TaintedHeart Posted August 7, 2011 Share Posted August 7, 2011 I'm doing pretty well, apart from silly little setbacks but I'll just have to deal with them The thing that is eating away at me is the feeling that I wasted 3 years with my ex, I won't ever be able to get them back. I actually hate her for that. If she ended the relationship like an adult I probably wouldn't be thinking this. Did anyone else feel like this? Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I have a few exs that I really fell bad for that didn't work out, and I went on to struggle to get over them. So yeah, I have a fair few years that I feel are wasted, but that being said actually how much of that time was really wasted. What else do we do in those years, surely it's not all spent with one person, in one place, doing one thing? Besides, despite how things ended, at some point they were really good, so is that a waste too. I look back at those times and wish I'd done things differently, but then I remember that at the time, I did things how I wanted to do them. Looking back with hindsight and having regrets is normal but we can't change the past. Just focus on the fact that no matter how it turned out, during the time it was what you wanted and for the most part you enjoyed it. Another way to think about it is to assume you never met this person and wander how your life would've been - empty, lonely, maybe met someone else even worse, there's no way of knowing but you may very well have regretted those decisions too. Whether it's good or bad, everything in life is an experience and often it's not the good that defines us, but the bad and how we deal with it. That's what makes us the person we are. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I do. I do feel like I wasted time with the ex. I wasted a lot. Not just time. But I learned a lot. Things like, what is loyalty? or what is cheating? or just the reasons why I should not move in together with anyone before marriage. I did love a lot, and there were times that I could never see myself going through putting somebody else first. So I am pretty proud of myself actually. If you did love, you should be too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TaintedHeart Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 Both of your points are very true. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
lonelynyc Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I felt this way at first... Like I wasted 2 years of my life with a girl who discarded me so quickly and easily. I guess it just hurt so much the way it ended, a lot of aspirations and plans kind of erased overnight--literally planning things together one week and finding out in a text message that there wasn't a future for us. I still wouldn't say I'm fond of my ex right now, but I can remember the good times without being haunted by them, if that makes sense. When all of this happened a month ago, I couldn't go 5 minutes without remembering how happy we were in the past, and that crushed me. Now, I can appreciate the love we shared, but have come to a more rational acceptance that it's not coming back... I'm excited about what the future does hold--I was dreading the uncertainty before but am now looking forward to it. What you two shared was probably really special at one point, but it was just one of many adventures that you'll live. Don't be afraid to be excited about life again, we can't be if we ever want to find happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TaintedHeart Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 I felt this way at first... Like I wasted 2 years of my life with a girl who discarded me so quickly and easily. I guess it just hurt so much the way it ended, a lot of aspirations and plans kind of erased overnight--literally planning things together one week and finding out in a text message that there wasn't a future for us. I still wouldn't say I'm fond of my ex right now, but I can remember the good times without being haunted by them, if that makes sense. When all of this happened a month ago, I couldn't go 5 minutes without remembering how happy we were in the past, and that crushed me. Now, I can appreciate the love we shared, but have come to a more rational acceptance that it's not coming back... I'm excited about what the future does hold--I was dreading the uncertainty before but am now looking forward to it. What you two shared was probably really special at one point, but it was just one of many adventures that you'll live. Don't be afraid to be excited about life again, we can't be if we ever want to find happiness. I guess theres no point in thinking that it was all a waste, it wasn't at the time. I will start living again Link to post Share on other sites
Thieves Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I look back at those times and wish I'd done things differently, but then I remember that at the time, I did things how I wanted to do them. Looking back with hindsight and having regrets is normal but we can't change the past. Just focus on the fact that no matter how it turned out, during the time it was what you wanted and for the most part you enjoyed it. This is true. Sadly. No matter how much I may regret at times for being so deeply into 'him', now that I look back on it, I can't see how it would've turned out any other way than heartbreak. We both basically knew when we met each other that physical distance was going to be a big problem. It was obvious. But did that stop us from falling even more for each other? No. We let it happen, because at the time... we didn't care, and we wanted it to. I really, really liked him and wanted to fall for him. Same for him. And I did enjoy it. We both did. That it ended in heartbreak was kind of inevitable, and did cause me a lot of pain that I got angry at him about, but how else could it have happened? I was a slightly different (younger) person back then, and because of this experience, no matter how much it hurt, I was able to grow a bit (and still am growing) as a person. So to take that back would be to take away from what makes me who I am today, and who knows, another better man may come along someday and actually like who I am... Link to post Share on other sites
Author TaintedHeart Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 This is true. Sadly. No matter how much I may regret at times for being so deeply into 'him', now that I look back on it, I can't see how it would've turned out any other way than heartbreak. We both basically knew when we met each other that physical distance was going to be a big problem. It was obvious. But did that stop us from falling even more for each other? No. We let it happen, because at the time... we didn't care, and we wanted it to. I really, really liked him and wanted to fall for him. Same for him. And I did enjoy it. We both did. That it ended in heartbreak was kind of inevitable, and did cause me a lot of pain that I got angry at him about, but how else could it have happened? I was a slightly different (younger) person back then, and because of this experience, no matter how much it hurt, I was able to grow a bit (and still am growing) as a person. So to take that back would be to take away from what makes me who I am today, and who knows, another better man may come along someday and actually like who I am... Me and my ex ignored the distance situation too, we wanted to be together no matter what but we knew deep down that it wasn't going to work out but we some how kept our relationship going for 3 years. So in a way it's my fault that I'm broken hearted and it's my fault that those years were to some extent wasted.. Oh well, I'll learn from this. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 funny - - i was thinking about this last night. in the beginning i felt the same way - - that i had wasted all that time on someone who couldn't be bothered to love me back. but now that i've had some distance, i don't regret it. just because he didn't feel the same way doesn't diminish my feelings. or mean that the time i spent wasn't worth anything. and i did learn a lot from the time period - - much of is involving the behavior i don't want to repeat. but i don't regret feeling the way i felt about him - - and most likely will for some time - - just not with the same intensity Link to post Share on other sites
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