Lucid1 Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Well, the divorce was final almost three months ago. Over twenty years together down the drain. So, I've been thinking and this is what I've come up with: I am realizing that the pain of missing what I lost is just something I'm going to have to live with for years, a thorn in my side that I can't remove. I'm not going to "get over it" completely anytime soon. That pisses me off. And I'm beginning to realize that this is true: Desmond Tutu describes ubuntu as "the essence of being human. You can't be human in isolation. You are human only in relationships. We are interconnected." Which means once I get past the worst of "it", I'll need another relationship to feel like a human again. Which means I have to endure the whole dating thing; keeping an eye out for potential mates, meeting them, feeling them out to see if they are even remotely compatible, trying to establish an emotional connection, sex with all that complication, meeting her family, friends and kids, she'll have to meet mine, and on and on and on. I'm too old to start all that again; I don't have the optimism of youth or the energy. I'm 55 and I don't have the time (patience, really) to nurture a relationship for years before I get married again like this time, or enjoy 20 years of marital happiness. This divorce took the fun out of life, how can I enjoy a new relationship now? Plus who wants to date a gray haired old hippie who's been divorced twice? Sure, we might have a lot to offer each other, but even so, how in the world do you FIND that person? It took me years to find this wife. Sigh. So unless I want to live out the rest of my life bored and alone, I am stuck between a rock (dating) and a hard place (being alone). Crap. Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Hugs:bunny::bunny:- know how you feel! Link to post Share on other sites
ver13 Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 It has to be done and your just the man to do it so put on your big boy shoes and start walking. Just remember this you can't see anything worth while if you keep your eye's on the ground. An if you truly stand back and just take in the sights you might surprise yourself since I'm sure there is something out there that you've never seen before. Link to post Share on other sites
andyg99 Posted August 9, 2011 Share Posted August 9, 2011 Desmond Tutu describes ubuntu as "the essence of being human. You can't be human in isolation. You are human only in relationships. We are interconnected." Which means once I get past the worst of "it", I'll need another relationship to feel like a human again. Which means I have to endure the whole dating thing; . actually that quote has nothing to do with dating! for now while you are still in pain you're probably best not dating anyway. Relationships can be a good friend or family member... find people who like to do the things you do, both male and female, create bonds with new people or strengthen the bonds you already have with loved ones... You will find doing this will also keep you busy which will help the healing process. And in time you may want to date again not because it's something you must "endure" but because you just want to do it and have fun... Link to post Share on other sites
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