Author jpundun Posted September 24, 2011 Author Share Posted September 24, 2011 tell her if she needs more money - then earn the money herself and then purchase what she needs. if she'd thought of ANY of the consequences before cheating - she may have decided differently. she caused this. remind her every time she complains. in fact - when she wants to call you about anything - tell her to complain to her attorney. there's only a few answers you need to respond to her with: yes no maybe let me think about that thanks for telling me hmmmm these are designed to shut down a conversation and/or an argument. there may not even be a need to take a call from her... When she said that she needed money I asked her why does she need it from the bank. She responded that I should know that she doesn't make enough to support herself. I reminded her that it was just a few days ago when she told me that she basically supported herself throughout the marriage and my contribution was nothing. Just so everyone knows I have always paid all the bills and gave her a very comfortable living but of course that didn't count. You are right I should remind her that her predicament is her doing. I tried to explain the situation she would be in if she bailed but she never wanted to listen. The only response I got was she didn't care if she got any money and just lived in a cardboard box. Well she just might be doing that sometime soon. This is just the beginning of her problems. By now the whole family knows what happened and it will inevitably be learned by other people she knows and socializes with. The cat is out of the bag. Oh and her first husband also knows and I know that he will spread the story far and wide. I don't have to say a word to anyone. I know that she is squirming and feels ashamed because the daughter told me. It doesn't matter to me as it does nothing for me. I guess Karma is a bitch. Also both you and andy are right I shouldn't let myself be pulled into an argument with her as it is useless. I guess it's just that the anger is still raging in me and when she handed me the line about coming back I just lost it. At any rate I am going to try to keep a lid on my emotions as best I can. Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 She said that I really blew it as she was about to come home for good and now that I have protected the rest of the money she sees what kind of person I really am and that she can't trust me so she's not coming back. OMG, I cannot believe she said that to you. How shameful to try to pull you in that way. SHE CAN'T TRUST YOU????? The amount of blame and bs they can put on another person is absolutely un-freaking-believable. It is so hard not to get drawn into an argument and I have gotten up and gone to the bedroom until he stops, but I admit I get in the fight too often. We are here together, so it's harder, but I also just want to get a hammer and hammer the argument in...so I'm no good there to advise you on that. This is just the beginning of her problems. By now the whole family knows what happened and it will inevitably be learned by other people she knows and socializes with. The cat is out of the bag. Oh and her first husband also knows and I know that he will spread the story far and wide. I don't have to say a word to anyone. I know that she is squirming and feels ashamed because the daughter told me. It doesn't matter to me as it does nothing for me. I guess Karma is a bitch. I think Karma is a lovely bitch! Here's to Karma!!! Stay strong....keep going. You sound better and I'm glad to see that. Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 - tell her to complain to her attorney. An even better response, " It's for the attorney's to decide, so we both get a fair settlement" It's nice, and it totally shuts her down... Link to post Share on other sites
robf1971 Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 When she said that she needed money Next time "Our lawyers will ensure that we both get treated fairly, please give him/her a call" Link to post Share on other sites
Author jpundun Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Okay I need some help. I have been trying to call the stbxw so that I can inform her as to what is going on with the divorce. I haven't gotten the papers yet to serve her but they will be coming next week according to my lawyer. I want to have her sign the papers so that this thing can get started but if she refuses to have contact with me that's going to be a little hard. I am not sure if she is staying with the same friend or not and I don't want to bother the woman who owns the house by going to the house. If she doesn't sign there is a distinct possiblity that the divorce will take two years. I really don't want that. I don't understand why she is giving me this treatment and the only reason I can figure is it's over the last phone call. So if anyone knows what is she up to? Why the attitude? She is the one that got found out not me. What gives? Link to post Share on other sites
cyabye Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Okay I need some help. I have been trying to call the stbxw so that I can inform her as to what is going on with the divorce. I haven't gotten the papers yet to serve her but they will be coming next week according to my lawyer. I want to have her sign the papers so that this thing can get started but if she refuses to have contact with me that's going to be a little hard. I am not sure if she is staying with the same friend or not and I don't want to bother the woman who owns the house by going to the house. If she doesn't sign there is a distinct possiblity that the divorce will take two years. I really don't want that. I don't understand why she is giving me this treatment and the only reason I can figure is it's over the last phone call. So if anyone knows what is she up to? Why the attitude? She is the one that got found out not me. What gives? She is acting this way because you are not giving into her. Another form of manipulation. I am going through this myself. Mine told me today that she would sign the papers if I stop being an ass! By me not giving into to her and ignoring her attempts for more drama and BS, to her I am being an ass. Does that make any sense to a rational person? I am just protecting ME. You keep doing the same. Let the laywer send her the papers. Take yourself out the loop. You have NOTHING left to discuss with her on a personal level anymore. I know where you are and you have to be strong. Hope this helps. cya Link to post Share on other sites
Author jpundun Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 She is acting this way because you are not giving into her. Another form of manipulation. I am going through this myself. Mine told me today that she would sign the papers if I stop being an ass! By me not giving into to her and ignoring her attempts for more drama and BS, to her I am being an ass. Does that make any sense to a rational person? I am just protecting ME. You keep doing the same. Let the laywer send her the papers. Take yourself out the loop. You have NOTHING left to discuss with her on a personal level anymore. I know where you are and you have to be strong. Hope this helps. cya I just can't figure it out. I'm giving her what she wanted and now she's giving me the cold shoulder. The days of the BS and drama are over for me and no they don't make any rational sense. That's part of the overall problem. Her acting like this makes me think that she is having a breakdown or something. I appreciate your input and yes you have to CYA. That's why I got the best divorce lawyer I could find. I told her that and she went nuts. I was just giving her a warning not to try and play any games with me. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 I just can't figure it out. I'm giving her what she wanted and now she's giving me the cold shoulder. The days of the BS and drama are over for me and no they don't make any rational sense. That's part of the overall problem. Her acting like this makes me think that she is having a breakdown or something. I appreciate your input and yes you have to CYA. That's why I got the best divorce lawyer I could find. I told her that and she went nuts. I was just giving her a warning not to try and play any games with me. Take care. you are doing well here... like someone has already said - let the lawyer deal with getting her the papers if she is being difficult. Keep contact at a bare minimum, pretty soon it won't matter a lick to you what she says or thinks... Link to post Share on other sites
Steen719 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 She is playing more games with you, making it as hard as she can. Hard to figure why she is mad at you, huh? She had the OM, wanted to leave and wanted the divorce and she is mad!! Ditto the lawyer advice. They will find her. I'm sure your daughter knows where she is. Good luck...good to know you're still around. Link to post Share on other sites
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