feel alone at heart dispite loads of friends.

[uongy]

hey im going through a lot of growing as a person and id like some people to assist me on my feelings at the moment.please read it all(sorry about the length but i had to say it all!!)

 

over the past year or so,ive began to socialise and have fun with friends.ive got the biggest circle of friends ive ever had and im very happy as a result.not just the number but the quality as well im very happy with.

 

as a result ive discovered that my conersation quality and ability has improved so much.i also have a job that requires strong communication skills which has helped me alot.i used to very shy and reclusive but this is no longer the case.

 

the main problem i have is with my feelings.ive had a lot of hard stuff happen to me and as a kid,i didnt cope very well with them,as i shut it out rather than realise that my feelings were real.this is mainly where my chinese roots come in and i have alot of hurt stuck inside.

 

my parents are also a problem although its not their fault at all.as immigrants to where i live now,they are used to a very differnt cultural rules and attitudes and as a result ive been brought up in conflict to the demands of my culture.ive accepted both and use both as a means to be a complete person (as something i draw from)

 

this leads to me feeling very alone and isolated.as a result of my problems early on in my life and tthe fact i had no siblings or friends to play with when i was little,i was very lonely.i got very used to being alone when i was young as if i accepted it.

i highlight this because i fell in love with my first girlfriend who lived a far distance away from me and i didnt see her alot.distance made my heart fonder i suspect and she completely broke my heart when she decided she couldnt do it no more.

 

his loneliness factor has really bothered me as i felt so loved when i was in that relationship.i realised that i carve the love i had again and im constantly dreaming of that love again.ive been involved with another girl briefly but it all ended again and i seem to put her off with my over eagerness.

 

im feeling quite low now as i really carve that love again, the love i dont seem to get from my friends.i believe that if my special group of friends were a little closer, id feel alot better.however,we are all busy people and this isnt possible.i dont seem to attract many girls either as i have slight acne and i dont look that great at the moment.

 

having read that,im wondering if i should do anything differently?i know that the main attractive thing about anyone is confidence.ive learned to like who i am and this is constantly stressed by my friends who say im a lovely person.is my reasoning to me wanting love a silly one?

 

i guess that if i had a girl who loved me,id feel so great about myself and wouldnt feel alone at heart,which i do at the moment.any ideas and good advice to why i have these feelings?

 

thx for any advice.

_________________

uongy.

[tattoomytoe]

i just do not think you have found anyone that you are able to share your hardships with. do you talk with your friends about the lonliness you felt as a child?

 

in high school i was quite popular i knew almost everyone and most knew me...but they were all just close aquaintences, no real bestfriend-that-i-could-tell=anything-to types.

to this day i do not tell all my secrets and fears...i have a huge trust issue.

 

but when i do decide to tell some one a secret, i fell alot closer to that person. it is wise to tell someone you know well and who you think can understand....sometimes those people are slow in coming into your life, but i do think that you will find a true love that you can befriend as well as love deeply.

[bluechocolate]

I guess that if i had a girl who loved me,id feel so great about myself and wouldnt feel alone at heart,which i do at the moment.

 

There is a big problem with this statement and that is that you are looking for someone else to fulfill that which can only come from you. I suspect this is the problem you had with your recent break up - that you guessed you were too eager and this scared her off.

 

You sound desperate to have a relationship and desperation ( or eagerness if you will ) is very unattractive to most people. It is one of those cruel ironies in life that that which you most desire is the one thing that is most unattainable.

 

is my reasoning to me wanting love a silly one?

 

Absolutely not. But if you think that finding love is going to make all your problems go away then you are setting yourself up for more and more disappointment. Most people don't want to be the saviour in a relationship, it is too huge a responsibility.

 

I know that the main attractive thing about anyone is confidence.ive learned to like who i am and this is constantly stressed by my friends who say im a lovely person.

 

You are on the right track about the confidence - now you need to find some inner peace that allows you to be happy within yourself AND by yourself. It is possible to be alone and not lonely. You say that your friends constantly stress to you that you are a lovely person. You probably already know this, but you shouldn't be looking for that confirmation from without. True confidence is believing in yourself, believing that you are a lovely and worthy person, without the need of any outside confirmation. It sounds to me like you'll get there but in the meanwhile forget about a relationship - and don't be at all surprised to discover that the day you find happiness without a significant other is the same day that special person will walk into your life.

[heartattacked]

Your feelings are common to alot of people, at some point in their lives anyway. It's not really a question of whether or not you are right or wrong in your feelings, for you feel what you feel, you can't really help that. Don't think that for one second, someone out there is somehow above you. All people need to feel needed, male or female. It's part of the nature of being a finite being - we're only human and strongly desire others to help us through this lonely trail of life.

 

While I somewhat agree with the other repliers on here, don't let them make you feel like you're an oddball because of your loneliness. Remember that it's much easier for a person to give advice than to practice it. Also, many people can rely too much on catch phrases, because their own lives can survive on catch phrases. In otherwords, some people are just in a better position in life and can afford to come off as knowing more than they do. But once some real hardship is thrown their way, oftentimes catch phrases and cliches are not nearly enough.

 

But do give yourself some rest from your anxiety, remember that somewhere, someone is feeling quite alot like you. Whether that be in their beds at night, in a lonely hallway of a high-school, at a table eating lunch all by him/herself, or even to a person who is thought of as popular and well-liked. No one, I repeat No one, is a god or goddess. They may think of themselves as so, but no one escapes this world alive.