Jilly_Bean_521 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 So I've been seeing this guy for nearly a year now. We've gotten more serious just in the last 6 months or so. Friday night he posted to craigslist in the casual encounters sections. By happenstance a woman responded who knows me (she has always been vocal about her cl adventures). Long story short she confronted him and said she'd tell me. He realized he was caught and ended up telling me himself. He said he posted more for the responses than hooking up and that he had a momentary lapse in reasoning :-/ and he can't say he would have actually met someone. Also, he swears he only posted one ad, but my friend swears he posted two. She showed me the text of both and I have to say the wording and phrasing is very alike....anyway I'm like devastated. I said I didn't want to talk about it right away cuz I knew my emotions were all over the place....I was angry and hurt, but now I'm just hurt. I've cried a whole bunch, read the emails they exchanged as well as the ads over and over. I don't even know how to begin approaching this with him. He's been going through some stuff recently. He's a writer and experienced a writing event a few weeks back that has given him a new direction in his craft and it's been hard for him to focus on anything else. He's been less communicative with me , but I never expected something like this... I'm going to talk with him on Wednesday. I could use any and all advice anyone wants to share. I do care for him, love him. I'm willing to work on things if he does and if I can understand why he did this...help... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Interesting how it's been hard for him to focus on anything else besides his writing but yet he has the time and takes the energy to write Craigslist ads and respond to answers/inquiries. Me, I sell tools and rent houses on Craigslist and I know how much time it takes to do that. I'd let him process his busy-ness in silence. You said he's been proactively less communicative. OK, he can own that. Link to post Share on other sites
Cosmo14 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I've had friends in similar situations with CL as well as other dating sites. Although he says he was more or less looking for responses instead of actually meeting up, there are still red flags. I personally wouldn't go on a website seeking responses to a permiscuous ad unless I was seriously thinking of following through with it. The time taken to make an account and place an ad, along with not one, but two responses makes it a bit fishy. I had an ex who I was living with and while he was at work I was on his laptop it turns out my snooping led me to a whole array of "hook up" sites in which I confronted him. He made up a lie stating his brother was making up these accounts as a joke. When I looked further into it and in his emails I realized it was him all along. It disgusts me that people actually plan to seek out sexual encounters via Internet. The thing is I know people who HAVE successfully gotten away with being committed as well as using sites on the side. Link to post Share on other sites
Cosmo14 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I'd lay it all on the table. You don't wanna risk STDs and affair drama. Confront him about how you feel his shady acts are affecting you and get more evidence. If this was a one time thing it still doesn't justify him seeking any other woman out! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I ripped a female poster (who to her credit, seems to be stepping up and doing the right thing by facing the music) for cheating. Now it is time for me to rip your boyfriend. I'm no sexist, I am an equal opportunity hater. Cheating is just as bad no matter the gender doing it. He didn't post two ads, nor did he post just one. He did a lot more than that. What he got caught doing is just the top of the iceberg of all he really did. Dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly_Bean_521 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 I'm going to talk to him and lay it all out Cosmo14 said. I just herd to figure out how to last it all out. I'm glad I'm giving myself a few days to get over the years and focus on what I need to say. Honestly my head wasnt in the place to think about the stds and how much time it does take to post on craigslist. I'm dreading this convo. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 I'd be kicking his ass the curb...one does not just accidentally post on craigslist...he had to think about it...I just dont think I could trust him again, but talk it out first, it is easier said than done to kick someone to the curb when you (me) isnt emotionally involved in the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
SugarShock Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 With an ex-boyfriend...very similar situation! He told me his brother created his account and even went to extravagant measures to try to convince me. One day I guessed his email password and saw that this had been going on for MONTHS! I even got into his Craigslist account, which showed me endless postings he had done prior. This made me so sick! What I did was I just cut him off completely...didn't answer his calls and changed my phone number! I knew I could never trust him again, ever! Follow your hunch...we women are gifted with great intuition! If your hunch tells you he's a good liar and won't change, then move on honey, he's not worth the heartache and doubt! Link to post Share on other sites
Arikel Posted August 8, 2011 Share Posted August 8, 2011 Agreed with the posters above! If you want to give him another chance, ask him for his email passwords, all of them, and check them right there in front of him before he has a chance to delete everything. Anyway, a super clean email inbox is also a red flag! But if this guy is like my ex, addicted to these sites, he won't stop. He will just keep lying Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jilly_Bean_521 Posted August 8, 2011 Author Share Posted August 8, 2011 I really don't want to lose this guy, but he'll have to lose me if I sense he's still lying. sigh...thanks for the advice, I'll take much of it with me when I see him on wednesday. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 So I've been seeing this guy for nearly a year now. We've gotten more serious just in the last 6 months or so. Friday night he posted to craigslist in the casual encounters sections. By happenstance a woman responded who knows me (she has always been vocal about her cl adventures). Long story short she confronted him and said she'd tell me. He realized he was caught and ended up telling me himself. This is the one instance in which it is right to tell your significant other about your outside dalliances: when there is a high probability that they will find out through other channels if you don't tell them. Otherwise, to tell your significant other that you cheated (etc.) just to somehow reduce your own guilt while deeply wounding them for no reason, doubly identifies you as a lowlife. The part where 'he/she deserves to know' is PURE CRAP (except in the minds of those trying to sabotage the relationship while remaining too chickensh*t to initiate the break-up directly). Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 So I've been seeing this guy for nearly a year now. We've gotten more serious just in the last 6 months or so. Friday night he posted to craigslist in the casual encounters sections. By happenstance a woman responded who knows me (she has always been vocal about her cl adventures). Long story short she confronted him and said she'd tell me. He realized he was caught and ended up telling me himself. He said he posted more for the responses than hooking up and that he had a momentary lapse in reasoning :-/ and he can't say he would have actually met someone. Also, he swears he only posted one ad, but my friend swears he posted two. She showed me the text of both and I have to say the wording and phrasing is very alike....anyway I'm like devastated. I said I didn't want to talk about it right away cuz I knew my emotions were all over the place....I was angry and hurt, but now I'm just hurt. I've cried a whole bunch, read the emails they exchanged as well as the ads over and over. I don't even know how to begin approaching this with him. He's been going through some stuff recently. He's a writer and experienced a writing event a few weeks back that has given him a new direction in his craft and it's been hard for him to focus on anything else. He's been less communicative with me , but I never expected something like this... I'm going to talk with him on Wednesday. I could use any and all advice anyone wants to share. I do care for him, love him. I'm willing to work on things if he does and if I can understand why he did this...help... He did it because he wants to have sex with other people. It's as simple as that. Doesn't sound like someone you should be planning any LTR with. Not a trustworthy person. You would be wise to let this guy go. Not a keeper by any means. Link to post Share on other sites
mitchell Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Are you having sex with him? If so, how is your love life? Do you have sex frequently? Link to post Share on other sites
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