at my house until the early hours of the morning around 2 am or so, but he goes to bed with her. I hate that. I want him to move out and he says he can't because he doesn't have the money right now. They have two elementary aged daughters. I know he loves me, but he thinks that I am not totally committed to him. I might not have been, but if he was only with me, I would be. I try to leave him, but we end up seeing each other and we end up laughing and having a good time, even if he does pop up at my house. When he's gone, I miss him, when my phone rings, I hope its him, all that mushy stuff. I hate it, because that's not me. I would have to leave him if he wasn't honest with his wife, but she knows all about me! He tells me they might be married, but they don't act like they are together, I don't necessarily believe that. I'm feel like I;m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I read this and just felt sorry for you. You are a young mother making some huge mistakes of judgment and character right now. You will likely come to deeply regret the many HURTFUL things you have said to his W, regardless of how truthful you may feel the sentiments were. They were hurtful and have a way of returning back to you with vengeance. You are so young and have no idea of how this relationship is going to reverberate throughout your life if you continue on this path (or on paths like it). Your daughter deserves better than some guy that leaves your bed to go home to his W in the middle of the night. You deserve better than having to look forward to some strange woman showing up at your house and possibly endangering you and/or your daughter. No Contact is certainly hard, but if you want the freedom it promises you bad enough, you will find the strength and resolve to do it. At only 21, you don't need to be some schmuck's OW while he greatly disrespects you, your child, his W and their family. So sad. So very sad. Link to post Share on other sites
YeahDotDotDot Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 9 times out of 10, every day you stay in the affair will be a day of uncertainty. In other words, why should he make a decision when both women are staying put? If he chooses her, more time to find someone of your own. You can only control yourself. If you don't have self-control, you have nothing but longing and he has all of the power over you with his dangling carrot. I hope you find peace. Link to post Share on other sites
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