Is this really a sign of moving on for good?

[Thieves]

I know, I know. I know it shouldn't be analyzing my progress all the time to see if I'm moving on, and I'm not. I've been trying to let it happen as naturally as I can.

 

I've been total NC for about 7 almost 8 months now, and for one, I haven't had too many bad days this month!

 

But the reason I'm posting this is because I noticed a subtle difference lately when it came to thinking about 'him'.

 

First of all, it's no longer all day 24/7. I can't remember thinking about him the past few nights before I went to bed.

 

Sure, yesterday I thought about him occasionally, but I no longer lingered on the thoughts with sadness...

 

I kind of just acknowledged that yeah, I was thinking of him. But I thought back to some of the very romantic things he said and I didn't feel much pain, but more...disbelief? Like it's strange to believe that actually happened, that he actually said any of those things or that they were even true.

 

And I wasn't really interested in analyzing why he left, or why he acted how he did. A BIG difference from the past few months.

 

This all really interested me, so I did something else that (I admit) could've potentially set me back... I looked at two pictures of him.

 

I admit I was prepared to have that sh*tty sinking feel once I saw him (let's just say he's...very handsome), but to my surprise, I didn't really have that feeling. It was more distant. I just stared at him. It was kind of strange. Like, "Is that really him? And did he really feel that way for me once? :confused:"

 

Does anybody recognize any of this? I mean I still feel the urge sometimes to talk to him, because I miss talking with him a lot, sharing our interests, etc. I couldn't help posting this though because it feels different from all the regret, pain and constant analyzing I've been feeling the past few months.

[TaintedHeart]

I know, I know. I know it shouldn't be analyzing my progress all the time to see if I'm moving on, and I'm not. I've been trying to let it happen as naturally as I can.

 

I've been total NC for about 7 almost 8 months now, and for one, I haven't had too many bad days this month!

 

But the reason I'm posting this is because I noticed a subtle difference lately when it came to thinking about 'him'.

 

First of all, it's no longer all day 24/7. I can't remember thinking about him the past few nights before I went to bed.

 

Sure, yesterday I thought about him occasionally, but I no longer lingered on the thoughts with sadness...

 

I kind of just acknowledged that yeah, I was thinking of him. But I thought back to some of the very romantic things he said and I didn't feel much pain, but more...disbelief? Like it's strange to believe that actually happened, that he actually said any of those things or that they were even true.

 

And I wasn't really interested in analyzing why he left, or why he acted how he did. A BIG difference from the past few months.

 

This all really interested me, so I did something else that (I admit) could've potentially set me back... I looked at two pictures of him.

 

I admit I was prepared to have that sh*tty sinking feel once I saw him (let's just say he's...very handsome), but to my surprise, I didn't really have that feeling. It was more distant. I just stared at him. It was kind of strange. Like, "Is that really him? And did he really feel that way for me once? :confused:"

 

Does anybody recognize any of this? I mean I still feel the urge sometimes to talk to him, because I miss talking with him a lot, sharing our interests, etc. I couldn't help posting this though because it feels different from all the regret, pain and constant analyzing I've been feeling the past few months.

 

This pretty much sums up how I'm feeling. A few weeks ago one thought of my ex would grow like a weed and would have me in tears for most of the day but now I think of her maybe twice a day but I don't feel the pain and I don't keep going over the break up.

I went away which helped me a lot! Yes I have little setbacks but I can deal with them and yes I am avoiding certain things so I'm not reminded of her but I'll get there.

I really do believe that you can only cry so much. It's like our body is saying 'Enough now!' And we kind of snap out of it.

It's weird!

To notice that we're doing well and have been dealing with things a lot better isn't analyzing.

[radiodarcy]

it's been 5 months for me and i've been going through the same thing as well. i admit that i still think about him quite a bit. but it's from a different perspective: not as analytical; asking how and why. but more along the lines, ok this happened; i'm dealing with it and hopefully one of these days i'll be completely past it.

 

i've also noticed that a lot of the anger i had in the first three months of NC has pretty much evaporated. i just don't have the energy or the use for it anymore.

 

nor do i have the urge to speculate about his thoughts/actions be it over the the past, present or the future. i think my brain is just tired of dealing with it. it's just at the point where the tape of him still continues to run but it's more in the background instead of in the foreground - - if that makes sense.

 

at any rate, i'm taking all of this as a sign that; even though i have a ways to go, i'm starting to pull past it.

[Thieves]

i think my brain is just tired of dealing with it. it's just at the point where the tape of him still continues to run but it's more in the background instead of in the foreground - - if that makes sense.

 

Yep, that makes sense! Now that I think of it, it's kind of similar to what I already do when I'm at home. Usually when I'm on the computer, I'll have the tv on mute in the background, just to have something on I guess. It's a habit. So even though I can't hear anything or I'm not really paying too much attention to it, sometimes I'll still look up and see what's going on just for the hell of it. Sometimes I'll turn on the sound if something really interesting comes on, too.

 

Hmm..

[jquest1280]

Great going, Thieves, good job. That's exactly how it's supposed to feel when you start to move on. The emotions separate from the memories, as the chemicals and hormones in your body subside to pre-in-love levels. Even if something triggers the return of the bad feelings, they don't return full strength, and over the months (in my case, years), they hurt less and less until they disappear.

[Duckduckgoose]

I recognize quite a bit of it, and in fact I keep up with it in my coping log

 

I think some of the metaphors I use for how it makes me feel are rather strange, but I describe things the best way I can.

[lovesickmonkey]

I'm trying to imagine how I'll feel in 7 or 8 months. It's hard to imagine I'll still be in the difficult place I'm in today -- three months afterward. I'm growing very tired of it. It's like having been in a crippling auto accident -- very slowly healing and unable to participate fully in any aspect of life. How long? How long until I can get serious with another woman where I'm not thinking of my ex? It seems like it should be over by then but I may be fooling myself.