Author FarmGirl Posted August 12, 2011 Author Share Posted August 12, 2011 You promised to take care of your SO & your little one? Well, if one cancels out the other (trying to take care of the SO makes you unable to take good care of the little one), and one is impossible (taking care of the SO, because in the end he has to help himself)... you may as well keep as much of the promise as you can =) Take care of your 4 year old. They *need* it the most and will benefit the most from you. I don't know how to help you with any guilt you may feel, only that I, if either of my two sons had children and behaved so poorly and treated their SO so badly... would want the grandchild/ren to be spared, even if it meant my own child/ren had to go through "growing pains" or pure suffering, as consequences for their actions. Maybe that's harsh, but generally, children don't really have a say in what occurs around them... they just have to go with it and try to cope. Adults have the option of more freedom, for better or worse. I was thinking about this after I posted it...maybe ending it with him is the "taking care of" that he needs. Perhaps he needs a huge kick in the butt to get him out of his selfish mindset and into a more human mode. He is picking up on my feelings this week. He's become very needy and clingy (and asking repeatedly if I love him of course I answer yes, but I haven't loved him in years). I'm not convinced that he isn't monitoring my internet (would be right up his alley)...but I really don't care because every word I have typed is true. He should be embarrassed as hell reading this LOL. I've been cleaning and organizing for days. 20yo son took a huge load to the dump this AM, I gave away a bunch of other stuff I don't need. The space (mental & physical) is freeing. The house is nearly ready to start painting. It hasn't been painted in 20+ years. I'll just keep moving forward... Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Yes, that is exactly right. Forcing him to manage his own life is one of the most caring things you could do. It even shows that you have faith in him to be able to do that. As for taking care of yourself: Taming Your Outer Child is a great (!) book. I have given out two copies of it. Sometimes her writing style gets a little on my nerves but the concept is marvelous. Link to post Share on other sites
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