Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 This thread is inspired by the knowledge and deep understanding shared by 2sunny. I found her contribution tonight to be a great gift. At least, for me, after 2 years and seven months, pieces fell into place when I read her post. It is time I start my own thread, then I can insult myself. I really learned something on LS tonight. But I need help to get my thread started. Can someone in the LS community copy over to my thread the material I posted on itagetbetter's recent thread? 2sunny posted critical information, as far as my pathetic case goes. I would like my thread to begin with the portion of 2sunny's post that I quoted, and my response. P.S. I only have an iphone. I have no idea how to transfer data on this site, but hope an LS' member will answer my request above. I think 2Sunny's point needs a thread, and Im glad to manage it, since, I certainluy am an expert at being "baited.". Thank you in advance whomever is willing to share their' technological expertise. P.S.S. I'll show you, WGW! Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Here's the thread link: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t289973/ Here's some relevant text: Brilliant Quote: Originally Posted by 2sunny trippi - this is GOOD - very good! i'm totally diggin' it! IGB- when i realized my exH wasn't the man i THOUGHT he COULD be - is when i started to move towards accepting the man he IS and moving towards feeling completely neutral about him - neutral about what he was or wasn't doing - and i stopped spending any time and energy thinking or doing anything that concerned him. THAT was when my healing began - that was when i began to move forward - that is when my heart began to open up to the possibilities of living again! he is baiting you - because he is trying to get YOU to FEEL ___________ for him (insert any emotion in the blank). it's designed to keep you emotionally tied to feeling SOMETHING for him - which provides him with TWO women who care enough for him to make an effort to FEEL for him. wow, it's hard to explain that concept by typing... i may not be clear... but essentially - he's being greedy by keeping two women on his string just in case one may get tired of his antics and go away - at lease he figures he has his backup plan waiting in the wings - and he's only exerted minimal effort to keep them hanging around. knowing someone stays around with minimal effort tells him he doesn't need to DO much to keep you on his string... thus - he has trained you to accept the least amount of his attention possible to stay with him... so he gets the idea that he really doesn't need to make much effort to keep you. even IF he came back - he would most likely bait his OW the same way... even if it was once every long while... his ego would want to check and see IF she's still thinking of him. that is why it seems like cheating IF he were to still be pining for her even if he were WITH you. he wants it all - 2Sunny, OMG did you ever put some pieces together for me in this citation. I so thank you for extending your intellect to put this very real occurance into words. Perhaps I am extremely dense, naive, or just afraid. Time and time again, coming close to 3 year separation, I have felt he has given me signs of hope. I need signs of hope. I have an illness, and I am frightened. The marriage is 27 years, and an additional five together. This is such an important point for IGB to get early on! It all clicked for when I read this. I have continued pining, no matter the insulting rejection I recieve. As, tiny smoke signals from him (and my own fear) somehow always keep me engaged somehow. He has watched me closely in a grocery store parking lot, then sat in front of the house (assuming I did not recognize the used silver BMW he had aquired, wrong). The latest, was a favor I did for him while he was out of the country (sick mom, right). I paid the cable and cell $289. I came up short on money this month, requested my support check early As well as reimbursment of cable and cell $289. He left two messages, finially stating it was under the mat at the front door. (initially his VM said he'd drop it in the mailbox day before). I let his calls go to VM. Now, this is the sincher. 2sunny tell me and IGB if I have provided examples of "bait" (observing me in parkin lot, parking in front of house, two calls - two arrangentments where check will be). When I picked up the check it was written for $1200. Temporary support, $1000, and $200 towards the cable and cell. [Wait a minuite, that was supposed to be $289! Now I'm in a position where I have to ask for something again, i.e., I need to contact him). Bait??? Why did I need an advance? Because while he enjoyed a vacation in Athens, Greece, I was getting my hands "dirty" in Athens, GA, cleaning, painting, hiring and paying for workers to fix our rental home that has become a disaster. We could lose the property for a number of reason if it is not taken care of. That's why I was there. I'm sorry the story got so personal IGB, but I want to illustrate for you a real life example of 2sunny's essay (that is, if I did not misunderstand it). These kind of things have strung me along for years!!! Even if I misunderstood BAIT, you have totally shifted my paradigm for the better. I get it finally. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 You beat me to it Carhill. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Yeah, and your speedy response didn't allow me to clean it up Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Thank you guys!! And the thread begins..... Did anyone, (like your H or W) tell you "we need to move on.". In your mind, that's like, pretty final. Then three days later, you get a VM, (something along the lines of...) I think the property taxes need to be paid on the Acworth house. LIKE YEAH. LIKE EXACTLY 30 days ago. Just like everything elsein the bloody county. He says: "Duh, I didn't get the paper." Wife (or Husband) gets to work. According to the property tax site, the bill was sent out in October as were other bill for property taxes in county. He was sent a bill - no doubt about it. Turns out that 30 days fall on a Sunday. W or H thinks to themselves is quite desparation, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? Does it mean midnight on Sunday, or 8am on Monday, or do they skip Sunday all together and extend deadline "extension" one more day? Here it is, Fricken Friday evening, and no one will know shyt from shinola until Monday morning. By Monday 8am spouse is armed and ready to take care of matter, thanks to ME. Turns out, all is OK - they extended the date because deadline fell on Sunday! Bravo! OK. Now I wanna know WTF happened with the property tax bill. The nice lady at the county tax commissioners office continued to address my needs. From her records, she found the bill was sent out to the Acworth address, as usual. I further inquired as spouse believed bill not recieved. The nice lady eventually found the property tax bill was returned to their offices. Now why would this happen? Somehow I paid the property taxes without a hitch the previous year when we rented the place out. Of course, I thought to have the mail transfered to our new address. BINGO. I brought the obvious conclusion to his attention. What I got was the usual. Deny. Deny. Deny. Therefore, I simply sent him an envelope in the mail, and it was returned to me. What's the moral of this story? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Not sure that was a good "bait" example. More like a "Credit Report Disaster" example (got plenty of those). As the author of this thread, if it indeed holds up, you will find I am forgetful and sometimes mixed up. There is a terrible anger streak in me, that was never there before. So, if you can't hang with the "quirky" Torrett's girl, then just tune out. Whatta ya think of the most recent bait in response to 2sunny? Do you see the brillance that I see in what she was able to feather out in text? Please respond. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Just so ya know, Im not asking him for the GD $89, even though I need it. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I would rather sit in the dark with no Internet or cable then ask for it myself. But that's just me. I let the Internet and cable get cut off because he wasn't paying his share. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) I would rather sit in the dark with no Internet or cable then ask for it myself. But that's just me. I let the Internet and cable get cut off because he wasn't paying his share. Amen Sista. You betta bess believe the daugs kin feed offa my effing frik'in toenails B4 I as& for tha' 89 buks. Edited August 10, 2011 by Yasuandio Spelling Correction Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Yeah, that's definitely a "bait" situation -- making a connection through negative attention. Classic. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Yeah, that's definitely a "bait" situation -- making a connection through negative attention. Classic. Did I "bait" you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 Anyway, WTF is wrong with you WGW? Has your world gone wrong or something? Welcome to the club. I don't like 5+ pagers trying to bring down my thread before I get started. If yo can take the heat, stay outta my kitchen. Why didn't you heed the "warning" for sensitive types, like you? I really am insulted by your, so PC inference. Maybe you should be wearing an LS Police Badge. Classic. And no, I'm not asking for the $89 bucks. Stay Frosty Dude, Y Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 He was referring to your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) Oh. Nevermind. (See what I mean about that anger management problem? Sorry about that, WGW. I used to be such a sweet girl. I don't know what the hell happened to me.) Edited August 10, 2011 by Yasuandio Apology added. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 (edited) I think it's better for us to just "move on." Did you ever hear those words before? I did, like 2 Christmas' ago. He said, after my pleadings, "I think we need to move on." What did I do after the call ended? I drove to his house the first and only time, hid my car by the pool, knocked on the front and back doors repeatedly. Glared in the windows to see what I could see. Analyzed the situation. And went back to by car and drove home feeling like a complete idiot. Why are we not divorced yet? Why are we still in contact? Why haven't we settled this thing for God's sake? At what point does he want to really "move on" for real in the court system? We haven't even got to the depo's yet. We have spent together, I would imagine close to $80,000. Maybe alot more. My health has declined significantly. What else? Post 2sunny.....we separated in September '08. Why the heck were we on the phone to start with? If he was "moving on" since XMAS '09, why was he (and I, for that matter) enduring these long, convoluted, painful, phone calls? Why was I still pinning for him? Why did he continue to be a participant (and remains so in a subtle way today) in the calls, meet-ups, coffees, etc.? 2sunny swiftly answered that question. Why did it take so long for me to "get it?". Am I dumb, or what? Edited August 10, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
itllgetbetter Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Not dumb - just hopeful. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Did I "bait" you? I don't think so. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I think it's better for us to just "move on." Did you ever hear those words before? I did, like 2 Christmas' ago. He said, after my pleadings, "I think we need to move on." What did I do after the call ended? I drove to his house the first and only time, hid my car by the pool, knocked on the front and back doors repeatedly. Glared in the windows to see what I could see. Analyzed the situation. And went back to by car and drove home feeling like a complete idiot. Why are we not divorced yet? Why are we still in contact? Why haven't we settled this thing for God's sake? At what point does he want to really "move on" for real in the court system? We haven't even got to the depo's yet. We have spent together, I would imagine close to $80,000. Maybe alot more. My health has declined significantly. What else? Post 2sunny.....we separated in September '08. Why the heck were we on the phone to start with? If he was "moving on" since XMAS '09, why was he (and I, for that matter) enduring these long, convoluted, painful, phone calls? Why was I still pinning for him? Why did he continue to be a participant (and remains so in a subtle way today) in the calls, meet-ups, coffees, etc.? 2sunny swiftly answered that question. Why did it take so long for me to "get it?". Am I dumb, or what? because you ALLOWED it. so stop allowing him to contact you at all. you have an attorney for that reason. that will send him a very strong message - that YOU are moving forward. take your power back = stop handing it to him = no need to interact with him anymore. THAT sends him the message loud and clear! THAT is called a BOUNDARY - a boundary for YOU - and YOUR healing to begin! he WILL keep after you - do not respond. this will make room for healthy, kind people in your life... stay focused on positive things/people! hugs! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Both he and I have the best attorneys in town. It is out of control. Every month, at least $900. I'm in the hole more than $26,000 rich now. I was afraid to look at the balance. I am somewhat intimidated by my attorney. I don't want her to quit on me. So I don't speak up about the charges that are mounting. I fail to see the necessity for charges because no one explained or asked me to run these bills up. The one time in Court that I questioned what she was doing she turned and asked me "if I had faith in [her] or not?" When she explained to me that "the law is not linier," I completely understood. We had shifted positions to appear and actually be more cooperative with Opposing Council's proposal. I was expecting we would do this and that for such and such aim, period. Then I freaked out when she started considering a OC's proposal. I wasn't expecting things to change, and she wasn't expecting OC's good faith proposal. (which was to try a second electrician to address problems at my house rather than put Defendant in Contempt of Court with consequences. She was right. And once I met the electrician, who was there to testify that he would to the job the other worker failed to do, I felt alright with the guy. When he came to the house, he validated every single electical issue the contractor I hired had identifed - and fixed. So my attorney gave me good advice. I got what I needed - we resolved the situation without the judge's intervention. Therefore, we were cooperative. Period. Still Im concerned and afraid. Perhaps it's paranoia. But with 2sunny's "bait" concept in mind, I think H would let this matter drag on another 3 years. He took all the money. He has the financial power here to continue the legal process since we cannot make a settlement. PS in another post, I will describe other progress 2sunny insprired in me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 did anyone catch the moral to the story regarding the Acworth Property Tax bill that wasn't delivered? I think I left out one crucial part of information. I bet you savy LSer's can figure it out. Next on the agenda. I recorved a post regarding the $89 I was cheated out of on that check. We've determined this was yet another BAIT to keep me engaged. And of last night, the last thing I wanted to do was capitulate, and "ask" for the missing money. 2sunny offered a much different perspective. She reminded me I need my monetmy and he CHEATED me out of it (as an ego trip to bait me). 2sunny said she be on the phone immediately demanding her money and an extra $100 for the trouble. After careful consideration, I revised my position. I left H an extremely calm and cool VM, at 2am, stateing: "Did you think I didn't notice that you shortchanged me $89 bucks on my check? [long pause]. Pony up the dough ASAP Ashfagen. Im tired of being cheated. Click." I know it wasn't very nice. I don't feel very nice to be short on my omen GD money. The paradigm shift i experienced based on 2sunny's post gave me such hope for the future. Ideas of what I want to do & where I want to go are emerging in what was once a comotose conception. I feel I have some direction now. I have ideas, and things that look interesting to me again! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 he may need your inclination of when the money is expected... otherwise he may wait and wait to give it to you - his continuing way of his control and power play... i'd be telling him he owes it to you and to get it to you by 3pm today! otherwise, he may not understand when you expect it from him. and - if it were me - and he asked for favors in the future - i'd be telling him NO! that way he would no longer get the idea that you are here to be his gal he can use when it's convenient for favors - then intend to short change you on the back side. what you ALLOW - is what will determine what he does or doesn't do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) 27 Xrays today, very nice. May the doctor over did it. Better safe than sorry at my age. Once I spotted him, I grabbed my Cannon G7, and snuck out the back of our fenced yard. He was parked on my side of the street - in the wrong direction, with low beams glowing. I hopped barefoot thru the bushes, with all intent to photo the licence plate and immediately come round street side and photo passenger and vin number. Lot plate, however, when I jumped to side of car, he took off - and ran over the end of my feet with the left back wheel of the car. Off balance, I did a nose-dive into what I what may have been the corner of his left rear bumper. Once I untwisted myself, my adenalin pumped me like a mad kankaroo down the street after him. I was not satisffied with the single plate photo. He slowed, he speeded, I hopped and ran fasted, then fell into the asphalt full weight on my forehead, leftelbow, knee -- as well as skidding the tips of already mashed toes. Anything to protect that camera (it did sustain a Battle scar). Boom, up -- he slowed down, probably freaked. I pursued like a crazy MFer again, this time playing through some effing pain. I caught up to the SOB, got a leg up on the hood for the vin number, then started snapping flash after flash of him (with every choice Torrett's sentence I could string together. Whoh ah. Try not to eff with a girl that missed 5 days of her Pre-pro; and was recently prescribed anti-psychotics for PARANOIA. Why the eff is she paranoid, like duh? Is she like effing sick of people like doubting her story about these survellance tactics? This was mild. What about being run off of 285 at high speed when She is only trying to go to her doctor's appointment? The list goes on. Part Two Tomorrow. Edited August 13, 2011 by Yasuandio Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Jesus, what's his DEAL??? I mean, to what end is he doing this sh*t?! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yasuandio Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Jesus, what's his DEAL??? I mean, to what end is he doing this sh*t?! Like yeah. What's the point. There is no way I would go with EMS last night. When the hospital hear's the problem, see's my med list, they automatically conclude I need to be 513ed. I was in such pain last night into the early hour, I couldn't get into doctor until 330. It took almost till 6 to get xrays because I am not going to an emergency room period. Been there, done that. No effing way. So, I got pain med, and probably no broken bones or I could have never made it there we concluded to day. But you never know about elbows, noses, feet, anckles, and knees. I slept till 10 on painkillers and felt much better. But I have a huge black eye from the busted nose. I had a wonderful appontment today with an art gallery that I totally missed. Of course I don't want to be seen with this ****ing shiner for the next two weeks. It's really pathetic. I really understand why the IC and pychiatrist do not want me to have firearms now. This survellance is such an invasion - especially when carried out by amatures. Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Yas- With all my heart & soul, I really am praying for you. No one should have to endure the physical & psychological torment that you have been through. I am glad that you are alright, now, but saddened that you've taken such a physical beating in the process. Love to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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