Men are too easily distracted..

[HurtPup]

Men are too easily distracted when it comes to other women. They will NEVER be happy with what they have, because they are ALWAYS looking for the next good thing to come along. Well, I've had enough of him always keeping that eye open for what he may be missing. I ended it last week. And I'm angry as hell and hurt more than I can tell you.

 

Me and my bf have been seeing each other for almost 3 years. During the earlier part of the relationship, although we BOTH had jealousy issues with the other, he was more so than I. As the relationship progressed, I became the more jealous person, whereas he doesn't let too much both him. I should have recognized that as a sign that the intensity of our relationship was winding down for him.

 

There is a specific woman in the picture here. Early in our relationship, we were out at a club where we both knew alot of people there..and he asked me "if you and I weren't together, who would you be interested in". I couldn't really say, being I don't base who I see on mear looks. So I asked him the same question..and without hesitation, he pointed to this girl (i'll call her Sally). Sally is 15 years younger than him, she's tall, pretty, and has a killer body. I felt a pang of jealousy about how quick he answered the question, but let it go, after all, I did ask.

 

For the past year now, I have been seeing looks being exchanged between the two of them...the type of looks he gave me in the beginning. I called him on it, and I was told I was imagining things and it was nothing. Well, the flirting between the two continued and progressed to the point where she won't stay away from him when we are out together, and he obviously is eating it up.

 

I had broken up with him once before over this, and gave him one more chance to make it right. The last straw came last weekend when I caught him giving her the eye as she walked back from the ladies room, and she of course, gave him that same look back.

 

I'm angry, and I've never been this hurt. Men will NEVER be happy having only one woman, no matter how good she looks, how much she loves him, etc.. I'm convinced this was ego-driven for him, being she's so young and attractive. But it hurts nontheless.

 

We hang in the same crowds and there's no way of avoiding the two of them. I guess what I'm needing is a little pep-talk from anyone that can make me see I'm better than that, that I can hold my head up and not feel like I've been tossed away for someone younger (even though it was me that ended it).

[Papillon]

Well, I've always had the experience that men are easily distracted from outside their relationships, if they are not being distracted enough from within.

 

Most people tend to "ignore" the distractions outside the cocoon of a relationship if they are happy and fulfilled within.

[CurlyIam]

Originally posted by Papillon

Well, I've always had the experience that men are easily distracted from outside their relationships, if they are not being distracted enough from within.

 

Most people tend to "ignore" the distractions outside the cocoon of a relationship if they are happy and fulfilled within.

 

Yeah, right... like it's the easiest thing on Earth to keep a man from not drowling all over the floor for a 15 years younger female. I am kindly putting out the "killer body".

 

Jeez, that's a very comprehensive post PApillion. Full of compasion and love!!! Wonder why I thought you're a man....

[Papillon]

Originally posted by CurlyIam

Yeah, right... like it's the easiest thing on Earth to keep a man from not drowling all over the floor for a 15 years younger female. I am kindly putting out the "killer body".

 

Jeez, that's a very comprehensive post PApillion. Full of compasion and love!!! Wonder why I thought you're a man....

 

Tsk tsk, play nice.

[Blah Toolz]

Sounds to me like the guy was just a dick, and thought that the grass was greener on the other side.

 

I recently broke up with my ex gf of 2 years, and upon first appearances, I probably would have rated her around an 8. She was tall, blonde, nice body, and a cute face, but I knew she wasn't the best looking woman I had ever seen. However, as our relationship progressed, she just became more and more beautiful to me -- I knew that she cared a lot for me, and the things that she did for me, and the things that we did together made her beauty intesify daily.

 

I admit, I might have glanced at other women out in public -- but I knew that a pretty woman doesn't always equal great sex or a good relationship, and that's why I never found any reason to stray. So, in conclusion, I think your guy was just a dude with an ego complex, who thought he had something to prove by getting with a younger chick.

[HurtPup]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I guess it's even harder for me to take because I am having trouble with this aging thing myself. I'm almost 41 and it's been difficult for me seeing signs of aging in myself and knowing there's nothing I can do about it, short of plastic surgery. Although I'm still attractive, really don't look my age, and go to the gym 5 times a week to keep myself fit, I still get very envious of younger women..and he knew that. It just hurt so bad to feel not good enough.

[HokeyReligions]

It's not all men. It was that man. It is some men, sometimes. Some women are the same way. Relationships go sour for a variety of reasons. I'm sorry that you are hurting and that you are experiencing this now. I'm older than you are and I understand how it feels to be "competing" against younger women -- for men, for jobs, for a lot of things. I would not like to be out in the dating scene right now myself, but if I were I would approach it entirely different than I did in the past and I would make fewer sacrifices and stick to my guns more.

 

You should never feel that you are not good enough. That is silly. If someone tells you that you are not good enough FOR THEM, then it is their problem. Perhaps you are too good for him. He maybe felt that you were not RIGHT for him any longer, but that means that he is not right for you either.

 

Don't devalue yourself because of someone else. No, let me rephrase that: Don't Devalue Yourself.

[Girlie]

This man is an $hit. No two ways about it. And, unfortunately, there are plenty of them out there. I'm only 28 and have already met men in their 30's who think I'm too old because they want to chase after the little 21 year old party girls. But there are also plenty of men who aren't like that. This guy isn't one of them. And the truth is, you are more than likely far too good for him, rather than not being good enough.

[HurtPup]

Originally posted by Girlie

I'm only 28 and have already met men in their 30's who think I'm too old because they want to chase after the little 21 year old party girls.

 

Just wait until you are in your 30's and the men in their 30's and 40's are STILL chasing after the 20 year olds. It doesn't get any better. Being most men are visually driven, it doesn't matter how well a 40 year old takes care of themselves, they will NEVER look like they're 21.

 

I also believe men settle. What they want: a Victoria Secret model. It's what they drool over, and lust for. So I feel, unless you are of that standard, and that's what your man is REALLY attracted to on a physical level, then he has indeed settled. And that's not good enough for me.

[Girlie]

My Aunt is 50 and a total hottie. She got tired of men her age telling her she was too old. Her boyfriend is in his 20's and thinks she's the hottest thing on God's green earth. Perhaps you need to give these older men a dose of their own medicine? Just a thought.

[HurtPup]

I also know plenty of hot older women. Men are losing out on some very sexual creatures by limiting themselves to the young'uns.

 

But I hear ya Girlie, I was thinking that myself. I know I will see the two of them together when I go out (and I'm going out this weekend). I think I will just have to make a play for a young hot boy-toy myself.

 

Who am I kidding though, it's going to hurt like hell. I just need to find a mental zone on this and stick to it. I guess that's why I came here today...it may help me to hear what you all have to say.

[Girlie]

Hang in there! You will feel better. I'm telling ya...this guy is a loser, and it probably won't be long until his eye is wandering again. But this time, some other woman will be stuck dealing with it.

[faux]

Originally posted by HurtPup

Men are too easily distracted when it comes to other women. They will NEVER be happy with what they have, because they are ALWAYS looking for the next good thing to come along. Well, I've had enough of him always keeping that eye open for what he may be missing. I ended it last week. And I'm angry as hell and hurt more than I can tell you...

 

...I'm angry, and I've never been this hurt. Men will NEVER be happy having only one woman, no matter how good she looks, how much she loves him, etc.. I'm convinced this was ego-driven for him, being she's so young and attractive. But it hurts nontheless.

 

I just wanted to respond to these two sections of your post. I have often found myself saying the same thing about women. This is a people issue, not gender specialized. People as a whole are usually unhappy with the good things they have, and will always look elsewhere for something new, or something better.

 

Maybe the older men chase after the younger women, but I also see that the younger women chase after the older men.

[moimeme]

People as a whole are usually unhappy with the good things they have, and will always look elsewhere for something new, or something better.

 

Pishtosh. Does this describe you? It doesn't me, and I'm guessing it doesn't plenty of people. I do love new things, but I *really* treasure the longstanding associations I've had. I add new things to my life; I don't replace the old. And, most of all, I value the people who've been in my life a long time.

 

Too many things change or leave in life. People who stick with you are treasures.

[NatoPMT]

Sorry you are having a bad time Hurtpup. The pain isnt so easy to fix, but the view that all men are easily distracted is.

 

my bf, who is 10 years younger, has lots of friends in their 20's who have all told me they are interested in older women. thats not really the point though, you have to deal with this first before swanning off with your new age 27 bf.

 

it doesnt sound ideal that you will be bumping into them, ideally, you would never see/hear from him again. if i was in your situation, i would go for the full works, hair colour & cut, new outfit and at least next time i saw him i'd be looking fine.

 

poor old sally hey, left with the poor excuse for a man who doesnt have the guts to behave like a gentleman

[HurtPup]

Originally posted by BigBelm

if i was in your situation, i would go for the full works, hair colour & cut, new outfit and at least next time i saw him i'd be looking fine.

 

Ohhhhh..believe me...thats EXACTLY what I'm going to do. What's that saying "the best revenge is living good" or something like that. And although it is very soon after the breakup to see him out, there is a big gathering of all our friends and I was looking forward to. And I'll be damned if I'm going to miss out on it because of him.

 

I need to go in there with the attitude that I'm ok. I need to go there and not feel the urge to display spiteful behavior. I need to concentrate on all my other friends there, knowing there are plenty of people that like me, and that other men DO find me attractive. It's going to be tough, but I need to gather all my strength, and my pride, and just go have fun.

 

I really appreciate the supportive words from everyone. Thanks

[CurlyIam]

I think it's great that you want to spoil yourself ans stuff... but in the end, even prettier, slimmer and with an incredlible wardrobe, you'd still go to bed near the same man. Have a spring session if you feel like it, but remember that you are not the problem. And it's not that he prefers younger women, as I believe most man secretely phantesize about young women.

 

As I see it, he's problem is doing it in front of you. Flirting shamelesly when you are there. Not giving a damn about your feelings, 'cause she's such a hottie and gives him some attention. I do not intend to comment on that creature's intentions either.

 

Your bf behaviour shows lack of respect toward you as a person, towards your pride, in the end towards your relationship... It is serious, think about it hard once the "independent woman" phase fades away.

[deesgirl]

It sounds like you have the right attitude about going to your gathering. It will be tough to act like you don't care, but just try to focus on your friends.

 

Isn't it sad that the younger guys appreciate us older women more (sometimes) and the older guys seem to always wonder what they're missing with the younger girls? I always dreamed of marriage being with a man I could grow old with that would always see me as that young hottie. He may still be attracted to me, but his actions show that he still craves the true young hotties. I don't think it ever goes away either. They might stay faithful, but I think the younger women will always be their fantasies. It breaks my heart.

[NatoPMT]

I need to go there and not feel the urge to display spiteful behavior.

 

what an admirable attitude

[HurtPup]

I wanted to update everyone on how the gathering went last weekend with him and the other girl being there.

 

I have to say, I am totally confused now. He was amazing. When he got there, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and we were 'nice' to each other. I found him staring at me with this look in his eyes that I so wished I could hear his thoughts at that moment.

 

He stayed away from "Sally" all night. She only came over to him maybe once or twice throughout the night, and I watched from a distance and noticed his behavior towards her was definately different. I went about my night with my friends and had a great time.

 

Towards the end of the night, I saw him standing alone (which is how he spent alot of the night), so I went over to him. Then a slow song came on and he asked me to dance. I hesitated, but then grabbed his hand and had 2 emotionally-filled dances with him. I did so only because he had been trying SO hard all night to do the right things (something I had asked him repeatedly to do in the past, and it seemed to fall on deaf ears).

 

When he was ready to leave..he came over and signaled me that he was leaving..I got up and said goodbye. He left immediately after, not saying goodbye to Sally, or anyone else for that matter. He only said goodbye to me.

 

We're talking a little now...and he did say to me... the tone of my voice, the things I said, the phone message I left him when I was crying so hard describing the pain he put me through...left him 'haunted' about how bad he hurt me and he NEVER wants to feel that he's responsible for me feeling that bad again.

 

So..there goes my promise huh. The one where I said "it's over for good". Not real sure where I am with him at the moment. I'm not sure I'm ready to set myself up for another heartache. But, even if I decide not to get back with him, I have gotten the anger out and I'm feeling a little more relief that he heard me this time...and knows I'm dead serious about leaving him over this, and it's not an idol threat.

[FolderWife]

*sigh* I know what you mean. I guy can treat you like crap for so long, but then one day he's the perfect guy you fell in love with in the first place, and you fall for him all over again.

 

That's how it is a lot in my marriage. My husband can hurt me, and hurt me, and hurt me, and he doesn't get better until I'm absolutely at the point of divorce. When it gets to the point that I'd rather avoid him than be around him, suddenly he's the most perfectest husband in the world.

 

So don't feel one bit guilty if you decide to go running back to him. We all do it...some of us are just more aware that we do it.

 

I know that in 2-3 months, however, I'm going to be crying because he's hurt me again. However, in 3-4 months, I won't be crying any more, because I will care so little about him that I won't care if he falls off the earth, so I don't care about anything he does, and again he'll be treating me like a cherished cupcake.