TheSageMan Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Why? That is the question. It's bee quite some time now since we have broken up (Nov '10), and quite a while of NC (~6 months). She has tried to contact me a couple of times but I have ignored them and tried to move on. Why? Why is it that I can't get her out of my head even though I have dated and been intimate with several women since then. It just doesn't make sense to me anymore. It's like a dream and a nightmare combined. On one hand I want to completely forget her, but on another I can't seem to convince my brain/heart to move on. I think that the reason I'm posting tonight, even though it's been a couple of months since my last post, is that I was scheduled to go to a reunion party for a previous employer (where I met her mind you). Luckily, a close friend to both of us informed me that she would be there with her new boyfriend or whatever he is at this point, and said that she thinks that I shouldn't come unless I was ready. The worst part of it is that I wasn't even informed of said reunion until yesterday. It's like all of these people that I helped with their career have totally bailed on me so that she can be there. WTF? An invite would have been nice even if I did decline. It makes me feel like I was meaningless in all of their lives even though I was deeply involved for so long. I just want to forget. I'm trying to forgive, but I haven't been able to yet. This whole incident just adds fuel to the flame of hate. Link to post Share on other sites
patagonia Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 Why? That is the question. It's bee quite some time now since we have broken up (Nov '10), and quite a while of NC (~6 months). She has tried to contact me a couple of times but I have ignored them and tried to move on. Why? Why is it that I can't get her out of my head even though I have dated and been intimate with several women since then. It just doesn't make sense to me anymore. It's like a dream and a nightmare combined. On one hand I want to completely forget her, but on another I can't seem to convince my brain/heart to move on. I think that the reason I'm posting tonight, even though it's been a couple of months since my last post, is that I was scheduled to go to a reunion party for a previous employer (where I met her mind you). Luckily, a close friend to both of us informed me that she would be there with her new boyfriend or whatever he is at this point, and said that she thinks that I shouldn't come unless I was ready. The worst part of it is that I wasn't even informed of said reunion until yesterday. It's like all of these people that I helped with their career have totally bailed on me so that she can be there. WTF? An invite would have been nice even if I did decline. It makes me feel like I was meaningless in all of their lives even though I was deeply involved for so long. I just want to forget. I'm trying to forgive, but I haven't been able to yet. This whole incident just adds fuel to the flame of hate. All I see in that was your last sentence and let me give u some good or at least in my opinion good advice...don't hate! You have got to forgive and let go as much as you can. If you don't, that hate is going to mess you up big time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSageMan Posted August 10, 2011 Author Share Posted August 10, 2011 You have got to forgive and let go as much as you can. If you don't, that hate is going to mess you up big time! I agree. I wasn't sure about using the word hate, but I don't know how else to put it. She made me feel uncertain about my outlook toward being caring and compassionate about people. I'm trying to find the person I was before, but am getting lost in the f'd up person I've become after this whole situation. Link to post Share on other sites
patagonia Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 I agree. I wasn't sure about using the word hate, but I don't know how else to put it. She made me feel uncertain about my outlook toward being caring and compassionate about people. I'm trying to find the person I was before, but am getting lost in the f'd up person I've become after this whole situation. It takes time man. Give yourself time. Breakups are very hard emotionally, spiritually, physically. Hate is a strong word, at least you are honest and know what you need to work on. You will get back on track. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 i think they just dont think about you enough. they dont think you are in that much pain. then after they send the invitation, they were like, oops, maybe that will hurt him still. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 you should not go there. should stay away from her and the situation for a little bit longer. forever if you can. that would be best. Link to post Share on other sites
pie2 Posted August 10, 2011 Share Posted August 10, 2011 9 months may feel like a long time, but moving on from a deep relationship takes time. This will sound cheesy, but maybe you could do something symbolic on the anniversary of your break-up. Something that could untie you from the emotional connection you have to this woman. Also, I may be assuming here, but it seems that dating isn't offering you the satisfaction you need at this time of your life. What if you take some time to dedicate your energies to something else? My suggestion for your break-up anniversary would be to possibly rid yourself to some object you're holding on to because you feel like it keeps her close to you. And, maybe take a trip away from home for a night, and think about how you can start to dedicate your thoughts, energy etc. to something that will benefit your own future. Like I said, I know this probably sounds cheesy, so feel free to ignore Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheSageMan Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 you should not go there. should stay away from her and the situation for a little bit longer. forever if you can. that would be best. I totally agree. In fact, if I was invited I would decline so that I didn't have to see her. It just sucks being shunned by "friends" due to a relationship. The forever part is going to be hard though. Unfortunately we have a lot of mutual friends that will inevitably lead to us being in the same place. Hopefully by then I will be able in a place where I just don't care about what she's doing or who she has become. I would give anything to be in that position now. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 There is no why. People don't know why they do anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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