Tony

[Helpme]

Tony,

 

Well, that girl came by today and she apologized to me for what happened the other night. But tonight I realized, in the last 2-3 months I've lost 40 lbs going from 288 to 248 and still losing.

 

So I am feeling better about my looks, and actually taking on quite a new figure so to speak... in which many people in the last 2 weeks have complimented me on my diet.

 

But now the real problem comes to this, I don't think I would have much problems getting to know people... but honestly I can say I'm not fun. I live in a small college town and at 19 there just doesn't seem to be much to do, sure you got Bar and Grills but even when I went that last time I felt so left out because I was well... basically alone.

 

My problem is, I don't know what to do. How does a person become fun? not to have such a serious attitude.. I don't have a serious attitude... but I don't have a sense of humor either. What are somet things that can lighten me up? make me funner (is that a word? hehe) and make people want to be around me or at least not mind it?

 

See, when I go places I see people dancing around and all this but I just feel that if I did it I feel stupid. Help me Tony, I really want to change myself or at least make it so I'm not so uptight about things.

 

Any advice, Tony, will be appreciated. Right now I feel better, and happier, than I have in the last 4 or so days.

[Paulie]

Again,

I had a long night out, and will give you a complete reply when I wake up in the afternoon tomorrow. Hang in there, dude, you'll be ok. The fact that you're puzzling over these things is actually where it all starts. Good Stuff!!

 

But a message that I would like to give to everybody on this site is to not direct posts so directly specifically at Tony all the time. I realize I'm going out on a limb here, but I relish the ability to take many points of view into account.

 

Tony gives AWESOME advice. Better than I've given, for sure. While I'm sure I could whip his tail on the basketball court, he has provided invaluable advice to countless painfull, situations (I say countless because it's not only the original posters that read, and learn from the replies posted here.) It's just that I, for one, would like to see more involvement here, following Tony's lead.

 

I WILL give you a full reply to this post tomorrow, which is based on experience in this VERY AREA, which I'm sure will help you. In the meantime, be in peace.

[Helpme]

paulie,

 

Thanks, and you're right my post shouldn't of be directed to Tony as I treasure everyone's advice here on this forum. It's people like you that takes the time out of your busy life to help just one person that needs it the most, and that alone is amazing.

 

But yeah, anyone that has any advice please post them. Everyone is welcomed and I will treat each advice equally, which means each advice will mean a lot to me. More than I could ever express to you all.

 

Once again, thanks for the advice and look forward to seeing advice and feedback for this topic in which I need help with.

 

Helpme

[Tony T]

Alcohol usually helps people lighten up.

 

You can't help your personality. If you are the quiet and shy type, the right lady will find that quite attractive. There are even some real Miss Personalities who enjoy staying on center stage who prefer a more passive mate. Be yourself.

 

For your own good, try to open up in conversations. There are many who just aren't great at small talk. Have patience with yourself. I've seen many very quiet people who were late blossomers who I can't get to shut up now. You can't just make yourself fun overnight. It would seem extremely awkward to you and others if you tried to force a different personality.

 

Watch others and, very gradually, interject things into conversations. Think ahead. Memorize a few great jokes from the Internet that you can tell to a group later on. Don't worry about forgetting the joke...if you do, who cares? But a few good jokes will really get you lots of points and lots of laughs. Go to your favorite search engine and enter "jokes" in the search field. Then press "GO".

 

Let's see what others have to say about your plight.

[Tony T]

Paulie:

 

I have never played basketball and have never really been interested in it, but I might do well at it so save my ass from being whipped!!!

[Taressa]

HelpMe,

 

Tony's joke idea is a good one. It will be a good opener for many conversations and a few good responses will help rebuild your self-esteem.

 

You might also want to concentrate on preparing for some interesting conversation...

 

- Get on top of current events so you're able to discuss them well

 

- Visit the library, choose a subject and read several books about it

 

- Master an activity. Choose something you enjoy and do all you can to become the best at it

 

- Memorize a poem or two. Many women prefer a quiet romancer over a loud dancer

 

- Cultivate a group of friends with whom you can relax

 

You know what, HelpMe? I suspect you're already quite a wonderful guy. With a little confidence building you'll be ready to take a chance and let yourself shine.