I am suspicios my boyfriend will cheat again. Is this justified?

[MarieLauren]

My boyfriend cheated on me months ago, bu I found out about 3 weeks ago from a friend of his. I told him to confess or he will never see me again and he said everything. We did argue a lot and it happens even now, but much less. I am even more surprised, as he used to say to a woman that I recently befriended that he cannot live without me, but in that same period, he treated me badly and cheated.

I am 25, he is 20. We lived in the same city, but now he went for summer vacation back home, which is about 60 miles away. His school is due to start in October, but he said he will move here again as soon as possible and rent a flat where he can be by himself.

I asked him why so soon and he eventually said he does not feel ok at home, that there are money related issues and he must get a job, that he wants peace and quiet and he feels he is losing his time there, as he likes this city more.

His closes friends are in his hometown, yet he wants to move here as soon as possible. He has his family here, and I am here.

I told him I don't feel ok, and I know he must rent something and move here sooner or later because he has school here, but I feel he will cheat on me again and who knows how many girls he will bring there to sleep with. I said it in a nice tone.

He did not answer anything back, not one word or gesture and ignored everything I said about that, as if I had never mentioned a word.

It made me feel suspicios. I still have feeling for him, even hough they have faded eversince I found out, but I don't wan to be taken for a fool again!!

How do I find out if something happens?

For me, his lack of reaction signifies that this is exactly what he has in mind. Am I right or wrong?

[MarieLauren]

Please? Anyone? I can't seem to get this out of my head.

[Professor X]

How do I find out if something happens?

For me, his lack of reaction signifies that this is exactly what he has in mind. Am I right or wrong?

 

I don't think you're asking the right questions.

You should ask yourself "What am I still doing with him if I can't really trust him?"

 

I get it, he cheated, your trust broke, It's totally normal; But you took him back, you forgave him, you need to build your trust again, you simply cannot continue living your life being suspicious of him.

 

If you cannot trust him, and you are not willing to go to counseling together, than just let him go; It's better than living your life with doubts of "What if..?" don't you think so?

 

Also, is he doing something to reassure you that he is clean? Or did you guys just continue as normal?

[MarieLauren]

I don't think you're asking the right questions.

You should ask yourself "What am I still doing with him if I can't really trust him?"

 

I get it, he cheated, your trust broke, It's totally normal; But you took him back, you forgave him, you need to build your trust again, you simply cannot continue living your life being suspicious of him.

 

If you cannot trust him, and you are not willing to go to counseling together, than just let him go; It's better than living your life with doubts of "What if..?" don't you think so?

 

Also, is he doing something to reassure you that he is clean? Or did you guys just continue as normal?

 

Well, not so much. He put on ignore on Facebook the girls he cheated on me. He let me enter his Facebook account and read his messages, but I believe he cleaned it up first.

 

He keeps a lot of times his phone on silent, but also with sound on. I always ask who sent him a text or called, or ask him to show me and I did not see anything so far to make me suspicios.

 

He erases his internet history and if his accounts are open he will not always let me touch the mouse and go around but ask me what I want to see and he will click on it. If I do it by myself he will ask me what did I do or what am I doing.

 

He does not have a Yahoo Messenger history.

 

When I call and ask him where he is, he tells me he is out and gives me the name of the friend. Other than that he is rather misterious about his activities, plans, etc.

[D-Lish]

I agree- I think you need to be asking yourself why you even took this guy back. Yes, it is likely he will cheat again. I have a strict "you cheat, you're done" rule.

[Professor X]

Well, not so much. He put on ignore on Facebook the girls he cheated on me. He let me enter his Facebook account and read his messages, but I believe he cleaned it up first.

 

He keeps a lot of times his phone on silent, but also with sound on. I always ask who sent him a text or called, or ask him to show me and I did not see anything so far to make me suspicios.

 

He erases his internet history and if his accounts are open he will not always let me touch the mouse and go around but ask me what I want to see and he will click on it. If I do it by myself he will ask me what did I do or what am I doing.

 

He does not have a Yahoo Messenger history.

 

When I call and ask him where he is, he tells me he is out and gives me the name of the friend. Other than that he is rather misterious about his activities, plans, etc.

 

In my opinion, it sounds like he's acting a bit strange , however, I am not you, and it all comes down to how you feel about it.

You need to go make it clear to him that the way things are now are just not good enough for you and that he needs to one up the effort.

 

He needs to understand that it's his duty to gain your trust again and he must do whatever makes you feel comfortable; However, if you feel like he is doing all that he should be doing to reassure you but you still can't find the room to trust him, than you might wanna reconsider your RS, cause I can reassure you that this feeling of doubt and mistrust won't just fade away on its own.

[MarieLauren]

I agree- I think you need to be asking yourself why you even took this guy back. Yes, it is likely he will cheat again. I have a strict "you cheat, you're done" rule.

 

What exactly makes you think he will cheat again?

What do you think about his reaction about him bringing other girls to the flat?

[D-Lish]

What exactly makes you think he will cheat again?

What do you think about his reaction about him bringing other girls to the flat?

 

Cheating is a repetetive pattern, and given the fact that he is only 20- it's very likely to happen again and again.

[MarieLauren]

Cheating is a repetetive pattern, and given the fact that he is only 20- it's very likely to happen again and again.

 

Cheating is a repetitive pattern? Could you elaborate more on that please?

I also do not believe age is an excuse or reason for cheating. But correct me if I am wrong.

Edited August 10, 2011 by MarieLauren

[Professor X]

Cheating is a repetitive pattern? Could you elaborate more on that please?

I also do not believe age is an excuse or reason for cheating. But correct me if I am wrong.

 

I don't think D-Lish means his age is an excuse, but rather that the state of mind he is in now, means he'd tend more to cheat than not.

 

You might want to consider that he's simply not really ready for a monogamous RS; Not yet a one lady man.