Boyfriend's mother died, he pushed me away and now won't talk

[Miri]

I'm starting a new thread to focus on a specific issue not mentioned before.

 

My relationship with my bf was going amazingly well for 8 months. We were incredibly happy and in love and had many plans for the future together. Then his mother died, completely unexpectedly. She had raised him by herself and his father also died a few years ago, so he was suddenly alone in the world and an orphan at age 36.

 

He seemed fine for about 10 days and we were in frequent touch by phone while he was away taking care of her arrangements, but the night he came home, he was like a completely different person towards me. He seemed confused and said he didn't know what he wanted. Suddenly, he said he needed to take a break because he couldn't be in a relationship with anyone while he was grieving. He said to give it some time and that we'd talk more. Because it happened so abruptly, he said I didn't have to move my things out of his apartment.

 

I gave him space, just sent flowers to express condolences and called to check in on him a couple of weeks later. He said he still felt like a basketcase and wasn't sleeping well (he used to always sleep better with me). He said that he didn't know about getting back together and that he was taking solace in his solitude. He said that maybe he should be alone for the rest of his life - but this may just be grief talking, perhaps fear of losing another person he loves. He also said that he still loved and cared about me deeply and begged me to stay in his life.

 

He mentioned that he was going back to pack up his mother's house a few days later and that some friends/relatives who were supposed to come help him had to cancel. I decided to take a leap of faith and try to help him. After asking him when he was flying out, I booked a ticket and showed up at the airport. I told him I was just there as a friend and simply wanted to support him because I cared about him and knew how difficult this was going to be for him. He seemed fine at first, but after we were in the air, he started to get more agitated. When we landed, he bought me a return ticket for the next flight back at the gate. He said all this was just too emotionally raw and confusing and would complicate everything between us. He said we still need to figure out what we are, and he gave me a hug and promised to see me soon.

 

But I didn't hear anything from him again for over two months! I tried to give him space, but I'd occasionally send him a short and kind text message or email. I read that it was not uncommon for people to withdraw from contact while grieving or in depression (which he had a history of), so I didn't want to press more than that. On his birthday, I sent a card and tried to call, but got nothing. Finally, about a week after his birthday, he sent me an email that just said there's not a possibility of us getting back together, and that there needs to be considerable time and distance between us before we ever talk again. There was no explanation at all, absolutely nothing kind to soften his words. His tone sounded like I had wronged him somehow but I couldn't understand why.

 

I was so baffled and dumbfounded by the coldness of this message. I can't believe that after leaving me hanging in limbo for so long, and after how much we had both given to our relationship over the last year, that was all he had to say to me. We never had a chance to talk about anything because I was trying to give him space to grieve.

 

I recently I found out from a mutual friend that he'd been freaked out when I went to the airport and that it had made him uncomfortable, and that could be why he wants so much distance now. But he could have talked to me about it instead of just leaving me hanging and wondering! I only had the best of intentions but it apparently backfired to the point where he no longer even wants to be on speaking terms with me.

 

This just seems so horrible. I was closer to him than anyone, it's not like I was someone who hardly knew him. I felt that the closeness of our relationship prior to his mother's death had created enough of a bond that he'd understand. If anyone in my life had done something like that for me, I would have been so touched, no matter who it was! How could he not be more understanding?

 

Friends say that he's been awful to treat me like this and I've done nothing wrong. Is his reaction in any way justified after what I did for him? I want to write him a letter to remind him of how happy we were together and all the amazing memories and experiences we shared and plans we had been looking forward to. And to try to explain that I only had the best intentions when I went to the airport to try to help him. But I don't know if that will be helpful now. I do still need to get my belongings back but I'm not sure if I should say anything more or just say that I need to get my stuff and then simply not contact him any more after that. I don't understand how things came to this when they were going so well until his mother died. It's as if he died as well.

[Chi townD]

As weird as this may sound. I've seen this before. He's lost his mother, actually both his parents are gone. That is very devestating to process for him, because he had and always will have an unconditional love for them and the only other person that comes close to that level of love that he's has for them...is you. His parents left him (obviously, not their fault) and he's pushing you away because (here's the weird part) he can't bare to lose you too and he may not even realize he's doing it. If the two of you don't work out, he'd rather leave you than to have you leave him, and him experience this level of pain again. He put up and emotional wall and you are on the other side of it. Does that make any sense?

[stillafool]

He has been through a life changing experience. When I lost my mom I didn't want to be bothered with anyone for long time. People grieve in different ways.

[Eddie Edirol]

Well surprising him by showing up at the airport was a lil much. But it didnt really matter. Some people take the death of their parents really really hard, for whatever reasons. Maybe unfinished business, maybe other things. Ive never had a loss that made me want to ignore my SO. I havent lost my parents yet, so ive never felt that kind of grief either. I have no idea what hes feeling. But Im always suspicious anyway. Usually on this board, when theres a breakup due to depression or some event (death, moving, depression), its because they were looking for a reason to break up for a while.

 

But like I said, Ive never felt that kind of loss, so i have no idea if I would shut my SO out like that. I cant imagine I would want to just push her away if the relationship was fine. But people experience depression in different ways. Hopefully someone who experienced this kind of loss will chime in here. What chi town says makes sense too.

[Miri]

Chi town, in my soul-searching of the last couple months I've seen that this is not an uncommon reaction to a parent's death. What ended up happening when you saw this before? Were they ever able to overcome this and get back together?

 

I understand what you're saying, that he's put up walls to protect himself emotionally. And that by turning away from me now, he has some control over things and that is easier for him to handle than the risk of losing me in a way outside of his control in the future.

 

My question for everyone is, what can I do to try to work this out? Should I be trying to break through to him by trying to communicate with him, or is it best to just stop all contact? Is this something that he will likely figure out in time, after his grieving process (which I know can take a very long time)?

 

I don't know whether trying to get him to talk will help or make things worse. I can't stand to just let our relationship die and I'm afraid that's what will happen if I let him go and walk away.

[Graceful]

I did see your previous post, and remember your dilemma. I am copying and pasting part of what I previously said, b/c it still stands, and you did not seem to go back to your last thread, I'm not sure.

 

It seems the focus here is about the reasons your ex's feelings took a radical turn against you and proceeding with your relationship that were caused by the death of his mother. So the focus is not a breakup, but more about the serious repercussions, reactions, grief process, and aftermath of the death of a parent.

 

You might want to consider getting information or support more from that standpoint, than about your breakup, which really seems to be an entirely different issue, as strange as that might sound.

 

He feels dead inside. Something died when his mother died. His sorrow is overwhelming.

 

You have not lost a parent. I have. I know what I'm talking about.

 

Additionally, I had a BF whose father died years before we met (his father died when my exBF was only 14 years old). He talked about it, and I thought I understood at the time. I didn't have a clue, I know that now. And I don't mean to sound harsh when I say this, but you really do not have a clue what he is going through. You really don't.

 

With you, it's almost as though he doesn't know how to be "normal" or resume the "role" of a boyfriend. He doesn't know how to be supportive, because he lost his infrastructure and ability to care about anyone else right now. He's shut you out, so anything to do with your success, your failure, how nice you are, how thoughtful you are, it's all shut out.

 

He might even feel like he is betraying his mother's memory to be in a romantic relationship right now, because it's disrespectful in some way. He just can't handle it. It takes a long time to resume anything even close to "normal"after the death of a parent.

 

The worst part, of course, is that he didn't just say the words and tell you, it's NOT YOU, it's him. And try to describe how he's feeling. But he didn't. Chances are he doesn't know how. It's too painful.

 

So again, maybe seek information and support from the standpoint of what he is going through, and cut your losses regarding the relationship right now.

 

Consider keeping a journal, and writing a letter -- not necessarily to send -- to express how you're feeling. I'm very sorry for his loss, it's huge, but I'm also sorry for the abrupt ending to your relationship, and can fully understand your feelings of helplessness and utter shock. It's a lot to absorb, I'm sure. Hope this helps. Peace.

 

ETA: I just saw your last post in terms of what to do, if anything. I would suggest leaving him alone for now. In a few weeks, you might consider sending him a card with words of support and letting him know that you are thinking of him. But I would tread very lightly. You need to be very, very self-less right now, and that's very difficult, I'm sure, b/c you want to help. But he's made his wishes known, and you have to respect him, you really do.

Edited August 5, 2011 by Graceful

[Miri]

I also know that he was so in love with me, especially just before his mother died. I doubt the thought of breaking up had been a possibility at all in his mind. We'd just come back a couple of weeks before from a romantic getaway across the country and things were better than ever. The night before she died, he took my hand at dinner and said he wanted to start making all these plans for this year and beyond. He wanted to take me to Europe and wanted me to meet his family (most of whom live in other states). He was excited about all these plans he wanted to make together. Afterwards he kissed me in the middle of the street and told me he loved me more than ever.

 

The next day, his mother died, and at first he did want to talk to me about everything and wanted me to be there with him, but after a while he just withdrew. I don't know why his feelings changed and whether they'll ever be back to "normal" again.

[Miri]

Graceful, thank you for posting again. I did read your reply to my first thread, and I appreciate your advice and have thought about it. I just wanted to post again because of the new info I hadn't mentioned before (about the airport incident and him being upset about it), thinking maybe that would change the circumstances or advice given. I do understand that the grief is the primary force here and that our relationship is perhaps almost an afterthought in his life now. I have learned in the last few months to respect the power of grief.

 

I think what's been hardest for me though is to just understand how a deep love can just die so suddenly. I want to believe that the feelings he had for me were real and surely must still be there somewhere underneath.

 

I made an appointment to speak with a therapist soon, and hopefully that will help me to understand both his grief process (I've done a lot of reading on my own as well), and what I can do to cope with what has happened. I have never seen one before and am not sure what to expect, but I hope that it will be helpful.

[Eddie Edirol]

I also know that he was so in love with me, especially just before his mother died. I doubt the thought of breaking up had been a possibility at all in his mind. We'd just come back a couple of weeks before from a romantic getaway across the country and things were better than ever. The night before she died, he took my hand at dinner and said he wanted to start making all these plans for this year and beyond. He wanted to take me to Europe and wanted me to meet his family (most of whom live in other states). He was excited about all these plans he wanted to make together. Afterwards he kissed me in the middle of the street and told me he loved me more than ever.

 

The next day, his mother died, and at first he did want to talk to me about everything and wanted me to be there with him, but after a while he just withdrew. I don't know why his feelings changed and whether they'll ever be back to "normal" again.

 

You seem to have a hard time understanding that its not about you. Its not about what he said to you, what your relationship was, how it made you feel, and what he said he wanted it to be. Just as Graceful says, he is a shell of himself right now, and pretty much everything about your relationship has been erased from his mind right now, so what he did with you in the past has nothing to stand on right now.

 

Your best bet is to forget about him for now and do not wait for him to come around. he might, he might not, and also remember this could make him feel similar to parents that lost a baby. They cant bear to look at each other because they remind each other of the loss, and they breakup. Right now, and in the future, being around you might remind him of his loss even when it has nothing to do with you. So do not contact him, youve done what you could, sent many flowers and cards, its not going to make his or your situation better.

[Chi townD]

I agree with Grace. Give him space. You can consider writing him a letter stating that you apologize for over-stepping your boundries by trying to go with him on the trip to handle is mothers affair; however, that you had nothing but good intentions in mind. That you love him and you hate to see him in so much pain and you don't know what to do to ease the suffering his been going through; however, it made you realize that right now, there's nothing you can do or say that's going to make him feel any better right now. But, reassure him that you will be there anytime he needs you. Be honest, be heart felt and nothing about how YOU are feeling. Then, leave him be and see what happens. People grieve in their own way and in their own time.

[carhill]

Well, as someone who lost his mother about eleven months ago and whose divorce was final two months after that, I'll offer my perspective, but first, a question:

 

How does BF handle emotion? Is he openly demonstrative and transparent or subdued and closed-off? In my experience with men, those who are 'in control' all the time go 'tit's up' when a life altering event blows their control up, resulting in an exaggerated desire for 'cave time'. I'm the opposite, and sought out friends (I wasn't dating anyone) during my period of grief. If anything, I engaged more, rather than retreating to a cave. It's a different emotional style.

 

Also, perhaps less likely, this traumatic event has triggered something in him which impelled him to revisit feelings from the past, feelings which now have de-prioritized you. Men also can have their deep oceans of secrets.

 

In any event, it is what it is. The relationship was a positive and apparently healthy one which has been suspended due to his inability to engage. No prejudice. Leave him to his process, heal, and move on. If he should seek you out again in the future, be clear that you wish to have a full and intimate relationship with him, or nothing, should you not already be involved with someone else. You've both proven that your intimacy works; there's no need for middle ground or partial relationships. Either he's in or he's out, at that time.

 

Good luck and my sympathies.

[Miri]

Today's been especially hard because it would've been our anniversary. Thanks everyone for your thoughts, especially from those of you who have experienced this kind of grief. I am sorry for your loss; I know it must be hard to come to terms with such an emotionally traumatic event and I am grateful for your insights.

 

Eddie, I understand that it's not about me or our relationship, that it is because he is grieving. I mentioned the romantic stuff from right before his mother's death to show that I sincerely do not believe he is using this event as an excuse to break up. It was not what he wanted for us.

 

carhill, you asked a good question about how he handles emotions. He's always been the stoic type and keeps his emotions to himself. He would talk to me about his feelings and fears, and he was super sweet and almost child-like with me in private at times, but always put on a tough act around his friends. I know that when his father died, it was horrible and he went through periods of debilitating depression for years afterward. But one of his closest friends told me that he never talked about it. So it does seem like he's the kind of person who compresses all his emotions internally and doesn't like to share them.

 

I understand grief can be very personal. He spoke to me about revisiting all his memories of his childhood, and I know that's a lot of process. I don't know if there was anything I said that made him pull away but when I think back to it, it seemed like a mood shift rather than anything I could have said or done.

 

I appreciate the advice about leaving him alone and giving him space, and that is what I will try to do, except for maybe sending one more heartfelt letter as Chi town suggested.

 

I am a bit concerned about getting my belongings back, though of course I don't want to be insensitive about how I handle it at this time. He made no mention of them and it's been 4 months. The things are valuable and irreplaceable and I do need them back eventually though I'm not in a hurry. I just don't want him to assume they're abandoned or that I'm using them as an excuse to contact him. Should I ask for them back now or just wait? Or mention that I will want them back eventually but that I don't have to get them until he's ready?

[carhill]

Yes, I would make clear arrangements to retrieve your valuables. You're not married and you have no legal rights to his premises while he figures things out. I can't imagine him inhibiting you. Even when dealing with my mom's death and estate, when my exW remembered some stuff which was still floating around the place, she let me know and I took care of making sure she got it. That kind of stuff is pretty basic human consideration.

 

If he had periods of depression for years after his fathers death, and is a stoic personality, my prognosis is not good. However, that's from an armchair. Ring him up and ask to get your stuff. His response will be telling. If you have personal contact, be honest and direct. It's admirable to be so sympathetic and understanding; it's healthy to be mindful of your needs and your priorities. Life happens; you've both made choices. All of them have consequences. He needs to own his. Good luck.

[ConfusedT]

this is completely different than my situation, but maybe this has to do with the type of person he is.

 

i had a relative try to commit suicide and i LITERALLY lost it & before I could even tell them what happened, he broke up with me, but instead of withdrawing, i begged and pleaded for attention because I was so wrapped up in all these emotions that i couldnt handle it, i just wanted the person who was supposed to keep me stable, help me stay stable.

 

this is really fresh for me, so i guess on the other side, he is emotionally hurting and so he is withdrawing. give him his space and let him come back if he wants/needs to...

[robaday]

Ive been in your boyfriends position, although I continued the relationship. And I hate to say I deeply regret carrying on the relationship, because when that ended I was broken completely and dealing with two significant losses.

 

With me I used a relationship, drugs, alcohol, and overwork to distract myself rather than facing the loss directly. It was a bad mistake. It was only a year after the loss that I actually confronted it, went to counselling, and two years before I felt truly alive again. Totally emotionally unavailable for two years.

 

It starts with shock and denial - I was fine for two months, upbeat and positive. Then the insomnia started. Then the anxiety. Then the loss of appetite. 3 months of intense anxiety (with little depression followed), as well as weight loss. Then the depression set in. And it got deeper and more serious for nearly a year. Then after a year and a half I was able to cry for the first time after the even, and was able to look at pictures again.

 

Instead of distracting himself hes facing this head on. Its brave, but also risky pushing someone away. But if he's like me he doesnt want you to see him weak - no man does. He doesnt want to appear weak for risk of losing you. Becoming dependent on someone during grief is dangerous for a man, because if that doesnt work out hes bared himself emotionally. So your boyfriends shut down. Id leave him well alone for the time being. If hes a good guy he will be back in touch - it might take a long time. It took me two years before I was emotionally healthy again. Im sorry if that is negative, its not - dont blame yourself over this I doubt you did anything wrong at all.

[Miri]

robaday - wow, I'm sorry for what you went through and what a difficult time those two years must have been for you. Thank you for sharing that. It helps me to understand what is probably going on with my ex, though I can't really know for sure that he is feeling the same as he won't talk to me about it. His friends say he just acts normal so I don't know why he is so different towards me. The situation between us feels nothing like normal. I guess that is because it is more difficult for him to interact with me because our relationship was a more emotionally close one. It doesn't make a lot of logical sense but I can't know the pain he is in now and the detachment he may feel. I have heard about some indications that he is drinking and smoking a lot more so perhaps he is coping that way.

 

I'm out of town at the moment, on a trip we had planned since February to take together to celebrate what would've been our anniversary. I didn't cancel it but everywhere I go I still feel his absence and it is really sad. I'm attending a lot of arts events and just heartbroken that I can't share these experiences with him. But I'm trying to be good to myself and enjoy what I can. I do have some friends to spend time with here and tomorrow they want to go to the coast and a beautiful restaurant overlooking the sea that I love. But it may just be too painful for me to go there because I took my ex there about a year ago and those places hold too many memories for me. We were so intensely happy and in love when we were there and everything was so beautiful. I'll probably still go with my friends but I may end up crying once I'm there. The heart doesn't want to let go.

 

I don't know how he can be so sure that there's not a possibility of us getting back together again. I know he probably just can't give anything emotionally or be in a relationship at all right now but I wish we could still at least talk. But at the moment I just can't even have the most basic conversation with him. It's so strange that he would shut down on me so completely almost overnight. I was staying at his apartment while he was gone, taking care of his mother's cat until he returned, and then I was suddenly asked to leave. I couldn't have expected that I was never to return. I don't know how he could treat me that way and just not miss me when we used to spend almost every day together.

[carhill]

IMO, you're describing a path to healing. Enjoy your trip. There is pain ahead, but happiness too. It will come. One day at a time. Good luck

[Miri]

Some days I think I am healing but I still think of him every day, first thing when I wake up in the morning and last thing as I fall asleep at night. When I wake up in the middle of the night, it still takes a few seconds for me to remember again that he's gone. Such a horrid cold sinking feeling.

 

How does someone who loves you just stop caring or even being willing to talk to you so abruptly and when you've done nothing wrong? I know it happens - this board is a testimony to so many of our broken hearts - but I still find it so difficult to accept that those bonds of attachment could sever so easily. When you love someone that much, it's supposed to mean something.

 

Yes, I've fallen out of love before, but usually it is over time or because we were not that compatible, and I've always been caring and respectful. I did not simply stop loving and cut off contact without explanation - that would be cruel to do to someone who still loves you. I know this board advocates strict no contact as the most efficient way to get over a breakup, but my healthiest relationships ended amicably without such extreme distance or bitterness. I think it's far more painful to feel like someone is suddenly completely gone from your life and unavailable to you.

 

In this case we didn't even have serious relationship problems. I thought we were more compatible and solid than almost any couple we knew. We shared a large part of each other's lives and always were thinking of each other. I think back often to what it felt like to be together - we just clicked right away and everything was so great. I know he felt that way too. He was always telling me that I made him happy. We were so lucky to have each other. It's hard to understand why he would want to turn his back on that love and happiness.

 

I know it's grief and depression, I know he is emotionally unavailable now and probably will be for a long time, but it's so hard to accept. He is still there for his friends and what's left of his family, but for whatever reason shut his heart to me. He feels so suddenly unreachable, as if he's on another planet. As if we were just strangers to each other. Everything feels so wrong.

 

How can things just end like this? People tell me not to hope for anything but I don't know how he can be so sure that there's no possibility of getting back together. Surely he knows that we were good together and that if his mother hadn't died so soon and unexpectedly we would undoubtedly still be together for a long while. That was the trajectory we were on in our relationship, it was what he wanted for us. I know that death often causes one to reevaluate everything in one's life, but I don't think his choice could really be the best for him in the end.

[Miri]

I understand grief can be very personal and can change everything, but he didn't have to push me away so completely. I have only tried to be supportive and good to him.

[Frank13]

I have a different take on this and may or not be right.

 

At 36 it isn't as bad to lose a parent as when you are a child. I think he had thoughts of breaking up with you and used the death of his mother as an excuse to end the relationship.

 

If he was really so devestaed by the loss of his mother and loved you so much, he would have turned to you for support, at least for a while before breaking up, but he didn't. Then he sends an email telling you there is no chance of getting back together. If he was really just depressed I don't think he would make things so final. If anything he just wouldn't be contacting you. I think he wants out and he wants you to know that by sending that email telling you there is no chance.

 

I say move on and don't look back. The whole thing doesn't make sense if it ws just due to his mother dying.

[NursingGirl]

In February, I had a fiance who went through a nervous breakdown and we were about to get married. He stopped talking to me! I went to see him and he didn't even greet me. I sat beside him and he was like a robot. I tried every way to communicate with him that there is. I sent an email telling him that I had to know what was happening because I gave notice at my place to move out and I was a week from moving in with him. He didn't answer. His Mother told me he was acting normal (he tells me now that she had NO IDEA what he was feeling and he was shielding her from worry). That was the cruelest breakup I have ever had and I had been about to marry him.:/

 

Well, he is back and we are talking and it is hard to understand. He says his thought process was all messed up, he couldn't set priorities, he was overwhelmed, he felt like a totally different person. He didn't feel anything.

 

I don't know if this is in any way similar, but I had to deal with it and move on. It was awful. If this had happened while we were married, it would have been much easier to deal with. As it was, we were about to be married and everything just fell apart. I thought he must want it that way. It was awful.

[Eddie Edirol]

I understand grief can be very personal and can change everything, but he didn't have to push me away so completely. I have only tried to be supportive and good to him.

 

He DID have to push you away completely. Youre still making it about you. He cannot be around you because youre not a girlfriend to him anymore, you are now an emotional obligation that he doesnt want at this moment. His memories of everything you two have done and felt are erased by this death and you are now strangers. hes a zombie. Just the way that you dont understand 5 ways that people here told you he is emotionally cut off, he knew you would keep at him even after he told you it was over. He is EMOTIONALLY DRAINED, he has none left for you....youre a woman, how does that "feel" language not translate?

[NursingGirl]

you are now an emotional obligation that he doesnt want at this moment.

 

hes a zombie.

 

If this helps to understand any, my ex fiance told me that (analogy coming) he felt like a wheelbarrow that was too full and when I broke it off and stopped contacting him, his load was lighter and more manageable. He said that I wasn't the load he wanted to leave the wheelbarrow but any weight that left made it easier. He just told me that a few days ago. Do you think that was easy to hear? I was analogous to DIRT! lol Just that he could equate me to dirt in a wheelbarrow is amazing. He says he didn't know who that guy was. He says I am the best thing that ever happened to him but he just couldn't care then. He said he was very close to "losing it".

 

So don't take it personally. I swear to you that I was shocked almost to death to sit beside him on the couch that day and he didn't even look at me. He didn't even greet me. He didn't kiss me. Where did my fiance go? There was nothing I could do to reach him but just prior to this happening, he was totally wonderful. Just two weeks earlier, he had proposed in our new house. The ring (I still have it) was beautiful. We had dated almost two years. I loved his son. Then.....nothing. I was gone to him.

 

Give it time. Live your life. If you are not open to him if/when he comes back, then you are not. But there's nothing you can do. There's nothing that will reach him if he doesn't want to be reached. Try not to be so hurt. You should see my ex fiances new place....weeds are over my head. He worked so hard in making it pretty for us to move in and it looks abandoned. He says that he has learned to take better care of himself and he is just getting back on his feet. He sent me a check yesterday for some of my financial hardship (I don't want to see him yet, as in dating, until we talk some more). He sounds like the guy I used to know but I am just hearing from him since some time in March.

Edited August 13, 2011 by NursingGirl

[stillafool]

OP the lost of a parent can make one reevaluate their life and try to find out what they really want because you know it's time to grown up because your parents are gone. He may have wanted to break up with you anyway and the loss of his parent just could have been an excuse because he really wasn't in love with you afterall. I agree with the poster who said if he really loved you he would want you by his side through this and he doesn't. You have to give it a rest now and let him go.

[Eddie Edirol]

If this helps to understand any, my ex fiance told me that (analogy coming) he felt like a wheelbarrow that was too full and when I broke it off and stopped contacting him, his load was lighter and more manageable. He said that I wasn't the load he wanted to leave the wheelbarrow but any weight that left made it easier. He just told me that a few days ago. Do you think that was easy to hear? I was analogous to DIRT! lol Just that he could equate me to dirt in a wheelbarrow is amazing. .

 

Yeah that analogy was kinda bad, but Im sure he wasnt in a state of mind to be able to come up with a better one. The wheelbarrow was only full to the edge with his current life, and when his breakdown started, a whole mound of dirt was piled on top of what was already there, and dirt is heavy as HELL. So you have to dump some out. NG, Im a lil suspicious of your fiance if he didnt lose a parent, I dont think it was a real breakdown, but anyway......