How to manage a confrontational employee

[daphne]

I'm having difficulty again with one of the women on my team. She is the least knowledgeable and experienced, but she gives me, by far the most grief. She challenges female authority on every turn. The experienced, rockstar males have been very easy to work with and very respectful, because they are good enough to know how good I am at my job. But this one just tried to call me out again, after I had already had a talk with her months ago about talking to me with respect. I.e. you're going to do it if you want to work on this team.

 

She's a pretty forceful personality, going as far as questioning me and the project manager on why we do certain things and criticizing it ad nauseum. She will ask me what is discussed in meetings I attend, that don't concern her. When I don't respond, she gets bent out of shape. When I don't give her authority to do certain things that are out of the scope of her current skill set, she gets mad and disrespectful.

 

The only reason I haven't brought this up to my boss until now is because she had the makings of a rockstar as well. Unfortunately, I have had to lower my expectations because she's not living up to them at all.

 

So I have to start documenting and talk to my boss.

 

Does anyone have any solid advice on other things I can do, to try to get the best out of her, before going the documentation/get rid of her route? I see a lot of promise, but I don't have patience for this kind of thing. I have entirely too much other stress in my job and she's the new unproven girl on the block.

[ilikesunita]

Are you her direct supervisor? If so, I would cite these points:

 

- Call her into a private place/office, and have a frank discussion. State that her conduct is unacceptable, and that you are formally warning her.

 

- Document the incidents. Write a report of the formal warning.

 

- State to her that any subsequent warnings shall be referred to HR and to your departmental superior.

 

Employees who are rude/disrespectful need to be caught in the bud, post haste. It not only destroys team morale and/or motivation, but can make a supervisor look weak if it's not dealt with.

[Tim Drake]

Are you her direct supervisor? If so, I would cite these points:

 

- Call her into a private place/office, and have a frank discussion. State that her conduct is unacceptable, and that you are formally warning her.

 

- Document the incidents. Write a report of the formal warning.

 

- State to her that any subsequent warnings shall be referred to HR and to your departmental superior.

 

Employees who are rude/disrespectful need to be caught in the bud, post haste. It not only destroys team morale and/or motivation, but can make a supervisor look weak if it's not dealt with.

 

And fire her if she acts out of line again.

[daphne]

Are you her direct supervisor? If so, I would cite these points:

 

- Call her into a private place/office, and have a frank discussion. State that her conduct is unacceptable, and that you are formally warning her.

 

- Document the incidents. Write a report of the formal warning.

 

- State to her that any subsequent warnings shall be referred to HR and to your departmental superior.

 

Employees who are rude/disrespectful need to be caught in the bud, post haste. It not only destroys team morale and/or motivation, but can make a supervisor look weak if it's not dealt with.

 

Yes, I'm her direct supervisor.

 

I have done #1. I tried to defuse the situation, but let her know that her behavior was unacceptable.

 

I have begun to document the incidents. They are becoming legion.

 

I am hesitant to do this. Perhaps because I think I am a weak leader at this stage. I am not someone who has been comfortable being hard handed. Also, I'd prefer to try more positive approaches to influence her to become a better team player before I try the hard handed approach. I am, however, very open to change if this doesn't improve.

[Tim Drake]

Yes, I'm her direct supervisor.

 

I have done #1. I tried to defuse the situation, but let her know that her behavior was unacceptable.

 

I have begun to document the incidents. They are becoming legion.

 

I am hesitant to do this. Perhaps because I think I am a weak leader at this stage. I am not someone who has been comfortable being hard handed. Also, I'd prefer to try more positive approaches to influence her to become a better team player before I try the hard handed approach. I am, however, very open to change if this doesn't improve.

 

Then the time to change is now.

[daphne]

Then the time to change is now.

 

Lol. You're a hard ass. You may be right. That next talk comes tomorrow am, and she'd better be on time this time.

[Tim Drake]

Lol. You're a hard ass. You may be right. That next talk comes tomorrow am, and she'd better be on time this time.

 

And she comes late? Oh wow, her office would've been cleaned by now.

[daphne]

And she comes late? Oh wow, her office would've been cleaned by now.

 

Yep. I've been documenting that too. She's become a total flake at work. Her job is in jeopardy. And she spends more time im'ing at work, bitching about how things aren't going her way than actually PRODUCING.

 

I wish I had the luxury of time to do that crap.

[Tim Drake]

Yep. I've been documenting that too. She's become a total flake at work. Her job is in jeopardy. And she spends more time im'ing at work, bitching about how things aren't going her way than actually PRODUCING.

 

Damn shame.

 

I wish I had the luxury of time to do that crap.

 

Once you lay down the law on her, you will.

[ilikesunita]

Yes, I'm her direct supervisor.

 

I have done #1. I tried to defuse the situation, but let her know that her behavior was unacceptable.

 

I have begun to document the incidents. They are becoming legion.

 

I am hesitant to do this. Perhaps because I think I am a weak leader at this stage. I am not someone who has been comfortable being hard handed. Also, I'd prefer to try more positive approaches to influence her to become a better team player before I try the hard handed approach. I am, however, very open to change if this doesn't improve.

 

Then perhaps a management position is not for you. Write her up, and report her to HR.

 

Typically good Human Resource Management practice is first a verbal warning, then a written warning, and then dismissal. She needs a warning in writing next.

[Art_Critic]

Ya know.. as hard core and too much to the point Tim Drakes posts are.. in this situation he has a good point, that type of hard core style won't work in most places but I think it is just the trick for this one..

 

If you don't clear this up by making her 100% responsible for her own job/actions or lack there of then you will be taking it on the ear in your own management position.

 

An employee is either for you/company or against you/company..

This person needs to have a zero tolerance position to be held to but to be fair she also needs to know and have it all laid out to her her strengths and her weaknesses that have lead her to the meeting and she also needs to know what is expect from that day forward of her.

Edited August 11, 2011 by Art_Critic

[daphne]

Damn shame.

 

 

 

Once you lay down the law on her, you will.

 

Let's hope. We'll see.

 

Then perhaps a management position is not for you. Write her up, and report her to HR.

 

Typically good Human Resource Management practice is first a verbal warning, then a written warning, and then dismissal. She needs a warning in writing next.

 

I don't know. Possibly. But I'm damn good at my job, and the guys that aren't even directly under my supervision would follow me into combat. Women can be a pain in the ass to manage. They constantly need to know why you make the decisions you make, and are competitive/jealous because they want the power when they don't even know their a$$es from a hole in teh ground.

 

Ya know.. as hard core and too much to the point Tim Drakes posts are.. in this situation he has a good point, that type of hard core style won't work in most places but I think it is just the trick for this one..

 

If you don't clear this up by making her 100% responsible for her own job/actions or lack there of then you will be taking it on the ear in your own management position.

 

An employee is either for you/company or against you/company..

This person needs to have a zero tolerance position to be held to but to be fair she also needs to know and have it all laid out to her her strengths and her weaknesses that have lead her to the meeting and she also needs to know what is expect from that day forward of her.

 

I'm going to talk to her when I'm calm and reasonable and just lay it out. And you're right, I need to lay out the expectations so she can't say "well why didn't you tell me?" The trick will be to not get ticked if she reacts poorly again. But I'm going to stop taking it on as my problem when it's hers. She's not going to interfere with my job anymore, without me following up on it up the food chain.

[Art_Critic]

Make sure your butt is covered with a signed form on what was discussed.. if you don't have full support of your uppers and she creates drama it could go south quickly.

[Feelin Frisky]

You're doing the right thing starting documentation. And when you give it to her as a written warning, she is going to not take it well at all. This is how it goes. It's the price of authority. Some people are just toxic and defy reason. You don't have time to make sure she approves everything you need from her. If she doesn't know when enough is enough, you have to show you are serious. Perhaps you can put the warning as being temporary and will expire in say 90 days if she doesn't make further warning necessary. Been there--you shouldn't have to deal with anything but cooperation and considerate suggestion in appropriate venue. Good luck.

[threebyfate]

I'd focus on her performance:

1. Is she meeting or exceeding quantifiable expectations?
   
2. If not, has she been given the proper training and tools to handle what's inscope based on a written job description?
   
3. Is she making the same errors repetitiously?
   
4. Is she coming in on time and not leaving early?
   

Based on the above list, document when she doesn't, as long as she's had sufficient training and given the proper tools to do her job.

 

Don't take too long to get rid of her. 1, 2, 3 is the best way. Warn with documentation twice and out she goes the third time. If your file becomes massive, you will be questioned about why you didn't get rid of her sooner, hence enabling her incompetence.

[threebyfate]

If your company has an HR department, I agree you should include them in the process. But it's not very often that HR will take on the entire disciplinary process. That's what management is for, with HR to support. Otherwise it turns into a he said, she said process that can drag out for an eternity.

[threebyfate]

bollocks. Disciplinary procedures is a standard HRM concept.

How many companies have you worked for, in what capacities and what were all the sizes of the companies? As well, were these unionized firms or white collar firms?

 

All the above will help define why you believe there's only one way that corporations are structured. Are you aware there are millions of firms around the world, that don't have..gasp..HR departments?

[daphne]

I wrote out a list of expectations, and a pretty strongly worded letter. I let my boss read it first, and he asked that I not submit it to HR this time. We are going to have a documented sit down, and he agreed with my points. He has already spoken to her. Kind of takes the wind out of my sails, but often women respond better to males. He fully supports me, but asked me to give her the opportunity to improve or ship out before going in heavy handed. He thinks she's young and exciteable and making stupid young mistakes. He's a very reasonable manager, so I agreed to it. It makes me look like I'm going to daddy for help with discipline, but at least if anyone else on the team that tries this knows that there will be consequences, and that upper management supports me.

 

TBF,

 

1) not yet

2) yes

3) no

4) no

 

That's where the list of expectations came in. I want to make it clear that I'm not a pushover, and that she is being paid very good money to listen to me. I hired her. Ok, well I was a pushover but that nonsense is changing. I'm no longer worried about hurting someone's feelings that doesn't respect my boundaries. I care more about how they make me feel when they transgress them.

[Art_Critic]

I hope it goes well D..for what it's worth some of the best longest term employees I've had had a few bumps in the road in the beginning.

 

Giving someone a second chance and helping to pave the way to their success isn't only a nice thing to do it is also a good business decision.

[alphamale]

So I have to start documenting and talk to my boss.

^^^ this, with the end result being her getting fired and escorted out by security

[threebyfate]

Most small firms don't. But conversely most large firms do. Most smaller firms don't have functional areas anyhow, so the issue is non-existent.

 

It's not necessarily about an HR department, but legality. If any employee is disciplined, there has to be a paper trail and transparency involved, hence the need for documentation and why it is standard HRM practice. I'm using the term in a broad sense, not just related to HR departments. A small manufacturing company may not have a dedicated production department, but this doesn't mean that production best practices shouldn't be used.

As someone who has fired a number of ex-employees with or without HR, I'm fully aware what it takes to fire someone. Did you read my posts prior, which includes a list of necessities?

[daphne]

I hope it goes well D..for what it's worth some of the best longest term employees I've had had a few bumps in the road in the beginning.

 

Giving someone a second chance and helping to pave the way to their success isn't only a nice thing to do it is also a good business decision.

 

Thanks Art. I've bumped heads before with people and things have turned out well. Shoot. Even my project manager was getting super testy with me at the beginning of the year, and after a few boxing matches, we have a pretty strong working relationship. But ultimately, we're both very reasonable people and trust the other's intentions.

 

We'll see with this one. I'm not sold, but I'll try to keep an open mind.

[daphne]

I had the sit down with my boss and employee. He asked me not to submit a document that I had carefully outlined my expectations and goals for her and essentially warned her to stop behaving in a hostile manner. She listened without interrupting. I gotta give her points there. She did try to remain her composure. And she succeeded up to a point where she lost it and my boss had to cut her off and intervene.

 

Somehow, she managed to turn things around on me, and tried to paint me in a light that was inaccurate and more like her. We are not at all alike, and when I brought up the point that most of the people in our group would probably disagree, fireworks erupted. She got defensive, probably because she knew it was true. She has probably noticed that people have started to avoid her. Even my boss had made a statement prior to her shenanigans that indicated that I'm not one to initiate combat, but I'm not a milquetoast and when I have to back someone off I do. She suggested that I'm the one who was aggressive with her. I'm losing my patience.

 

In sum, it felt like an employee dispute mediation as opposed to a warning and reprimand. I'm kinda pissed.

 

She's managed to alienate about half of the team, and they prefer to go through me which takes more of my time. They don't do it because she's incompetent, but she's too forceful and confrontational. Yet, I'm the one that stirs the pot. That doesn't explain why I have loyal coworkers who ask me if they can help me, even when it's not in their job description.

 

So it didn't go like I expected. I know that my boss is an even keeled solutions oriented guy, and it's a strength. I was just disappointed that he let her get away with mischaracterizing me when he even looked me in the eye and smiled when he knew she was doing it. Also, she just said "This is how I am, I'm a loud person." Instead of taking accountability for unprofessional behavior, including yelling at, criticizing, and telling her boss what she should be doing.

 

Very disappointing. I guess documentation continues.

[threebyfate]

Daphne, in case you haven't done so, you might want to have a one-on-one discussion with your boss as a post-mort for the meeting, to get a feel of where he stands. This will ensure that the two of you are aligned in both understanding and methodology for future disciplinary actions.

[daphne]

I think that's a really good idea. Then I'll know whether he truly considered this discipline or just a "misunderstanding."

 

My boss suggested a red card way of dealing with things when one of us is aggressive. Interestingly, whereas I loved the idea, she looked angry. Probably because she knows she'll be seeing it, before she can ever consider pulling it . Maybe that alone will show her. I'm considering giving one to the rest of the team. She'll see red everywhere.

Edited August 17, 2011 by daphne