Wesker Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I'm talking mostly about those Serial Dumpers that string someone along, and then shatters their heart. Then only to jump into another relationship just like that thinking they didn't do anything wrong. By doing that, they aren't even reflecting back on the previous relationship, and learning what went wrong, what they could have done better, what to learn from it.(Dumpee has that power which is why they come out stronger, and better in the end). Until a Dumper actually gets dumped the way they did someone else, they'll continue bouncing from one person to another all the while complaining "why can't I find someone decent?" Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Dumper, Dumpee... how much of one's identity is defined by the actions of others and the way the last relationship ended? Serious question. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 (edited) the ex: So, what has your dating experience been? me: I've had several relationships that have lasted 2-3 years each and they all ended for different reasons the ex: do you still speak to any of them? me: not really, but I could call them... none ended that terribly. what about you? the ex: my longest relationship was 11 months. Most last 5-6 months and I don't speak to any of them. me: huh. (thinking wtf?... well maybe we'll be different.. I think he's the one for me... more lying to myself... more ignoring of red flags...) So am I surprised that we only lasted 6 months? Not really! But that doesn't take away from the frustration and disappointment. I have concluded that he is incapable of putting anyone before himself and cannot communicate effectively. Even though he claimed to love me and wanted to be with me long term, he left the relationship when I told him he needed to be a better partner to me. I don't doubt he cares, he just hasn't taken an honest look at himself and what he brings to the table in a relationship... or he doesn't care and wants to find a woman that will cater to him and not have any needs of her own... Edited August 11, 2011 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I'm talking mostly about those Serial Dumpers that string someone along, and then shatters their heart. Then only to jump into another relationship just like that thinking they didn't do anything wrong. By doing that, they aren't even reflecting back on the previous relationship, and learning what went wrong, what they could have done better, what to learn from it.(Dumpee has that power which is why they come out stronger, and better in the end). Until a Dumper actually gets dumped the way they did someone else, they'll continue bouncing from one person to another all the while complaining "why can't I find someone decent?" They dont say why cant i find someone decent. Thats not what I heard when I got dumped. I heard I was a good boyfriend, not a great boyfriend lol. Stop dating serial dumpers. Don't ask them a question they can lie about. Such as your longest relationship etc etc. You should pick up on red flags soon enough to walk away from these destructive people Link to post Share on other sites
BrettLost Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 To Nohbody, I think that is an excellent way to look at moving forward. I was the dumpee. I believe this experience has had irreversable effects on my personality as an individual, both physically (i still have an extremely poor appetite, yet i feel fit as from boxing & training flat out. I dont live with my own kids anymore) and mentally (no trust in anybody, HUGE mental scars of great times with my wife and kids as a family, shattered dreams of a future with them, total lack of self esteem and confidence feeling uncertain on who i even am at times). It really is the battle of a lifetime to swing things around for myself. NOW, looking at her side the dumper. Whether shes ignorant to the hurt she caused me is irrelevant. The overall POWER. She has the courts at her whim. Not always, but most of the shots will be called by her, and if i challenge them she can and will make it entirely uncomfortable and messy, just because she can. This in general, is the most disheartening stuff a real man can go through from someone he has worked hard for years to provide for. Huge boost in self confidence (i let him go, he was'nt doing it FOR ME) Positive changes in appearance and behaviour, to attract new man. Cause of new man, family "image" and life still remains in tact. Overall general positive even over-optimistic outlook on life, "what can go wrong for me now".... The shine of it all WILL wear off, n when it does...... I will hopefully be far ahead of the curve this time, like she was when she ended it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 My ex is one of these people: serial dater, jumps from person to person, always the dumper, gets off on hurting people. When he cruelly dumped me, I said to him that I hope someone does the same thing to him one day. Fingers cross it does. Link to post Share on other sites
confused1989 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Ex is also a serial dumper... I only learned after we broke up that she was this way. Used to make fun of other girls who dumped guys and jumped into relationships right away, then I learn that she's no different. She doesn't know how to be single and seems to fall in "love" very easily. I agree with BrettLost too, I'm 5 months post breakup and physically I feel great and mentally I feel a lot better too. But there is still that distrust of others and there were times when I questioned if I even knew who I was. All the while my ex is off with confidence thinking she did nothing wrong and jumped into another relationship without having to really deal with any kind of breakup that we had. Overall I'm seeing more and more everyday that I'm better off. The hardest thing is the self-esteem issue I guess. For instance, my ex lived an hour away in the summer when we weren't in school together and she'd come to my town probably once every couple of months, her new man lives 8 hours away and she drives that long every weekend to go see him. That stuff is the stuff that kind of still bothers me a little bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Diatribes Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Looking back, my ex was a serial dumper. I remember her saying her family was sick of her jumping from one guy to the next. In my case, from me back to the guy she left for me. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 oh yeah its a thing that i never noticed but yeah next time dont date a serial dumper. Link to post Share on other sites
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