I need quick replies

[ItsMichelle]

I am 38. My husband is 42.

 

I met my husband 15 years ago.

 

After 1 year we moved in together. He stayed out a lot late at night. I know he cheated, I am not stupid. We stayed together.

 

We didn't live together.

 

We did live together. He stayed out a lot late at night. I know he cheated, I am not stupid. We stayed together.

 

We didn't live together.

 

We did live together. He tried, he failed. He tried, he failed. I stayed for the safety? Security?

 

I found out he was an alcoholic. 11 years ago he woke up and took a shot of bourbon. I moved out. 3 months later I knew I loved him still and meanwhile he had dwindled to his bottom and wanted me back. We lived together. We had a child together (Our first, my third, his third). He stayed sober for 5 years. We got married (my 2nd, his 3rd). 1 month after we were married I found out he was sleeping with a little 19 year old girl. She called me and told me a lot of stuff about how he said he loved her when they were at her moms house, and the sex, etc.

 

We stayed together. I took 2 years to get her gone including a restraining order.

 

He drank, stayed out all night long, asked for forgiveness, drank, stayed out all night long, asked for forgiveness, drank, ......you get the picture.

 

2 months ago I couldn't take it anymore and kicked him out. 1 month ago I let him come back. He is going to counceling and is currently sober. He really "seems" to be trying. Will it continue? or not.....

 

15 years of him telling me I am worthless and putting me down as an excuse to drink. 15 years of cheating and lying. Why am I here? There are so many qualities that I think I could not live without him, so, am I using him or do I really love him? I can't imagine life without him.

 

There is someone else who flirts with me constantly, makes me feel special, makes me feel like a teenager again, tells me I am beautiful, tells me I am sexy, and wants me. He is 24.

 

Do I love this boy? No.

Do I want to have sex with him? Yes.

Do I want a future with him? No.

Is it lust? Probably.

 

Do I want revenge? Do I think this makes it ok? Do unto others? Midlife crisis? Hormones?

 

I've lost 10 pounds without even trying because of the way he makes me feel. Young, full of life and energy, not old like my husband tells me I am. Just the thought of him makes me giddy like a school girl. I wish my husband made me feel this way, but he doesn't. It's like he's resigned from wanting the best of both worlds and settled for one with me. Settled. Do I want to be settled for? Should I HAVE to explain that to him?

 

Am I looking for an Ok? Maybe.

 

My heart is torn after 15 years of my being faithful and wanting another now so badly.

[tiki]

Feel free....BUT....after you end your current marriage/relationship. Your husband is a loser. He's a loser for all of the things that he's done to you. Take advantage of the other man in your life that fits your fancy for the time being, but you must lose the baggage first. Then enjoy!!! You can't stoop to the gruesome level of your ex by cheating. Let him be the dog. You're better than that. Good luck.

[CurlyIam]

Well, my first impulse was to tell you to go for it. But I'm not. 15 years of being faithful to just one guy tell a lot about a person, so be sure you have the stomach for it.

 

I mean all you're interested in is to have an affair or are you really thinking about leaving your husband?

 

There are 2 major points: your being happy and your children.

 

 

1.If you are happy with your hubby there and feel you owe it to yourself to let yourself be tempted, ok, just make sure you are aware of the consequences.

 

If your hubby there ever finds out, he'll make your life hell. I've never heard of cheating, alcoholic but fair and understanding husband; he may turn your kids against you, your family, it can get sooooo dirty. He'll always always always be able to throw this in your face and your 15 years of taking crap won't do you no good. I don't think they ever will, but then this was your choice.

 

It may look to you as if you were intitled to, it may seem the natural thing to do - cheating - but it's not. It ain't fair, but then, life isn't. You are an adult, and must or should make the adult decisions.

 

 

 

2.It's also about the kids. So... Maybe you're used to him leaving, cheating, drinking and getting him back. What does this do your children? Isn't it enough that one parent is totally irresponsable? Don't let them down.

 

I am telling you, you accepted your husband back so many times, maybe they think this is what mommies do. This can and probably will have a very strong impact on their life. On how they know a family shoud be. The image of the father is already shatered, don't distroy the image of the mother too.

 

 

 

So my advice to you is to secure your family a safe environment and then see to your life. For me, personally, leaving this kind of a husband is not an option. It's the only thing to do. And not for you, because of your self-esteem issues or your being an emotional wreck. For my children's future, developpment and hapiness.

 

So you see, you have to chose. Either you have an affair and try to hide it the best possible way in the whole world - but I haven't really heard of too many stories to make me believe it's possible or you end your marriage, move out and then act in such a way as to keep it from your children.

 

 

 

Be strong, reason before acting and decide!

[ItsMichelle]

Only now are the 2 at home old enough to understand. It does hurt them when he stays out drinking. They don't know about the infidelity of years past by him. The last time we all talked. They missed him dearly and attend alanon to help understand the disease and it is not them. I promised them and myself that there would be no more chances. He falls, he leaves forever. He only received this last chance because of them.

 

If he finds out, he can't make my life hell in person because I would end it and move out. He really can't say anything either after his history. He couldn't really tell the kids either because I could just turn the tables. Oh he'd say it but I have it to throw back at him.

 

All in all the kids have been shielded from topics of all fighting. He only can't hide the drinking anymore. They are older and wiser.

 

No I'm not thinking about leaving him at the present however. Or really thinking about an affair. Just a fling, a one timer, nothing more. He makes me hot, not swoon.

[CurlyIam]

I don't actually think that you can controll this. I mean if he's really such a nice guy, chances are you'll like him even better after the "fling". I know I'm jumping to conclusions, but the phisical part always made me more involved in my relationship.

 

Maybe I'm just speculating and after trying the waters you'll realise what you've been missing all this time...

 

I worry for you, for you shall be playing with fire. Anyway, since you've already decided, you might as well enjoy it, so have fun!