Dealing with OM possibly becoming father figure in family u built!

[BrettLost]

This is a REAL cruncher for me. I cant shake it. I need answers off of pple whom have had to become "sideline dads" while some f*ckin nobody moves in and runs the show.

 

I get that ul ALWAYS be their dad, but I'm deathly afraid that the minimal contact i get alone with them, compared to the family environment the OM lives within now somehow pushes him as the primary role model.

 

I have daughters. I know of ALOT of girls with "daddy issues". I strive my hardest to not let that happen to me, BUT NOW, with limited access and another man round them as a "family" i cry constantly at the fear i might slip out of my daughters priority as a dad, provider and protector.

 

Any help is greatly appreciated.

[SlevinKalebra]

This was a difficult spot for me too. For me I had to make a lot of realizations.

First the courts are ALWAYS anti-father. Even with documentation of physical and sexual abuse by my x and her son the court said she was a more fit parent than I was because I was "overprotective" of my daughter ie when she moved an abusive drunk into her house I was unhappy and reported it to the courts. Or she moved her pedophile son into the room next to my daughter I was unhappy. So don't expect any support from the courts EVER.

Second know you can only affect your daughters when they are with you. You have to be there for her when she's with you. I think this is where a lot of fathers go too far and spoil their children when they are with them. I try to keep our time together as fun and exciting as I can, also realizing she needs down time and structure.

For me the third realization was the most important. My x is a horrible and unstable creature. I don't know your history, so I don't know if this will pertain to you. I know when her next victims come into her life they won't stick around for long. I realize this is not good for my daughter either, but I know the men that are brought around my daughter won't be there long. And most importantly my daughter will see her mother for what she is. Like this past weekend she was telling me she gets in trouble for telling "lies" about her friends Belle, snow white and cinderella. She's three and is being yelled at for using her imagination. Eventually I know she will be closer to me. as long as she sees I am always there for her now.

Ultimately, your life is your life, everything you do to improve yourself and situation will improve your daughters'.

Sincerely, my heart goes out to you and I wish you the best. I hope some or all of this helped you

Edited August 8, 2011 by SlevinKalebra

[Single Sid]

Anyone can be a dad, but it takes someone special to be a father.

 

Those were the words my mum told me when i 1st had to endure my ex getting into a relationship.

 

Fortunately for me i see my child more often than the mother does, my child lives with me now and has done since child was 8.

 

It was tough to swallow at first knowing another man could be taking my place.

In retrospect it was just my own fear, he wasnt their for my child and had no attachment to my child, if anything he probably saw child as an hindurance at 1st.

 

As time goes on youll realise that if your doing the best you can with the time you have with your children, then that really is your best. OK, we can all look back and say what could of been had been together, but that aint happening mate, im sorry to say.

 

As the your children grow they will make choices of their own, even within a few years a bond is as good as solid with your child as long as you participate in their lives.

After time it all becomes obvious that no one ever is out to replace you AS A PARENT TO YOUR CHILD.

 

Stick with it, stay strong for you child/ren, its worth it beyond belief, i promise you.

 

EDIT: there was a stage for about 1 week years ago when they 1st started getting their relationship semi-serious, where the mother thought it be a good idea for my child to call him dad. my child told me this and asked her for her opinion and she said she didnt want to call him dad.

Spke ot mother next day, told her my feelings and what our child told me. I could see her little plan didnt work at pretending to be happy families with someone else. it back fired and child refused to call him by the title 'dad'

 

She knows who her dad is, i made sure of that with pure hard work, some sweat and an ocean of tears. you could say ive reaped and still am reaping the rewards from it all.

 

Will say few years on (Recently) the other fella has had a few goes (verbally)at my child about things that arent her fault in the house, needless to say im the one sweeping up behind the scenes as she doesnt feel she can speak to her mother about it.

 

I would for sure of stepped in had it been more than a relationship/family thing, but as it isnt that s*&t will settle itself in its own household, not mine

Edited August 8, 2011 by Single Sid