insecurities within a relationship

[mameha]

I've been looking all over the forum to see if anyone else has had the same type of insecurities as me, but I didn't see any hence this post.

 

To cut to the chase, I've only had 1 relationship before the one I'm in now, where we were only together for 7 months and it felt more like a best friendship. We kissed once and a while, but nothing else ever happened, and it never got to the point where I was in love with him. It wasn't much of a relationship so I'm still pretty newb.

 

The relationship I am in now started 3 1/2 months ago. We met through Facebook and talked everyday for a good 3 months before we met up. As early as this may seem, I was in love with him just 2 weeks into the relationship. It was something I had never experienced before, and I knew it was true. The good thing about it is that he felt the same way with this short amount of time spent together. Everything was (and still is) great.

 

Now, I'm no party-girl and had no sexual experience going into this relationship, which I told him right from the get-go. He was perfectly fine with that. He also doesn't mind that I want to wait until marriage before sex. Although I clarified it that I'm not necessarily waiting for a ring, I'm waiting until the moment I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with this person and they feel the same way. He truly does respect me for that.

 

But, my boyfriend does have a lot of sexual experience. When things with us do get heated, I can tell he's turned on even by the way he kisses me. So the real issue is, that I can't shut my brain off and get lost in the moment. This probably seems really weird for most people, but I can't seem to just act how I feel. When I'm turned on, nothing about me noticeably changes. I understand that these are situations I've never been in before so I have to start somewhere, but how? He can fool around just fine, but whenever I want to return the favor I'm too unsure of myself, nervous, and over-think the situation to do anything. He's not overly concerned about it but when it's brought up in conversation and he says "It's not a huge deal, but it would be nice to be noticed once in a while" It just eats me up inside because I want to notice him, I want him to feel noticed, but I just can't seem to bite the bullet and just go for it.

 

So I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has ever had this problem before, or if anyone knows how I can get over my insecurities. I really don't want to feel this way.