SugarHoney Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Just wondering if anyone here has actually managed to stay friends with their ex, without any longer loving them or waiting around hoping for them to change their mind? Link to post Share on other sites
snug.bunny Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Yes. A couple, who I hear from once in a blue moon. I no longer feel "love" for them, that was a long time ago. So yes, it is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
LifeIsGreat Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Sure, it's possible... but why bother? I have stayed friends with women I dated for a very short time but we didn't get that romantic connection. But, I can't stay friend with women I have been in serious relationships with. Staying friends with serious LTR ex's just adds a layer of complication to your life you don't need. What happens when you meet the "right" one and that person may be uncomfortable with you being so friendly with your ex? Link to post Share on other sites
Single Sid Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Sure, it's possible... but why bother? I have stayed friends with women I dated for a very short time but we didn't get that romantic connection. But, I can't stay friend with women I have been in serious relationships with. Staying friends with serious LTR ex's just adds a layer of complication to your life you don't need. What happens when you meet the "right" one and that person may be uncomfortable with you being so friendly with your ex? Can only agree with the above through experience. Them relationships years ago with Exs that didnt mean the world to me, have no bearing on my life now, meaning im able to still speak to them ex's and have a laugh with them, or listen to their woes, its like old friends just catching up. But from a serious relationship there cannot be a friendship unless the break was 100% mutual without outside influence. One will always feel the other did them wrong, and probably the other will always carry the guilt when its not a mutual break up so being frineds wouldnt work, even if it looked like it was working the chances are, one of you will be there for stronger feelings in the friendship whilst the other will be friendly through guilt of hurting you. Ive been through this for many years you could say due to having a child and it really doesnt work having a friendship on a personal level. Its not a bad thing really, lifes way of getting rid of the bad things in YOUR life. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 Yeah. My sister seems to stay friends with the majority of her exs and they have become her best friends. I'm friends with a few and I hope one day to be friends with my current ex as that's how we started off (and to be honest, that's how we should've stayed). Link to post Share on other sites
Author SugarHoney Posted August 7, 2011 Author Share Posted August 7, 2011 Sure, it's possible... but why bother? I have stayed friends with women I dated for a very short time but we didn't get that romantic connection. But, I can't stay friend with women I have been in serious relationships with. Staying friends with serious LTR ex's just adds a layer of complication to your life you don't need. What happens when you meet the "right" one and that person may be uncomfortable with you being so friendly with your ex? How long does the relationship have to be to count as a long term relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
LifeIsGreat Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 IMHO, any relationship where there was a "real" love (i.e.-not infatuation, really liked, etc) or relationship where you saw this person as a potential life partner. It's not so much about time. But, I have to say I find it really hard to believe when people date someone for a couple/few months and can claim it was the love of their life. I can't see having that kind of love in such a short time. Example: I dated someone (right after my divorce- a 'transitional' relationship) for a whole year! We spent a lot of time together, traveled, and I met all her friends and many of her family. However, I never 'loved' her (and never told her so) and never saw her as a life partner. When we split it wasn't that big a deal, and I moved forward very quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Just wondering if anyone here has actually managed to stay friends with their ex, without any longer loving them or waiting around hoping for them to change their mind? I'll let you know when that happens.... (Oh, and it's been about two years, by the way. ) Link to post Share on other sites
jquest1280 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Yes, it is possible, but it takes years, and it won't happen if you're secretly wishing you would get back together again. If you harbor this secret wish, you will have expectations of the friendship, and then you will be disappointed. There are those who say good friendship is not possible at all. But I'm waiting to test that when I see my ex again - we're in a common group, so we bump into each other occasionally. It's been 5 years since he dumped me, and I'm in a very good place right now . So let's see. Link to post Share on other sites
Orianne Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Based on my own experience, I would say that the only way a friendship could ever work is if both people have dead feelings. I don't think there's any magical formula beyond that. Trying to be friends with someone you still love is just a formula for more heartbreak. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 I love my friends and my friends love me. My exW ain't a friend. She is an acquaintance, in that I recognize her beyond being a stranger. AFAIK, my exW was never friends with her two past husbands either. It's certainly possible for an ex to be a friend. In my social circle I haven't yet seen it, but I'm sure it's possible. Most of our data points are exW's and exH's, so perhaps that's different than BF/GF stuff, IDK. My best friend's wife gets mad at me when I even talk somewhat decently about my exW Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts