someone catch me

[zlatnapolja]

I'm sorry for this threat... Its going to be sad but I really dont no where else to turn to... Feels like things keep getting worse and I'm falling and noone catches me.

 

I dont know where to start...

 

I still live at home with my parents (I'm 20 years old, and searching for a place of my own). I feel trapped and very sad and like cr*p really (excuse my french).

 

First of all, for as long as I can remember my father is well how should I call it.. Stressed. Stressed about EVERYTHING. For instance if I dont shut the fridge within 5 seconds after I've opened it, he'll scream at me. If me and my mom are going to the store and he knows about it, he'll call me 3 times an hour in advance to make sure I'm ready (I'm NOT exaggerating). He has called me a b*tch, a wh*re, dumb, stupid etc. I dont want to say he's a mental abuser, because that would make me a victim which I'm not and it would make him a bad person which he is not.

 

He has gotten physical with my brother a couple of times, but not so often. But he screams at us at least 5 times a day and the worst thing is... my mom takes his side:(

 

My mom is another issue... my mom feels insulted with EVERYTHING you say and she'll get upset. For years she cried all day long... She would call me from work, just to let me know she was crying. My grandmother (her mother), my aunt (her sister) and basically everybody else knows about this problem, but nobody knows what to do, because when you confront her with it, surprise... she'll get upset.

 

So new problem: a year ago I found out my brother smokes hasish A LOT. I didnt know what to do with this knowledge, because i didnt want to ruin the relationship I had with my brother. But a few months ago, I did end up telling my parents, but they let him go out that same evening (my brother is 17, started doing drugs when he was 15). I was so surprised, my mom seemed bothered by the fact that i had told her. So a few weeks later, I decide to keep an eye on him, so i read his textmessages: and guess what: his friend texted him where he could pick up his stuff. Again I told my mom, and she once again pretended like it hadnt happened. A few days later I catch him preparing his drugs and I call my parents, they get angry with him. But ever since he still gets to go out almost every night.

 

During the day he plays poker (about 5 hours a day). I'm worried sick, but every time I bring up the subject, my parents get angry with me...

 

I broke up with my BF 2 weeks ago, i wrote about it in another thread. He hasnt been leaving me alone, has asked me to move in with him. But (read the thread) he thinks I'm a spoiled brat (he actually told me).

 

My best friend is studying in another country for 5 months, so I cant really talk to her about it.

 

And I'm sick so I'm pretty much tied to my bed.

 

Where do I go... I feel extremely alone and not worthy of love.

[cerridwen]

(((zlat))))

 

It's just lousy when several areas of your life go wrong at once, isn't it?

It's good you came here for support, and to vent.

 

Do you have other relatives you can talk to about your brother?

 

Relatives who can intercede, talk with your folks, thereby taking you out of your parents' line of fire?

 

Regarding the boyfriend: You're not tempted to move in with him to escape all this stress are you? I remember your posts about him. It'd be a bad idea, zlat. Just hoping you keep sight of that.

Edited August 10, 2011 by cerridwen

[zlatnapolja]

(((zlat))))

 

It's just lousy when several areas of your life go wrong at once, isn't it?

It's good you came here for support, and to vent.

 

Do you have other relatives you can talk to about your brother?

 

Relatives who can intercede, talk with your folks, thereby taking you out of your parents' line of fire?

 

Regarding the boyfriend: You're not tempted to move in with him to escape all this stress are you? I remember your posts about him. It'd be a bad idea, zlat. Just hoping you keep sight of that.

 

Well, the only person I can really talk to about this, is my moms sister. However she lives in NM which is about 5310 miles from where I live. We skype 2/3 times a week, but she doesnt know either on how to approach my mom, because like i said. My mom is insecure, easily offended, a controlfreak (I'm sorry mom) but both my aunt and me love her to death of course, so its complicated. I feel so powerless. How do I get my 'power' back..

[cerridwen]

Well, the only person I can really talk to about this, is my moms sister. However she lives in NM which is about 5310 miles from where I live. We skype 2/3 times a week, but she doesnt know either on how to approach my mom, because like i said. My mom is insecure, easily offended, a controlfreak (I'm sorry mom) but both my aunt and me love her to death of course, so its complicated. I feel so powerless. How do I get my 'power' back..

 

Distance, both emotional and ideally physical would help.

 

It's been awhile since I've been embroiled in the type of family dynamics/drama you describe.

I remember what helped is my moving forward separately, into my own life, keeping in mind I had purpose and goals to fulfill.

 

It's tough because they're family and you love them.

I understand that.

At the same time, how has that love changed things for the better?

How has your worry and anxiety brought about improvements?

 

It's not selfish to look after yourself, zlat.

It's not unkind to disengage, take a deep breath and say "I can't do more than I've done. They need to help themselves."

Does that make sense?

[daphne]

Zlat,

 

I remember you from the ex bf and surgery thread. I'm sorry you're going through a lot of things at once. It must be overwhelming. I can totally relate to the part of having somewhat dysfunctional close relatives, but still loving them. I also think you need distance. It sounds like, for now, while you heal, you are physically stuck. But if you can start visualizing a time in the future when you have your strength back and are able to move out and take care of yourself, it'll give you some relief.

 

I think the reason it was so tough for you to stop engaging with your ex was that you felt that possibly you couldn't do better and didn't deserve it. But please don't let that be the guiding factor. You'd have to be pretty bad to deserve the kind of manipulation, lying and selfishness that he displayed. If you want better, you're going to have to boost your confidence up to attract something better. Unfortunately, wehn you feel down on yourself the crazies come out in full force.

 

I'm not sure if you were in school or working or what your situation was. Perhaps you can work towards a goal of improving your life this way, which will prompt you in a direction to getting away from the things you have to deal with at home.

 

I am glad you were strong enough to end it with the ex. I really hope you stay away. He wasn't really sorry. I speak from experience. He sounds like an ex of mine that said what he had to say to get me back. But I saw through him. He was blowing smoke up my butt so I sent him packing for good. I will not look back. People don't change.