My first gf have broken up with me recently cause I have taken her for granted

[moonkar]

I have recently broken up with my first girl friend in my life. I never had any relationship before this. We have been together for almost 3 years now. She broke up with me because I have taken her for granted and not caring enough. Plus she say that she has made effort of making the relationship work and I have not. I admit I am wrong and I deserve everything. However after breaking up , I want her back so badly. I dream of her every night about her rejecting me again and again. I feel so bad every morning I wake up. I know this time for real I will be a better boyfriend to her.Nowadays I just contact her through ICQ and MSN. I am studying in Australia and she is back home in Malaysia. I miss her so much. It hurt me so much whenever I talk to her cause she seems like she has forgotten me and has moved on with her life. I am so depress right now... I have even starting smoking and couldn't really study. I do not want to forget her and just want to hang on to it. She is like part of my family or life now. I feel that no one in the world could replace her. Like no one in the world could replace my family member. Please tell me what can I do in order to get her back?

[magda]

well, you can start by telling her how you feel and see how she reacts. report back. go! shoo!

[aazarkan]

The first thing you can do is to give her what she wants. Give her the distance she is asking for. She will never miss you if you are in her face, especially if you are pressuring her. You need to be confident with yourself and stand strong. Why would she want someone who is self-loathing and depressed. You need to cut off communication so that she begins to forget the bad things that you may have done, and when you do speak with her, don't talk about how much you love her.

 

You need to play it cool. You need to walk the fine line of seeming like you don't want to be back with her and the line of wanting to be back with her. You want her to wonder, create some mystery. You have to make her miss you so that she forgets about all the bad things that you have done. If you keep calling her and declaring your love to her, all you are doing is helping her reinforce this negative perception that she has of you.

 

Perhaps this seems unusual, but have you ever missed someone if they were always around? I don't think so. I know that this goes against everything that you want to do, trust me, I have been there. In fact I am there now. If you do what you want, you will just hurt your chances. Because you are telling the person you don't care about what they want.

 

You may lose someone using this method...but you WILL lose someone if you beg and plead with them to stay. At best you will guilt them into staying, which will eventually end up in a breakup again anyway. You need to make them want you back, and being pathetic and weak will not help you do that. Stand strong, now is not the time to greive. You need to stand tall and walk through this with dignity. At the very least, if everything fails, this way you continue to live your life with grace.

[sid3]

I think that is some excellent advice. I can speak first hand about pushing a partner further away. The previous post is exactly what happens, heed the advice you've been given, I wish I had been told that a few months back. I am just about positive my life would be different right now.

[is2jours]

if you want her back concentrate on improving yourself. get yourself together, concentrate on succeeding in your plans, studies or career. don't ignore her completely but keep the emails or chat sessions to at most once a month and not too long (less than half an hour), give her space to figure herself out and give yourself space to figure yourself out. If she wants to be with you, as long as you keep a loose distance from her, she'll rethink and she'll comeback. But if she doesn't want to be with you do you really want to be with someone who does not want to be with you, who will not be happy with you and make you unhappy too. Change is constant, maybe it's time.

[simplybrill]

oi....men!

 

Ok the problem here is that you TOOK HER FOR GRANTED. Now playing games and "making her miss you" or "making yourself unavaliable" is only going to make you look like a jerk to her. She probably broke up with you because you didnt make her feel like you cared about her, so how would ignoring her help the situation? Dont listen to these guys that tell you to ignore the person you want back in your life--you need to get in contact with her, apologize and MEAN IT. And then you need really make a good effort to stay in contact with her, show her you love her, and want her in your life in the first place,,,,kind of like when you first started dating, remember?

[needadvice101]

I agree with the earlier posts. DO NOT BEG AND PLEAD. I did this once to my GF and she got really pissed with me. I have been reading books at Barnes and Noble on this stuff. The best method recommended is to aplogize, but just once and in a dignified manner.

 

Then you need to wait a while 1-2 weeks, I know every day will seem like hell, every minute brutal, but you just have to wait. There is NOTHING you can say or do that the time lapse of 1-2 weeks cannot do. TIME is the best healer. Then they recommend making your presence felt with something gentle, something that will remind her of your first days together, perhaps a card, but with NO apology, something cute and friendly.

 

This is the best chance. I guarantee you pressure will not work. My GF and I broke up after 3.5 years, she seemed like a very honest girl, not a player. When I read the advice on this website about not Begging, I thought that would be only for player type girls. I was sure if I begged my GF, I could strike a cord in her heart she would forgive me. But she just started to ignore me....and it got worse.

 

Finally I just sent her an email on reconciliation. It has been 3 days, no reply. I feel much better though and do not think I will be contacting her again. I mean how much can one beg and plead for forgiveness, at some point it clicks....if the girl cannot see the beauty in me and trust me.....do I really want to be with this person.

 

Do not think people tell you not to beg and plead because of ego, it is just that begging for forgiveness is not a very succesful method, the odds are against you. In the end ego does not really matter, because both parties will eventually move on and each one will think (should think) the other is the looser. In the end no matter what anyone says both loose 50% and both share 50% responsibility.