i have a proble m

[need advice]

today i got up and wondered why i am with my bf still. i know in my heart i love him, but in my mind i can't seem to find the love anymore. this is really scaring me cause i don't even want to leave him.

 

there are just little things about him that irk me and i want to leave those things out of our relationship, but of course i can't, cause they are apart of him.

 

here is a for instance: i try to talk to him about how i feel about something but he either don't understand, don't want to understand or just can't understand. it is like that all the time. last night i didn't feel well from some meds i took and i ruined our night out by not going. i know he was upset but didn't really say much.

 

we did go out later to eat though, but when we got home i could sense from him that he still wasn't very happy but he didn't say anything. maybe it was my imagination. plus i have been finding little things about him that i don't like, that irritate me now and they didn't before. i just don't understand what is happening to me? i don't feel like i get much support from him about alot of things but then out of the blue he is there when i'd least expect it.

 

we have been together for almost two years now and live together. what is going on with me? i don't want to leave him, i feel love for him still, but................

[Tony T]

You may feel love for him but it sounds like you are falling out of love with him. When we are in love, we overlook a lot.

 

The real problem here, though, is lack of intimate and significant communication. It seems like he lacks the listening and responding skills required to communicate with you in the relationship. Without this important discourse, you cannot have a healthy relationship.

 

If you want to save this relationship, you are going to have to sit down with him and let him know he is going to have to start talking to you and exchanging feelings and ideas. The two of you cannot survive together if he doesn;t learn those skills. A good counsellor can teach both of you exciting and effective ways of talking with each other, listening to each other, responding to each other and how to put some life back into your situation. If remaining with your guy is important, you won't mind spending the money for a few visits to a counsellor...just do some investigating first to make sure the therapist is abosolutely one of the best.

 

It could very well be that he is now taking you for granted. I'm sure he had a lot more to say to you in the months after the two of you met. You can never take anyone special in this life for granted. This is the absolute death of a relationship...and let him know that too.

 

If he doesn't show enough interest in listening to you and responding to you in a reasonable amount of time, and it works both ways too, then I suggest you find someone with whom you can have a more meaningful exchange of communication.