why does his beers bother me?

[Kat]

Originally posted by moimeme

It is a very valid concern to worry that a person with a history of addictions might be becoming addicted to something else. It is not jealous, controlling, childish, or obsessive in the least.

 

Then care to explain why they don't mind when they drink at home (when she is around) and yet has a problem when he does out (when she isn't around) and has a few drinks?

[moimeme]

Pretty simple. When he's at home, she can see how much he's having and allay her own fears that will have more than he ought. When he's out, he could be overdoing it bigtime. People can fall pretty quickly back into addictions, even if they've been clean for years. It is not an unrealistic fear at all.

[Kat]

So you admit that it is about control?

 

Care to make up your mind?

[moimeme]

It's not control, dearie. But think whatever you like. The fact is that she's taken on a guy with major issues - something most people would advise against - and she is wisely keeping an eye out to see whether the issues escalate. Some people would think that an intelligent thing to do. If you haven't had to live with an addict you wouldn't have the faintest clue about how difficult that can be and why someone would be worried that an ex-addict will become one again. Has she forbade him from going out? No. Does she forbid alcohol in the home? No. What she is doing is wishing heartily that he'd choose on his own to ditch all the booze.

[bowwie]

i did not expect for this to get so out of hand and for anyone to aruge over it because it is not worth it anyway. first of all, yes he had an addiction that was over ten years ago. i do not worry about him going back to that addiction but that he never got over A addiction to begin with. yes most think it is nothing for a guy to have a beer on a saturday with a game, but this is with every single game that we go to, not just here and there but everything that we do or anywhere that we go he has to have a damm beer! that is what pisses me off! that he has to have one. he says he does not NEED one, he just simply enjoys one, like i enjoy my pepsi at the games or bars or etc. he never goes out alone without me either! we are a couple and have been for a few years or so now, ,and neither of us go out alone or with friends. we go together because we both know that bars and going out alone is something that causes problems so we go together or we don't go at all. he has gone in the past to some games with friends or relatives, and i am fine with that, but ew have an agreement on how much to drink for him and he mostly abides it but i do know of some times when he did not and i was furious with him for not keeping his promise. this has either forced me to go babysit him to make sure he keeps his promise or trust him. i choose to trust him but still i sit and wonder till he gets home if he kept his promise or not.

 

i guess i can look at it in a way that equals my need for my pepsi because he does not get drunk or anything so i am glad of that but still it it so annoying to see him WANT a beer all the time. maybe i should do the counseling with him for it, maybe i do just have a major hang up about it and can get over it. maybe i don't want to get over it, then what? well thanks to all of the posters, i appreciate all the feedback, though i feel i am still stuck, lol.