Any guy's familiar with my story?

[didntseeit]

I went and talked to his leadership today. Nothing has happened yet, but I am sure it will take a few days to make sure they do it correctly.

 

I also went to the clinic to get meds for anxiety that should help me sleep. And no I cannot drink while taking them so that issue is gone.

 

I wrote him a nasty email last night.

 

I am still dumbfounded as to why you would choose this girl over your

family. I am still hurt that you never said anything to me. I guess it

is easier to avoid real problems and better to live in a fantasy. You

can't tell me you tried everything. Thats like taking two spanish

classes and then expect to be fluent in the language. Your mom never

gave up on your dad because she knew it was better to keep families

together but I guess you are smarter than that. It sucks that these

boys willl suffer for your selfish behavior.

 

You can tell me until your blue in the face about your non

relationship with XXX. I don't believe for a second that you are not

in contact with her everyday. Do you forget how we met. I dont think I can believe

anything you tell me at this point. You have gone behind my back twice

now so that proves to me that you do not value me as a person. It is

really sad that you felt this was the only way.

 

When you call me from now on, refrain from calling me sweetie and

babe. I am no longer yours to say that too. I no longer care how you

feel about me from this day on.

 

As I am sure you are so ready to be rid of me, I would like to see

your plan to spilt up everything. I also want to see what kind of

custody arrangements you want along with support.

 

I am off to church in a few hours because I cannot stand to be in the house anymore. He has the kids for a few hours tonight. I am not religious by any means, but this pain is eating me up.

Edited August 10, 2011 by didntseeit

[AudentesFortuna]

I am not religious by any means, but this pain is eating me up.

 

I'm not religious either but I have found great comfort in church the last two months. It will do you good.

[didntseeit]

I have very little support here. I am overseas and on a very small island. I can not go out and make new friends because soon I will be leaving. There are no support groups here. I am totally isolated and feeling worse each day.

 

My therapist will soon be going back to the states so I will lose that contact as well. Today is a very hard day and all I can seem to do is cry. I really dont know how much longer I can do this. There are so many thoughts going through my head it literally hurts. I feel lost and a little dead inside. It has only been 1 month since he announced divorce. But then he would put out those feelers and give me false hope. I know now that is truly is false hope.

 

I really just want to leave here with my kids but I know that it won't change any of the feelings that I have. I will just be in a different place with nothing to call my own.

 

I know my story is not the first and so many have made it through, it just seems unbearable at this point.

 

I pray for strength at least 10 times a day, but it doesnt seem to help. I am at a loss here.

[itllgetbetter]

I think it's better to be around people as much as possible rather than being alone. In the event that there's an unexpected delay in leaving the island soon, maybe you could try to get to know some people - if only to get you out of the house?

 

Does the church you went to have any activities you can participate in during the week?

 

You may be luckier than most in that if you go to the States, you won't have to deal with him (assuming he doesn't come with you) on a regular basis because of the kids, like so many others in your situation.

 

Your letter's good in that it's fairly short. However, I wouldn't write him any more letters as he may not even read them in their entirety. In addition, try to do your best to remain as upbeat and positive when around him.

 

It really does get easier with time - just try to get through one day at a time - baby steps - rather than thinking too far ahead.

[didntseeit]

I did find a church last week. I am not a church person but was drawn to this one. My kids and I attend Sunday service and I just returned from Fellowship night tonight. Although I know no one, I feel safe there and the scenery is different from my four walls. I was having my experience and trying to relax and just listen, when I noticied it was time to go. I got in the car and started for home and the anxiety started to set in. My H is at the house with the kids until I return. Yuk. But now he wont leave because he wants to talk about division of our stuff. Its 9pm dude. Can't it wait?

 

Anyway, just took my meds and I am feeling rather sleepy, thank goodness. I hope tomorrow the tears fall a little less than they did today.

 

And I wont be sending anymore emails like that. I woke up in a panic in the middle of the night and he was my target.

 

I asked how long he wanted this legal separation for and he said as long as I need it. Really....hmmm

[andyg99]

I did find a church last week. I am not a church person but was drawn to this one. My kids and I attend Sunday service and I just returned from Fellowship night tonight. Although I know no one, I feel safe there and the scenery is different from my four walls. I was having my experience and trying to relax and just listen, when I noticied it was time to go. I got in the car and started for home and the anxiety started to set in. My H is at the house with the kids until I return. Yuk. But now he wont leave because he wants to talk about division of our stuff. Its 9pm dude. Can't it wait?

 

Anyway, just took my meds and I am feeling rather sleepy, thank goodness. I hope tomorrow the tears fall a little less than they did today.

 

And I wont be sending anymore emails like that. I woke up in a panic in the middle of the night and he was my target.

 

I asked how long he wanted this legal separation for and he said as long as I need it. Really....hmmm

 

I'm glad you found a church, when I went through my divorce I found much comfort there even though like you I don't consider myself religious. And great job with the letter - you were to the point and it was probably good to put it down in text for you to see... even though you say you won't send anymore (and that is a good idea), continue to write them, print them and just put them aside, it's good therapy... just don't send them.

 

You are going to be fine, look after yourself and yuor children and get stronger everyday, you'll need the strength because I have a feeling he'll be knocking on your door someday...

[Steen719]

When my H had an affair 14 years ago, I was blindsided and had a 7 year old son. My situation was not like yours in that you are not at home near some family and friends at all. I was fairly new to this area and did not have that many friends yet, but I had work and some support there. You must feel so alone and while I am not religious either, going to church and fellowship is a good idea and maybe you can see if they have any groups running.

 

I wanted to tell you this, though. I prayed so many times that I could feel just a little better, not a lot, but just a teeny little better and before I knew it, I did. I was crying all of the time and felt like I was running on automatic. I really do not know how I functioned; felt hit in the gut. It is hard to imagine that you will feel better, but you will. Hold on to that thought. You will feel better, maybe not anywhere near good for a while, but better. Hang in there. I mostly just read messages and draw strength from others here, but I did want you to know that if you need a kind voice, there are many on here and you eventually will feel better. It will happen for you.

 

P.S. I did 180 at the time...not knowing it, of course, but because I felt it and the dog came running back around. I took him back, wanted my son to have a dad around. I'm not sure that was a mistake, but today, I am having issues with him. If I had known divorce was easier (most of the time) for kids when they are younger, I might have made a different decision. I have a wonderful son and my H is a good dad, so I try never to visit that issue much..just wanted to mention the 180 in perspective.

[didntseeit]

Thanks for all your replies. I did manage to sleep an extra hour last night 5 instead of 4, so hopefully the meds will help me to relax.

 

I find comfort in this church so I will continue to go 2x week until we leave here. The 2 people I considered close friends of mine, well one of them opened their mouth and the word got out about something I had told them privately so I am no longer confide in them. Now it is just my mom. I think I will call the Pastor and make arrangements to speak with him. He wanted to do it last last at church but didnt want me to be upset when all the members started arriving.

 

@Andy, I will continue to write out my frustrations and keep them in my journal. I know that is best.

 

@Steen I am sorry that your are in this situation. I wish I had some advice for you but I havent made it to a point yet that is clear and direct. My path is so shaky.

 

I am still praying, reading from a book Tending the soul, just about anything that can help me regain my dignity and an ounce of inner strength.

 

I asked my STBX for a timeframe of when he will have us sent back. I got the "I dont' know answer" once again. I think he doesnt want to be the bad person in all of this so he is not wanting to make decisions because he knows that eventually I will.

 

My boys (8,6) are truly wonderfull little creatures. My oldest gives me many hugs during the day when he sees that I am sad. I guess I did that right, raised a young man with a heart.

[didntseeit]

So he called me today to talk about stuff. Who knows what was on his mind. I told him I consulted with a lawyer (military) and that he had sent me some web links. One for each of our states. For us we are to do a legal sep (contract as he calls it) and that will allow my H to receive extra money to help us get settled into a new place and on our feet.

 

As he keeps asking where I will go; I tell him where I grew up since I have no job, no car, nothing and will have to rely on my family until I can get a fulltime job with benefits to support these kids.

 

Get this...he wants me to move back to where his family is so that his sister and mother can see the boys. WTF? He actually said that his mom and sister want us to move back there to be closer to them...WTH? I told him no. Why would I want to move back to a place that was going to be our future but is now longer a part of this new life you chose for me. Then he started crying. I know this sounds mean, but I hope it hurt him like hell. I explained that divorce is not simply about signing your name on the line at that's that. It's a process.

 

Then off course I cried all day. Not as much as yesterday, thank you medication but more than I wanted too.

[didntseeit]

Oh and I forgot, he was suppose to see the Doc today to get some sleeping pills. After his appointment he was coming by to get our youngest to take out on the jet-ski. When he was suppose to be at the Docs he was on skype. For an hour...I was also on there trying to get my family hooked up so we can talk without the expense...

 

He called after that and said it looked as if it was going to pour down rain and he wouldnt be by to get our son. There were a few clouds in the sky and no wind. He then got right back on skype with his GF....what a piece of garbage..After I skyped him, out of weakness, he called and gave me the excuse that he always has it on, things turned ugly...

 

He said he would call the boys before bedtime tonight...Guess what, he didnt.....

[andyg99]

Oh and I forgot, he was suppose to see the Doc today to get some sleeping pills. After his appointment he was coming by to get our youngest to take out on the jet-ski. When he was suppose to be at the Docs he was on skype. For an hour...I was also on there trying to get my family hooked up so we can talk without the expense...

 

He called after that and said it looked as if it was going to pour down rain and he wouldnt be by to get our son. There were a few clouds in the sky and no wind. He then got right back on skype with his GF....what a piece of garbage..After I skyped him, out of weakness, he called and gave me the excuse that he always has it on, things turned ugly...

 

He said he would call the boys before bedtime tonight...Guess what, he didnt.....

 

And trust me, I know this from experience, when a parent says they'll call kids will wait for that call (especially younger ones) sounds like you HAVE to be the stable parent now (maybe it was always that way)... I've played the role of mom and dad for over 15 years and this was with their mom in their lives. Some folks don't get it, divorce, separation, whatever - we still need to parent our kids no matter what!

[didntseeit]

I had my oldest call him right before bedtime. It is sad that he only spends 2 minutes talking to him. My youngest doesnt want to talk with him so I can see that getting worse when we move back to the US. It is really sad.

 

I am off to a four day retreat next week alone. First time in 4 years. I hope through all the meditation and yoga that I find some clarity and strength to make it through these last few months and get the proper steps taken care of. I will have to do most of the paperwork, because he only wants to talk, yet he is the one pushing it.

Edited August 11, 2011 by didntseeit