Need a little advice about ex (AKA tell me what i want to hear jk; the truth is best)

[averagejoe1010]

About 6 months ago, my girlfriend (now ex) ended our 3 year relationship. There was a period where she went without talking to me and I gave her her space. Well anyway, about a couple weeks after we broke up, she was already talking to this guy who is currently her boyfriend.

Eventually, the two of us started talking again and numerous times, she's given me advice on how to 'get her back'. the advice was to basically be her friend (which i'm doing) for now.

Seems pretty straight forward, but what I don't get is some of the stuff she says. Bear in mind she has a boyfriend now, but me and her have been intimate about 4 times SINCE the two of them started dating. And even up until as recently as two weeks ago, we made out. But now, these last two weeks, she's pulling the same thing she did directly after the breakup...saying she doesn't want to talk. When i try to get her to admit she has feelings for me still (which is kinda obvious, since she kisses back and all), she will only say that they are 'minimal feelings.' If you ask me, 'minimal feelings' means they're there, she just doesn't want to admit it yet.

So anyway, I haven't talked to her at all (we've talked on the phone a few times the last two weeks) in the last 5 days and it's to that point where I can't quite focus on anything. I mean, it's like that feeling that you're never where you're at because your mind is all tied up in this.

One more thing she's said...she said that I'd be just fine with the current situation if the two of us just had sex a lot more often, which isn't true. There's nothing more on earth that I want than to have her back and I could never be satisfied with this current situation...if I was, I wouldn't be on here right now, you know?

The last thing I want to say is that in many ways, I've let her down in the past and I was sometimes a real selfish jerk, but in these last 6 months, I've changed a whole lot---my family situation is totally different and I've done some much needed growing up. My diagnosis of the whole matter is that her heart is fighting her mind...her heart wants me back, i think, but her mind still thinks that there's a slight possibility I'd still be that jerk. Truth is, I love her more than I ever have...maybe in losing her I realized that or maybe I always realized it, I just never tried to give from myself.

 

I'm interested to hear what others think about all this...about what the crap she might be thinking/feeling and whether you agree with my assessment or not. Please respond, I'd like to hear your thoughts on most of this (other than the part about me being a jerk....unless you want to remind me that i was and just yell out 'jerk!'). Thanks.

[tattoomytoe]

well it does sound as if she is a bit confused, as i would be if i were her. so let me get things straight:

 

1. she dumped you...and now you are still here and all buddy-buddy with her, even though she has this new bf. (how does he feel?)

2. she is basically telling you do this and i will more than likely come back to you.

3. she is intimate with you and she has this other dude i assume she likes too.

 

 

ok...well maybe her recent withdrawal from you was to figure out just what she is doing. Maybe her bf is being a jerk cause she still talks to her ex. hard to say. i would hope that she felt bad for stuill being all "chummy" with you.

 

i think if you really want her back, you are going to have to tell her staight up that this bf has got to go, exemplify how you have changed, and do something that will totally melt her heart and go "AWWWWeeeee how sweet"

[Becks84]

Were you always able to trust her? I think it's really uncool of her to be cheating on her bf with you...not fair to either of you. She needs to be told that she has to pick one or the other as stupid as it sounds. And communication with the other needs to be completely cut off -- nothing good can come of it.

 

Tell her how you feel! Tell her she's being unfair -- stand up for yourself; she will keep stringing you along as long as you let her. Also tell her your true feelings like you told us -- about how much you love her etc. That's pretty much all you can do right now -- tell her how you feel and what you want, and leave her with that and with a decision to make.

 

This situation is unhealthy for everyone involved and shouldnt go on this way. I wish you luck! And I agree that you should try and do one last thing to sweep her off her feet! Make her realize what she's missing out on...but dont sweat her!

-becks

[averagejoe1010]

Tattoomytoe---I know it sounds really wierd (does even to me), but she says her current b/f is fine with her hanging out with me a lot and she said he said even at one point that 'if he's the one you want to be with, you should give him time to go through the point he's at in his life.'

She's told me that he has nothing to do with the decisions she's making or whatever and that she's told him that she's 'here today, gone tomorrow' as far as their relationship goes. You're totally right about her being confused...

 

Becks84---Yeah, she's always been extremely trustworthy. And even now, she's trustworthy to me---she made a point about feeling like she dreads telling me if she's doing something with him, but she still tells me. So I don't know...it's like she doesn't want to do anything to damage the trust between me and her, but she doesn't care about the trust between her and him (i mean, she hasn't told him about her cheating on him, of course).

 

 

Thanks to both of you for the advice, but one more little question I had...as for sweeping her off her feet, any suggestions? If not, it's all good...I'll figure something out. It's just that after 3 years, I've tried just about everything I could think of romantically, you know. So some of your input could help. Thanks