my "progress" was really nothing at all...

[ScienceGal]

It's been almost 2 months. And the tears are flowing right now, the gross slobbery kind that you cannot stop. My nose is running and I am a wreck.

 

I went with a mutual friend and a couple other people to a popular place where I knew he might be. I was ok with it, I was be-bopping to the music, I was happy. And, he wasn't there. But, his best friend and her husband showed up later on. I decided to be the bigger person and acknowledge their presence although she has been avoiding me like the plague. The mutual friend I was with is very good friends with this couple... so we went over to say hello. I felt fake, but I kept on. I hate these fake people who choose to act as though I don't exist. I am so pissed. But I am nice to them. I am really ****ing nice to them, just as I have always been. I show them no variance from my normal behavior.

 

We all say goodbye. I then leave the mutual friend, I am all smiles. I get home and COLLAPSE. I am on the floor and sobbing. I am so upset. Why do I care what these stupid people think? Why do I care what they are going to report to my ex, if anything? I feel like I need to look pretty and be happy. So I smile and ask questions about their life. I act interested in their answers. I say nothing about my ex... I am DYING inside. Why am I affected by them? Why do I still miss HIM? I really thought I was getting better, but I just barely held it together tonight and as soon as I was alone I lost it. I feel like I am at square one.

 

I feel like I am losing faith quickly. I don't know how to heal when it feels like I cannot go anywhere or do anything without being reminded of him.

Edited August 7, 2011 by ScienceGal

[lovesickmonkey]

Part of healing IS occasionally feeling like you're back at square 1. I was warned about this phenomenon and have experienced it. You think you are going to be out of the woods and then something happens that triggers it and there you are crying again. And I know that cry! A grown man crying with loud, primitive wailing. Seeing those people is definitely what triggered it. And with me, I tried dating and of course I'm thinking of her the entire time and what a sad substitute my date is for her. When the date ends, I'm in utter misery, crying all the way home. It feels like square 1 but it's not. It's healing. But it's just not the linear healing we all imagine might occur. I want this part of my life to be over but, it's not over yet. It will be.

[Thieves]

Why am I affected by them? Why do I still miss HIM?

 

You're affected by them because of ego. You want to come off as pretty, fun, happy, and A-Okay with how things went down. You want to impress other people with your ability to move on without what's-his-name. You want to come off as strong. And that's okay.

 

But two words: Stop it. Really. Stop caring about how you come off. You need to worry about caring for yourself first. I'm not asking you to fall down sobbing every time you see a mutual friend either. It's okay to be civil and happy, but everyone has been through heartbreak or will at some point. They know it's not easy. They know you're not always gonna look your best or be all smiles. And in fact, they might suspect the worse even more if you are all smiles too soon. Plus, if they're the kind of people who run off to tell your ex about any possible pain/sadness you're showing just for him to revel in that, then those aren't really the kind of people you want to know, huh?

 

I really thought I was getting better, but I just barely held it together tonight and as soon as I was alone I lost it. I feel like I am at square one.

 

You are getting better. Stop watching the pot, waiting for the water to boil. Walk away, and while still keeping an occasional eye on it, let it do its own thing. The real problem is you're viewing healing like a straight shot to the moon. It doesn't work like that. In other words: think of healing as the human race, in the past - way in the past - working to get the first man on the moon. It takes time. You think people just decided one day to build a space shuttle and shoot off straight to the moon thinking they'd have no problems or difficulties at all? Of course not. People knew it was possible, it was just working to get there that would take a while. Several trials and errors, setbacks, and attempts had to be made before the first man was finally able to step foot on that moon, stick his flag on it, and call it conquered.

 

So like another poster above me said, healing rarely is linear. You will have setbacks. It's just like getting a bruise or cut. Some heal faster than others, some don't. But they all f*cking hurt for the time being. And 2 months seems long in the healing process, but it really isn't... trust me.

[reimeivn]

Hey i am three months out and I still cry. Like, right now. And I do think about what other people think too. And its not your fault. The ex must have done something in the past that make it such a big deal for you to think about other people opinion.

 

Just take it easy, day by day, and dont worry about how much you have gone in this process neither. Time helps, but how much time doesnt matter. Stop thinking about what other people think by putting yourself first, and to do that, give you all the time you need. Dont count them. You do not need to loan them, nobody is going to make you pay for that. So be generous to yourself.

[Nohbody]

You did good. Don't let them see you sweat and cut yourself a break. You HAVE made progress, any concern you have for these people is tied up with the guy you were involved with. You don't care about them, you care about what they may (or may not) tell the guy, and you know that. You aren't over him, but you are going in the right direction.

 

Don't be so hard on yourself, know that you are not alone in the misery you feel, and just know that if nothing else, I'm proud of you.

[ScienceGal]

I feel like I need a new circle of friends in a new town, with new places to go and things to experience. I really feel like I am suffocating here. But, I will just do my best to keep moving forward.

 

@lovesickmonkey: Linear healing would be nice. I sometimes wish that I could care less, I know my ex certainly does. I was one of many short relationships for him, and even though everyone told me I was different and the "one" for him, I feel like he threw me away so easily. I have been considering dating too, but I think I would have a similar experience as you. I'm glad I have big sunglasses for those tearful rides home.

 

@theives: oh yes, the ego is strong. I've read and keep reading parts of Eckart Tolle's 'A New Earth'. It about not letting the ego take over and just living in the moment. It makes me feel better as I am reading it, perhaps I need to get more literature like that. And 2 months feels like forever, especially since the relationship was only 6 months. I had wanted to date him for a long time before that, so I suppose that time counts too. The first date we went on I thought "this is the man I am going to marry". And part of me still wants to(pathetic, I know!) I guess I better accept that there is a long road ahead.

 

@reimeivn: definitely putting myself first!

 

@nohbody: thanks, I felt like I did really well. And the next time I see this couple out, I will not speak to them. They are not even good people. The point was to show them that I don't treat people like garbage, ever, even if they deserve it.

[Wesker]

It's been almost 2 months. And the tears are flowing right now, the gross slobbery kind that you cannot stop. My nose is running and I am a wreck.

 

I went with a mutual friend and a couple other people to a popular place where I knew he might be. I was ok with it, I was be-bopping to the music, I was happy. And, he wasn't there. But, his best friend and her husband showed up later on. I decided to be the bigger person and acknowledge their presence although she has been avoiding me like the plague. The mutual friend I was with is very good friends with this couple... so we went over to say hello. I felt fake, but I kept on. I hate these fake people who choose to act as though I don't exist. I am so pissed. But I am nice to them. I am really ****ing nice to them, just as I have always been. I show them no variance from my normal behavior.

 

We all say goodbye. I then leave the mutual friend, I am all smiles. I get home and COLLAPSE. I am on the floor and sobbing. I am so upset. Why do I care what these stupid people think? Why do I care what they are going to report to my ex, if anything? I feel like I need to look pretty and be happy. So I smile and ask questions about their life. I act interested in their answers. I say nothing about my ex... I am DYING inside. Why am I affected by them? Why do I still miss HIM? I really thought I was getting better, but I just barely held it together tonight and as soon as I was alone I lost it. I feel like I am at square one.

 

I feel like I am losing faith quickly. I don't know how to heal when it feels like I cannot go anywhere or do anything without being reminded of him.

 

I get what your feeling. About 2 months out of my breakup now, and I thought I was doing ok. Then I get news a few days ago that she is getting married soon. This after being with me for over 7 years. Talk about having a setback to square one. I'm trying to use this as motivation to really move on, but it's tough.

[ScienceGal]

I get what your feeling. About 2 months out of my breakup now, and I thought I was doing ok. Then I get news a few days ago that she is getting married soon. This after being with me for over 7 years. Talk about having a setback to square one. I'm trying to use this as motivation to really move on, but it's tough.

 

Her getting married so soon does not sound like a good idea to me. It might hurt, but deep down you know something isn't right. Maybe she is riding the "good" feelings and hoping they'll continue but I would guess that it will all catch up to her somehow even if you never find out about it. This is a reflection of her, not you, so I hope you aren't thinking there is anything wrong with you. 2 months is not long enough to make that huge og a decision. She is either nuts, desperate, or both. I feel sorry for her.

 

Someone posted on here once that Sundays are the worst, and I must agree with that. I feel lousy and wonder when it is going to let up. I have felt worse this past week then the couple weeks prior. I think it's because with each day that goes by I feel further away from him... and that makes me feel angry and sick. The breakup is really sinking in now, but I know it is going to take a very long time for me to let go. I read about people going 6 months NC and then hearing from their ex... I'm stuck between hoping he will call and praying that he won't. I hope I feel this attraction and love for someone who actually deserves it someday.

Edited August 7, 2011 by ScienceGal

[TaintedHeart]

Sundays are horrible, I think it's because they're so boring and depressing.

I hated mornings, but mornings are okay for me now. I posted a lot of threads about 'Mornings'

So I'm guessing that the 'Sunday' feeling will soon pass too.

 

Run yourself a hot bath and get yourself into bed

[patagonia]

Sundays are horrible, I think it's because they're so boring and depressing.

I hated mornings, but mornings are okay for me now. I posted a lot of threads about 'Mornings'

So I'm guessing that the 'Sunday' feeling will soon pass too.

 

Run yourself a hot bath and get yourself into bed

 

Mornings do suck. That's why I sleep through them and wake up in the afternoon!

[ScienceGal]

I don't mind mornings that I have to get up and go to work because I have something to do... it keeps me busy and helps me feel productive. I have found that having a lot of things to do is helping me get through the days easier. I volunteer, go to the gym, I have decided to move to a new apartment. Distractions are my best friend right now.

 

And I like the bath idea, sounds perfect. Going to do that and watch a movie.

[patagonia]

I don't mind mornings that I have to get up and go to work because I have something to do... it keeps me busy and helps me feel productive. I have found that having a lot of things to do is helping me get through the days easier. I volunteer, go to the gym, I have decided to move to a new apartment. Distractions are my best friend right now.

 

And I like the bath idea, sounds perfect. Going to do that and watch a movie.

 

thanks for the tease

 

Distractions are good. Volunteering is good. Get the focus off of yourself. I'm right there with ya in the battle!

[ashez92]

Part of healing IS occasionally feeling like you're back at square 1. I was warned about this phenomenon and have experienced it. You think you are going to be out of the woods and then something happens that triggers it and there you are crying again. And I know that cry! A grown man crying with loud, primitive wailing. Seeing those people is definitely what triggered it. And with me, I tried dating and of course I'm thinking of her the entire time and what a sad substitute my date is for her. When the date ends, I'm in utter misery, crying all the way home. It feels like square 1 but it's not. It's healing. But it's just not the linear healing we all imagine might occur. I want this part of my life to be over but, it's not over yet. It will be.

 

 

- I feel the exact same way, in this small town and as long as I was with my ex 13 years, it is so hard to do anything that we havnt done together, everything triggers a memory and I end up being sad when Im with someone else becuase its not my ex and I always wish it was my ex instead of who Im with. Every song that I hear, everything that I do reminds me of him in some way, he was in my life for so long, there is no way of avoiding the triggers. I feel like I need to move away to even beging to help getting over this, but that still wont help with songs I hear and Im in no position to be able to move, dont have the money and resources, I would if I could.

[ashez92]

Sundays are horrible, I think it's because they're so boring and depressing.

I hated mornings, but mornings are okay for me now. I posted a lot of threads about 'Mornings'

So I'm guessing that the 'Sunday' feeling will soon pass too.

 

Run yourself a hot bath and get yourself into bed

 

 

 

wow, Sundays are so hard for me too. Because they are my days to just chill and watch tv, nothing much to do but think about not wanting to go to work tomorrow and how much I wish my ex was here, glad Im not the only one that has an even harder time I sunday, I see why it makes sense now. Thanks for sharing.

[patagonia]

wow, Sundays are so hard for me too. Because they are my days to just chill and watch tv, nothing much to do but think about not wanting to go to work tomorrow and how much I wish my ex was here, glad Im not the only one that has an even harder time I sunday, I see why it makes sense now. Thanks for sharing.

 

ashez, welcome to the community. You are definitely not alone in feeling lonely!! No matter if it's a sunday or a friday. We all wish we were with our ex's in one way or another or we wouldn't be here but we will all get through it! Welcome

[moontiger]

Hi all. I'm in the same boat. I'm three weeks and two days out from my breakup. When someone was so deep in your own life, nothing is free of memories: Not your hometown, not your house, not your own body. And when nobody was around I have also wailed and cried and screamed for him.

 

But you had a life before him, and life will go on because there will be nowhere else for it to go. In time, you will make new memories that cover up the old ones. And in time you will have reclaimed it all.

[reimeivn]

I hate this feeling so much but we have to go through it anyways. It will take times and, take a lot of courage, you know, to just be like, he left me, eff him, I rather be single than to be with somebody that doesnt love me. I have so much more going on in my life. I dont even have time to care about what he thinks, or what people think, or even what I think about this or that or whatever happened between me and him anymore.