Is this questionable behavior?

[perpetual_illusion]

My girlfriend and I had been in a committed relationship of about 7 months. Before seeking me out (we dating in high school) she was in a long term relationship. One weekend, it was the beginning of her vacation, I was out of state visiting my brother, she had her best friend come over. They hung out for a few hours during the day, had some wine and what not. I got a call from her at around 5pm saying that they were heading back to her friend's house and my GF was bringing her dog with intent of staying the night. Later that night I think I sent her a text to see how she was doing, she sent me pictures of her and her friend getting trashed. They were having a good time, that's cool. Then I get a picture of some game they were playing with the lower halves of two guys. One I assumed was the friend's husband. After receiving this pic, I texted her asking her who was there, she just sent me a smiley face text. So, eventually I called her and after asking a couple times she told me it was her, her friend, her friend's husband, and his friend. I told her I didn't like the situation of a foursome getting drunk like that. She said it wasn't like that, that this other guy's GF was suppose to be on her way along with some other people (which she didn't tell me about when she went to her friends, later claiming that she didn't know). It was 11:30pm at this point. The four of them had been hanging out for five hours. She knew I didn't believe her, she got all angry that I was "accusing her" and ended up driving home drunk even with me pleading with her not to do that. Afterward she was angry at me for a couple days for not trusting her and "ruining" her night.

 

Was this situation and her behavior questionable here, or was I over-reacting?

[perpetual_illusion]

Edit: I just realize how that read, the picture was of the game, but the legs of two separate males were in the periphery of the photo.

[keepsmilin74]

I see from your recent threads you have already broken up

 

To answer your question about this scenario, yes it's questionable, imho. But firstly, in a committed relationship you should agree on boundaries. Ideally before the scenario occurs... or occurs again if you get a second chance. It seems this type of discussion never came up before and when you tried to put your foot down, she didn't agree.

 

Whether you get back together is the topic of your other threads so no point discussing that here.

 

So keep in mind about discussing boundaries next time. One good question is "how would you feel if the scenario was reversed?"

 

Goodluck

[perpetual_illusion]

Hey, thank you for the reply and well wishes.

Yes, we have broken up. I have assumed that this conflict was part of the cause, and really just want to know if I was in the right. You're right, we didn't really define any boundaries, but we _were_ committed/monogamous, and I sensed bad intentions in this scenario. I've been burned in the past, so for future reference, I would like to know if I was right to question this or if it was most likely and over-reaction. I actually had to hypothetically reverse the situation on her before she even started to agree that I had any resemblance of a valid argument. If I were in the situation myself, I would have said something to her and definitely would not have been so illusive if she questioned it.

[road]

you were right to complain

[Bryanp]

You were right to complain also. If the roles were reversed I am sure she would have been upset also. I think your instincts were quite correct.

[Try]

Hey, thank you for the reply and well wishes.

Yes, we have broken up. I have assumed that this conflict was part of the cause, and really just want to know if I was in the right. You're right, we didn't really define any boundaries, but we _were_ committed/monogamous, and I sensed bad intentions in this scenario. I've been burned in the past, so for future reference, I would like to know if I was right to question this or if it was most likely and over-reaction. I actually had to hypothetically reverse the situation on her before she even started to agree that I had any resemblance of a valid argument. If I were in the situation myself, I would have said something to her and definitely would not have been so illusive if she questioned it.

You were right to question her on this, because this was a double date (maybe a blind date). As an FYI, this was not the reason that she broke up with you. She was going to do that anyway, which is why she was on the date.

[John Michael Kane]

Both of you need to be single for a long time.

[Ginger Beer]

I would be absolutely furious if I was in your situation.

 

Also the reply text she sent of just a smiley face, I'd take that as trying to wind me up or something, she can't have seriously been oblivious as to why you're asking who those men were.

[Kelemort]

If you stayed with her, one day you'd likely get a phone call that she had crashed and killed herself, someone else, or your child together. She drove home drunk and then treated you like crap. She's lucky she didn't get hurt, didn't get pulled over or anything else of the like.

 

Call me stupid - were the guys naked? You mentioned just the legs - so were they bare? If so, DEFINITE RED FLAG something was amiss.

 

If they weren't and the guys were just there...well, I think it's generally a bad idea for people of the opposite sex to get drunk around one another, especially when their significant others aren't there. That's just asking for trouble when the inhibitions go down.

 

I think you did the right thing - sounds like an immature person who has a lot of growing up to do ahead of her. Including drinking and driving responsibly and not blaming someone for ruining her night when she was behaving abominably.