neltuneliel Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Last night my boyfriend told me he met a girl for lunch yesterday. He worked yesterday so of course I asked if it was a co-worker. He said no it was just a "friend". And he said he wishes he had lunch with me instead because she wasn't very interesting. He also said he didn't know her that well. I normally don't get jealous but for some reason this really bothers me. Most of my bf's friends are female and I don't have a problem with that. It's just this situation gets under my skin. I don't expect him to tell me everything. But I just don't understand why he told me he had lunch with this girl. And when he told me he didn't say anything else. So I didn't see it as a conversation starter. Did he tell me this because he felt guilty? Link to post Share on other sites
Rafaela Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Or to get ur attention!! Try to get her name and keep it for yourself for future purposes in case if you seen her calling his cell or anything just to make sure they are not keeping in touch in same time tell him in funny way '' stop dining or having lunche with strangers'' and try to change the topic right away dont make it look as its worth it to discuss or think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Ummm....tough call. I think the thing that he did that was good was to tell you about it up front. If you found out about it via a third party, then that raises a lot of flags in my head. I would just keep an eye out. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Why does he have a random female "friend" that you don't know about? I think that is really strange. But if you're ok with him having lunch with female friends & being friends with them in general, maybe your weird feeling is telling you something is up. I would get more info from him. Link to post Share on other sites
flyaway Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 as long as he tells you about his female friends, i don't see what's so bad about having lunch with one of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted August 5, 2011 Share Posted August 5, 2011 Moreso, why does he have a female "friend" that he doesn't even KNOW that well and is trying to socialize over lunch with? What's the point of that? He either told you because he's being honest and it was a big nothing to him, or more likely, someone probably saw him and he got nervous that you'd hear it elsewhere and think it was more than it was. My guy would NOT be pleased if a sudden new 'friend' appeared on the horizon that I'd gone to lunch with. Something stinks about this... Link to post Share on other sites
Author neltuneliel Posted August 5, 2011 Author Share Posted August 5, 2011 Thanks for your input everyone. Let me give you more details. He lived in another state about 2.5 years ago. So all his friends live there. He doesn't really have any close friends where we live now. And he's met a few people (girls and guys). But most the girls he's met are completely obsessed with him. They are all insane. And he's a nice guy but he's also clueless. He really doesn't know if a girl is hitting on him. But to me it's obvious what these girls want...sex or relationship. Even though they know he has a gf. But he's stuck in the mindset that these are his friends. But they aren't. I want him to make new friends and he has. He's met some of my friends. I can't imagine how hard it is to not know anyone but your gf, haha. But sometimes I just get so territorial. It's weird. Some of his friends don't bother me at all. But sometimes my gut tells me they are no good. So like some of you said, I will keep an eye on the situation. Some of you may think that that means I don't trust him. That's not true! I trust him. It's just some of these girls I don't trust at all. They don't have any respect for me or our relationship. And no, they don't have to give it, but I refuse to be disrespected. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Why did he say she wasn't interesting? That's suspicious. I would snoop a little bit more. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 ...and sometimes a cigar is Just a cigar. Stop listening to the "suspicious" minds of others and accept that your bf is somewhat civil. He sounds like a pleasant fellow and his relaying may have been a lovely exchange of his events that day and nothing more... Guys are what they are..and say what they say...there is very little "deeper" meaning to it . Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Nel, I checked your other posts...seems to run the same theme, you come off as the good girlfriend who has guys that you think are cheating on you. Seriously step back and look at how you are coming off...its almost like you "want" to find flaws...and if you keep at that rate, there will be flaws..unfortu nately they are staring at ya in the mirror.. you are still young at 23 to be making these "conclusions".... Link to post Share on other sites
Author neltuneliel Posted August 6, 2011 Author Share Posted August 6, 2011 Thank you for your response, Tayla. (Even though I find it a bit harsh)...I am not accusing my bf of cheating. And I definitely do not want to find flaws in my bf or this relationship. Maybe I needed to be more specific. But I just want to know am I wrong for feeling jealous or threatened? I've dated other guys before and have never had to deal with the opposite sex like this. Sometimes I feel like I'm in an Axe Body Spray commercial...swarms of girls who would kill to have him as theirs. They don't care if he's in a relationship. And it's not my imagination either. He tells me about these girls. But who am I to say he shouldn't hang out with them or talk to them? He really believes they are his friends. And they know how he feels about me but they won't give up. All I am asking is for advice on how to cope with this. I hate feeling this way. And I don't think I am too young to make any kind of conclusions. I may be 23 years old but I am an adult and I know who I am. I know exactly what I want from life. And I have learned from my experiences. I may not have had as many as the next person. But trust me, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 ...and sometimes a cigar is Just a cigar. Stop listening to the "suspicious" minds of others and accept that your bf is somewhat civil. He sounds like a pleasant fellow and his relaying may have been a lovely exchange of his events that day and nothing more... You can't control what advice she receives, whether you agree with it or not. Guys are what they are..and say what they say...there is very little "deeper" meaning to it .Guys, especially horny ones always have an ulterior motive when it comes to females. You know this considering your own personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Nel, I checked your other posts...seems to run the same theme, you come off as the good girlfriend who has guys that you think are cheating on you. Seriously step back and look at how you are coming off...its almost like you "want" to find flaws... Having suspicion is not a flaw nor is cheating a flaw. and if you keep at that rate, there will be flaws..unfortu nately they are staring at ya in the mirror.. you are still young at 23 to be making these "conclusions"....Oh so if she doesn't stop being suspicious, she will eventually be cheated on, right? Her age has nothing to do with this relationship. If she's suspicious then she has a right to her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Having suspicion is not a flaw nor is cheating a flaw. Oh so if she doesn't stop being suspicious, she will eventually be cheated on, right? Her age has nothing to do with this relationship. If she's suspicious then she has a right to her feelings. Pardon, I made no correlation that she will eventually be cheated on. Please site where this was stated. Yes age does play a HUGE part along with experience. Yes She OWNS her own feelings, but feelings are NOT FACTS. In order to be diplomatic and realistic FACTS need to supercede the feelings.... Yes she can listen to ludicrous statements and follow poor advice if she so CHOOSES. As for your desire to be shortsighted in the entire realm of this I shall end this note. G'day to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Thank you for your response, Tayla. (Even though I find it a bit harsh)...I am not accusing my bf of cheating. And I definitely do not want to find flaws in my bf or this relationship. Maybe I needed to be more specific. But I just want to know am I wrong for feeling jealous or threatened? I've dated other guys before and have never had to deal with the opposite sex like this. Sometimes I feel like I'm in an Axe Body Spray commercial...swarms of girls who would kill to have him as theirs. They don't care if he's in a relationship. And it's not my imagination either. He tells me about these girls. But who am I to say he shouldn't hang out with them or talk to them? He really believes they are his friends. And they know how he feels about me but they won't give up. All I am asking is for advice on how to cope with this. I hate feeling this way. And I don't think I am too young to make any kind of conclusions. I may be 23 years old but I am an adult and I know who I am. I know exactly what I want from life. And I have learned from my experiences. I may not have had as many as the next person. But trust me, I know. In answer to your original questions, They are your feelings..own it. I cannot tell you its right or wrong to feel what you feel, I can say from an objective perspective ( meaning not emotionally invested) that you may well be drawing a conclusion that isn't beneficial or true to the relationship or the character of this gent. Sorry that you took the statements as harsh, I considered them a wake up call. Glad you have your life together and wish you well as you grow in life and love. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 6, 2011 Share Posted August 6, 2011 Why did he say she wasn't interesting? That's suspicious. I would snoop a little bit more. Agree with this. Guys who play down their encounters with other women are usually trying to hide something. If he calls her boring but then you find out that he's seeing her again, there's definitely something suspicious. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Agree with this. Guys who play down their encounters with other women are usually trying to hide something. If he calls her boring but then you find out that he's seeing her again, there's definitely something suspicious. Definitely! Link to post Share on other sites
Author neltuneliel Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 I don't even know who this girl is. So snooping isn't possible. Plus, that's not my style. Usually when something is bothering me my bf confronts it before I do, haha. And if he does feel bad about something, he tells me. I don't think he's cheating on me...I just thought it was odd. There is no fault in him wanting to get to know his "friends" better. He isn't the most social guy in the world. I guess I just wish he had established these friendships before we met. It's a little awkward. I will just talk to him about how I feel. And maybe taking advice from a bunch of online strangers isn't the best idea...but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't out of line before I approached my bf about it. Thank you everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
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