tolaw Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 Today I start counselling with my wife. Our sex life has been near non-existent for 2-3 years. I am concerned about certain topics at counselling. For instance, if the counsellor starts questioning me as to whether I have ever seen an escort. I have seen them, I ma not proud of it and I am afraid of teh ramification if I reveal this. I also do want to reveal this information in part because it will show my wife how serious the problems are in the bedroom. Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
26thAquarius Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 Hmmm..if you are that serious about telling her, then I would suggest notifying her b4 you go to the counselor. Let her know before hand that you 'strayed away' for sexual relations. She may be more embarrassed to hear you say that for the first time in the counselors office. If you truly want to make your marriage work, tell her how devoted you are to her. And be completely honest about EVERYTHING. That of course is just my personal opinion, and if I were in her position, I think that is what would convince me that the marriage is worth salvaging. I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted on your sessions. You can always get a woman's pov here. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 hm, i think it would be unprofessional of the counsellor to ask you that. i personally think it's best not to disclose that to your wife; just focus on the lack of your sex-life instead of admitting you were seeking it elsewhere. just my opinion - i'm not married and have never been, mind you. best of luck! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 I doubt that a counsellor would ask you that kind of thing with your wife present. Maybe you should consider having individual sessions as well as joint sessions. That way you have the opportunity to discuss this with your counsellor alone and you could ask him/her whether you should reveal this to your wife. Personally I don't think you should, but I'm sure the counsellor will have much wiser words for you on the matter. What could either one of you gain by telling her that? Why the need to stress the point if you're both going to see a counsellor? (presumably about this very subject ) Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 By all means, it is VERY important not to keep secrets from your councilor. It will be a waste of money and time if you’re just going through the motions for ‘appearance’ sake. It will also be impossible for your councilor to make an accurate assessment of your situation if you are holding back. Besides, its not exactly fair to bring up your wife’s sexual dysfunctions while keeping even bigger secrets of your own. This is why counseling fails for many couples. You will each receive one-on-one time with your therapist once the initial introductions and preliminaries of the first few visits are completed. Your ‘alone time’ with the councilor will be the opportunity to discuss the issue. As a matter of fact, you will be specifically asked if there is anything you would like to discuss in private. Your councilor will not disclose this information to your wife if you wish to keep it in confidence, but having the information will be crucial to the therapist when recommending strategies for your recovery. They will not only focus on your marital problems, but on each one of you individually since there are deeper, personal issues that are the underlying catalyst. Also good to remember…a GOOD therapist never takes sides while mediating. It is their job to remain neutral even if they seem sympathetic to your concerns during your one-on-one time. It is also not wise to discuss in detail your private sessions with your spouse. I have seen so many couples use what the councilor has told them during private sessions as ammunition against each other once they leave the office. Its one of the reasons why many couples quit long before any real progress can be made. If you’re not good with honesty or opening yourself up for some constructive criticism, then you may have a difficult time with therapy. You’ve got to leave your egos at the door and be absolutely willing to follow the program no matter how silly or awkward you find the councilor’s suggestions to be. PS...Hope you like writing LISTS!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 29, 2004 Share Posted April 29, 2004 Your counsellor should see you alone in order to get certain information. If your counsellor asks you questions like...have you seen an escort...during joint session with your wife, terminate the session and find another counsellor. The best marriage counselling is for the therapist to see each party individually first to get a grasp of the different perspectives before having them join together in session. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts