Ex contacted me today

[Diatribes]

My ex sent me an email saying she would still honor her agreement of giving me a ride to my court date on Wednesday. She said "I'm doing fine:)" and attached a picture of her with a couple cheerleaders. She also wrote in her customary pink font and attached a rose after her name.

 

I told her I was glad she's doing fine, and that I was doing good myself. I also told her I could take a cab, so giving me a ride wasn't mandatory. I didn't say anything regarding the attached photo.

 

While the email in itself was neutral, but I'm wondering why she sent me the picture. She knows that I'm into her bisexuality, and I'm thinking that's why she sent me that photo. I have a feeling this is just a "breadcrumb". I don't know why she feels like she has an obligation to give me this ride, even though she told me she would while she was moving out on me.

 

I'm still vulnerable and I still care about her a lot and I'm still in love with her. While I would do anything fix our relationship, I also feel like she hurt me immensely. I'm not sure of whether or not I should accept this "favor" from her. I know I will though, because I really want to see her. I also said in my reply "Will be nice to see you".

 

I'm confused. I don't want to be a "doormat" per se, but I'd be willing to reconcile. I've posted my break-up in a previous thread, and would be welcome to any advice regarding this matter.

Edited August 8, 2011 by Diatribes

[Thieves]

So many questions here...

 

1. When did you guys break up? 2. How did she hurt you? 3. Has she apologized or made any changes for how she hurt you? It sounds like she hasn't, as you said you're still very hurt...

 

I think the fact that you're still vulnerable and you felt the need to post this question here tells me you're not ready to see her again, even if you want to. I mean hey, you may really want that 5th piece of double chocolate cake, but should you have it? Is it good for your health at the moment? No, and no.

 

Going by what you wrote, I'm thinking this is a pretty recent break up (1-8 months), so I'm really concerned with how you're willing to reconcile with her again when you're nowhere near healed. It also alarms me that you're willing to go against your instincts (you being unsure if you should accept the favor from her = instincts), which could potentially hurt you even more. So you're sacrificing your well being for someone who's already hurt you before.

 

Second chances only truly work when both parties are totally honest, trustworthy, and have made real changes in themselves. That doesn't sound like the case here. So if you feel it's a breadcrumb, 98% of the time, it probably is. Trust your guts. Cancel the ride ASAP is my advice. Take the cab. Plus, you do sound like you're reading a bit too much into this already.

 

She also wrote in her customary pink font and attached a rose after her name.

She knows that I'm into her bisexuality, and I'm thinking that's why she sent me that photo.

[Diatribes]

I'm going to see her regardless. Even grasping at straws, I will grasp

[Diatribes]

To be more specific, here's the email log.

 

Her: Hello,

>Just wondering how you have been doing. I am doing fine:)

>

>Did you still need a ride to court next Wednesday? Like I said, I would take you to that.

>

>Let me know either way.

>

>Take care,

 

Me: Hello,

>Glad you're doing well. I've been doing good myself.

>

>

>I could use a ride to court this Wednesday. Would be nice to see you, too.

>

>

>It's up to you. I can take a cab if need be.

 

Her: Wednesday, @ 8:15 am, right??

>It would to see ya again too.

 

Me: I need to be there at 8:15, so you would have to pick me up around 7:45.

>

>

>I'll be ready and waiting outside.

>

 

Her: Great, see ya then.

>BTW, did you like the pic I sent ya of the cheerleaders? Lol!

 

Me: Yeah, I did like the picture. You look good

 

Her: Thanks:)

[Diatribes]

@Thieves

 

We broke up almost 3 weeks ago.

 

I posted a lengthy thread about our break up. This sums it up in a nutshell.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289987/

 

She did apologize to me for "the way sh*t rolled out" about 4 days after leaving me. Although I'm not sure if she was sincere with this apology or did it to ease her own guilt. Having said that, I have to assume she meant it. I can't assume the worst based on my own insecurities, and I've always promoted giving one the benefit of the doubt.

Edited August 8, 2011 by Diatribes

[Diatribes]

Cmon, no feedback? Would really like to hear some opinions regarding the emails she sent to me.

 

Thanks

[ScienceGal]

You've already made up your mind to see her, that's why no one is answering.

 

She's fishing to see if you still care, and you do. This will get you no where and she will not come back to you (if she does, then not long). The relationship ended for a reason, don't forget that.

 

If you're going to see her, then just go see her. You're risking being hurt and preventing yourself from making any progress whatsoever. You know this, but that little pitter patter in your heart is telling you to not let go of hope. You miss her, you want those good feelings back. I get it, trust me. And hey, I could be wrong. Maybe you two will get back together and live happily ever after. But, when "**** rolls out" again and you're out of your mind with confusion and pain, we'll be here with responses.

 

Do what you feel the need to do, but in my opinion: stop talking to her totally and take the cab.

[Thieves]

@Thieves

 

We broke up almost 3 weeks ago.

 

I posted a lengthy thread about our break up. This sums it up in a nutshell.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289987/

 

She did apologize to me for "the way sh*t rolled out" about 4 days after leaving me. Although I'm not sure if she was sincere with this apology or did it to ease her own guilt. Having said that, I have to assume she meant it. I can't assume the worst based on my own insecurities, and I've always promoted giving one the benefit of the doubt.

 

Oh, wow. 3 weeks?

 

I'm sorry, but there's no way I'd be seeing my ex that soon after a break-up, no matter what/who caused it. And if someone apologized to me using "the way sh*t rolled out", personally I'd be waiting for a more sincere apology. The way that's said makes it sound like she was totally helpless to how things turned out.

 

Also, you're being insecure for a good reason: because she hurt you. This is exactly the time where you need to be cautious, where you need to assume the worst and not give a person the benefit of the doubt so soon. It's called self-preservation. If someone dropped a heavy weight on my foot and broke my toes, do you think I'm gonna immediately trust that person with a heavy weight around me 3 weeks later? No. Maybe a month or two (or more) when my foot is healed, but not any sooner.

 

I'm sorry for the negativity, trust me I'm not usually like this, but honestly. Even if the ride goes smoothly, it's still bad. Because then she knows you're willing to let her walk back in your life so easily without making any real effort. Sci Gal's right. Your mind's made up already. Only when you decide to get a stronger backbone, take the cab, and let us know what happens afterwards with her.. only then will you get any real feedback - because that's what we know you need to do.

[Diatribes]

My attorney pushed my court date to October 12th, so I won't be needing a ride from her. I tried texting this to her, but apparently she has my number blocked. I don't get this. I've only texted her twice in three weeks, the first being a reply to her text, the second asking if she wanted to do lunch sometimes. Never harrassed her or "psycho" text her. And she's the one that sent me an email. I've pretty much not contacted her at all.

 

I was considering asking her to do lunch tomorrow, since she doesn't have to give me a ride, but was apparently looking forward to seeing me.

 

Still confused.

[zebrack25]

Please do yourself a favor and don't go to lunch w/ her. I was in your situation where I thought seeing her would be nice. I only wanted to see her more and more after that until I ended up heartbroken again. Your heart is going to find excuses why seeing her will be good, you have to trust your instincts on this one. Go No Contact for a time to sort through your emotions and clear your head; then make a decision on what you want from this girl

[Thieves]

My attorney pushed my court date to October 12th, so I won't be needing a ride from her. I tried texting this to her, but apparently she has my number blocked. I don't get this.

 

It doesn't matter how much you've contacted her, the bottom line is you found out she blocked your number. The reason why she did doesn't really matter. If she doesn't have your number blocked, she's ignoring you on purpose. Your number blocked/ignoring = she doesn't want to talk to you in any immediate intimate way. Point blank. Email = keeping you at a distance.

 

I was considering asking her to do lunch tomorrow, since she doesn't have to give me a ride, but was apparently looking forward to seeing me.

 

...Diatribes. It doesn't matter if she said she was looking forward to seeing you. Actions, not words. She apparently has blocked your number and this means she does not want to hear from you, yet you want to ask her to do lunch tomorrow?

 

If it wasn't for the court date ride, you'd find another way to see her. If not lunch, you'll think of another excuse, etc. You see this as persistence, others may see it as desperation.

 

It's highly possible she e-mailed you about the court date ride because she said before she would do it.

 

Her: Hello,

>Just wondering how you have been doing. I am doing fine:)

>

>Did you still need a ride to court next Wednesday? Like I said, I would take you to that.

 

Perhaps she's a woman of her word sometimes. That's all. She said she would take you and she stuck to that out of courtesy, since it's an important court date. Hence the email and not a phone call, since she's blocked you on her phone.

 

Wake up: If she really wanted to talk to you more, reconcile with you, quietly sneak back into your life, anything at all, she'd be more than open to getting phone calls/texts from you. This is not the case.

 

It's not your job anymore to figure out why she's doing what she's doing. If you think so, you'll stay confused until you get hurt again. Worry about this after you've gone total NC for a while and like zebrack said, you've had time to sort through your feelings.

[Diatribes]

My attorney pushed my court date to October. I'll have my license back next month and can drive myself there. I told me ex "My attorney pushed my court date to October." via email and that was all. I didn't ask her to meet for lunch or anything. I'm kind of hurt she blocked my phone, especially since I didn't call her once and only text her twice. Both text were neutral. While I'm confused over the block, it makes me quite upset that she would do this. I don't think I want to have any contact with her at this point. I deserve better than that.

[Thieves]

My attorney pushed my court date to October. I'll have my license back next month and can drive myself there. I told me ex "My attorney pushed my court date to October." via email and that was all. I didn't ask her to meet for lunch or anything. I'm kind of hurt she blocked my phone, especially since I didn't call her once and only text her twice. Both text were neutral. While I'm confused over the block, it makes me quite upset that she would do this. I don't think I want to have any contact with her at this point. I deserve better than that.

 

You do deserve better than that, Diatribes, much better. That's what I've been trying to get through to you. And even if you didn't ask her to lunch, the point is you were thinking about it. I understand you're hurt over being blocked. I would feel the same way. It hurts like hell and pisses you off, I know. But while it's painful, it's not totally shocking. It might not even be personal. She could've blocked you because she didn't want to prolong the pain of the break up she may be feeling. Just because she put on a happy face in the e-mail doesn't mean everything's totally fine and dandy.

 

A lot of people block any major contact from their exes after a fresh break up, and to be honest, it was probably a wise thing for her to do. Perhaps it's time for you to start following her lead. Like I said, she likely sent you that message via email because it's not intimate and she's still able to keep a distance. So now is the time to take this as a break from her, to begin healing and taking the first steps to moving on.

[Diatribes]

Been processing events regarding this "relationship" I had with this woman. I now feel like I've been played just to benefit her status with her boyfriend. A very selfish and uncaring person. She never vested in us as a couple and hurt me knowingly and didn't seem to care about it. I consider myself lucky to have such a heartless animal out of my life and don't want anything to do with this pig who can treat someone they way she has. She's now with a similar person and f*ck them both I hope they rot in hell for their lack of any morals or integrity. Whew. Felt good to get that out.

[Diatribes]

Talked with my best friend for quite some length yesterday. It kind of made me look at things from a new perspective. He told me when she first moved in, she talked about her ex way too much and kept checking her phone for texts. He also told me I shouldn't feel lesser than her ex because she chose him over me. He thinks she went back to him because he was easily manipulated and controlled, something which I am not. He thinks she chose him because it enables her to live her life carelessly so she can have sex with whoever she wants because her ex isn't smart enough to see what's going on right in front of him.

 

This seems correct to me. When we were together as FWB I told her I didn't care who she slept with, just to be safe. I was fun to be around and didn't care what she did. After she moved in with me and was considered my steady, I told her I didn't want her sleeping around anymore. She also told me she wanted me to be loyal to her so it wasn't a one-sided request. Bottom line though, she wanted me to be ok with her to continue her behavior without expecting the respect that should go along with a commited relationship. It also shows her lack of integrity and morals.

 

While I still miss her and think of her everyday, I don't get nearly the anxiety or pain in my chest that I used to. I'm glad it ended before there was even more feelings vested on my part.

 

3 weeks after the break up and 4 days of NC. I wish I'd been more resilient about maintaining NC. And I doubt I've heard the last from her. I expect more emails with pictures of her showing me how fun her life is without me. And my attorney who's "been there done that" seems to think she'll more than likely come knocking on my door in about a month. God give me strength!