Dreaming about the ex-wife, and the intrusive thoughts...

[Thinkalot]

This is a vent really, I need to get things off my chest sometimes, and out of my head and this is a good place to do it, and also saves my partner any grief!

 

I've mentioned before I have frequent recurring dreams, where I am in my childhood home...I love it there.

 

I also used to have regular dreams, stemming from my obsession with my guy's ex-wife, and insecurities. I would dream that my guy and his ex-wife and I were all together somewhere. But instead of being with me, my guy was hugging his ex..and I was left out. There were various situations depicted but the theme was always the same. Pretty obvious what is triggering such a dream!

 

Anyway, since I have been overcoming my OCD and insecurities and feeling more secure, I haven't been having those dreams about the ex anymore...until this week! I had a dream my guy was back with the ex, and all their old friends, and I was on the outside looking in. What's more they were at a place where we have gone together, and where my guy has told me he's never been before accept with me. Therefore in the dream I was convinced he must have lied to me (sigh....more underlying trust issues still going on?).

 

I hate these dreams, because they are unsettling, and raise uncomfortable thoughts which remain during the next day, and sort of trigger my obsessive thoughts a bit. I got up and went to the gym before work to clear my head...but even while I was riding the bike...the old obsessive thoughts about my guy and his ex-wife kept intruding.

 

I guess it's just one of those not-so-good moments in the path to full recovery.

 

I've also noticed that my obsessive thoughts don't happen when I am busy and engaged with tasks in the present. That's great. But I still have downtime! Then they tend to intrude again. I guess this is normal for the stage I am at? I just don't want to hide behind businesses, and then fall down when I'm sitting at home relaxing! I know it may seem I devote too much time to this, but it's been a big part of my life for a while now, and this site is a valuable outlet for me.

 

Already I feel better just being able to express this stuff somewhere!

 

Thanks.

[meanon]

But I still have downtime! Then they tend to intrude again. I guess this is normal for the stage I am at?

 

I think so. This is when the detatchment methods of dealing with the thoughts (covered on your other thread) is best used. It's a tricky one to learn but very effective for most people once it's mastered. I think it's only fairly recently you've been beginning to get the hang of it, right? If so it should get easier with time.

 

Don't worry too much about the dreams - most people dream about things that are bothering them. Feeling jealous of an ex is a common problem, yes it's worth talking about but you may well feel it for some time. It's normal. It's the obsessive thoughts, the inability to stop thinking about it that's the problem and you are doing so well in sorting that out.

 

Rant away about your dream but don't read too much into it in terms of your recovery or you will worry unecessarily and you do quite enough of that already

[funkychicken]

Just making an observation here. It seems that darn near every single one of your posts centers around your worrying, analyzing, obsessing, thinking, stewing, and examining. Have you ever just tried to take a break from all of this, and just stop looking for trouble in your thoughts and dreams and just enjoy your life? Don't you become totally exhausted from all of the fretting you do about things that are beyond your control? Why get all worked up over a dream you have? Why spend (waste) months and years dwelling on your guy's exes? What is the point in that? Where does it get you? Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe you really thrive on all of these obsessive thoughts and worries? It must be really difficult for your boyfriend to have to constantly assure you and reassure you. Do you think your continued posts here on this basic subject (problem) really help you, or do you think maybe they just encourage you to keep obsessing and focusing on your continued obsessions and unfounded insecurities? Maybe you should try to keep yourself busier. It seems like a whole lot of wasted energy.

[gaia]

funkychicken

If only. Thinkalot (and I) have OCD. It's an illness. We know it's not rational, but we can't just switch it off.

 

Think

Meanon's right (as usual). The things you worry about during the day come out in your dreams. This may reflect the difficult patch you've just gone through. I'm also convinced that the meds make me dream more or at least make the dreams more vivid and memorable the next day. It's hard to explain, but even when I can't remember what I've dreamt about, things the next day keep stirring things up and reminding me.

 

Keep going girl - you're getting there!

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by funkychicken

Just making an observation here. It seems that darn near every single one of your posts centers around your worrying, analyzing, obsessing, thinking, stewing, and examining. Have you ever just tried to take a break from all of this, and just stop looking for trouble in your thoughts and dreams and just enjoy your life? Don't you become totally exhausted from all of the fretting you do about things that are beyond your control? Why get all worked up over a dream you have? Why spend (waste) months and years dwelling on your guy's exes? What is the point in that? Where does it get you? Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe you really thrive on all of these obsessive thoughts and worries? It must be really difficult for your boyfriend to have to constantly assure you and reassure you. Do you think your continued posts here on this basic subject (problem) really help you, or do you think maybe they just encourage you to keep obsessing and focusing on your continued obsessions and unfounded insecurities? Maybe you should try to keep yourself busier. It seems like a whole lot of wasted energy.

 

It IS tiring and annoying...and if I could stop it I would! I am in the process of doing so, and have actually reduced the thoughts significantly in the last 4 months or so. Lshack provides me with an outlet to discuss them, and get them out of my head, and also gives me comfort and solace, knowing there are others like me.

 

You make a valid point about posting about the issues on here- I have indeed sometimes feared writing things down here may make things worse...but it doesn't...it's like a release valve for me. Because of the OCD I can't just 'turn-off' the thoughts! Believe me, I would love nothing more than to be able to do that!!

 

There is no point to it, rationally, and it gets me nowhere, you are right...and yes, it of course frustrates those around me....They are the exact reasons why suffering OCD is so awful and why I am determined to overcome this...and have been working so hard to do just that!

 

As for keeping busy- I AM busy. I have lots of activities which I do...and to calm myself further, I've even taken up craft at home! I find being busy provides a great outlet, and keeps me grounded, and keeps the thoughts from getting out of hand. But sometimes, when things come up and I can't shut them off, then posting on here can be very helpful and calming for me, and stop me giving in to an impulse to question my guy!

 

I am sometimes self-conscious and embarassed about this problem. It often feels like a weakness. I am sorry if it seems I post about it too often on here funkychicken...I do appreciate your insights....but they are things I am quite well aware of, and believe me..I am doing all I can to not focus on this too much!

[moimeme]

Don't allow someone's lack of understanding to affect you, Thinkalot. Funkychicken may not understand all the implications of OCD. People need to learn that these ailments are NOT a situation of 'mind over matter'.

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by moimeme

Don't allow someone's lack of understanding to affect you, Thinkalot. Funkychicken may not understand all the implications of OCD. People need to learn that these ailments are NOT a situation of 'mind over matter'.

 

Could you detect a touch of defensiveness in my reply Merry? lol

[moimeme]

Could you detect a touch of defensiveness in my reply Merry? lol

 

 

More, I see folks like you shrinking back because others don't understand. Years ago you were conditioned to believe, as some do, that things like OCD can be overcome if people just think right. You know my stock blurb on such matters; it will take a long time to banish that completely false idea from the mindsets of everyone, including those who have to cope with the troublesome conditions.

 

Post whatever the heck you want. People who get what's going on will understand, and someday the folks who don't understand might finally learn. There's nothing like reading about something like this as a first-person account from 'inside' to really help people to understand. You and pav and gaia and the others on this and other threads are doing a huge service by allowing people to hear about and understand your struggles.

[Thinkalot]

Thank you for your understanding. I have been away from the computer the past couple of days, but, you are right- I did check in and read that reply, and even though it's just on the net, I did feel a bit upset and embarassed.

[moimeme]

I did feel a bit upset and embarassed.

 

 

((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))

[meanon]

Thinkalot, I love reading your posts and so many have told you that they find your words helpful and your attitude inspirational. Post on!

[Thinkalot]

[gaia]

Add another hug to the list, Thinkalot

Originally posted by moimeme

You and pav and gaia and the others on this and other threads are doing a huge service by allowing people to hear about and understand your struggles.

 

Thanks, Merry.