30 years together and she wants out

[jpundun]

First off, if I were you I'd be praying that she does indeed have another man

as it will give you some leverage, she wants out quickly,cleanly without being exposed socially? then she agrees to settlement terms that are more favorable to you. The medical is a biggie, if possible she needs to get her own coverage through her employer, you also need a really skilled lawyer to hopefully limit your liability for her long term medical care.. say exposure only for 5 yrs when she's eligible for medicare.

 

If it were me I'd draw out the process as long as possible, any chance you can afford to retire at age 62?, possibly returning to work on a consultant basis once the divorce and fiscal settlement is over?

 

To answer all: I do not have proof of OM at this time though I will still keep my eyes open. I don't believe infidelity has any effect on alimony though I am not exactly sure at this time. I agree that if there is OM than it could be used to my advantage as she will certainly want to get it over with as soon as possible so that she can parade around her new found love. Further she may agree to less because her new prize will provide for her she hopes and would figure it would be a bargain just to be free of me so the two of them could get on with their new lives.

 

I know I am able to drag the divorce out for two years. I will more than likely have to pay spousal support during this period. Once divorced she will absolutely have to provide for her own medical and I won't have to subsidize her medical. Retiring at 62 is iffy. It would depend on a lot of things. I would have to see how the divorce was going and then figure out what it will cost me in the end.

[jpundun]

Thought I would give everyone an update.

 

It seems that my complete indifference to the whole thing has rattled her cage. Since the last post her whole attitude has changed. She is now talking about not going on the trip as she had planned and wants to return home instead.

 

She now wants to give the marriage another chance and that this time she is going to get in the game instead of standing on the sidelines like she did before. The complete indifference that I showed was so apparent that she actually asked me If I still had any feelings for her. I was stunned by this complete turn around. I actually thought that it was over and I was preparing myself for the divorce.

 

I told her that I was not going to play the same game as before with her when I was the only one that was trying and further that if she was planning on coming back and doing the same as before that I would rather she not come back. I also informed her that I was getting very comfortable with the new lifestyle that was imposed upon me and I no longer had the desire or patience to play any games with her.

 

She will be returning home tomorrow. I have a lot of uneasy feelings about the whole thing. I know that with the attitude adjustment that I went through as a result of all this that I wouldn't hesitate to file for divorce if I detect that she is just trying to jerk me around again. We will see.......

[Calif_hope]

Good luck, stay strong, be observant, be cautious, watch you back and you heart and insist on equal amount of work in repairing and saving your marriage.

[jpundun]

Well she is back. She immediately took over the guest bedroom and that is where she is sleeping. Her demeanor is the same as before in that I don't see any heart felt emotions toward me. The fact that she intends to sleep in the guest room should be a real warning sign for me. Oh did I mention she is now wearing pajamas whcih she has never done all the time we've been together. I guess she's afraid I might get too excited if I see her naked or maybe she is just too embarrassed and doesn't feel right that I see her that way. I could hardly sleep last night because I was so p'''ed at myself moreso than her for allowing this to happen.

 

I should have gone with my gut feelings and told her that it was not a good idea to come home. I feel like I am living with a stranger and I feel very awkward around her. She just doesn't act like someone who just went through 4 months of misery and wants to work on the marriage, at least not in my opinion.

 

I decided today to split the joint accounts and put my half into a new and separate account. I do not trust her and at this point I don't know what she is up to. I can't believe that I am going to go through the same bulls''t again unless I do something about it.

[Steen719]

Maybe someone advised her to go back home or she could lose her part of the joint home. Who knows why she came home, but it sure does seem like she is not much interested in working out your differences.

 

Sorry, J, you probably are right to get stuff separated; it seems like she may be angling for something.

 

Hang in there.

[Kivu]

My parents are your age and I have been trying to put them in your place, to try to understand your situation. Honestly, this is just...odd.

 

A little backstory: my mother moved out of my parents' house a few months ago, to get an apartment closer to where she was working. My dad wasn't happy, no one in the family was happy. My husband even mentioned that it sounded like she was having an affair.

 

Was she? No. She legitimately was trying to get closer to her work. Thing is, she had a stroke a couple of years ago, and hasn't really been the same since. So something that she would NEVER have done a few years before, she was willing to do in order to make her life easier. She's moving back in with my dad this month, after retiring a bit earlier than she really was planning on (she's 62). They have a great relationship, though, which apparently doesn't seem true in your case.

 

So, to my mind, your wife may have had a bit of a personality shift. Sometimes that happens naturally as you get older, sometimes it happens as a result of an illness, and sometimes it happens when you fall in with a different group of friends. Is there anything else that has been happening in your wife's life -- has she joined a new church, or made a new female friend, or anything like that?

 

She may also be having or contemplating having an affair. Indications of this are wearing pajamas, sleeping in the guest room, spending weeks away from you, and so on. I'd wager a guess that if she was having an affair, things took a downturn recently -- the guy has stopped being so loving or has told her that he doesn't like her in that way. That's why she's returned (she has nowhere else to go) but keeping her distance from you (separate rooms and clothes) because her feelings are still engaged with the other guy.

 

Where does that leave you? In the ****, really. I have a lot of sympathy for you. By the time I'm 62 I really want to have a stable relationship and none of the teenage drama. I've had enough drama...

 

As another poster has said to me, there's a lot of "her her her" in what you are saying. Where are you? You said you've resigned yourself to your fate. You seem okay with it. And really, you SHOULD be okay with it. Dating at your age, when you're a man, is pretty great. You've got a very good playing field and lots of freedom and options.

 

So if you're okay with being alone, and you're tired of being jerked around by this woman who isn't giving a thought for your own emotions and feelings, you may want to gently and firmly put her out into the cold. She was fine with leaving you before, tell her to do it again. Give her the divorce papers. Pack her bags. Make appointments for her to go see apartments. Kindly shove her out the door.

 

See, during that time that I was worried my mother was leaving my dad, I came to the conclusion that, if she really wanted to leave, my dad wouldn't be worse off. He has money, he has friends, he has a winning and cheerful personality, and he wouldn't be on his own for long, not if he didn't want to be. And I really love my mother, so that's a strong statement for me to make.

 

You probably care for your wife a great deal and won't toss her out, but I think that if you did, no one would blame you, and things may just be a lot better for you.

[GorillaTheater]

Good post, Kivu.

 

Well J, I guess you understand by now that you should have made her work alot harder for you and the relationship, and waited quite a bit longer, before taking her back. The situation you find yourself in isn't that unusual when the "left" spouse doesn't make the leaver work for it. I wish I'd been around to warn you, because up to that point you were doing everything right.

 

I agree with the other advice you've gotten: "You know wife, this isn't working for me. This isn't the marriage I want, and I deserve better. Expect to be served tomorrow." She'll "flip the switch" again, just like she did when she saw your indifference. When that happens, you have two paths: 1) keep the divorce process in place and see it through to the end, or 2) keep the divorce process in place and make her work her ass off to prove that she values you and your marriage. If she comes through on #2, divorce proceedings can always be dropped, but it's important to make it hard on her and to give it alot of time, like several months, to see if she's willing to make changes and to make them stick.

 

Good job on separating finances. Pay off and cancel joint credit cards, too. And I'd be paranoid enough in your situation to carry a voice-activated recorder (VAR) to ward off any false domestic-violence charges. This COULD be a ruse to position herself to get YOU out of the house. Maybe she missed the comforts of home alot more than she missed you, and wants you to be the one who has to get the crappy apartment.

 

You can handle this J.

[Chi townD]

Just because she's home doesn't mean that's she willing to work on anything. If there was an OM, then I may sound like that he may have thrown her under the bus. That he was happy with the booty calls but since she was out on her own, he wasn't happy with the prospect of the "up keep" of that booty call.

 

I would continue to live my life as if she wasn't there. I would do my own thing until she actually comes to you asking to work things out. Until then, hell...I'd go on vacation by myself! Or a weekend away!

[jpundun]

Thanks to all for your advice. Well she is still acting the same way. She acts like she is doing me a favor just being here. Oh she did tell me that whether we work it out or not she has no intention of leaving the house again until it's resolved one way or the other. So I guess there isn't much hope of getting her out now no matter what.

 

I assume that she either was given advice to move back in to strengthen her position or she got tired of being inconvenienced or if there is an OM that things went south with that. Either way it is an intolerable situation for me. Maybe she thinks that if she makes it miserable enough for me that I will leave. Well I won't. If it's games she wants then so be it.

 

She has made it clear to me that she isn't going to do much trying as she doesn't have the desire so it's the same as it was before. The only difference now is that I am no longer trying either. Her bulls''t that she was coming back to give it a real try was just that. She never had any intention of really trying.

 

We basically live as roommates and she makes no effort to conceal her complete disregard for me. In fact she goes out of her way to show me that. Once in awhile she throws out a "I don't know how this is going to turn out". AS if she didn't know. I know though. I've been preparing for it for some time now.

 

I gave her the divorce papers. Since she doesn't want lawyers involved I gave her the blank forms and told her to let me know when she wants to sit down and fill them out. She was a little stunned but then recovered and started talking about who was going to buy who out etc. Well after that I haven't heard anything about the papers. She just keeps mentioning that we have to wait and see how it works out as if there really was a way of working it out when she already more or less is gone and has no intention of really working on it.

 

As for the OM I have not been able to determine if there is one for sure. AS for friends I know that they are one of my biggest nemeses. I am sure they are giving her all sorts of advice. I imagine that is why she is back. She occasionally brings up how so and so are getting divorced and I can't help but think that this also influences her.

[jpundun]

Good post, Kivu.

 

Well J, I guess you understand by now that you should have made her work alot harder for you and the relationship, and waited quite a bit longer, before taking her back. The situation you find yourself in isn't that unusual when the "left" spouse doesn't make the leaver work for it. I wish I'd been around to warn you, because up to that point you were doing everything right.

 

I agree with the other advice you've gotten: "You know wife, this isn't working for me. This isn't the marriage I want, and I deserve better. Expect to be served tomorrow." She'll "flip the switch" again, just like she did when she saw your indifference. When that happens, you have two paths: 1) keep the divorce process in place and see it through to the end, or 2) keep the divorce process in place and make her work her ass off to prove that she values you and your marriage. If she comes through on #2, divorce proceedings can always be dropped, but it's important to make it hard on her and to give it alot of time, like several months, to see if she's willing to make changes and to make them stick.

 

Good job on separating finances. Pay off and cancel joint credit cards, too. And I'd be paranoid enough in your situation to carry a voice-activated recorder (VAR) to ward off any false domestic-violence charges. This COULD be a ruse to position herself to get YOU out of the house. Maybe she missed the comforts of home alot more than she missed you, and wants you to be the one who has to get the crappy apartment.

 

You can handle this J.

 

I agree with you. I knew in my gut that it was too soon to get back together but unfortunately I didn't follow my gut feelings. You're also right about being paranoid. I have often thought of that possibility even when she was just stopping by when we were separated. I wouldn't put it past her at this point to do such a thing. I can't trust a word she says let alone what her actions towards me would be. I will follow your advice and get a VAR. It can't hurt to be cautious especially the way it's going.

[GorillaTheater]

J, just checking in with you. Where do things stand? Are you hanging in there okay?

[jpundun]

J, just checking in with you. Where do things stand? Are you hanging in there okay?

 

G,

 

Thanks for the concern. As it stands she is still here. Not much has changed. She is still acting as if she is doing me a favor by being here. The only difference between now and before is that she hasn't talked about the relationship being over or that she is just wasting her time. She also doesn't have a change of mood every other day.

 

There is no intimacy between us and we more or less reside as roommates. I have backed way off from what I was doing before and don't approach her either verbally or physically. No more hugs and kisses and no more trying to talk it out.

 

At this point in time when I look at her I feel as if I am looking at a stranger. I no longer have the need to have her here or anywhere. I am growing more and more tired of the drama and not knowing what is going on from one day to the next. I hate living like this and I just wish she would make a move to commit this marriage to the trash heap and be done with it.

 

It's funny how in the beginning I was willing to do anything to fix this but she has managed to squash that feeling to death. Now I just want her to come out and say that it's done. I know I could say it but I want her to say it. I want her to be the one to put the final nail in the coffin.

[GorillaTheater]

She may well be feeling the same way: wanting you to take the lead in the divorce so that she can assume the "victim" role; that would be pretty common. But you might want to examine the basis of you wanting her to be the one who pulls the lever. They may be good reasons or they may generally suck, but if there's any good that can come of a mess like this it's an opportunity to examine yourself, including why you make the decisions you make.

 

Quick story, some or none of which may apply to you: my wife and I have been married 28 years. The last three years haven't been really good. No infidelity (that I know of, so I'm right there with you), but alot of distance and strain. I struggled and bounced around quite a bit with my approaches on how to "fix" the situation before, finally, figuring out that the only one I could fix was myself. I also figured out, much as I hated to admit it, that I co-dependent, that I allowed my wife's interactions with me and the state of my marriage to determine how I felt about myself (which, given the circumstances, was usually pretty lousy). Once these two realizations took root in my mind, I was able to come to the realization that, regardless of what happened, I would be fine. The fear of "what may be" dropped away. Ironically, now that I'm happier, more of my original cocky self, and pursing my own interests, my wife is actually warming up to me. Figures.

 

Now, my situation hasn't gotten to the point of yours, but what I'm trying to clumsily convey is that I think it's a bad idea to miserably wait until your wife pulls the trigger. Take the lead: if you want a divorce, file. If you're not ready, then don't but in either case get out there and pursue a life for you. Exercise (can't stress this enough as a mental and emotional healer, even if it's nothing more than long walks), maybe join a gym (not only for the exercise but also the social aspects), pursue hobbies and brand-new interests.

 

Having nothing left to lose is really pretty damn liberating.

[breakfastmeat]

Thanks to all for your advice. Well she is still acting the same way. She acts like she is doing me a favor just being here. Oh she did tell me that whether we work it out or not she has no intention of leaving the house again until it's resolved one way or the other. So I guess there isn't much hope of getting her out now no matter what.

 

Sounds like she's consulted a divorce lawyer and is angling to get the house.

[Steen719]

J,

My H told me in May he was not in love with me, had been miserable for 14 years (since his affair..when we were married 7 years), called and facebooked inappropriately with other women and finally communicated with the woman that he had the affair with and waited for me to say I wanted the divorce. When I said I wanted the divorce, he said he didn't...I was tearing the family apart. I know you want her to admit it, but I can tell you it was a freeing thing for me to finally make the decision. You and I are similar in age and I just started thinking that I had a long (hopefully) time to live as I am healthy, working, generally happy and a positive person and I want to enjoy my life. I am sick of being played and I hope you are, too. Once you make the decision, she can either accept it or actually try to make her marriage with you work. Don't settle for less. You don't have to and you should not have to. I'm not saying it is without pain, but I've had pain with the mess I have been in with him anyway. At least this way, I am doing something for me for a change.

Good luck.

[jpundun]

G,

 

First let me say that I appreciate your words of wisdom and also your concern.

 

I believe that she loves being the victim just for the attention from her friends. She has always played the martyr role for as along as I've known her. This reason alone is what drives me to make her state like an adult what she wants. In this case a divorce. I would take great satisfaction in hearing her say that.

I am no longer the panicky, what am I going to do, person that I was when this first started. I am now in the state of indifference. I don't care how this goes. I've played the game long enough but obviously it has not been enough for her.

I have been doing things on my own and surprisingly when I do she always asks why I didn't include her. Well golly gee. I guess it's because I didn't want to be around you. You think she would take the hint. Also being the way she is acting I don't know why it would matter to her. She goes out of her way to express her indifference to our marriage everyday.

We basically live as roommates. We are congenial with each other but there is no intimacy between us. My days of bending over backwards trying to prove my love and devotion are over. I made it clear to her that interaction would be tit for tat. If she acted in a favorable manner I would reply in kind. As of yet that hasn't happened.

 

I am glad for you that you are making headway with you wife. Can I ask how long it took for her to start responding to your changes? I don't expect mine to start responding. In fact I see the opposite. She is just as indifferent as I am.

 

B,

 

Her moving back would not guarantee her getting the house. The way it works is if neither of us can agree on who gets it then it would get sold.

 

S,

 

I am sorry for your ordeal and appreciate your input. The only consolation I can give you is that your Ex was just unhappy for 14 years whereas mine has been unhappy for 30. I understand that being made a fool is hard to take. In my case I have no illusions about what is happening and how it will probably end. I'm just going along for the ride. I'm not going anywhere in the foreseeable future so I'm not in any rush. She is just causing herself more discomfort just by keeping this up and I am willing to see just how far she'll go. Nothing she says or does will surprise me. As it stands now I don't trust a word she says or a deed she does.

 

There isn't a whole lot more she can do to me or make me even care about it. I consider her nothing but a petulant child. I wish she would just grow up instead of trying to find herself. Whatever that means.

[andyg99]

This reason alone is what drives me to make her state like an adult what she wants. In this case a divorce. I would take great satisfaction in hearing her say that.

 

 

I'm just going along for the ride. I'm not going anywhere in the foreseeable future so I'm not in any rush. .

 

you stated that you are now in a "room mate situation" - if you would take great satisfaction in hearing that she wants a divorce then I assume you want one too? Why not just take the initiative and file? Who cares what she or anyone thinks, it sounds like you are playing a game of "chicken" and seeing who is going to blink first.

 

This is your life - it's happening right here and now... if you're just going along for the ride then what does that say?

[jpundun]

you stated that you are now in a "room mate situation" - if you would take great satisfaction in hearing that she wants a divorce then I assume you want one too? Why not just take the initiative and file? Who cares what she or anyone thinks, it sounds like you are playing a game of "chicken" and seeing who is going to blink first.

 

This is your life - it's happening right here and now... if you're just going along for the ride then what does that say?

 

Well it really has nothing to do with what anyone thinks and yes I would get great satisfaction from hearing her say she wants a divorce. To me It all has to do with her being mature enough to state what she wants. If you consider it a game of chicken than maybe it is. At this point I have nothing to lose. I've played her game up to now so why not play a game of my own.

 

I'm content to let this play out. Who knows it could go either way. I didn't say I wanted a divorce but I will be okay with whatever way it goes. At any rate I don't think that it will go on much longer due to the state the marriage is in. She is the one who started the ball rolling I'm just waiting to see where she stops it.

[Steen719]

S,

 

I am sorry for your ordeal and appreciate your input. The only consolation I can give you is that your Ex was just unhappy for 14 years whereas mine has been unhappy for 30. I understand that being made a fool is hard to take. In my case I have no illusions about what is happening and how it will probably end. I'm just going along for the ride. I'm not going anywhere in the foreseeable future so I'm not in any rush. She is just causing herself more discomfort just by keeping this up and I am willing to see just how far she'll go. Nothing she says or does will surprise me. As it stands now I don't trust a word she says or a deed she does.

 

Well, yes, that is true..mine was only 14 years. ha ha I guess you will be ready when you are ready and if you can sit there and wait, then you should. Since you are not sure that she has someone else or has had someone else, it may be easier to be with her and you will just suffer the indifference. I harbor bad feelings, I am afraid, and so to sit here with him is driving me a little mad. You will be ready when you are ready. I wish you the best.

[jpundun]

Well, yes, that is true..mine was only 14 years. ha ha I guess you will be ready when you are ready and if you can sit there and wait, then you should. Since you are not sure that she has someone else or has had someone else, it may be easier to be with her and you will just suffer the indifference. I harbor bad feelings, I am afraid, and so to sit here with him is driving me a little mad. You will be ready when you are ready. I wish you the best.

 

S,

 

You are right. I don't know if there has been any unfaithfulness. Right now though I have a feeling of indifference I still feel a lot of pent up anger. I guess that I am in just a pissy mood. I can put up with her indifference. I think the anger has got me down more than anything. I am not ready to pull the trigger yet but maybe sometime in the near future I will have reached that point. I do know though that if I learned that there was OM that I wouldn't hesitate for a second. That for me would definitely be a deal breaker from which there would be no coming back. The game would surely be over. Take care.

[jpundun]

Well she finally pulled the trigger. She is filing today. Her coming back under the guise of trying to work it out was a con. She obviously came back so as to position herself.

 

She has been talking with the daughter and the whole time she has been back she has been telling the daughter the I am the same old me (Lie) and everything negative that she could come up with. The daughter says that for the past couple weeks all she talked about was getting her half of everything and she would be set.

 

Of course when she dropped this one me I was a little surpirsed so I asked her what was going on? She said that she came back to try but within two days she realized that it was over and she wanted out. I tried to reason with her but all I got was anger and coldness from her. She said that I killed her love for me and that it wasnt' coming back.

 

I asked how long this has been going on which she said was awhile. I asked her why she didn't tell me about what was happening. Her response was that she wanted to work on it herself. She never mentioned to me that our marriage was in mortal danger. She just wanted to work on it by herself and now it's dead.

 

Though she is filing as I type she still intends to reside in our house until it is finalized. I don't know how I can bear having her here while this is going on. It seems that whatever it was has been building to the point that she finally got the nerve to tell me. She has been bouncing me around for over four months and now after doing that she finally has decided on the divorce.

 

I told her that I did everything I could to save our marriage but that she never took an active part in trying to save it although she claims she did. With her behaviour past and present and things that she has said it is pretty obvious to everyone who knows what went on all believe that she is involved in an affair. So for my own satisfaction I am going to hire a PI and get whatever can be found. Just so that everyone knows she swore forever that she would never sink to the low of cheating that she had more moral fiber than that. So obviously she lied about that as with everything else.

 

I know that obtaining the evidence won't help to save the marriage but it will help me reconcile myself to what and why this has happened. Also the pleasure of putting it right in her face and reminding her of what she had always said about cheating.

[andyg99]

So sorry to hear this man... on the PI, if you can afford it and if it's for your own piece of mind then go ahead... just be prepared to hear the worst. Putting it in her face will do nothing, if it's true and you confront her with it she'll just throw it back at you... then you'll get to hear soem of the BS that many of us have heard before "you made me do it!" "it's your fault!" "I gave up on you a long time ago so it's not really an affair".. and when you are weak it's not easy to hear that crap, so find out for yourself, and if you have to confront her make it more as-a-matter-of-factly, kind like "yeah, I know you had an affair, adn I really don't care... so let's just get this divorce over with so I can get you out of my life"

 

As far as the living situation just figure out what the post-divorce arrangement will be, will you or her stay in the house - if one person is staying then the other person should leave now. Or maybe you both agree to sell the house, then put it on the market ASAP and once again if you can afford it then one should leave. Being in the same house is torture and usually it's torture for the person who didn't want the divorce, the other usually doesn't give a s$#t.

 

Hang in there - it's time to think of yourself now...

[jpundun]

andyg99,

 

Your right about everything you wrote. I know if I prodcued something she would just put the blame back on me. I also heard in the last few days that she hasn't considered us husband and wife for awhile. I know it will be hard if something is found but I want to know for my own sanity.

 

AS far as the living conditions I am the one who is keeping the house and I know already that it is torture to be in this predicament. I was advised not to force the issue about her leaving as she obviuosly has an agenda and she is just likely to get a protection order and have me evicted. I was advised to be as nice as I could be so not to provoke her.. Of course that is no guarantee. I knew it was a big mistake to take her back in. Now I am paying the price.

[GorillaTheater]

Well she finally pulled the trigger. She is filing today. Her coming back under the guise of trying to work it out was a con. She obviously came back so as to position herself.

 

Yeah, I was afraid of that. And you're right, this was all nothing but a positioning play on her part.

 

Generally in my opinion, if the WS wants out of the marriage, they should be the one to leave, but there are always exceptions. If divorce has already been filed, there are no minor kids in the house, and, as Andy noted, you can afford it, find your own place ASAP. Because I suspect she'll make your life sheer hell if you try to share the house. And once you're out, go dark as hell on her, no contact whatsoever except through lawyers (for your peace of mind).

 

Get your name off all bills. If you have a mortgage, make sure that gets paid but screw utilities. Cancel any joint phone plans. Before you're served, and if you haven't already, totally separate all finances. Use any joint account money to pay off joint credit cards and cancel them. Take half of what is left in joint accounts, leave the rest, and take your name off the old account. Also before you're served and before a status quo is imposed, take her off any insurance plan through your work. Get some quick legal advice to make sure none of the above will land you in hot water, and ask for any additional advice your lawyer may have at this point.

 

You're doing this because you're taking care of business and looking after your interests, not to make any "statement" to your stbxw. She's in your rear-view mirror and you're moving on with your life. At least, this is what you tell yourself until it becomes your reality. It definitely will, and although we all have our own timelines, the sooner the better.

 

Hang in there J. You can handle this.

[jpundun]

G,

 

Well I'm the one that's keeping the house. She couldn't afford it. I've taken what money is in the joint account except for what's needed to cover bills and checks. There is no mortgage so I'm alright there and credit cards aren't a problem.

 

I contacted someone who is going to put me in touch with a good lawyer. I have to find out where I stand and what I have to watch out for. AS I indictated in a previous post I am attempting to get some type of hard evidence. I was told that it would be better if she stayed for the time being until the job was done. I am also facing the prospect of her trying to pull some type of bogus complaint to get me thrown out so I have to tread lightly right now. I would prefer to get her out but I don't want to ignite a fuse yet. In this state we have a no fault divorce sytem. If both parties sign the end is in ninety days. If the defendant (me) doesn't sign off on it it will go for two years. That's what I have in mind to do. After all the nonsense she put me through for nothing I don't want to make it easy for her or do it her way.