Feeling not good enough

[SugarHoney]

My ex pretty much told me that he doesn't want a relationship anymore and its making me think back over the relationship and think about all the ways I failed and was not good enough for him.

 

And I think my self esteem is completely shot at this point but I don't know how to recover it.

[Nohbody]

There's not going to be one thing that will help you recover, it's going to be a lot of little things over a period of time - some of that depends on you. Living your life is going to rebuild your self esteem - and the choices you make will influence what level that esteem will be. It's not set in stone, and we've all been there. You WILL feel better - not only about yourself, but about life. Give it some time, take it slow, and remember that the journey of a thousand miles begins, continues, and ends in a single step.

[Single Sid]

great words above.

 

there is positives to be taken from all negatives.

 

your day will arrive when you allow it to.

 

time is the key not the answer, the answer is you at this point.

 

stay strong

[reimeivn]

Definitely definitely you will feel that way. But remember that people all make mistakes in a relationships, and there is nobody good enough to be the other person's perfect match.

 

But the one that loves you and deserves you are the one that sees past those mistakes.

 

I loved this one person long time ago and I was his first everything and he made a tons of mistakes. I did get upset, of course, but I stayed with him. And I gave him all the times he needed to grow up and be the boyfriend he should have been.

 

So stop telling yourself that you are not good enough. You are just not good enough for yourself, and the perfecting process is a long hard process that you will need time to go through.

[reimeivn]

to be a better person for yourself, mind you, not for anybody at all, and certainly not for any of the boys.

[SugarHoney]

Thanks for the replies guys.

 

I did try very hard to be a good gf for my ex bf, and I laid my heart out on a platter for him, giving him all the love and support I could. But I still feel I failed him, by not being the gf he needs me to be. I just feel like I'm not good enough for him and thats why he's getting rid of me. Why he doesn't want me back, why he doesn't love me anymore.

[patagonia]

Thanks for the replies guys.

 

I did try very hard to be a good gf for my ex bf, and I laid my heart out on a platter for him, giving him all the love and support I could. But I still feel I failed him, by not being the gf he needs me to be. I just feel like I'm not good enough for him and thats why he's getting rid of me. Why he doesn't want me back, why he doesn't love me anymore.

 

I understand your pain. Lots of people on this forum do. It is a wrenching feeling. I am sure you were a wonderful gf for your man. You did excellent. Listen, nobody is good for anybody in this world(if you wanna look at it pessimistically) but that isn't any fun. Be thankful you weren't married to him and you can slowly move on with your life. You will get your confidence back and your self worth back but it takes time and you don't go finding it in other people or other men. You must know it for yourself. You can't think about what you did wrong or why he doesn't want you back and why he doesn't love you. You will mess yourself up and make your healing process slow way down.

 

I do understand what you are going through and it is very difficult! But do yourself a favor and go to bed early and sleep in if you can, wake up and give each day likes it is your last. Find things to do with your time and hang out with friends and family. You will be well on your way and trust me, there are many men out there that are looking for what you give. It isn't anything you did. It was a relationship that didn't have everything working...what you want is a correct relationship...and it's out there..in due time!

[SugarHoney]

I understand your pain. Lots of people on this forum do. It is a wrenching feeling. I am sure you were a wonderful gf for your man. You did excellent. Listen, nobody is good for anybody in this world(if you wanna look at it pessimistically) but that isn't any fun. Be thankful you weren't married to him and you can slowly move on with your life. You will get your confidence back and your self worth back but it takes time and you don't go finding it in other people or other men. You must know it for yourself. You can't think about what you did wrong or why he doesn't want you back and why he doesn't love you. You will mess yourself up and make your healing process slow way down.

 

I do understand what you are going through and it is very difficult! But do yourself a favor and go to bed early and sleep in if you can, wake up and give each day likes it is your last. Find things to do with your time and hang out with friends and family. You will be well on your way and trust me, there are many men out there that are looking for what you give. It isn't anything you did. It was a relationship that didn't have everything working...what you want is a correct relationship...and it's out there..in due time!

 

Thanks so much for the kind words!

 

I know you are right that I need to try and move on, have just been struggling to let go I think because I love this guy so much its crazy after how much he's broken my heart and made me cry.

 

I know it takes time and that I need to invest time in myself to rebuild my self esteem again. I just put so much effort into this relationship, into trying to make this guy happy etc, and knowing he doesn't want me still, and that things I've said and done may well have put him off me, really knocks me for six.

[SugarHoney]

I think my ex thinks I'm a loser now. Think he thinks I'm pathetic. And its really getting to me. I know sounds really stupid right. I really wish I didn't love him anymore, as its clear he doesn't love me. I think he may have replaced me with someone else, or at least have someone else on his mind, but is trying to keep me in reserve with the mixed messages and the vagueness of his replies.

 

I know I need to cut him out, to go NC on him for a long long time.

[Almond_Joy]

Hey Sugar,

 

I battled with feelings of inadequacy for most of my recovery after my breakup with my ex, also. But at the end of every day, the only person's approval of you that really matters is your own. If you know you did everything you could to the best of your ability in that relationship, it is NOT any fault or problem of yours if that wasn't good enough for him. The way I see it, all you can offer is your best, you know?

 

I strongly recommend taking some time and really thinking hard about all the things you love about yourself. I wrote a journal cataloguing all the things that I love about myself. I also pampered myself by eating out, going to new interesting places, and splurging on a few extra accessories (cute shoes, nice jeans, better skin care products, etc.). These things helped me tremendously in banishing my feelings of inadequacy.

 

Hope this helps :-).

[SugarHoney]

Hey Sugar,

 

I battled with feelings of inadequacy for most of my recovery after my breakup with my ex, also. But at the end of every day, the only person's approval of you that really matters is your own. If you know you did everything you could to the best of your ability in that relationship, it is NOT any fault or problem of yours if that wasn't good enough for him. The way I see it, all you can offer is your best, you know?

 

I strongly recommend taking some time and really thinking hard about all the things you love about yourself. I wrote a journal cataloguing all the things that I love about myself. I also pampered myself by eating out, going to new interesting places, and splurging on a few extra accessories (cute shoes, nice jeans, better skin care products, etc.). These things helped me tremendously in banishing my feelings of inadequacy.

 

Hope this helps :-).

 

Thanks for the advice

 

I have to see my ex tomorrow and the thought of it is turning my stomach as when I speak to him online now he's so cold and distance with me. Before he seemed to still care, but now its like I mean nothing to him and I feel so worthless.

 

Its so horrible feeling this way. But I just feel like I've failed him, like my ex things I'm a loser now and knows I'm not good enough for him.

[Nohbody]

You will, in time, begin to detach your sense of self worth from this person you were once in a relationship with. This will probably happen on its own given enough time and effort on your part. You aren't worthless, you aren't a loser, and it doesn't matter what this person thinks. This may be meaningless now, but you will get here eventually, I promise you.

 

Don't let him see you sweat. Kill him with cool.

[D-Lish]

Thanks for the advice

 

I have to see my ex tomorrow and the thought of it is turning my stomach as when I speak to him online now he's so cold and distance with me. Before he seemed to still care, but now its like I mean nothing to him and I feel so worthless.

 

Its so horrible feeling this way. But I just feel like I've failed him, like my ex things I'm a loser now and knows I'm not good enough for him.

 

Why do you have to see him? Is this something you HAVE to do, or can you bail? It's easier to heal when you don't have any contact with the ex!

[SugarHoney]

Why do you have to see him? Is this something you HAVE to do, or can you bail? It's easier to heal when you don't have any contact with the ex!

 

Unfortunately I have to see him

 

I'm already feeling so sick with anxiety. I love him so much still, and I told him, so he knows it, but he's just been so cold to me since I told him and its tearing my heart in two.

 

Makes me feel like I'm responsible for his coldness, because before I told him how much I still loved him he was showing signs he may want me back, telling me how much he missed me, flirting with me etc and now, he's just so cold. Like he doesn't even care at all anymore.

[antinko]

Wow. I thought my ex was harsh, but outright saying you weren't good enough?!

 

You are good enough. Actually, you're better than him! I'm sure you'd never crush anyone like that.

 

Honestly, just be the person you want to be. You sound like you have great qualities and are a very loving person - excellent!

 

Keep your head up. You'll get through this eventually and you'll be stronger.

[SugarHoney]

Wow. I thought my ex was harsh, but outright saying you weren't good enough?!

 

You are good enough. Actually, you're better than him! I'm sure you'd never crush anyone like that.

 

Honestly, just be the person you want to be. You sound like you have great qualities and are a very loving person - excellent!

 

Keep your head up. You'll get through this eventually and you'll be stronger.

 

He didn't outright say that I'm not good enough, but I really feel like thats the reason he doesn't want me at the moment

And I know its crazy, but I truly do feel completely worthless right now.

 

I went to see him yesterday for what will probably be the last time, and for awhile I really thought he may still want me back, because he was flirting with me again (hugging me a lot,holding my hand, putting his forehead to mine, stroking my arm etc) and it was just like old times. But then when I had to go, I asked him if it was the end for us and he said he didn't know. So I said I'd try to make it work if thats what he wanted too, but he said no.

 

He just wants to be friends and that was crushing to me, so just before I left I told him that I couldn't be friends with him, at least for awhile as its too painful for me. After that I left quickly and I feel really guilty now, that after things seemed so good between us again, I had to spoil it all by telling him that, as it sounded so nasty really.

 

I never meant it too end things badly, I didn't want to hurt him and I do hope we can maybe be friends eventually, but I know I need time to recover from all this. So now I feel like I need to send him one last email. Just to explain myself better and so I don't feel so guilty for ending things badly like that. Because I honestly feel incredibly guilty right now, like he must hate me for what I said and how I ended things.

[SugarHoney]

Sorry, know it hasn't been long since my last post.

 

And I sent my ex a last email (maybe I shouldn't have, I don't know... but just to explain to him why its too painful to be friends right now for me, that I wish him all the best and that I will miss him a lot.)

 

So NC starts here for me I guess. Well proper NC. Previously we were on a break/ broken up for 4 months but the nature of the split was blurry, especially with all the mixed messages etc. It seems now it isn't.

 

So I guess here is where the agony begins again and while a part of me still clings to hope that he may change his mind, I know its unlikely and that even if we did we're not really compatible as I'm so emotional (I wish so badly I wasn't) and he doesn't seem to what a close emotional relationship in the way I do.

 

I feel like there are so many things I should have said to him that I didn't. But I know nothing I said/say would likely change his mind at this point because he knows how much I love him and I tried really hard to be just laid back etc when I was with him in person. So really I've tried everything and there is nothing more I can do, even though it feels like there should be.

 

And I just feel so worthless right now. Like I'm just not good enough for him. Even though I tried so hard to change to be more laid back and I showed that side of myself to him, it still isn't enough. The damage I did has been done and can never be undone it seems.

 

I've been crying for hours now. Hours and hours in so much despair.

 

He was my best and only real friend so I feel so incredibly lonely right now.

So pathetic. So empty inside.

[radiodarcy]

hey Sugar. i know just what you're going through. i too felt worthless and weak when i realized i couldn't be friends with the ex. i just couldn't sit there and laugh and joke with him and act like everything is cool when i was torn up on the inside. it was especially hard once he started dating other women.

 

as much as it hurt to go NC, i knew it was the best thing i could do for myself.

i won't sugar coat it, the first month was horrible. but overtime i've started to feel so much better. i've re-discovered old interests, re-connected with family and friends and met new people. more importantly i've started re-building my sense of self and am feeling so much stronger and clear-headed. i'm at five months NC now and i can't imagine putting myself back in that situation again.

 

i know it's hard to see now, but things will get better. you just have to hang in there. overtime, you'll realize that you're much better off now that you're out of this toxic situation.

[SugarHoney]

hey Sugar. i know just what you're going through. i too felt worthless and weak when i realized i couldn't be friends with the ex. i just couldn't sit there and laugh and joke with him and act like everything is cool when i was torn up on the inside. it was especially hard once he started dating other women.

 

as much as it hurt to go NC, i knew it was the best thing i could do for myself.

i won't sugar coat it, the first month was horrible. but overtime i've started to feel so much better. i've re-discovered old interests, re-connected with family and friends and met new people. more importantly i've started re-building my sense of self and am feeling so much stronger and clear-headed. i'm at five months NC now and i can't imagine putting myself back in that situation again.

 

i know it's hard to see now, but things will get better. you just have to hang in there. overtime, you'll realize that you're much better off now that you're out of this toxic situation.

 

Thanks for the support. Means a lot.

 

Its just the whole situation is sitting fuzzy in my brain right now and I've been despairing so much, crying all morning, not really wanted to eat or do anything more than lie in bed and hug a pillow.

 

Its like I'm completely paralyzed by the heartache again and the feelings of worthlessness, knowing I tried so hard to make it work to be what he wanted, and would have tried harder still, but it still wasn't enough.

 

I told him maybe we could be friends in the future, once I've recovered from the heartache. But I don't know how long it will take. At the moment it feels like I'm going to love him forever and be stuck with this horrible despair.

 

It making all kinds of dark thoughts cross my mind.

[SugarHoney]

Still feeling horrible about how things ended with my ex. Still feeling incredibly heartbroken. I love him so so much and he doesn't love me and its breaking my heart into millions of tiny pieces.

 

The despair is killing me.

 

Life just feels so meaningless now, like nothing matters anymore.

 

And the only thing that makes me feel better is thinking that he'll change his mind and come back to me

[SugarHoney]

Sorry for the multiple posts guys but I'm really at my wits end with despair now, been crying all day and all night and barely had any sleep.

 

And the despair is crippling me completely

 

I wish I didn't love my ex bf this much, I wish I hadn't messed up things the way I did.. I wish I was a stronger person.

 

I'm going to see my therapist today, I'm going to tell him how bad I've been feeling

[reimeivn]

Oh psssh, he thinks he IS good enough to you to tell you that???

 

Bf, or even ex bf, they think you are not good enough, so what does that make them in the first place when they wanted to be your bf? Make them an ass no more. Make them far from a bf to you to start with.

[antinko]

If a person believes you're not good enough for them,the only problem in the situation is their ego, and frankly they're probably just masking their insecurities.

 

You're more than good enough for your ex and you're not overly emotional. What is this nonsense about someone not wanting a relationship (where emotions and feelings are involved...) where it's close on an emotional level?

 

My ex had this outlook too in the end and it just stinks of poor excuses and emotional immaturity. You can do way better my dear, way better. And you will.

 

I know it's easy to say and way harder to do - I'm not at the stage where I want to move on either. Hell, I still lament the relationship and, on some level, still want my ex back too, but you have to tell yourself that you'll be happier in future.