My chinese gf Embarrasses me and makes me feel like an absolute fool

[HeyHolliday]

So I’ve been dating this girl for 8 1/2 months, we have had a very tight knit relationship. She is from Shanghai and has a work visa in the USA. The plan is that she is going to move in my place with me at the end of the month. However, this has sort of come to a screeching halt as I recently caught her beginning to make out with a guy in our group in a parking lot outside the bar a few nights ago. I will admit we were all very drunk and were having a great time until a good friend of mine told me what was happening and that she was acting very suspicious. I’m glad I was able to catch her red handed.

 

We eventually talked about this “situation” after we got to her home and she sobered up (her puking in the back of the taxi). It was one of the most odd and messy situations I’ve ever had in my life. It was very embarrassing for me and worse now my close friends who enjoyed her company at the time hate her to death. She was incredibly sorry and begged me forgiveness. 3 hours of her crying on me left my clothes soaked with tears. I eventually forgave her and she promised never to get that drunk again. This is the first time I’ve ever had a problem with her or even an argument in that matter. I generally believe you give people a second chance but I find alcohol a poor excuse to do something so idiotic. I don’t know who the other guy was but my gf and him were talking a lot.

 

Even though this is the first incident like this of any kind with her I have real doubts if I want to continue the relationship. I really care for her a lot and we have so much in common but all the trust I have in her has been lost. A lot of Asian women come to USA to marry, get green card and once they get citizenship divorce their husbands to move on to a wealthier husband. I currently live in Honolulu, HI and unfortunately this story is quite common. I would love to think she is different from the rest but now I feel that she is just trying to eventually tie the knot with me just to get the coveted green card. I haven’t proposed to her or anything like that but she was very supportive and almost insisting of us living together.

 

Shoud I dump her or should I give her a second chance? Would love to hear some input, thanks!

Edited August 7, 2011 by HeyHolliday

[cerridwen]

I lived on Oahu for a few years. During my time there, two male acquaintances married Visa seekers, unbeknownst to them.

It was brutal to witness the aftermath. I understand your concerns.

 

Regardless, moving in together doesn't sound like a good idea, mainly because of your reservations.

Can you put it off?

Give yourself more time to assess the situation and your own feelings?

She may very well be serious about you, but the relationship itself (aside from the citizenship issue) has spots in need of smoothing.

8.5 months isn't enough time to interwine your lives to such an extent. Especially, since she just recently made out with a stranger.

[musemaj11]

Men who fall for women's crying are fools.

 

We deeply sympathize with a crying woman because we see it from our point of view as a man. For us, crying is what we do when we are unbearably saddened. But for women, they cry over everything. Just because a woman cries, doesnt mean she is as sorrowful as you think she is.

 

The solution for your problem is easy. Just dont ever marry her. That way she cant ever take advantage of you.

[Bryanp]

You are with a group of friends with their girlfriends and everybody is drinking. When your back is turned she is caught making out with another man. What more do you need to know? Why would you do this? Would you have done that to her? She is playing you and I think you know this already. Good luck.

[stillafool]

Trust me no one gets so drunk they don't realize that they are going to start kissing someone. Don't believe it for a moment. If you bring her over here get ready for a lot of pain.

[HeyHolliday]

What you all said is what my RL friends have said, So, I've decided I'm going to break up with her. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship and If I cant trust her then whats the point. The only thing separating us is that we live in different homes. If she were to pull an act like this again while we were living together it would bring chaos into my own house which is something I never want.

 

I never understood why women act so stupid in Hawaii. They all forget that there are more beautiful women than there are men. The best part about this is I have formed a relationship with her boss(after i met her) and after he hears this story I doubt he will make the effort to help extend her visa. I hope she enjoys living in China haha.

[D-Lish]

My old room mate's friend met a girl from Thailand. He brought her home, married her, fixed her teeth and bought her a boob job and she disappeared not long afterward.

[Afishwithabike]

I also have a friend who lives just where you do, OP. She met a guy (not from China), but from another country. She got engaged to him. They married. Shortly after the green card was given to him, she discovered he had been cheating on her left and right. He had about five physical affairs she was able to discover. It was pretty clear that he had been after permanent residency in the USA.

 

I think you need to ask yourself whether you want to be with someone who forgets you and the commitment to you when she gets drunk?