Online Dating Fun Wahooo....

[wilsonx]

So I posted 5 separate ads across 3 sites just for some fun and to remember why I hated online dating when I did it years ago. And I got a lot of responses that just made me /facepalm.

 

This is the best response of them all

 

Email from T.

 

hi! i am not a bot or a hooker.... lol now that thats out of the way, very unique and enjoyable ad. im definatly not in a rush either, honestly im not in a position to begin a new relationship at all but your ad was so intriquing i'd love to be friends and get to know each other, im sure we could definatly get along in that respect, what say you?

 

Intrigued but cautious, I responded

 

I'm curious before I friendzone myself why are u not In a position to be in a relationship?

 

Follow up Email from T

 

im in a relationship, we are doing well but we both admit its not forever, and definatly dont have a connection like most couples have, but we live together and cant afford to live apart, its more like a loving friendship lol so as much as i may crave real romance i am attached at the moment, but some awesome friends would be nice, and heck if and when me and my guy part ways, we happen to still be friends that think more of each other that would be great luck but im not anticipating that far, but you do interest me a good deal.

 

1)So the game is, how many red flags do you see?

 

2)Who can come up with the most off the wall response for this situation?

Let's have some fun with this. I already have a black and white response already saved in my drafts. Rules are anything is fair game. In the end I will post my response and send it, but I kind of want to distract people and have some fun together

[BrettLost]

LOL!!! Fu*kin hilarious!

 

I'd just go through with it and meet her for "friendship" if she's close enough. See if she looks like she could be as crazy in bed as in the head!!

 

Did u get to see a photo of her or anything?

[wilsonx]

yes, but it doesn't matter what he/she looks like. Pretend he/she's your dream guy/girl and he/she sends you this, how would you respond. Have fun with it

[Emilia]

"Hi T,

 

Thank you for your note explaining your current situation.

 

I am in a relationship as well and my situation is similar to yours: we are only together until one of us finds someone better (I would prefer to dump her of course, you understand) and I am quite happy to emotionally and financially exploit my partner until then.

 

I am looking for a female that will provide me with accommodation, will cook for me, pay my bills and keep me in the lifestyle I got accustomed to in my current situation. Would that be you by any chance? Judging by your email we are on similar wavelength. You said you weren't a hooker but as long as you have a well paid job I don't mind.

 

Yours,

Wilson'

[ScienceGal]

Red Flags: 7

 

1) im in a relationship - obvious red flag

 

2) we are doing well but we both admit its not forever - leap frog looking for somewhere to land?

 

3) and definatly dont have a connection like most couples have - GIGS with no one specific in mind YET, and can't spell 'definitely'

 

4) but we live together and cant afford to live apart -Dear Stranger, I am desperate, will you help me get OUT of this relationship!?

 

5) crave real romance i am attached at the moment - just ignorant sounding?

 

6) but some awesome friends would be nice - Friendzone!

 

7) and heck if and when me and my guy part ways, we happen to still be friends that think more of each other that would be great luck but im not anticipating that far, but you do interest me a good deal. - I just threw up a little.

 

 

Well that at least made me laugh...

 

I actually just deleted my online dating account last night. I had it up for about a month. I made one decent connection and we were going to meet up this week, but he had another connection that became more serious. So, I am happy for him, but the other prospects on the site were not great. And to be honest, I don't think I am really ready. I did not respond to many people and found the whole thing to be a little unnerving. The biggest turn off was this one guy who sent a "you stabbed me in the heart and crushed my soul... I worry I will be single forever" email just because I didn't respond to his first message. I wish I could cut and paste it but can't access it since the account is gone. I actually responded to that one telling him why he should never write such things and he kindly took my advice and didn't write back after that. I do not anticipate ever doing online dating again.

Edited August 8, 2011 by ScienceGal

[BrettLost]

Just as a quick question.....

 

Has anbody actually made any real connections/had dates with people from internet dating sites??

 

Im incredibly curious, yet extremely cautious.

 

Sorry to wilsonx for slipping that in, but it seems you are all quite familiar with the experience. Is there a way to weed out the whackos wilsonx has unfortunately come across?

[bonpaw2008]

I was going to try but Emilia and Sciencegal's were just too darn good!

 

Truthfully this girl sounds like a whack-job but her honesty (or at least shadiness) is refreshing. On-line dating is a stain, too many people take a look at a picture and think they are made for each other. You chat on an email and you think you are made for each other. You meet in person (if one person doesn't chicken out because they are really an agorphobic and living in their mom's basement) and there is nothing. There is something to be said about that instant attraction that you get from seeing someone from across the room. I miss that but I am so busy I don't get out much. Maybe at the grocery store one day

Edited August 8, 2011 by bonpaw2008

[TaintedHeart]

She has picked you to be her night is shining armor You should feel privileged! You can either have some fun with the situation or do a runner, I'd do a runner.

 

Keep us posted

[1Dunno]

Hahahahaha. Her opening email has to be a copy and paste job! With an email like that I wouldn't imagine the response rate would be all that great (although there are some desperado's out there!)

[wilsonx]

Just as a quick question.....

 

Has anbody actually made any real connections/had dates with people from internet dating sites??

 

Im incredibly curious, yet extremely cautious.

 

Sorry to wilsonx for slipping that in, but it seems you are all quite familiar with the experience. Is there a way to weed out the whackos wilsonx has unfortunately come across?

 

It depends on what you are looking for. If you are honestly looking for something long term, be prepared for baggage. For me, my #1 thing is I do not want to date anyone with kids. I know you have a kid so that probably would not bother you. I can not tell you how dating someone with kids is because I have not done it. Every once in a while, you do get what you think is an amazing catch and then the craziness begin. This is my experience from dating people without kids. Your mileage may vary. The last person I dated online seemed to be an amazing catch, this was before my ex. I was like wow, I really like this girl, smart, down to earth, funny, etc but then she hit me with the honesty bomb. She was separated and her husband was living in NYC. I said to myself that isn't so bad. She said she had no interest in ever seeing him again. Next date went great then another honesty bomb hit. Her husband beat her. So I started distancing myself big time. I was being played into the knight in shining armor role to save her from him. I slammed on the brakes and walked after this.

 

I do not know about you but how many happy couples do you know that met online. I can't think of anyone. I am sure there are but with people that are looking to date online, they always have the tendency to think they can find better instead of truly appreciating what the have in front of them.

 

If you just want to have fun and stay emotionally unavailable, you can go out on dates and play around. The opportunity is out there. I have been on a lot of online dates, just for experimenting and having fun. I have been bashed by my friends especially female ones for some of the antics I've pulled but when you meet people for the first time, it doesn't mean anything. The point of dating is to go out and have fun. People that take dating seriously are the people that are trying to hard and end up settling especially on the first date.

[BrettLost]

Thanks Wilsonx,

 

Sorry again to hijack the thread a bit, very interesting reply. So if u dont go in with ur heart set on it, have some fun it could end up all right, even if it doesnt ur heart wasnt there...

 

As u get older and NOW carry some marital baggage i wonder if there is hope at all sometimes of finding not just mrs right, but any real ladies to enjoy company and intamacy with....

 

The bar/club scene just doesnt cut it for me at all.

[antinko]

Dear T,

 

You're obviously neither bot nor hooker, but I do question whether you're of this planet. Please inform.

 

- Antinko

[FinOuch]

Follow up Email from T

 

im in a relationship, we are doing well but we both admit its not forever, and definatly dont have a connection like most couples have, but we live together and cant afford to live apart, its more like a loving friendship lol so as much as i may crave real romance i am attached at the moment, but some awesome friends would be nice, and heck if and when me and my guy part ways, we happen to still be friends that think more of each other that would be great luck but im not anticipating that far, but you do interest me a good deal.

 

deer T,

thats grayt bc i hav been looking 4 sum1 just like u! i have been living with my mum 4 the past year bc i cant afford my car pmt. maybe we shuld all move in togther and see whut hpns!

[antinko]

I met my ex on match.com. We were both online dating skeptics who happened to live very close to each other and we had a lot in common.

 

We thought we were going to last, but didn't.

[lovesickmonkey]

Every time I try it, I find it disastrous to my self esteem. I'll wink, write letters, etc. etc. and get NO responses. How am I supposed to feel about that? And the ones who wink at me can barely write and are 52 years old (even though I said I want children). I don't know what to make of it, except that maybe I come off better in person. Who knows?

[sleepykitten]

My ex hisband (and we really are very good friends and still were all through the divorce, he was more like a friend/brother to me which is why we broke up....anyway) he met his now girlfriend, a respectable 6 months after we split up on a dating site - from an enlish newspaper the telegraph, she didnt have a pic up he did, they dated for a yr and 3 mths then moved in together she is now pregnant and they are both really happy, she is perfect for him and he was always a wonderful catch. I have no doubt they will stay together. So, one happy story from online dating.

[wilsonx]

Thanks Wilsonx,

 

Sorry again to hijack the thread a bit, very interesting reply. So if u dont go in with ur heart set on it, have some fun it could end up all right, even if it doesnt ur heart wasnt there...

 

As u get older and NOW carry some marital baggage i wonder if there is hope at all sometimes of finding not just mrs right, but any real ladies to enjoy company and intamacy with....

 

The bar/club scene just doesnt cut it for me at all.

 

Even not online-dating, I don't go in with my heart in it. You shouldn't. Take your time. Have fun, if something sparks then it sparks but do not go out expecting something to happen because if you do and nothing does happen, what happens to you internally? You are disappointed. Trust me when you get disappointed in yourself a lot, it really takes a toll on your confidence and self esteem. Just go out and have fun. Stop trying so hard to find someone and enjoy your life. When you do this, you will find the right one that you can finally open up your heart too. He/she will appear

 

Dont worry about your baggage. I am open to some baggage but I tend to attract the ones with a LOT of baggage. For me, that's something I do not want right now in my life, that is my personal choice. Yours could be different.

Edited August 10, 2011 by wilsonx

[BrettLost]

Wilsonx,

 

Excellent advice as always. I haven't dated since i was 21, when i met my exwife.... At this age, playing the game now is totally different.

 

a) Actual age and life experiences that we have had, lot of catching up to do on someone uve just met. They could have travelled, lived all over the world 2 husbands, numerous boyfriends, family dramas.....

 

b) The dating game may have changed too since i last played. I feel womens expectations in general are waaaaayyyyy too high for obtaining the MTV type of life for themselves. Whether by sleeping round til they hit the jackpot, or milking guy after guy after guy, til they gradually get it all.

 

Women are too shallow to give most real guys a chance. They want instant chemistry, fun, looks and of course wealth. If in 5secs u dont give off the impression u tick at least 3 of the 4 boxes, NEXT.

 

Over-analyising, maybe. Just my observations.

[antinko]

I empathize with you Brett. I try not to think that women are shallow, but in my experience, that's what I found. There are billions of women on the planet, though, so they can't all be like that! It's also obvious from these forums that there seems to be a fairly equal ratio of male/female dumpees who've been screwed over by the opposite sex.

 

The biggest problem I find is that expectations on 'what is the ideal guy' are too broad and contradictory. On one hand, you have girls claiming they want a knight in shining armour, but then in the next breath they want a Jack the lad who'll make them work for affection.

 

It's easy to be a bit misogynistic when you've been burnt - you've been burnt far worse than I - but I wonder if that's part of the problem too. Bitterness isn't attractive. Part of the reason I know I don't want anyone right now is because, as much as I put on a 'happy and confident' front when I've been out lately, inside I've felt like crap. I've felt bitter. I know I'm healing, but it's slow, very slow and to know my ex seems to be perfectly happy and to have moved on? Makes it worse.

 

I made a 'Plenty of Fish' account earlier and it seems to be more flexible than the pay sites. I messaged a few girls, but I didn't put much effort into the communication - more like: 'if you like my profile, let's chat', but no one replied. Frankly, I felt a bit depressed simply advertising myself in such a way. Feels like Amazon or Ebay. "Hey let's compare people like they're pieces of meat." Oh wait, we are pieces of meat.

 

I'll let the Plenty of Fish account sit for a while. If I get communication from someone in my local vicinity who seems ok, then I'll go on a date, but I can't look for people right now.

 

My biggest dilemma right now is meeting new people. It's easier said than done and I've been really proactive. I've joined groups, gone on activity days, been out and about - you name it. I've initiated a lot of conversation but...hm maybe I'm expecting too much in too short a time.

 

Online dating is fine - I just find it works best when you don't expect much out of it.

Edited August 11, 2011 by antinko

[wilsonx]

So, I am going to give you 2 a little advice about online dating. Its not that hard. The key is you want women validating themselves to you, not the other way around.

 

This is going to sound like a terrible idea but its great. So you are both guys right. Create a woman's profile with picture(THIS PICTURE CAN NOT BE OF A LOCAL WOMAN...use google to get the picture lol) of someone you would be interested in dating. Put your personality into the profile but keep it feminine. Post that ad and dont look at the responses for about 3-4 days. After the time is up, go through the responses (guys are lame and send out lame responses and 91% of them will be the EXACT same). When you start doing your own profile and sending out responses send the opposite of what everyone sends you. The complete opposite. The first line should be: "Aren't you tired of all these lame guys sending you "Hey if you like my profile write back" <Insert your own personal opposite line here>"

 

Give that a try =)

[BrettLost]

Wilsonx, i did connect with someone online. Stupidly, I opened up a little bit too much and this is a section of the last email i got from her.

 

More red flags than chinas section at the olympics.

 

Ok I'll ask you a few questions, about the family stuff..do you mind me asking..why don't your inlaws have anything to do with you? I guess my ex doesn't have alot to do with my daughter ( and we don't have a huge deal to do with his family much anymore) because of my opinions of him and his family and my daughters safety. I won't go into things too much but my ex had a massive drinking problem and it tore us apart basically. Most of his family is the same - violent and his dad an alcoholic, therefore I don't take her around to see them much, only to visit her Grandma twice a month. I guess I'm wondering why your ex and her family would cut you out?

Do you mind me asking why you and your (wife?) broke up? I guess for me, my partner and I weren't good for a few years, but we both had hope things would change (I had hope that he would change..)when we should have ended it..then lily came along and we tried to make it work. Things got quite bad (won't go into details) and lets just say I had to get my daughter out of the situation.

Also my ex and I are not on good terms, rarely we have good moments. Good for you for being all cool with your ex! I can't wait to get to that point, so much easier!

Also I need to be honest with you, I'm still getting over an ex partner. I was seeing someone a couple of months ago that I met online and fell in love with him. Things were great, he introduced me to his mum after a week, went out for a couple of months then told me he was overwhelmed with me having a kid and it wasn't his ideal situation and he couldn't do a relationship. So I was pretty devastated, still cant understand it.

 

I think, just for the fu(k of it, i still might meet her.......

Just for the experience of talking to new girls in a date scenario....

Even if its fu(kin nuts. Opinions?

[wilsonx]

You were both honest to each other. If you are looking to go out and just hang out with her and practice dating then I do not see a problem.

 

Go out have fun meet a new friend.

 

The difference between your post and mine originally was mine was playing with fire. The email chick was still in a relationship, the other with the abusive husband was still married and she fed me some half truths.

 

Just be honest to yourself first and then to her

[antinko]

So, I am going to give you 2 a little advice about online dating. Its not that hard. The key is you want women validating themselves to you, not the other way around.

 

This is going to sound like a terrible idea but its great. So you are both guys right. Create a woman's profile with picture(THIS PICTURE CAN NOT BE OF A LOCAL WOMAN...use google to get the picture lol) of someone you would be interested in dating. Put your personality into the profile but keep it feminine. Post that ad and dont look at the responses for about 3-4 days. After the time is up, go through the responses (guys are lame and send out lame responses and 91% of them will be the EXACT same). When you start doing your own profile and sending out responses send the opposite of what everyone sends you. The complete opposite. The first line should be: "Aren't you tired of all these lame guys sending you "Hey if you like my profile write back" <Insert your own personal opposite line here>"

 

Give that a try =)

 

I'm not going to make a fake account as it makes me wonder just how many other fake accounts are out there; however, I've tried the type of message you suggested before and had some success.

 

Personally, my biggest problem with online dating is that it's too much of a cattle market for me. I prefer, and find more success, meeting people out and about; it's just that over the last couple of years with my hectic professional life and last relationship, I haven't had much chance to do that.

 

My last relationship did actually start with meeting my ex on a dating website. We both cut the formalities and agreed to a face-to-face date after the second message. She showed interest in me first and my message to her was along the lines of "Yeh, ok, you seem fine - tell me where you'd like to meet" and we arranged it from there. At the time, I really didn't care much about hooking up...and strangely it went brilliantly. There were fireworks early on and we then...took things far too quickly.

 

I'll meet a suitable person while I'm pursuing my new interests. The only person I need to truly be focusing on and attracting the attention of is me right now. I don't always hold true to that philosophy, but I'm getting better at it.

[Renard99]

Just as a quick question.....

 

Has anbody actually made any real connections/had dates with people from internet dating sites??

 

Im incredibly curious, yet extremely cautious.

 

 

I'm on a couple of datng sites (one paid for and one free, just to see if it makes a difference to the quality of response)

 

I have plans tomorrow to go on a 4th date with a woman I met on the pay site. We seem to be a good match and have a fair amount of things in common but enough differences to be curious about each other. Fingers crossed it goes well.

 

So, it can work, but I do agree with Wilsonx, things can go the other way. I met with one early on and she seemed fine on the first date and then on the second date I think she suddenly thought 'yes, he's the one' and became clingy and desperate. When I couldn't meet her for every free minute I had (I was attending a funeral once!) she started to say things like 'well you're clearly not into me, you're just stringing me along'. After that I lost interest. She went mental when I told her I didn't think it was going anywhere.

 

As others have said, my one piece of advice is to not 'try' when you sign up to the sites. When I first signed up I scanned my 'matches' religiously and sent loads of messages. I'd get virtually nothing back and that depressed me. Then I gave up but left the profiles up. After a while I did get a couple of messages and they were quite good matches as they were actually seeking me. It made the whole thing feel that little bit more worth while.